How jealous are you!!?? EX-GIRLFRIENDS.

Jealous - kids that are jealous
@Starline (681)
United States
March 4, 2007 2:14pm CST
Sometimes I think about my husbands exgirlfriend and get very jealous. I do it because I have bad self esteem, and then I accuse him of wanting his ex girlfriend more than me. They were even together for three years, and I've only known my husband for 2,5 years! She broke up with him so I keep obsessing that he is with me because he was afraid that he would end up alone if he didn't. I know that I should stop thinking like this, but since I saw a photo of them together looking happy, I can't stop imagining my husband with his ex. Are you jealous of your partners exes?
9 people like this
46 responses
• United States
4 Mar 07
When I was with my ex. I sometimes thought about his ex's but it wasn't really a jealous thing. I thought how stupid they were and how nuts 2 of them were. I have low self esteem also so I think that everyone looks better than me. I haven't accused him of wanting any of his ex's because like I said 2 of them were psycho and the one is just boring. So, I'm neither psycho or boring. I wouldn't worry too much about his ex's. It's probably just your self esteem talking. Sometimes mine does that. It's like it has a mind of it's own. I have seen many pictures of his ex wife and his ex girlfriend looking happy. The pictures of his ex wife doesn't bother me because they have children together and I know the truth about their happiness. They really didn't have any happiness. She was one of the psycho's but he tried to work it out for the kids. The other pictures of his ex girlfriend didn't bother me because she was boring and I look better than her.
3 people like this
@Starline (681)
• United States
4 Mar 07
yeah, he also keeps saying that his ex was always angry, and he does tell me that meeting me what the best thing that ever happened to him. But having bad self esteem, it just slips out the other ear.
2 people like this
@judyt00 (3504)
• Canada
4 Mar 07
Look at it this way. he married you, not her, so she really wasn't the woman he was looking for, butwas merely marking time until you came along. He obviously wanted you over her, since he now has you, not her. If your jealousy keeps up, though, he will soom start looking elsewhere, so My advice is to knock it off
2 people like this
@Starline (681)
• United States
4 Mar 07
I think that I would have felt better if he had been the one breaking up with her.
2 people like this
• Canada
4 Mar 07
I know what you mean about that. My husband was dumped very cruelly by his ex wife and took about a year to fully get over her and even now has lots of aanger toward her. I wish he had done the leaving as well. However, I have to be honest here, I do feel that he is over her, and he did say that after a few months he was realizing that she probably did them both a favour, and that as soon as he started dating other women, he realized how much happier he could be. Maybe yours felt the same way. There is a reason why relationships don't work out.
1 person likes this
@paulnet (748)
• India
5 Mar 07
Yaa Just Knock it off from your mind 'n don't think bout it.
@JuliaPan (564)
• Canada
4 Mar 07
I'm your type of person! I am very jealous of my husband's ex-wife. And I can do nothing about that. We've been together for 3.5 years already, we're really happy together with our little son, but anyway... Sometimes I get so jealous and fierce and begin to pity myself, that I start to cry. Later on, I regret about it a lot, I accuse myself of wasting my time, but still I can do nothing. Please don't make the same mistake! Don't think that he married you because of some foolish reason. Think that it happened because you're the best woman in the world! Try not to think how they were happy - it was in the past! Think of your happiness today and tomorrow! Well, you see, it's always easier to give advice, than to follow it :) Let's make a promise that neither you nor me waste our time on those exes! :)
@Starline (681)
• United States
4 Mar 07
We can make a promise to try harder. Most of the time it's ok, it's just sometimes when I'm feeling low that it gets bad.
1 person likes this
@Anakata2007 (1787)
• Canada
4 Mar 07
yes I'm very jealous. Just like you are. My husband went out with his ex for 7 years and even was MARRIED to her for 3!!!! I'v only been married to him 3 years and known him 4 years! So I have 3 more years to go before he's known me as long as he knew her! At least you only have 6 more months, and he MARRIED you! As for the self esteem issue. I have very low self esteem too. I am going to see a psychologist about it because I hate feeling this way.
@Starline (681)
• United States
4 Mar 07
Hopefully we will be together with our husbands for the rest of our lifes, and the feelings of jealousy will fade and die!!!
2 people like this
4 Mar 07
me no way i dont feel jealous at all its not because i dont care for my girlfriend but i trust her ,which is the best way to get rid of all your tension and emotions ...if u keep worry about your past u will loose your way to the future but trust the person only if he/she is trustworthy
@Starline (681)
• United States
4 Mar 07
my husband is trustworthy so I shouldn't worry. Youre right.
2 people like this
@rosie_123 (6118)
4 Mar 07
Oh dear - that must be awful, and I am sad for you. Jealousy can eat you up, and cause so many problems:-(( Have to admit I am not really jealous of my partner's ex's. He was married for 5 years before we met, but then I was married before too, so my attitude is that it doesn't matter what happened in your past, - it is your present and future together that you should think about. It is unusual in this day and age, to meet someone who does not have at least some emotional baggage - ex wife, ex-girlfriend/boyfriend, children by a previous partner - all those things are normal, and natural, and go to make the background of the person that you fall in love with. Try not to worry too much about your husband's past, because he is with you now, and loved you enough to marry you. It is not wrong that he was happy with his ex, but they split and he is with you now, and that is all you should concentrate on. Please don't get eaten up with jealousy, because not only will it make you unhappy, and unfulfilled, but it is the surest way to drive your husband away, because he will hate the fact that you are questioning, or not trusting him. Take care.
5 Mar 07
I think jealows is somewhat part of the low self esteem, or just because you were in a relationship where u were lefth...but if it is happening that way.. the best way to solve it is to talk about it with your husband. Tell him about the way you do feel and toguether try to solve this issue... A good relationship is based in trust, so... do u trust your husband? And other way... if the relationship between him and his ex didnt work out... its not now that it will.. Also he has choosen to be with u. Rigth? :) Think abt it!
1 person likes this
@Starline (681)
• United States
5 Mar 07
Hm, I'll try to do something about it!! Thank you. It's a good idea to talk to him more about it instead of accusing him.
@Molly322 (126)
• United States
5 Mar 07
Regardless of who broke it off, he didn't go back to her and he has married you. I would try not to read too much into the "what ifs" because you'll drive yourself nuts and probably upset him if he feels you are questioning whether or not he really loves you. As for me, my husband is still friends with his exes. I've met several at high school reunions or other events and his last ex was even a guest at our wedding! She was there with her husband and children. I don't mind that they've kept up their friendship and I'm grateful that he has included me in it so that I don't have to wonder. But she's an ex for a reason so I don't feel the need to flip out and worry or be jealous.
1 person likes this
@Starline (681)
• United States
5 Mar 07
Woah, I know that I wouldn't allow my husband to be friends with his ex. Just the thought of them having been together at one point would be enough.. even though it's probably wrong of me because he went through a lot with his ex so they should be allowed to be friends.
@cutepenguin (6457)
• Canada
5 Mar 07
I'm not. Mostly because my husband and I have been through a lot together - relationships aren't just about the happy times, they are also about sticking together when the going gets rough. I don't see why you'd be jealous of your husband's ex, unless he's said something that indicates he wants her back. He's with you, and he must want to be with you, or he wouldn't have married you.
1 person likes this
@Starline (681)
• United States
5 Mar 07
Thank you for the support. I know it doesn's make sense to be jealous, I just can't help it.
@xanjvill (88)
• Philippines
5 Mar 07
I think that if you see your husband unsatisfied or unhappy with your relationship then I guess there is a reason for you to be insecure but if you him happy and contented with you then I don't think you should be worrying about his exes. And stop thinking that he married you just because he does not want to be alone you'll just feel bad and miserable and it will just drive your husband away. If he was just worried to end up alone in life, there are a lot of women to choose from so he probably choose you for a good reason right? And don't base your jealousy on pictures after all, we all smile in front of the camera don't we. And it was probably taken during their happy days, it doesn't mean that they never had a bad day. She would not have broken up with him if they had always been happy. Stop getting jealous for nothing. It will just bring out the worst in you, your husband will not like that and I'm sure you will not like that too. Be happy.
1 person likes this
@Starline (681)
• United States
5 Mar 07
I'm trying to be happy. Thank you!!
@katisaurus (1038)
• Canada
5 Mar 07
My guy's ex girlfriend and him were together for pretty much their whole lives with a few years separation. They were bestfriends since about age 4, and they were engaged last year. After they broke up and we got together this time last year, I thought for sure he was just using me to get over her, and it wasn't gonna be any more than a few weeks type of thing. Sometimes when we fight I tell him he'd probably be happier with her instead of me, but he always tells me that after all those years he realizes that she wasn't the one for him..that I was. That always makes me feel better even if sometimes I don't believe it. I can't stand listening to him talk about her though, 'cause her and I got off to a horrible start and well, we hate eachother, to put it simply. I don't think it's jealousy, it just makes me uncomfortable because they shared so much together and I feel like I can never live up to that no matter how much he tells me not to.
1 person likes this
@Starline (681)
• United States
5 Mar 07
You must have a hard time then, but it's great that you can put the bad feelins aside and realize that he is with you now.
@fianne (1059)
• United States
5 Mar 07
yes, always... i always think of them being together and blah-blah... then i always keep on telling my bf perhaps you want her better than i do. then we always quarrell. but of course, it's my fault. i should trust my bf because he loves me and i can feel it. it's just me, my being jealous, that works everytime i see the girl.
1 person likes this
@Starline (681)
• United States
5 Mar 07
I recognize this feeling,, but there is no reason why I should accuse him of wanting her. So strange!
@bluegem (174)
• Dominican Republic
4 Mar 07
Starline, I think you should redirect all this energy into trying to please your man and make him happy so that he will have to look no where else for passion! He chose you and that's a sign that he sees something good in you. Try talking to him to and express mutual feelings for one another. Accusing him will only frustrate him and push him away from you! I suggest you try to think about all the great things you know about yourself and i'm sure there are many. Concentrate on those and be postive! Wish you all the best in your marriage.
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Feb 12
I'm glad to see someone with your strong opinion of this matter. I agree with all you say. A girlfriend would only drive him crazy with accusations always when he decided to love her and give his heart.
• Romania
4 Mar 07
i have to admit. i'm a jealous person too. when it comes to talking about a girl who happened to be his girlfriend in the past, there is something itchy in there, in my soul. but i know that he's now with ME, because he eventually chose ME to be the one. sincerely speaking, i sometimes felt inferior to them, his ex-girlfriends, i don't know why.... there are times when i even think that they once had him in their arms, they held him like i do now... but i do know that i'm the one he LOVES, and i'm the one that loves him more than they ever did. that should be the thought that calms you too. YOU are now THE ONE, his chosen one. Try and cherish that! LEave behind all the past and the fear! GET ALONG!
@Starline (681)
• United States
5 Mar 07
It's easier sometimes not to be logical, my feelings aren't logical. Even though I know that he now is with me, I still get jealous!!
@Y3110w (113)
• United States
5 Mar 07
LOL good question, I think everyone has a little bit of jealously in them. I mean I always wonder about my partners exes, he gets mad when I do...but I am curious. I mean I sure they were all skinny and beautiful then I look at myself and think..."If the right person came along he might not want me =(" I shouldn't think like that but I can't help it...it's ture =)
1 person likes this
@lvap0628 (731)
• Philippines
5 Mar 07
Starline, you have to do something about that self-esteem of yours. Why do you have to think about his exes? What's important is that he married you. Now it's up to you how you keep him with you. Don't keep harping on about his ex-girlfriends or that will only create friction between you. Show him what you have that his exes don't. And don't tell me you can't think of anything because he chose you over them, didn't he?
@shila07 (514)
• Bhutan
5 Mar 07
Actaully iam not jealous of my husband's ex-girlfriend. You know what, iam alawys easy going woman, Sometimes, he tells me that she was my ex, but i donot feel anything, i try to tease him when ever i see his ex. My husband himself is very faithful, he so kind and lovely husband, thats why i cannot jealous him, may be because, i trust hime so much.
• United States
5 Mar 07
It's not really a matter of jealousy...I know that my bf's ex-girlfriends weren't that good to him so that makes me feel better about myself. But I know that one of his exes wants him back and he doesn't even see it. I don't get jealous, but like you said I have bad self-esteem and I get scared that he's going to leave me for an ex even though it's never going to happen.
1 person likes this
• Canada
5 Mar 07
Hey, It's perfectly natural to be jealous of someone you love - in fact, there's generally something wrong if you don't care about that kind of thing. I don't know your husband talks about his ex or if you're the one that instigates it, but either way you have to learn to let it go. My wife and I went through that crap a while ago, and it's not easy. Of course it makes you angry, and hurt, and insecure and everything else. But if you really believe that your husband loves you that much then you should be able to let it go. Otherwise it's going to hang over your every happy moment and take away from what you should be enjoying here and now with him.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
5 Mar 07
given the fact that your husband married you over his ex is a point for you. that simply means that he loves you more than his ex. the time that they were together doesn't count because it may turn out that the quality of your relatonship together is better than the quantity of their time together... i do get jealous of my husband's ex because i saw their pictures together. that was the time when they were still together and he didn't get to know me yet. he has his own life before i entered into his life but when i did, his life was already beside me. so think, you should be happy and don't get jealous of your husband's ex because his life is with you now. if it will make you feel better, if he would remove or throw his ex's pictures, then inform him. he may not be aware that you saw those pictures and it is bothering you now.
1 person likes this