Are you an "abused" parent?
@hockeygal4ever (10021)
United States
March 23, 2007 11:25am CST
I'm not seriously using the term "abused" as in physically or mentally abused but more so in the fact that you are the parent and always provide for the kids first.
My sister cannot fathom NOT being the one to get new clothes, new shoes, new makeup, etc. And yes she has 2 boys. I find it appalling that she can go out, buy herself new shoes and new outfits and ignore what the kids need sometimes.
I for one don't have any of the newest gadgets. I don't even own a cd player anymore because my son confiscated mine years ago. LOL I am always the one that has no winter boots, but my kids have theirs. I have no winter coat but the kids are warm. If I can afford one after all the bills are paid and all the other things are purchased then I get one and believe me when I say I am not a deprived person by any means. I have MUCH more then many have and I know it.
I just wonder how many other parents take the approach that I do and do without so their kids can have or do you try to spread the wealth evenly? Do you think a happy parent makes a good parent and therefore make sure you have things to make you happy?
5 people like this
9 responses
@cjsmom (1423)
• United States
23 Mar 07
I'll tell you what...I need a few new bras and undergarments; my bras are basically ripped to shreds, and don't even get me started about the other...LOL - CJ comes first and foremost in my life. He gets what he needs at all times and even things he really doesn't; things that he may want.
I mentioned to my husband that I would like to have a few items and he's told me to go ahead but I can't take CJ into dressing room with me to try on bras! I don't even remember what size I am; it's been that long.
We go to Walmart as a family once or twice a week and I always plan to try some on as they go throughout the store but don't, because it takes me an hour just to find where they are when I'm finished.
I have a pair of walkie-talkies that I want to use but hubby refuses as it's embarrasing...aargh! I'll get there someday.
3 people like this
@hockeygal4ever (10021)
• United States
23 Mar 07
LOL.... I have a severe sagging issue myself. Perhaps we should meet up halfway.. I'll watch your kid... you just tell me it's time for me to spend a couple bucks on ME! LOL
1 person likes this
@blueyes (56)
• Canada
23 Mar 07
hi, well i am a mom of 4 kids. the last time i bought myself something is because i was headed in the hospital for surgiry. My kids gets everything including my last few cents. I make sure my kids get everything that they need. They are not spoiled. Just provided for. My kids will never go hungry and never go without winter clothing. The last time i had winter boots my father bought them for me. My winter coat was given to me this yr by a friend of mine.I think if u want to be happy its the way you make life.
2 people like this
@4monsters4me (2569)
• United States
23 Mar 07
That is how we are. Me and my husband rarely spend money on ourselves. I just went out and bought new shoes for all the girls (we have 3 of them--6, 4 and almost 1 years old). I am still wearing the same pair of shoes I bought right after I had my 4 year old. They are falling apart but every time I go to replace them I realize one of the kids needs something even more. I replace their wardrobes several times before I even buy myself 1 new shirt or pair of pants.
Even when we have money and my husband tells me (ORDERS me) to go get something for myself I usually come back with stuff for the kids instead because I know they are always outgrowing what they have.
2 people like this
@missyd79 (3438)
• United States
25 Mar 07
i always go without before my son will. In fact how i usually get new clothes is by my mom buying them for me honestly. She usually buys me a couple outfits for christmas and then my birthday is in august and she buys me new clothes. So i will buy for my son before i buy for myself unless it is something i really really need. Like I remember one time I my sneakers were basically falling apart as i wore them (this was when i was working in the office at the time) my boss actually told me that i couldn't wear those shoes anymore to work. so i had to go buy new shoes, but my son has not and will not go without if i can help it.
1 person likes this
@Mickie30 (2626)
•
24 Mar 07
I love being a mum and I try to always put my daughter before me. Some things she can't have yet because she is not old enough, but I try to let her have as much or more than what my husband and I have. She is only 15 months and I have already taught her how to draw. I try to treat her as a whole person and not just a baby. I believe bringing your children up with respect and love and I talk to her just as I would to anyone else. She is a very happy little girl and I love her to bits.
1 person likes this
@Debs_place (10520)
• United States
24 Mar 07
I was definitely an abused parent- i was a hockey/soccer/swimming/golf/lacrosse/tennis/Karate Mom. Yes, he did it all and then some at sometime in his life but the above last more then a season. He was ADHD and bounced off of the walls without activity.
I had bought nothing for myself other then long underwear, if I needed something, I waited until the end of the season clearance, and usually until the end of the clearance to get maximum discount.
A few days after he enlisted, while he was still in high school, he thanked me for being there and placing him before myself for all of those years ( I was a single Mom). He told me after he left, then I could have my life back and do things I wanted to do, not just be a chauffeur.
I now wear many of the things he outgrew, he had some real nice stuff.
1 person likes this
@infobyaj36 (907)
• United States
24 Mar 07
I do beleive that a happy parent makes a good parent but not at the expense of the kids. It does not take material things to make you happy. I would exchange any material item I have just to see their cute little faces light up when they get something they think they never would. I am guilty of the same things as you. If money is tight the kids come first. I beleive that is the way it is suppose to be.
As far as your sister goes, I know exactly what your talking about because my sister-in-law is the same way. She actually went on a shopping spree for herself and told her kids she didn't have the money they needed for things. I was so upset with this and told her so. If she felt guilty at all she quickly got over it with a new outfits to fill her already full closet. I really do not understand parents with this mentality. It really upsets me.
Great topic. And you are a wonderful parent. Stay that way.
Best wishes.
1 person likes this
@soccermom (3198)
• United States
24 Mar 07
You described my household to a "T"! I literally wear hand me downs from my MIL! My kids don't get designer clothes but when they need something it is provided for them and hubby and I do without. I am abused by my own doing, I can't say "no". Need a chaperone for a field trip? I'm there. Need a soccer coach? I'm there. Help with the school fundraiser? You betcha! However, although I get exhausted, it makes me happy to see the joy it brings my kids knowing that "mom" is interested and involved. I've seen the products of parents who buy their kids everything their little hearts desire, and most of the time it's just to keep them out of the parents hai. They are not doing their kids any favors by just being a wallet. Good discussion, thanks for bring this "parental abuse" to light.
@SilPhil (267)
• Australia
24 Mar 07
My daughters needs always come before mine. We are on quite a low income, despite our several jobs, but whatever she needs is always paramount.
I need new bras, currently I only have my maternity ones that are falling to pieces. However, they are a luxury, and are somewhere on the list below formula, nappies, food, electricty, rent, and everything else.
I can understand if people are financially well off to spoil themselves, but I would never do it at the expense of my child. Her welfare is completely dependant on me, and I won't let her down!
