Domestic Abuse or Sleep Disorder?

Well the first thing I'd suggest is not "messing" with him while he's asleep. How many times does she have to get hit & cussed out before she stops? No, I don't think it's abuse. But he definitely needs to have a sleep study done. I had an ex that had very violent dreams. I have a son that sleep walks. My BF's ex husband used to GET UP in the middle of the night and act out his dreams. I don't think it's so drastic that she needs to leave him if he's "normal" during the day. But maybe she should consider separate beds until he has the sleep study.

I've heard stories about this. I forgot what it's called but it's definately a sleep disorder. You should tell your friend to take him to a specialist.

I think they should talk to the doctor about it and see what the problem is. It isn't right that he is hitting her even if it is in his sleep.

Unmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm !!!!!! wats this ? lol damn this guy is different in Sleeping time and Different in aWake time ???? well i think he is showin his real nature in the night time lol :-p neways ... try to talk to him nicely say him what he does in the night try to convience him and ask whether he is really tht person ? in real life and hiddin it in the day time ? if he gets angry and shows wat he did in night ........ than ask ur friend to immediately leave him ..... he is not with good attitude / behaviors etc etc neways Alll the best !!!!!!

I wouldn't go as far as calling it domestic abuse but it definitely is disturbing. Maybe her boyfriend gets easily irritated when he's disturb while sleeping and that his natural reaction was to shoo away what was bothering him without even waking up. Or maybe its a reflex thing. Like me if something that felt like an insect would suddenly crawl on me asleep or not, my immediate reaction was to jerk violently to brush the thing off. Maybe its the same for her boyfriend. The solution is simple, get a bigger bed or don't share at all... at least only while sleeping..., of course.

weird go see some docs read some books if he gets violent without meaning to in the night, maybe get twin beds

I think it could be both. many time abuse is subconscious anyways, so why is it differnt if the person is asleep. The fact that he only hits her when she wakes him up is really weird. My husband is a very thrashy sleeper and I end up getting hit or kicked just about every night, but this is part of his sleeping habits. I don't like it, I don't accept it and we have been tot he doctors multiple times to help figure out what is going on. He ended up having a deviated septum that was causing him to thrash. But I think my situation, which was a sleep disorder, is different thatn your friends. Regardless of the situation, it is never okay to repeatedly be abused. Just because he doesn't remember doing it, doesn't make it any less important. It hink he defiantely should go to the doctors. If he really loves your friend then he would feel guilty about doing this, and want to get help so he could stop. Until he figures out what is going on and does something to stop it, she might try sleeping somewhere else. I know have spent my fair share of time on the couch until we figured out what was going on and how to treat it. I don't think that she should leave him, unless she doens't love him. but it sounds like she loves him, so they should take whatever steps are necessary to solve this problem. I bet there is some sort of deep subconscious issue that is causing him to lash out at her like that. Until he figures out what that is, then it will continue. My advice is definately to go to therapy. Since there is verbal abuse as well as physical, I would guess that it is a phsycological issue and not physical like my husband's was.

no matter what his excuse is, he is abusive, unless he has justcome back from a war zone or is on very heavy sedatives. He is a selfish pig who was pretending to be asleep so he could beat thecrap out of her with impunity, she should get out of his life as soon as possible. And he should get to a shrink and get help.

My step-dad is a Viet Nam vet and he once started choking my mother in his sleep because of his 'flashback' dreams. He woke up right after he had put his hands on her neck, so she wasn't hurt or anything, but it definitely scared her! Imagine being woken up like that! He felt terrible, explained the dream, and they went back to sleep. I do not think he intends violence towards her, otherwise he would be that way during his waking hours as well... I think the sleep study suggestion is a good one, as well as the suggestion that she tries not to disturb him in his sleep. If my partner was known to flip out in the middle of the night, I'd just get up and find myself another blanket! I don't think it's domestic abuse, though... I have elbowed my husband in my sleep, or said things I didn't remember later... If she's really concerned though, and if he ever truly hurts her she should insist he see a doctor.

Abuse is abuse. no matter what form it comes in. and Yes she should leave, he could strangle her , and yes he needs therapy. There is some thing so very wrong with this man, conscious or not he is a big danger to her

Strange! I think it might also be a unconscious reaction that he has towards her but only comes out when hes asleep. Maybe. It's also a bit like drinking, people say that you are most honest when you are drunk and you have the ability to say what you mean when your drunk that you cant say while your sober.

I think it could be a combination of things. I'll share my story to explain. My ex-hubby had a very physically demanding and stressful job. He worked on the "kill floor" of a meat packing plant. The animals got to him within 10 minutes of being killed. He started off the same way as your friend's bf. Pushing, shoving, occasionally hitting in his sleep. Once I woke up to him punching the wall and yelling about how he had to stop the line because someone was hurt (a stop button for emergencies was on the wall near his work station). Soon his aggression at night began affecting his daytime behavior. His job was still hard on him. The lack of quality sleep left him more irritable. The strain this was placing on our marriage made everything even worse. By the time we separated, he would lash out if I just bumped his chair while he was sleeping or if a noise startled him. Six years later and a lot wiser we now know he was suffering from a traumatic stress disorder caused by the nature of his job. He also had/has sleep apnea which further disturbed his sleep. The fatigue caused him to try "energy pills" to get him through the day, these enhanced his aggression. It was really a vicious cycle, we figured out too late how to stop it. My advice to your friend is: #1- leave him alone while he's sleeping #2- consider what could be causing stress #3- have him talk to his doctor or a counselor #4- arrange separate sleeping arrangements for now, a bigger bed won't make a difference we had a king size #5- find a relaxing, calming activity to do every night before bed #6- (and this is more important than it might sound) don't discuss his night time behavior with him constantly, It will only upset him and stress him out more which will perpetuate the cycle.

It is probably a sleep disorder and if he is happy to go and have sleep tests done that will confirm it.If he refuses to have the sleep tests done then it probably isn't a sleep disorder! I sleep walk and occasionally lash out at my boyfriend whilst asleep and never know it has happened either, luckily it doesn't happen very happen and I'm not that big, but it's still a lot for him to put up with.

Wow, that is a crazy situation! I don't think this is abuse. He does need to speak to a doctor because there are sleep disorders that can cause violent outbursts. I won't list them here because I am not a licenced psychologist and wouldn't want to give the wrong interpretation, but deffenantly have him checked out.

Well let me tell you....I do the same thing in my sleep.I have kicked,hit and even got verbal with my boyfriend before and in the morning I can't remember ever having done that. My best advice for your friend is.....leave him alone when he's sleeping. I have no idea what causes this or if there is a way to fix it.I f she is really concerned with it....she may ask him to go see a doctor.

difficult one. only she can judge it really. none of us could say what is right without being her, and knowing exacly what happened. my boyfriend suffers from night terrors. he sometimes "wakes up" screaming and flailing and sometimes stares at me, shouting for help. it can be quite frightening. on one occasion, being woken by this, I leaned over and tried to hold him still, and was thumped on the nose, giving me a nosebleed. I got up to pick up some of the things he'd kicked across the floor, and he sat up in bed and started having a go at me. the thing is, I beleive he was genuinely asleep throughout the entire thing. you can tell. even with the eyes open, they're not properly focused. he remembers nothing of this particular incident, as it didn't wake him. he's an extremely sweet man, adores me and takes good care of me. so I know that none of this was intentional or even an expression of something subconscious. he just has a sleeping disorder. so, no real advice there. just that it may be completely genuine. she's the only one that knows for sure. things like what and when you eat or drink can effect it.

He gets probably possessed by some other entity while a sleep and she is probably a female.

Yes, send him to a doctor, doesn't sound like he means to do this but I have heard of this kind of thing before. He isn't the only one but he needs some help before it gets out of control.

after reading what i fealt is that your friendds friend surely require medical help, but what i think would be more sure shot is that if your friend can have a common ground with her boyfriend, as i feel that his probliem lies in his stressed mind. still if there is any help required please feel free to ask.

Hi, i think its a kind of a sleep disorder. I have also a friend like yours and im pretty sure that he's into a somelike-disorder. We observe him while he sleeps (because most of our friends even his relatives, noticed that kind of act during his sleep)as he moves from left to right we have noticed that he is dreaming. He keeps on saying words from time to time and moves his eyeballs frequenty. Also his do some punching and kicking - like that of what the sport he like - kick boxing. He is 24 yrs old, wrking at a callcenter, and he is healthy. As we consulted this on a doctor near us, he said that our friend is having a nighmare and we have to wake him up if we saw him again acting the that thing. In your friend's situation, i suggest that they must see a psychologist or anyone in profession who understands that kind of behavior. Don't let her leave him coz it might affect the guys situation.