what are your major insecurities in your relationship?

Philippines
March 18, 2007 2:10pm CST
because last saturday. my bf and i had this really huge fight. he has sacrificed a lot for me and i know i could never return or even make an equal of what he has done for me and it me feel so inscure that it could lead to a break up. i felt like he's giving up on me coz i don't appreciate what he's done... bummer eh? da*n insecurities... lol. makes me feel a complete inadequate partner. that i can't be enough. oh well...
4 people like this
16 responses
• Philippines
19 Mar 07
i have these insecurities esp w/ his ex who turned out to be his best friend. tho he always make it a sure that he's only mine, i still can't help it why i get so jealous w/ the girl. paranoia really kills!lol i do fear of losing him, because we have two kids and i love him so much.but the problem is, we are still not married because i think he can't still leave his bachelor life. he enjoys going out with friends, even without my consent. anyhow, i know that i'm not in the position to rule his life, but what i want is, to stop seeing that girl.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
19 Mar 07
lol. you and my friend have the same cases. she's also jealous of her boyfriend's best bud which is a girl and the girl likes the guy which is most of the reason of their misunderstandings. i see. i guess he's not ready to tie the knot yet. but soon, i guess he'll eventually will. just be patient. i pray that you and your kids will be fine. just hold on, okay? have faith in him and your love. as for the girl, hmmm...wrestle her? just kidding. thanks for sharing and do take care. =)
• Philippines
19 Mar 07
Well, my boyfriend and I would fight over his friends. I get jealous because he sometimes spends more time with them than me. We do settle these petty stuffs and since we talked about it, we haven't fought anymore. I told him how I felt and he understood. Communication is obviously the solution to these insecurities. He was able to make me feel confident that he really loves me and that I am important to him.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
19 Mar 07
yes, i totally agree. some may say that love, honesty and trust are the basic essentials of a successful relationship but they failed to include COMMUNICATION as well. thanks blushnpixie. im a fan of peanuts. but i'm more of a woodstock. =) thanks for sharing and do take care. =)
@egay679 (152)
• Philippines
19 Mar 07
it is perfectly normal to be insecure especially in a relationship. you know, when my husband and i were still in the stage of bf-gf thing, we also had our misunderstandings and have lead also to break-up. maybe because we were immature then and don't know how to handle those kind of situations. he was insecure because i am smarter than him. i was insecure because girls swoon before him. but eventually, we learned to develop this kind of understanding and we gradually became mature. right now, we have been together for 9 years and still going strong.
• Philippines
19 Mar 07
wow. i hope we could last that long too. =) yes i agree with you. i guess it takes a lof patience to adjust in each others differences. =) more power to you and to your marriage. take care of you both. =)
@patgalca (13814)
• Orangeville, Ontario
19 Mar 07
There are two things that make me insecure. One is exactly like what you said. I have been unable to work due to illness for the last 11 years. I have been unable to contribute financially to the household and it has been a burden on my husband. He is frustrated because he can't see my illness therefore he thinks I should be able to work outside the home, especially since I spend so much time on the computer every day. Hopefully I will get my book published and can wave a big fat cheque in his face. The other is the fact that his family is in Prince Edward Island and we live in Ontario. He wants to go back every summer and we cannot afford it. The girls and I hate the long drive so if we go we want to fly, but he says we can't afford to fly all four of us. The other day he said he would retire down there. I don't want to live down there so that scares me. There are problems in every relationship. We just have to stop worrying about the what ifs and live life to the fullest in the present.
@patgalca (13814)
• Orangeville, Ontario
19 Mar 07
Ugh! I keep trying to tell him that home is here where his wife and kids are, that we are his family now. He just doesn't get it.
• United States
19 Mar 07
My girlfriend feels the same way. You cant control certain things like that though. I sacrifice more because, I really have to, and she is not in the position to give as much.
• Philippines
19 Mar 07
i see. so we're in the same situation. did you try talking to her? i hope she's okay and is not going through this brainstorming that i have now. lol. take care of you both and thanks! =)
@Madona1 (2097)
• Gibraltar
19 Mar 07
My major insecurities is I worry losing my job as we always settle the bills on a half half basics after marriage. For my personal necessaries like clothes, shoes, jewels and so on are bought by myself. So I cannot imagine my habby would pay for me if I lost a my job.
• Philippines
19 Mar 07
even if they say that money is no object but hey, it can be really an object when it comes to a relationship. i just hope that's the last thing we'll fight about. thanks madona. good luck to you and to your hubby. =) take care
@pelo26 (1553)
• Philippines
19 Mar 07
My girlfriend and I have been together for more than six years now and what I've learn from all those years of being together is that there can be no place for insecurities. The both of you should develop a sense of trust with each other that no matter what... you neither she will give up on what you have built together and help each other preserve the love. Hope everything works out with your BF. Cheers!
• Philippines
19 Mar 07
hey pelo. long time no see. LOL. we're working on that. and like icequeen said, it takes two to tango. we're still on months now but it seems like we've been together like years. lol. i hope so too that we'll able to work things out. take care pelo. God bless. =)
• Philippines
19 Mar 07
Insecurities like being jealous when were having talk with someone that may lead to a bad conversation even you're explaning your side... Its really bad to know that your partner dont appreciate what you've done for him/her.. I hope you guys can work things out well.. Have a nice day ahead.
• Philippines
19 Mar 07
lol. we do that too. petty things can be cute soemtimes. i hope you'll be able to work things out. take care and thanks for dropping by. =)
@icequeen (2843)
• Canada
19 Mar 07
Yes...I have felt that way several times. I know my boyfriend also does a lot for our family...However..I think I do my share too..and do my best. I have had a lot of hardships to endure...and I really don't think he understands how I feel? I know he loves me..but lately things between us have not been too good. I know I need to try harder...but he could do more too...I guess it takes two...
• Philippines
19 Mar 07
lol. it takes two to tango. you guys are on the mature level while my lovey dovey and i are still on the fisrt level, starting up. compromise. =) that will be the next subject i'm going to learn. lol. don;'t worry. i am sure you'll be able to sort things out just like everyone else. i got this quote from cathy guisewite that says, "in every relationship, the burden always falls on the woman to make the relationship last..." thanks for sharing and take care. good luck too. let me know the next episode. =)
@Tripod (105)
• Philippines
19 Mar 07
My best friend is going through the same situation. Your boyfriend may be a little confused (if not more insecure than you are). He has to understand that everything he does for you should be coming from his own will without having any big expectations in return. There's always that problem with "giving" and finding it's equivalent in return, which I find horribly wrong. Don't, at any point, think you have to "reciprocate" everything he does for you because for one, it might be forced and two, it's not being yourself. The biggest thing you can do for him is "appreciate" things he does for you, occassionaly you should also be a giver but not to the point of overwhelming the gaps you failed to do for him. Things should come from you, be yourself.
• Philippines
19 Mar 07
lol. thanks tripod. you go girl! yeah, i kind of thought that if i give out something that's not from my heart, it;s like doing it because "i'm obligated" which most likely, not right at all. salamat. =)i really need that legal advice. take care
• India
19 Mar 07
when we think our relation as insecure....!!! so never think that our relation is insecure...if you had some quarrel it is the part of come to closer...and make relation more healthy..think like so...!!
• Philippines
19 Mar 07
lo. yep. that's what my mom told me last night. fights are the spicies in relationship. thanks for dropping by ravin. take care. =)
@RobinJ (2501)
• Canada
19 Mar 07
To me this comes across as a very odd statement, Did he make the sacrifices on his own or did you ask hi to do this for you. Because if he has done this on his own and you didn't ask him why would you feel that you owed him or even needed to repay him If what he has done is appreciated than say so, but you do not owe anything to him he choose to do this. And if he is making you feel inadequate this is a control issue. and perhaps he is doing this so that you will feel obligated to stay with him. or do something that you would not normally do. Please think about where this is leading, what you have described is not right, and you need to take a real close look at his motives,
• Philippines
19 Mar 07
yes he did make the sacrifices on his own and he's no using it against me. i just feel insecure coz i may not give him more than i could have. he has done a lot and i have this yearning of trying to give him the same which is i cant. and that what makes me feel inadequate. really insecure. i hope you understand on what im trying to say. lol. i know too that io dont have to repay him coz he's not even asking anything in return except to love him more (i melted when he told me this). lol. i know i need to be myself too and focus on the things that is needed to make this relationship work. lol. i hope eventually, i'll get over this or else, im screwed. nah. =) thank you very much robin. i love you already. =) take care always... =)
1 person likes this
@joy1982 (226)
• Philippines
19 Mar 07
well it has to be give and take relationship so your boyfriend can feel that he is special for you and your doing those things for him..thats very important.. right now i dont have any insecurities i a relationship..
• Philippines
19 Mar 07
hello joy. thanks for sharing. yes. i am keeping that in mind. the give and take in a relationship rule. lol. more power to you and to your lovey dovey. take care always. =)
@kurtbiewald (2629)
• United States
19 Mar 07
just be yourself I think presumably thats why he likes you for who you really are don't worry about it, be real, be honest with yourself and him maybe he was bored or something, maybe he loves you anyway, just try to be happy, keep expectations there yet in check one step at a time, I guessing you get at least a VERY close friend, maybe a whole lot more
• Philippines
19 Mar 07
see what i mean? all of you here are giving me the best advices. yes, one step at a time. im in no hurry too in making things happen for him and for us. =) thanks very much kurt. i hope to be his bestfriend too. =)
• United States
19 Mar 07
its too bad that you feel this way. is he the one that is making you feel this way, or is it just you? the reason i ask is becuase if he is one making you feel guilty, this isnt good. this means that he is always going to use it against you, and no matter what you do, he will continue to use it against you. that isnt the way relationships work. now, if its just the way YOU feel, dont worry, the longer the relationship continues, and the more you do for him, the more you are going to reason with yourself that you have made up for how he has helped you. speaking from experience here. my husband (boyfriend of only 1 year at the time) payed my college tuition when my dad decided to get up and leave one day. i was already into my 3rd(?) year, i didnt want to quit now. i didnt even ask my bf to pay for it, he just did. he never ever brought it up or used it against me. we moved in together, and i started giving him the best i could...by having dinner made, house clean, good grades (lol), clothes done, his freedom to be with the guys.... anything that i thought he would appreciate. i then started working, and we combined our money together. i never questioned when he wanted to buy new shoes, jerseys, video systems, and he didnt question my purchases, but i kept mine to a minimum for a while. this in MY mind, was the way he was getting paid back. 8 years later, we are married and i am giving him "the best gifts he has ever received" (his words)...his babies. so yes, i think we are even now. btw. my insecurities in the relationship right now... that i am huge and unattractive -im 9 months preggo with #2. and that he sees me as lazy and slow right now :( i hope to be a MILF once baby is out. LOLOLOLOL.
• Philippines
19 Mar 07
wow! a big congratulations to you. dont worry, rest assured, he's not using it against me. he brought it up during our misunderstanding coz he wants me to absorb how worthy i am of him... still i dont get it you know.. lol. i get to ask questions from time to time and i know the problem is with me. i always feel insecure about it and i know eventually, i'll get over this and do what you have adviced. give him all i have. appreciate him and everything. lol. so you're an american pie fan huh? LOL. more power to you and i know you're always irresistible to your hubby coz you are the queen of his life. go girl! good luck and do take care. let me know once the baby is out. lol.
• United States
18 Mar 07
I'm sure you have done this before, but tell him you really appreciate whatever it is he has done for you. Then do whatever you can in return. Beyond that... A relationship built on a "power differential" (you give him power over you because he made this sacrifice for you) is bound to fail. He either accepts you for who you are or he does not. Be yourself and let that be enough. Good luck.
• Philippines
19 Mar 07
lol. thanks benny. actually, it's the other way around. i have power over him. lol. but it's not about power. sometimes, i dont know what to do. you know... on what i can give and what i cant give. but really paul, thanks for the legal advice. somehow, i feel so light. =) take care. and thanks for sharing.