married people: question =)

Philippines
February 21, 2007 12:13am CST
i've never been married all my life, and i'm just curious. did you marry your betterhalf because of convenience or because of love? some people say you should marry someone who is financially and emotionally stable. so do you look for someone who is financially and emotionally stable, and just wait for love to "develop"? or love can't be developed and it should be there before you marry? ideas guys. thanks =)
11 people like this
86 responses
@sunnypub (2130)
• United States
21 Feb 07
I think alot depends on the person and what they are looking for. I married for love and that is the only reason I would marry. My dad married for love, but my mom married my dad because she believed he would be a great father and provider. After time she did end up falling in love with him and that is what has kept them together all these years. I actaully know many people who whould marry for money. I mean they would have to like him, and be able to get along with him and enjoy his company, but their main motive would be money and how much he could spoil them.
@20031969 (934)
• India
21 Feb 07
first of all i would like to say that i have done my arranged marriage with the blessings and permission of my family members and then i started to love my betterhalf. when i have decided to tie the knot, i have not thought that my betterhalf is financially strong or well or stable. my opinion is that one should get married at the age of 25-28, maxium 30 years, if you wish to get respect in your society and to avoid lonliness because your betterhalf is the best friend. you must have heard the proverb "Marriages made in heaven". so be positive.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
22 Feb 07
hi frank's wife =). that was so, so, sooooooo amazing. do you think i can have what you experienced with your "frank"? that was so perfect... i felt teary...
@lynninky (491)
• United States
21 Feb 07
Love !!!!!! If you marry for money 99.9% you will never fall in love with that person.In which you or him will end up having a affair or many different affairs.How will you feel about that if you are the one being cheated on ? It doesn't feel good ask anyone... A life without love is empty with or without money...Money and two people loving each other would be great..But as the old saying goes "MONEY IS THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL".Maybe it is talking about a life of one person loving another but that person only there for money.Men with money getting with women just wanting money usally ends in bad sometimes it is even fatal..Look at Anna Smith on Tv..
1 person likes this
@lynninky (491)
• United States
21 Feb 07
Just wanted to add something...There is a name for people who marries for money. That type of person is called a "GOLD DIGGER"....
1 person likes this
• Canada
21 Feb 07
Another name I've heard for them also is a Money Grabbing W***e. Just thought I'd add that :P
• United States
21 Feb 07
Love, fully. If your not in love you shouldn't marry someone. Money can come and go, financial stability can change from one minute to the next, its not all that important IMO. I would much rather be poor with money/things, than be miserable living with someone who I didn't love.
• United States
22 Feb 07
That's a good point! It's better to marry because you are in love than marry just because of money. Money can't buy happiness anyway.
• Malaysia
22 Feb 07
I couldn't help but agree with you. If you don't love the person for the right reason & marry him/her - you could end up with a lifetime of suffering, which could end in a divorce. I married at 26 and we are celebrating our 4th year anniversary soon. Despite all the challenges we face, we still stick on with each other - as we both know that we are married because we cannot do without each other. A friend of mine got married to someone for he could provide a big car, a nice house and lots of money to supplement her expensive lifestyle - but it ended up in a divorce and a kid that she couldn't handle herself. She's always unhappy and still wants to find someone rich to marry. I guess some people just never learn from the lesson.
@emarie (5453)
• United States
22 Feb 07
well, i married for love. i think the financial thing can always be worked out latter. my spouse was not the most financially stable person in the world. he actually quit his job to move where i was and didn't have a job where we actually made an income until after the marriage and the birth of our first child (which was only a month apart). its true that most marriages break up because of financial problems. but i always thought that if there was true love, nothing can stand in the way. me and my husband have had our arguments over money and saving since i don't work and we have 2 small kids. right now, we're still unstable, but its now when we need each other the most so why make things worse and break up. he's working so hard to make ends meet for our family and i should try and do the same. in rich and in poor. that's the oath you take when you get married. and i'll stay with him until the end, thats what love does for a marriage.
1 person likes this
@rajikoshy (743)
• India
22 Feb 07
i can give you the perfect answer: its true and it happened in India, its about me and my friend, both of us were classmates, as we grew older and got out of the school, i wanted to be a scientist and the other wanted to be a doctor, I liked a girl from the younger age and we were friends, just friends, but as we grew older we liked each other more and more, my family threw me out of my house because they came to know this ( myself christian, the girl hindu) that was the reason. I struggled to study, and finally got into a Industrial job. Married the same girl, not for beauty, not for money, not for any thing, but for love. she loves me and i love her, no cheating, its 18 years now...we are happy but not much money, make the ends meet with 2 great children.....this is my story. My friend doctor let me tell you about him, he became a doctor, earned lot of money never fell in love, but cheated on many girls, finally he found a very beautiful girl, rich, sexy and married her. today he has lots of money for everything, but no happiness, the girl developed illness, her beauty faded, her job lost, he cannot tolerate her talk, finally he looked for a job abroad...to be far away... now you see, conclusion: money is not everything, but you need money, above all you need satisfaction in life. after we die we do not take money with us, but dont throw money , you need it for a living.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Feb 07
Lots of people get married for lots of reasons. Not so long ago when it was taboo to be homosexual, many poeple married to keep their status in the community. Also not so long ago, there were word-of-mouth sayings that indicated a woman's best chance for a stable, successful life was a good match for a husband. This is illustrated in the movie "Mona Lisa's Smile" among others. I always thought that I would marry for money. I was a rather spoiled child and as I got older I recognized how much I liked the status quo. I was also a very cynical human by nature and did not believe in love. I did marry for love, leaving the pre-law and well-off men for one very special boy. I loved being married more than I ever thought I would and highly recommend it. . . with the right person. . .who doesn't realize they are actually transgendered 12 years into it.
1 person likes this
@arvijhon (126)
• Philippines
21 Feb 07
i marry my betterhalf because of love nothing else thats my side! if others for convenience or financially purpose well all i can say they are irresponsible husband/wife or even parent...specially if you are the husband.
@tanya6 (333)
21 Feb 07
my partner and i have been together for ten years and we have one child we live as a married couple but we still have to get that little piece of paper to make it legal. the only reason we have not done it is because of the cost of a wedding is so high. we will one day but we will be marrying for love and trust not for money. we are very much in love and enjoy all our time together. i dont understand how people can marry for security financially or emotionally, love is such a wonderful emotion and i think everyone should have a chance to share it with a soulmate.
1 person likes this
@eolivan (414)
• Philippines
21 Feb 07
i married her because i know i can live with her and i felt that she'd be the one who can live with me. i've had past gf's but i never really felt it from them. it's just different and you'll know when she is the one. though i never thought about financial and emotional stability :)
@god_spear (498)
• Philippines
22 Feb 07
Before marrying of course you should be lovers,love has been developed in you. if someone really love another they must decide for themselves because they will be the one who will live together.I married my wife becasue i love her no matter what happend to our realtionship as long as we love each other. I am not finacially gifted but im trying to give my wife the luxury of hsving things she dreamed of, like house and lot and other material things, because of love i do anything for my family to make them happy. But inspite of that she love me very much. How about you. When will you get married?
• Philippines
22 Feb 07
when? me?? hmmmm..... if i can marry myself i would do it now. lol. actually i haven't found mr. right yet. and i hope before i become 40 i will find him. =) haha!!
• United States
22 Feb 07
I married for love. I wanted a man who would love me, love children, and who would provide in every way if ever a family was developed. Well the man I married was divorced and fighting for custody of his children. We got married and had a baby of our own plus are raising his children too. Now I'm trying to adopt them. Without love, I don't believe you can ever find happiness with a partner.
• Philippines
22 Feb 07
wow that was tough. but as everybody says here on this forum, love really conquers all =)
• Philippines
22 Feb 07
Well for our case, I married my husband because I got pregnant, he he he. He is not that financially stable but atleast he has a job. About the question if I really loved him, well I do. For me, I think it is better to marry someone that you love than to have someone who is financially stable but you don't loved him.
• Philippines
22 Feb 07
hey thanks for being honest. lol. but i hope you're happy with your marriage. =)
@SpitFire179 (2536)
• Canada
21 Feb 07
My husband and i got married because we're in love, and if it were for money we would not be together today. I don't think this kind of love can be "developed" I think you just find that person. I believe in Love at first sight, because that's how i knew, the second i met him, i knew i loved him, and that we would be together for as long as i could muster it, and it's been like 5 years now. 5 great, stressful at times, loving, chalanging, wonderful years. Well, married for 6 months, but we've been together that long and living together about 4 years. If your going to get married, do it for love, or you won't be happy, at least, i can't see it. I've known people who married for the money, it only made them more miserable... Peace and Love Ash
• Philippines
22 Feb 07
hi ash =) yes i do believe in love at first sight also. but i really hope i will experience it for myself... thanks a lot anyway muah =)
• United States
21 Feb 07
I'm not married yet but I know when I do it will be for love. My boyfriend and I have been together for going on 8 years this May and I can't imagine marrying someone and not having the relationship we have right now. In fact I'd be pretty scared to get into a new relationship and have it be any differently.
• Philippines
22 Feb 07
just a question: when are you going to get married? =) that's 8 years!!
• Ukraine
21 Feb 07
Hi, I am married for the second time now and I can say from my experience that love can be developed. You see, when I married the first time I was too young and too selfish. I made many mistakes and my wife left me after nine years for another guy. Today, I can say for sure that love can be and must be developed. I am happy in my second marriage because I know what mistakes I made with my first wife and am always trying to omit them. I would recommend for you to love, to forgive and, most of all, to be honest and communicate everything you feel or think. You can develop your love and it depends on you. Good luck!!
• Philippines
22 Feb 07
you know what, that the greatest fear that i have right now. i'm quite young, ang young people are sometimes impulsive about anything. my mom always tells me that i should use also my mind in choosing a partner, not just mind, because i can't eat love. but i guess love is just so powerful, because a lot of people here votes for LOVE =)
• United States
21 Feb 07
I married for love and that's the only thing I would ever marry for.
• United States
21 Feb 07
That's really good...more people should be like yo.
@gberlin (3836)
21 Feb 07
My wife and I married for love! I was in college and my wife was working full time but she lived 200 miles from me so she had to quit her job. For two months during the summer we just lived on my income. By the time school started in the Fall she had found a job. We were 20 years old when we got married. I only $80 in the bank when we got married. We lived on love! (LOL) I still have many fond memories of our first years of marriage. We didn't have money to take fabulous trips or live in a fancy house but we had each other and that was all that matter!
• Philippines
22 Feb 07
hi! wow that was so great. if a human would think about getting married and having $80 on bank, it would be impossible. but as i read through all the answers here... i guess love REALLY can do great things. =)
@oarnamav (2708)
• India
21 Feb 07
Do you know a kite? I mean a thin paper like thing tied to a thin string and is left in the sky to fly high in the sky. The navigation is controlled by the person who is playing the kite. The life is exactly like this. Till the time the kite has some tie-up with the person by a string it has some meaning and when there is cutting of from the person, the kite just floats with no control and random direction to fly. If you would love to see the scene practically You can understand the issue precisely. You fly wothout any perticular reason for the life to go.
• Philippines
22 Feb 07
hey that was really good =) thanks for that. i really appreciate it
@rsa101 (14878)
• Quezon City, Philippines
21 Feb 07
It would be ideal if both the criteria are present there is love and financial stability in your married life. That is an ideal setup since you only have to face other marital problems but then if financial stability is absent i believe you could still survive that too. The only catch is there is the money problem that you have to face and solve but with wtrong love for each other you could overcome that. It is important that love is present when you get married you need to have a happy married life with your spouse financial blessings may sometimes come in late in your married life if that is absent.
• United States
21 Feb 07
I totally agree with you. First and foremost the love factor has to exist otherwise the marriage will not last very long. Money is very helpful in creating options for a more comfortable lifestyle but should not drive your marriage totally. We have went through ups and downs in our financial situation together in our family, but in the end love was there to keep everyone together.