What would you do if you caught your significant other cheating?

United States
February 9, 2007 1:39pm CST
This past weekend my best friend and I were out (about 15 miles from where we live) when we spotted her bf's truck at a restaurant. Because he was supposed to be taking care of his "sick" mother that lived in Maryland (he was in NJ when we spotted his truck) for the weekend, we were a little suspicious to say the least. Well we waited in the parking lot for about 30 minutes for him to come out. When he finally did, he came out with some other woman and they were arm in arm. My girlfriend told me to just pull off without confronting him or the girl and cried the rest of the night. What would you have done in this situation? I don't think that I could have NOT confronted my bf in a situation (I probably would have run him over or something - and I know that that is not the proper response, but I don't think I would have been able to help myself.)
16 people like this
64 responses
• United States
9 Feb 07
I think she definitely needs to confront him, especially about his deception as to his whereabouts. She probably needed time to sort thru her thoughts and was in shock. She deserves better than this,and if he wasnt happy with your friend, he should have broke up rather than cheat. She does need to let him know what she witnessed and how much it hurt her,and then If I were her, she needs to cut him loose. Best of luck to her.
• United States
9 Feb 07
I agree that she deserves better. I've been telling her that for years, but she just can't seem to see it. He's living in her house that she pays the rent for, and all of the bills. He does nothing but degrade her (put her down all day), and argue with her. He's a jerk and I'll be happy when she finally leaves him.
2 people like this
@sylvrrain (662)
• United States
9 Feb 07
I guess I would have done things the easy way. On the way out of the parking lot, I would have blown the horn and when the bf looked my way, I would just wave at him and smile. Then drive off. I would remove everything that he owned or gave me from the house, quit taking phone calls from him and forget he ever existed. I, then, would kick myself in the butt for wasting so much time on a loser. I would get over it and get on with my life.
@resasour (378)
• United States
10 Feb 07
I have to agree with you on that. I would have had to let him know that I had seen him with my own eyes.. I doubt I would have just waved to him though... might have waved with one finger... lol Yep, straight to the house to put his stuff out to the curb . His "new place" lol She really needs to get rid of him. By not doing anything she is accepting his behavior. She also needs counseling I think, since he seems to walk all over her.
• United States
10 Feb 07
and you know what, he does walk ALL OVER HER! it just ticks me off everytime that i think about it because she can do so much better than him! he's such a jerk and the thing is that he's the one that puts her down all the time and tells her that she won't ever be able to find a man if he left. i told her to tell him to leave then.
• Greece
6 Nov 12
Am glad i found you templeofancientancestors@mail.com, you really made me and my family happy
• United States
9 Feb 07
I have caught my ex cheating on me. I saw him outside his job making out with a coworker. A friend of mine and I were staking out his job because I just had a feeling that he was cheating. What I did was I took photos of the two on my camera phone because I didn't want to cause a scene right there. When he got home, I confronted him with the pictures. He told me that I was the wrong one for "spying on him!!!" He took no accountability for his actions. I dumped him promptly.
3 people like this
• United States
9 Feb 07
I followed my ex around once and waited til he got in the motel room and had the manager open the door. I proceeded to beat the h*ll outta him. I was just SO FURIOUS! I went home and threw all of his belongings out the door told him to come get them and that was the end of "us".
1 person likes this
@TiareF (241)
• United States
10 Feb 07
Well, I would not have run him over but, I would have confronted him right there with the other woman. There's a saying that goes "Once a cheater, always a cheater!" I'd have walked right up and said "Hello", just to see the look on his face would have been priceless. Then I would have told him off, but good and ended it. Tell your friend there is no man worth crying over (to be fair, no woman worth crying over either), and that she needs to learn from the experience and remember the type of person that he was so she won't choose the same type again.
• United States
10 Feb 07
I don't think I could have walked away or even drove away. I think I would have been out of that car and up in his face screaming at him and asking him who his "friend" was. Maybe she didn't think she would be able to handle confronting him. Maybe she didn't want him to see her cry. Whatever the reason shes a bigger woman than I for being able to walk away for I know that I would never be able to do that. Maybe she has other plans in mind like dropping all his things on his front door step or some other nasty plan of revenge. Maybe it just needs to sink in, maybe shes thinking she couldn't have really seen what she seen. I wish her the best of luck, and you know shes going to need you very much ov er the next couple of weeks just make sure your there so she has a shoulder to cry on.
• United States
10 Feb 07
i think i was more pissed than she was. she was making me mad because she wouldn't do anything. i don't know.
• United States
9 Feb 07
Oh wow, I feel for your friend. She did a mature thing--instead of making a public scene, she decided to walk away. I hope that she's walking away from that cheater too--she deserves better than that! I myself would also have walked away, but then I'd also have taken all of his stuff out of the house and had a yard sale...the kind where everything was cheap or FREE. Let him feel some pain when he comes back...cos he's not getting that stuff back! And tell him when he blows up.."oh, can't your NEW girl provide it for you?" Stick the knife in and twist it some.
• United States
9 Feb 07
I feel you with the yard sale thing! I'd probably bleach and cut everything that he owned and place it out in the yard.
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Feb 07
I would have confronted him because it would've been bothering me all night. Then once I have on confronted him I would've done it so damn nice that he wouldn't know what to do. And just turned around and walked off. I hope she has done something about it since then. I wish her all the luck
2 people like this
• United States
9 Feb 07
She sure hasn't done a thing and he's still spending days with his "sick mother". I personally don't know how she can allow him back into the house.
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Feb 07
Hmmm not a great situation. I personally would probably be so angry that I would confront him. But I wouldn't come up yelling and wanting a fight. I would say to him "Why haven't you taken care of the kids?" "You've been gone for 3 days and no phone calls" "I need you to take me to my AIDS treatment meeting and you need to be tested too" You know just make him look like a loser. But I must say, if I knew the girl and she knew we were going out....then I would have to fight her. I really would just be mad at my boyfriend and take revenge out on this beloved car LOL
2 people like this
• United States
9 Feb 07
You know what I couldn't stop laughing because I can almost see myself doing something like that to him, just to be a jerk. But I'd really have to fight the urge to actually fight him
2 people like this
@apky12 (776)
• United States
9 Feb 07
I definitely would've confronted him because I'm just that type of person. I would've had to confront and see what was going on. He probably wouldn't have given a good enough answer but maybe it would've been something. So sorry for your friend. Hopefully she will find someone soon who's worth her time.
• United States
9 Feb 07
I'm hoping for the same thing
1 person likes this
@JJLoa44 (346)
• Canada
10 Feb 07
I make sure that when I go into a relationship the guy knows what my opinion is on cheating, so that there's no surprise that if they do, they're kicked to the curb immediately. That way they can't protest they didn't know. I wish your friend luck in dealing with it - it sucks, but she definitely can find better than that type of loser!
2 people like this
• Philippines
10 Feb 07
if i were in your best friend's shoes, i would confront my bf and the other girl right then and there. i'm not sure if i will be able to keep myself from shouting expletives at him. it is possible that i would just make myself look stupid but that's me. i might kill them with my bare hands. it's hard to control your emotions in a scenario like this. just thinking about what you and your friend witnessed makes me mad already.
2 people like this
• United States
10 Feb 07
The poor thing. I mean it is always best to find out when your significant other is cheating on you but it can't be easy to see. But I would have beeped and waved and then went home and put all his stuff outside whether it was snowing or raining. I just wouldn't have cared if it got ruined. Oh and changing the locks would have been high on my list of things to do. If my husband ever cheats on me, he'd better hope I don't ever find out because he would definitely regret it. I'm not violent but I can't say that he wouldn't get a quick knock upside the head before he had to leave. Cheating is just one of the worst things you can do to a person. You can make a person not trust anyone for a long time, you make them wonder constantly about what they did wrong instead of realizing their partner was just an idiot.
2 people like this
@Lindalinda (4112)
• Canada
10 Feb 07
She should have confronted him. He will never leave on his own, as long as he has a free meal ticket and can cheat on the side. You say he degrades your friend, and does not contribute to the expenses. Your friend is an abused woman. Get her into counselling so she can find the strenght to kick him out for good.
2 people like this
• United States
9 Feb 07
I'd have probably walked up and been like "Hey! I'm surprised to see you here! Oh, you must be Mrs. _____ (his last name) I'm so happy to finally meet you. ______ told me you were sick, you seem like you're doing much better, thats good to hear. Well, I've got to get going but you two have a great day!"
2 people like this
@Myrrdin (3601)
• Canada
9 Feb 07
On this one I don't have to do a what if, I caught my wife not once, but twice for sure, and a slew of other "failed" attempts to arrange trysts. Plus on New Years she slept in the same bed with a 20 yr old punk in our house, she claims nothing went on. Plus today I went home unexpectedly and found her in only a robe in the basement with him (same guy from new years) looking like they got caught, she claims she just came down to ask him something after having a shower. Her hair was dry, so I know she didn't have a shower. I have confronted her and given her a deadline to get out of the house. But it still keeps happening. Honestly I understand you friend not confronting him. I almost didn't confront my wife either. Relay my story to your friend and let her know that it will keep on happening. Its time to send this guy a message. Don't get me wrong their relationship may not be over, it may be worth saving, but really they need to talk if they want it to work.
• United States
9 Feb 07
Why do you stay?
@Myrrdin (3601)
• Canada
9 Feb 07
I have told her its time for her to move out... We have been separated for a while now.... just need to be in separate homes
• United States
10 Feb 07
good for you, you deserve better than what she's trying to offer.
@Marie2473 (8521)
• Sweden
10 Feb 07
I actually caugh my bf and my friend in the act - in my bed and I actually left without a word. I got afraid of mysmelf that i would kill them, so for my own sake I left... and thought everything through before I confronted him - and later her... I can honestly say that this was the first and only time I ever slapped someone in the face.. I just lost it.. I will never ever accept cheating and I hope I will never end up in this situation. not only did I loose a bf of 4 years - but I also lost a friend!
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Feb 07
i'm sorry to hear what happened... but i'm glad that you didn't get yourself locked up.
@shooie (4989)
• United States
10 Feb 07
lol It would have made me so upset I would of pulled up beside him and said oh back in town so soon? Hows your mother. Or if it would of been my boyfriend and not the friends with me I would of got out and made it very weird for both of them by laying a big fat kiss on him. Then he would have to explain it to the other girl. If they were arm in arm only could it have been his sister or a cousin that came to town? I hope she ask him why he felt the need to lie to her.
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Feb 07
no. you don't hold on to a relative the way that they were. it was VERY obvious that they weren't related and were seeing each other.
@estarga (1188)
• United States
10 Feb 07
I know that it would be hard as hell...... but I would want to think that I would just bounce and change the locks on my doors not return his calls and never ever speak or see him again. In the maturity that I have now as a married woman, that is what I would want to do because if he is just a boyfriend then whatever they come and go. If it was my husband..... I would like to think I that, yeah I would be hurt, really hurt but I would have enough class to handle the situation where I wouldn't look like I was on cheaters. But keeping it real....... I would be kicking a$& up and down that restaurant. I know that my anger and hurt would take over and I would be psycho. Drooling, crying, screaming, kicking, punching, cussing and everything else.
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Feb 07
I would like to think that I could be really rational about the whole situation, but I know myself. And I know that I would be in that restaurant kicking a$$ too! Even though he's just my bf, we've been together for years and are working toward marriage, but I'd be just as hurt and ready to inflict as much hurt on him as I was feeling.
@sharone74 (4839)
• United States
10 Feb 07
I would have confronted him then went home and cried all night but that type of infraction deserves at least a confrontation!
• United States
10 Feb 07
girl you are so right!
• Philippines
10 Feb 07
She should have confronted him so that he would feel guilty about what he did. And they could talked about it and settle everything. Men are very much polygomous, you can never control their doings unless you tell them their limits. Despite the fact that they are committed still they sometimes fool around.
• United States
10 Feb 07
but is that acceptable? women could be just as polygomous as a man, but we choose to stay committed and monogomous to our mates. so why would you hold a standard for one and not the other?