could you forgive an affair?

@ESKARENA1 (18299)
February 12, 2007 5:05am CST
If you are married or in a long term relationships, could you forgive an extra-marital affair?
8 people like this
26 responses
@sweetrala (1439)
• Philippines
12 Feb 07
All i can say about this is 'Fool me once,shame on U.Fool Me twice,shame on me.'
2 people like this
@ESKARENA1 (18299)
12 Feb 07
a very good philosophy for life my friend, thank you for sharing it, but can we all give a chance in this way?
• India
12 Feb 07
Depends on the situation, If my spouse is really feeling sorry then I must help her out rather than battle against her. And if is desperate to do so then she would have leave me forever and I won't even like to see her face thereafter. I know that it would be very difficult for me to live without her but I won't even let her know this by any means possible.
@ESKARENA1 (18299)
12 Feb 07
plus answer thank you, i see it as a very difficult thing to sdo and must mean an extremely strong relationship
1 person likes this
• Lampe, Missouri
16 Feb 07
If there was not kids I would probly walk away but don't know. Now since I have 3 kids with my hubby if I found out that he was cheating on me then I would say i would try for the kids and us. But it would also proble depend on the sercomstances of the cheat. Who it was with, did they know each other, was it a one night stand, where did they mean, was it an ex gf what was the reason, so many thinks to ask and think about. I would say there would be a time period that we would be seperated and then go from there on what needs to be done or tired
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@ESKARENA1 (18299)
16 Feb 07
that would certainly make a lot of sense, I certainly think i would need a period of cooling off but honestly dont think i could trust again?
• Lampe, Missouri
16 Feb 07
i am just glad that he understands where i am coming from and dose not hold it against me. it is hard for him knowing that i may not completly trust him but hey going by what has happend understanable. he is great to me and i love him maybe the reason he understands so is becuase he has been hurt before and that fact that he is 17 years older then me.
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@ESKARENA1 (18299)
16 Feb 07
well blessed be i am truely happy for you
@arkaf61 (10882)
• Canada
14 Feb 07
It depends on the situation. These things are often complicated and sometimes there are many things to consider. I would forgive an affair - depending on what led to it -. However this doesn't mean that i would ever think it is right to have an affair if you are in a long term relationship,( no matter what the reasons there are many other ways to solve them or even separate before get into that situation ) it means only that I could forgive it.
@ESKARENA1 (18299)
15 Feb 07
that is a plus, i think you are right it is very complex. I do however feel a couple can never get back to what they had before the affair. How can anyone trust again in this situation?
@arkaf61 (10882)
• Canada
15 Feb 07
It's actually possible to regain trust.Probably not just that naive trust where we think that nothing like that will ever happen to us. But if both are really working towards rebuilding and getting trust back, it can happen:)
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@ESKARENA1 (18299)
15 Feb 07
thats a plus, thank you. Yes what comes back may well be a different form of trust
@lucalucky (1840)
• Italy
14 Feb 07
Yes, I think it can happen! ooopps but are you talking about an extra-marital affair of your partner of yours? Because there is a big difference. I suppose that you can forget (specially a one night stand) but not if is your partner affair!
1 person likes this
@ESKARENA1 (18299)
14 Feb 07
ok, so what your saying is that you would expect to be forgiven an extra marital one night stand, but not if your partner did it?
@lucalucky (1840)
• Italy
18 Feb 07
Yes, exactly what I think.
1 person likes this
@ESKARENA1 (18299)
18 Feb 07
is that not a case of double standards though, if its ok for you, why not for a partner?
• United States
22 Feb 07
I honestly think it depends upon a lot of circumstances. How strong is your relationship before finding out? What caused the affair? Who was it with? How long did it last? What reasons did the "cheater" give for going astray? Are you truly in love still or just remaining together for convenience? I think there's a lot of different things depending upon it. I do think that for the most part, if the relationship is strong but lacking in something that perhaps the other person has been looking for then it can be dealt with. I'm not sure it's ever truly "forgiven" but perhaps accepted.
@ESKARENA1 (18299)
22 Feb 07
ok that makes sense, but i still think it must be incredibly hard to forgive such an abject betrale blessed be
22 Feb 07
No, I could not forgive or forget that. I moved to another country, left behind my family and friends, good job, car my country, for marriage. I love my hubby. I have sacrificed a lot to follow my heart. I have no regrets. If he were to have an affair, we would be through. All I would ask from him is enough money to send me back home with all my stuff. Marriage is built on trust and love. Without trust, there can be no marriage. If the person if forgiven and taken back into the fold, the next time they are late coming home from work, you will wonder where they really were. Do you trust them enough to believe they really were working or do you think they are playing around again. Once trust is lost, there is no going back. I know in my heart, that I could never have an affair. There is no reason to as I love my hubby.
1 person likes this
@ESKARENA1 (18299)
22 Feb 07
i agree, once trust has gone, love will quickly follow it out of the door, blessed be and thank you for your honest response
@zhetto (163)
• Australia
22 Feb 07
I believe once a cheater, always a cheater. If someone strays they had reason for it. If a relationship is a really good one I think that straying would never have happened. I dont think I could ever look at the person in the same way. I would always have in the back of my mind what that person did.
1 person likes this
@ESKARENA1 (18299)
22 Feb 07
me too, i agree its bound to change the way you look at your relationship
@ill7ven (49)
• Romania
16 Feb 07
i could forgive,but i wouldn`t because there is noting guaranteeing that she won`t do it again,most of the people who do it don`t stop at just one affair
1 person likes this
@ESKARENA1 (18299)
16 Feb 07
this is very true. It hardly ever is just once, if someone cheats it will continue until they are caught
@merkava (1225)
• Philippines
16 Feb 07
I could never forgive that person. It's as though our entire marriage was just a lie and a cover-up. My title as a husband and a man has been disgraced specially if I never did anything wrong to provoke my wife to have another affair.
1 person likes this
@ESKARENA1 (18299)
16 Feb 07
i agree with you, but i wonder would you feel the same if it was you who had the affair?
@ricknkae (1726)
• United States
15 Feb 07
Well that is actually a very good question nad to be very honest I am not sure I could forget. What I mean is I think I could FORGIVE but not FORGET and that would be my problem. It would probably torture my mind all the time. If he kisses me I would propably suddenly catch myself thinking he did that to someone else, and so on ... It would completly ruin my self-confidence as well as my trust in him ... Based on that, well maybe I would try ... actually i would probably try since we have a child together, but I don't know if I could ever overcome this and trust him again ... but if I do I know it will take years I do hope it never happens though .... What about you ? Could you ?
@ESKARENA1 (18299)
15 Feb 07
no, im pretty sure i would have to leave. For me once the trust has gone love very quickly follows it out the door, but i respect anyone who can make it work after this has happened
@pizzoli (3368)
• Italy
15 Feb 07
no. never. Me and my partner we try to talk as much as possible, we analize all the aspects of our relationship to solve the problems: if we don't like no more each other is much better to end the relationship than to have an extra-marital affsir
@ESKARENA1 (18299)
15 Feb 07
agreed, but what would you do if it happened, and it seems to happen a lot
@xelissa (777)
• New Zealand
15 Feb 07
Affair with emotional attatchment I probably wouldn't forgive, even if I did, it'd be because of my ego, thinking I'm not good enough for him, competition etc. He was probably unhappy with me in the first place so thats why he cheated on me, so no point in taking him back and all, theres no more love
1 person likes this
@ESKARENA1 (18299)
15 Feb 07
agreed, when trust has gone i just dont see how a relationship can continue. For me its all a matter of self worth. If someone cheats to me it means they dont think enough about me, id be off
@Sweetpeas (739)
• Australia
15 Feb 07
Wow you know what....I honestly dont know. It would depend on a numerous amount of circumstances thats for sure. I would like to say that I could forgive, but i know i couldnt forget and that would be a problem. I suppose the question for me is, would they want to be with me after having an affair because it will be damn hard work getting me to forgive and be happy and trusting again I know that much, and the making up for it may be too hard to handle for them ;). Heres hoping I never have to find out.
1 person likes this
@ESKARENA1 (18299)
15 Feb 07
blessed be you never find out. To me trust in a relationship is like a baloon, once it is burst its gone for ever. Once the trust is gone, I cant see how a relationship can continue in the same way
1 person likes this
• Philippines
15 Feb 07
That is a very difficult question. Ideally for my very own relationship I would not forgive my partner if he will do something which is outside of our relationship. But they say that it is not that easy especially if he asks your forgiveness and promise not to do it again. When you are into that situation that's the time when I can say what will I do to him.
1 person likes this
@ESKARENA1 (18299)
15 Feb 07
yes i can see what you mean but to me once trust is broken it is gone forever, i dont see how anyone with self respect could stay after an affair but many do. Maybe some dont have the self confidence to leave
@Michele21 (3094)
• United States
14 Feb 07
Yes I think I could, my husband means the world to me and so if he made a mistake I THINK I could forgive him! As long as it wasn't a long on-going thing, or an emotional thing. We all make mistakes and I would try to gorgive him!
1 person likes this
@ESKARENA1 (18299)
15 Feb 07
i value your comments. I feel however that I would find it impossible to trust again, but i guess we are all different, blessed be
@Myrrdin (3601)
• Canada
14 Feb 07
I forgave several affairs my wife had. Or at least I tried to. The problem was that she kept on having them and even at one point had an ongoing (supposedly nonsexual) relationship with this one guy in which she constantly was around and continually cancelled plans with me to be with him. So I never could fully forgive her. I think it is possible to move past an affair, but both parties have to be willing to put in the effort.
1 person likes this
@ESKARENA1 (18299)
14 Feb 07
ok, but can you ever trus the person again, ? I think not but im open to correction, lol
@Anakata2007 (1787)
• Canada
14 Feb 07
No I couldn't. I know that for a fact. The reason is that I already had been cheated on in the past by my ex fiance. I TRIED (really really really hard) to forgive him, we even went for counselling together but I never could. I never trusted him again. He'd be late getting home from work and I'd go through his pockets when he fell asleep. I lost self esteem over it and it wasn't worth it. I was also obsessed with the woman he cheated on me with and I could never get around the fact that she must have been "better" then me in some way. However, the day I finally broke up with him, all those insecurities went out the window and it felt like a weight had been lifted off my chest. So no matter what, if my husband was stupid enough to cheat, he won't be my husband anymore.
@ESKARENA1 (18299)
14 Feb 07
I think you are speaking the truth, it is very difficult indeed to recover from infedelity. Im certain it has to change the dynamic of your relationship and will probably distroy it for ever. Anyway im sure it wont happen to you. much love, keep on posting blessed be
@BDnLacy (324)
• United States
12 Feb 07
The answer to this one is a simple, NO. This is why. When two people are in a relationship and one of them has an affair, it is the ultimate betrayal of emotions and trust. When someone cheats, they not only cheat, but then they lie about it. The conversation may not come up were, they have to admit or deny the affair. But when they were actually cheating they have to lie about where they are at or what they are doing. The words may not be spoken (I was at work all day catching up on paper work. or what ever), but it is implied. I will trust anyone till I am given a reason not to. And if it was the person that I am in a relationship with that broke my trust, I could never trust them again. If you are in a relationship, you should be able to trust that person with your life. Could you trust a person that much if he or she doesn't have enough control over their actions not to cheat? If you answer no, then you understand my point. If you answer yes, then either you are a better person then I, or a person of low self esteem.
1 person likes this
@ESKARENA1 (18299)
12 Feb 07
absolutely agreed, once this despicable act has taken place the relationship is over, i could not be agreed more , blessed be
@jolope (988)
• Philippines
12 Feb 07
i think i could forgive that kind of affair because if i see that my partner is really sorry then i suppose he wont do it again but if he said sorry but still doesnt have time for me then that would definitely result to a break up..
@ESKARENA1 (18299)
12 Feb 07
thank you, thats a good reply, i also think it would depend upon the sincerity of the appology