should you make friends with your lover's ex?
By ayesha25
@ayesha25 (91)
Philippines
March 23, 2007 12:43am CST
well, i've got a boyfriend of three years. and just recently, her ex-gf (which whom he had a child) called him up and told him that she's back from malaysia after she got a divorced from his husband and asked him if they could meet inorder for him to see the kid. so he did, and according to his story, they had a wonderful time together. now, the girl still calls him and texts him even if it has nothing to do with the child. one time, the girl asked him if she could come over to our house because she wants to see our baby. she asked if im going to allow her and i said NO. im not yet ready to meet her and i dont know what were going to talk about. and i dont have any plans of adding her on my friends list as well, but i wont make her an enemy as well.. LOL i HATE also the fact that he bugs my bf for no important reasons.. but i want to meet the child someday. well, JUST THE CHILD..
so if you were in my place, would you make friends with your lover's ex? or am i doing the right thing?
6 people like this
17 responses
@skunal007 (68)
• Australia
12 Apr 07
If you are a persian what would you think sawing 300? You have a flamboyant, gross, but want to conquer the world type of king. And you are a bunch of loser who only being used by him and even make your body not human again. Is it me or is there a very very hiperbolic image of the persian, that very very not suitable for historical movies?
@tammyr (5946)
• Etowah, Tennessee
16 Apr 07
This user has copied your topic and posted it over and over. Here are just a few:
http://www.mylot.com/w/discussions/944388.aspx?p=2
http://www.mylot.com/w/discussions/934739.aspx?p=2
http://www.mylot.com/w/discussions/937418.aspx
http://www.mylot.com/w/discussions/937703.aspx
http://www.mylot.com/w/discussions/941846.aspx
These are the only ones I have found, I am sure there more. Please find them and report them as well as this one here which was copied from here:
http://www.mylot.com/w/discussions/941846.aspx
@maryannemax (12156)
• Sweden
24 Apr 07
i don't wanna be a hypocrite and so, i will honestly answer this discussion.. and i say NO, i won't make friends with any ex of my boyfriend. no matter if people say she's nice and so and so. i still prefer not to meet her and include her in my friends' list. and i will totally feel bad if my boyfriend will still meet her and stay close friends with her. it's a total insult in my part.
happy myLotting!
@Marie2473 (8512)
• Sweden
24 Apr 07
I would want to meet her. I tried so hard with the ex of my ex. They had 2 kids together and i was like an extra-mom to those kids, and I thought that it was important for us to atleast be civil with eachother - however she did not want to have anythuing at all to do with me... and in the end - all that got hurt was the children..
Even if it is hard, her babie is your babies sibling and it is not fair to keep them separated from eachother.
Maybe you can start by meeting somewhere else, maybe have a cup of coffie or so imn a cafe =)
@Shaun72 (15959)
• Palatka, Florida
23 Mar 07
I can't say that I blame you. My ex husband's new wife wants to be friends with me. They are now having problems . I am sorry that they are having problems but I don't want anything to do with her or him. So i understand where you are coming from.
@hopefoo (1145)
• Malaysia
23 Mar 07
I hear ya on that. Dear God, I hope my bf doesn't have a child that I don't know about but I hate meeting is exes. I mean, I put up a good front and all and be nice but inside I'm just seething. Why do I dislike her? Because she hurt him and left him for someone else and yet he can still forgive her and be friends. Me, I tend to hold grudges. I guess my bf is a much better person than I am.
@ayesha25 (91)
• Philippines
23 Mar 07
oh dear, i dislike her gf too for the same reasons.. and i also hate my bf for that. that's why i dont wanna meet up with his ex-gf because i dont want to put up a good front.. im a kind of person with no pretentions and i always say whats on my mind..
@rsa101 (37968)
• Philippines
29 Mar 07
I guess you're right in there. I suspect there's a hidden agenda behind her being that close to your BF again. I hope my suspicions aren't valid at all. Although she shows that her only agenda is to meet his son. You better watch over your BF too since men tends to cling to women who runs around him.
@ethanmama (1745)
• Philippines
10 Apr 07
I totally understand where you are coming from. You are not in any way obligated to be friends with your boyfriend's ex girlfriend, but the fact that they have a child makes him tied to her, so you will have to accept that too. That being said, it pretty much is up to you. But if I were you, I would prefer that I know about weird "goings on" rather than not knowing...if you get my drift. :)
Good luck!
@glenry86 (211)
• Australia
29 Mar 07
yeah i can understand where your coming from, i would be very careful about your lovers ex if she is ring for no reason its just sounds like she is trying to win him back, but as long as you trust you partner there should be a problem, one day you may feel comfortable meetin her lovers ex but in the mean time forget about it, your not ready.
@Zelmarq (12585)
• Cebu City, Philippines
10 Apr 07
Well, its really a great advantage on my part since i am the first girlfriend of my boyfriend so it saves me from the ordeal of dealing with ex' s and the like. I also dont have an ex so we are both free from the worries of being compared with or pasts since we dont really have ex's to begin with. I dont even know how to deal with it if I was given the issue of being able to mingle with them. I guess if I have to be exposed to that kind of situation I dont see any problem with ex's, I guess its a matter of having a good mindset about such things andd be nice to ex's. if its really inevitable to mingle with them so be it. I dont see any reason to be bitter or insecure about them. I am the present and the past is past and let things be the way they are, it does not have to be complicated.
@himalayandeath (60)
• Nepal
29 Mar 07
Of coure i would make friends with my lover's ex, not a problem to be. I'll be normal.
@maucute (979)
• Philippines
3 Apr 07
I really don't want to get into this situation, I'm glad that there's nothing like this with my bf.. This is really scaring me too much, honestly no matter how much I trust my bf I know he could resist but I'm thinking what if the girl is the one who keep on following him around.. If I'm in your place with that situation, I would think twice about meeting her if I'm that ready like you, I know you're right in your own way because you have your reasons. And I know that they should also understand this situation because the girl is his ex plus there's a kid involve..
@3r7sweetie (937)
• Philippines
29 Mar 07
It would basically depend on the situation. I always like to befriend the exes of my bf before, even until now that he is my husband. I want to know these girls that he has a past with and want to be friends with them. But if doing so would endanger our relationship, like he and his ex seemingly have an inclination to get back together, then I'd rather not. I would understand if you'd think ill of your bf inviting his ex. I'd understand if you'd get jealous. You have a right to. You never know what might happen, right? But I think if you should try to befriend her, the better, because by then, you'll be able to calculate their intimacy to each other as friends, and you'll be aware of their actions.
@JuliaPan (564)
• Canada
29 Mar 07
No, never. Your boyfriend and his ex have got mutual memories, jokes, mutual past after all. I personally wouldn't like to listen to these remembrancies and pretend it's also interesting for me. It is not. I'm jealous I know. May be too jealous. But for the sake of our marriage, I would never maintain friendly relations with my husband's ex. Not because I don't trust him - no, he's the most honest and decent person I've ever met. But I know myself - I would be too nervous about that.
@seamonkey (1976)
• Ireland
26 Mar 07
I have been ther eand done that and wish I hadn't bothered. You can tell when they just can't let go and when it really is about maintaining contact with the kid. It's just a completely different vibe.
If I were you I would have no problem with the child being around, and would be civil to the ex, but I wouldn't waste my time becoming friends. You are always going to see things from opposite sides of the fence. Better to discuss your private life with anyone BUT her.
