teen troubles

@jemkay (19)
Canada
March 10, 2007 8:54am CST
I am the mother of three wonderful boys. my oldest just turned 13. The attitude he has developed over the last few months is getting out of control. He has started back talking and punching walls. he constantly picks on his younger brothers. i am worried that he is heading down a troubling path. his grades are suffering alot because he is constanly talking out, he says he wants to make friends and thinks by making them laugh he is getting them. but he is just getting into trouble. It was suggested that it may be because he started junior high this year. Anyone have any advise or suggestions? Is this normal?
5 people like this
14 responses
@mrsbrian (1951)
• United States
10 Mar 07
it seems like 13 is the magic age, they change into to someone we no longer know, i think jr high has some to do with it as you suddenly are surrounded by many kids from different walks of life that you didnt have in your elementry school ,it can be a bad sign, do you notice him hanging out with new kids that he didnt hang out with before? but i would get a handle on it right off as he may be acting out for attention,i really think when kids act out there is a underlying reason. good luck and god bless i have been in your shoes and i thank god i survived it lol
• Netherlands
11 Mar 07
Not to mention the onset of puberty. Sheesh some boys can really take this hard. The hormones start going to their little heads and they can act like little cavenmen! My younger brother did the same thing when he turned 13 too. He calmed down by 15 but those two years brought my parents hell.
2 people like this
@mummymo (23707)
10 Mar 07
Hi Jemkay - I had to respond to this cos I've got a 13 year old son myself and I know exactly what you mean! Teenage years are hard, harder now I think than in our day! All kids this age are pushing to see exactly how much they can get away with. The other thing I always do when my son misbehaves worse than usual is to talk about what is going on in his life if anything is worrying him, or he is confused about something! I will not allow violence or disrespect - I am not his friend but his mother but I will offer my love, support and sdvice whenever he needs it. Good luck ( think we both need it!)x
2 people like this
@wisedragon (2330)
• Philippines
10 Mar 07
A little bit of teasing and joking with his younger brothers is okay, but if what he's doing is already too offensive, you need to put your foot down and assert your authority. Sometimes they just need a little jolt.
@lila42 (26)
• United States
10 Mar 07
I have two sons, 13 and 15. Teenage years are so hard. That said, for me, punching a wall would be absolutely unacceptable. Period. If that were my child, I would probably take him to a counselor to help him learn anger management techniques. I would also hold him accountable for this lack of control. I would talk to him about ways he can express his anger without being physical, and I would have a consequence for this behavior in the future..no tv or cell or whatever. It's okay to express yourself, but in a respectful manner. I believe actions have consequences. And I also hold true to the idea that if you expect nothing, that is exactly what you will get. I expect respect for our home. (I am not saying that you don't have expectations, but I know a lot of parents who have a "what can I do?" attitude about thier teenager.).. Sometimes writing things down and even getting your son's input as to what a nice reward would be for living up to your expectations, as well as his input on consequences, makes it more tangible and helps the child feel more in control. I write contracts up with both of my boys. We all sign it so we are all on the same page. Just a thought. Good luck! I, personally, can't wait for these teenage years to be over.:) I don't think it goes smoothly for any of us.
• United States
11 Mar 07
Other than that, you should also consider joining other programs just like MyLot...go to my profile and look for my post on other programs just like this one. You can earn triple whatever you make here by posting on them also. I hope my replies helped at least maybe gave you some hope. You can make it out there by yourself, I did, you just have to be strong, think, pray, and NEVER GIVE UP.
• United States
11 Mar 07
I'm sorry I posted the above comment on the wrong post. :( I apologize big time, if you can just delete it I'd appreciate it, or let me know how to do it myself. Thanks, and goodluck with your son. I have a little sister going thru some teen stuff also...it's so not cool, but I think they'll calm down, "You Live, You Learn". They'll learn.
@theddy (31)
• Philippines
10 Mar 07
hi jemkay... i'm a 22 year old guy.. i may not be a mom or a mother of child or three kids which is so obvious but for me this is normal. i've been there, i even started to talking back to my mother since 4th grade. of course what would i expect? marks on my behind... lols. funny but true... i konw i deserve it. so i made my mom understand that i din't talk back because i disobeyed her, it is a sign that i maybe too young at my age but not too young to think about certain things. a way to tell her that i am mature in my own way and i know how things would happen, but not. i realize back then i was just assuming. maybe jem, you're kid is just like you, a smart one. he grew mature real fast and got to think of things rationally. it doesn't have to mean as well you just have let him go and let him realize all by himself, eventhough with that attitude of his, he still needs your guidance... there is nothing as hard as a mother accepting his baby growing up too fast and mature to becoming a man. as long as you had a good start in taking care of him... you wouldn't have any problems, just let him be as of the meantime, let him have the time of his life in his young age. but as of his age currently, you aren't the only one prohibiting him from any bad influence but the society. but with his age group, just be cautios about it. you wouldn't know who he's hanging out with. to tell you the truth, i could think of myself before as my mom's cancer. i was suck a bad nut. she just lets me be, until i learned it all by myself that what i did was all wrong, and changed it on my own. now i finished college, have a good job, very nice relationship with my mom, i don't talk back, we simply talk about stuff. but all of that, still, because of her. just atke it easy on him jem.. i just wish you goodluck!
@theddy (31)
• Philippines
10 Mar 07
corrections: cautious, such a bad nut
• India
11 Mar 07
Ofcourse, this is defenitely not a normal behaviour. Though that age acquire some changes in behavious. But I advise you to give good counselling and also get him for a better advise to some elderly persons, whom he have respect and some sort of fear. He will change. Spend more time with him. Develop some hobbies and interests in him. Involve him in talks, gossips and also in fruitful homely discussions. Imbibe good hobbies and other skills in him. He will grow as a nice person. Dont hesitate to scold when requre." Spare the rod spoil the child". is a good saying.
@kavi112 (232)
• India
11 Mar 07
yes this perfectly normal...happens when any boy enters teen age...there are some worse cases like trouble which brings cops in...you now begins wat you call generation gap....watever you advise or even talk will be so boring... cute phase of life though... so dont advise him much...in this age he has experience both good and bad...then get to know wats good wat bad...your son is ready to explore the world on his own..he has bcome half grown up
• United States
11 Mar 07
Hi, This is somewhat normal as we naturally begin to long for more independence which will enable us to live on our own but with that said we must learn to respect others. I'm a spiritual guy and without a solid foundation for right and wrong; childern, like adults, have to wing-it. The Bible teaches that children are to "honor the mother and father;" therefore his behavior is totally unexceptable. Not only does it effect the family but he will have to face individual consequences for not adhering to God's way of living. Don't know if you care about spiritual things but, I'm convinced that Godly friends build relationship with the right stuff. A genuine Bible believing environment works. Just advice, weigh it with all the others you get and... pray, I know it's tough, I was a troubled teenager myself and a lost adult; came to my senses at age 40. Trust Jesus Christ, nothing else works, all the best, countdown21.com
@kstrzwsk (146)
• United States
11 Mar 07
He is probably just going through a stage in puberty, I'm sure its just a phase and he'll out grow it soon.
@koikoikoi (1247)
• United States
11 Mar 07
If I were you I'd kick his @ss. He needs to learn who he's messing with. Making kids laugh to get friends. Those friends he's making aren't going to send him to college or let him graduate.
• United States
10 Mar 07
i think its something that most teens go through this becaues my teen is doing the same thing! i cant seem to get him to stop and hes even having problems in hes favorite classes. one of his teachers said that its because they get no time to socialize between classes. they have come from a school that will let them have this time (ie: recess, a break after lunch, etc.) however in junior high they dont get this time. i wish i knew more but im glad im not the only one
• United States
10 Mar 07
Is your 13 year old in the correct classes at school? Sometimes kids are not being challenged enough or it could be too much challenge in the classes. Have you talked to the school counselor to see if your child's course load is proper for his IQ level? Does he have a few clothes that he thinks are in style so he looks more or less like the other kids his age? Has he had a recent physical exam by the doctor? Is there any sport or after school activity like a club he might be interested in and where he could make friends more easily perhaps?
• United States
10 Mar 07
I think you need to ask some more questions; perhaps even find a way to observe him in the classroom situation-without his knowing, of course. It sounds like there's something more going on here; especially if this behavior change is recent. Maybe he is the victim of some bullying-maybe there's been some ridiculing...along those lines. Sometimes, a child who's ridiculed begins to feel that it's "safer" to get them laughing with you instead of at you.
@giregla (148)
• Philippines
10 Mar 07
Well, as a teenager I know for a fact that your son does not intent to make you mad or hurt you or his grades, it's just that he's in the stage of "proving". He's in the stage where he wants to prove something to his self, he's curious, he wants fun, he wants adventure, excitement, friends, and not another word from his mother. the more you tell him that he's not doing good, the more he will be discouraged to improve his self. He don't want to listen to you so stop talking to him. Instead, support him. Let him experience things and let him decide whether it's good for him or not, because in time he will come to the point of realization what's to learn. bjt never stop advising every once in a great rare while. let him explore!
@shevamp (120)
• Philippines
10 Mar 07
teens go through an odd stage and your kid who just turned 13 might just be experiencing some changes in terms of his sexuality, and his social behavior. by sexuality i mean the physical changes, as well as emotional. he may be having difficulties facing such changes he wants to be accepted by the people around him. it is perfectly normal for a teen to behave like that during such development stage. more than anything else, understanding is what he needs right now, aside from guidance. you may want to talk to him, heart to heart, and be sensitive of how he might react. do it in such a way that he will not be embarrassed or think he is being scolded or sumthin.