Getting back in the dating game

United States
April 14, 2007 2:00pm CST
I just got out of a realationship about 4 months ago, and I'm looking to start dating.There is a guy that I am crushing on at work, but I try to keep things professional.I think this guy would be a cool person to hang out with and get to know, but he seem's to be just as shy as I am.How do I approach him to get to know him after work? I don't want to make a fool of myself.He is always talking to me, and calling me sweetheart, and makes a point of letting me know he dosen't have a girlfriend.I always go for the bad boys, and this time I'm trying to do things different this time.He says he hasn't dated in a while,so I have a feeling he is just as nervous as I am to ask.Even if no realatinship comes from it. I know that he could make a good friend.Help me!!
7 people like this
12 responses
• Singapore
15 Apr 07
Hello glamrous29, I have just received an imperial summon from the Lady Princeworthy. And so, here I am, to avail you of my pitiful knowledge. I read your narration but hmm... how can he be shy if she calls you, a mere acquaintance, "sweetheart"? Is he just playing hard to get? As for asking him out, just ask. Just drop a casual suggestion - oh yea, I heard about the new movie that is premiering tonight. I tried getting my girlfriends to watch but none of them is free. Aw.. I hate to catch it alone. If this guy is at least a bit interested in him, he should be as least gentlemanly enough to take the bait, or offer a new date if he can't make it that night. Otherwise, you will need to turn on your charm more as he is not that attracted to you. Check him out during the movie. Like you said, even if he can't become your boyfriend or husband, he can perhaps make a good friend too. ^^
2 people like this
• United States
15 Apr 07
I got that same imperial summon :) LOL. I think that lordwarwizard had a really great idea. Just casually ask him to a movie or even to catch a bit to eat after work one day. You too are already talking and that is the first step. So go for it :) Don't forget to let us know though how it went.
1 person likes this
• Singapore
16 Apr 07
GnosticGoddess :P
@stephcjh (32385)
• United States
15 Apr 07
It is very nice to meet you glamrous29. I was referred here by your friend at Mylot. I have requested your friendship and I hope I canhelp you out on this discussion. I am also a very shy and backward person and I also liked someone a long time ago that I worked with. Neither of wouldlet the other one know we were interested in one another, so one day I had a co-worker tell the guy I liked them. My friend, co-worker told me that he also liked me and he asked to ask me if I would like to go out sometime. That is how we both broke the ice and began talking to one another. Using a co-worker as a go between will save you both the nervousness of approaching one another and you will be less likely to make a fool of yourself, as you say. It sounds like he is very interested in you if he is calling you sweetheart and making it a point to let you know he does nothave a grilfriend. I used to always go for the bad guys also. I bet he is just as nervous as you are. It sounds like it. I think he would make a very good friend also if no relationship becomes of it. I would have someone go and talk to him for you and see how it goes. If you get enough courage yourself, then I would approach him and tell him how you feel about wanting to get to know him. I would do it soon though before someone else steals him away.
• United States
14 Apr 07
Well you know that I have told you to ask him out! I think you could also give him your phone number and tell him to give you a call if he would like to come over and watch a movie some night or just hang out. I am so glad that you are moving on after that loser J.! I am proud of you for finally getting that jerk out of your life. I will leave you with one more piece of advice and don't get mad at me! Stop reading J.'s horoscope, he is a jerk and doesn't even deserve you thinking about him! Love Ya Girl!!!
2 people like this
@winterose (39931)
• Canada
15 Apr 07
I would say find out what his interests are and what yours are as well. Take in a movie together, go to a ball game, even to start just ask him out for a coffee. And let him know that you don't have a boyfriend either. This is woman's lib, you don't have to wait until the guy asks. Start as friends but the first step is to see him someplace outside of the work environment. Heck if it was me I would even give him my phone number, whether he uses it or not will pretty much tell you where if anywhere he wants this relationship to go.
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26881)
• United Kingdom
15 Apr 07
Firstly welcome to Mylot! As to your question I would definitely go for it, what have you got to lose? If he is genuine and warm then he'll let you down gently and you can still remain friends, if he gets funny about it or he suddenly goes cold, then it's his loss at the end of the day. Suggest a drink, or find out what sort of movies he likes. One girl who had a crush on me asked me what sort of films I liked and I said at the time horror and I was surprised that she loved horror too! So she said that none of her friends liked horror but wanted to see a horror film that was out at the flix so I suggested going together. If you make subtle hints or throw the ball back into his court to gauge his reaction. Wishing you the best of luck!
@mamasan34 (6522)
• United States
15 Apr 07
Honestly, this is how I have handled this type of situation in the past. I would ask him what he is doing for lunch. If you have the same lunch schedule. It is an easy way to get to know him, socially, but your still not on a "date". Then do that a few times, get to know each other, feel more comfortable, then hand him your phone number and say "if you feel like going out one night, I could sure use a night out!" or something to that effect, that way your not totally throwing yourself at him, but he knows your interested. You have left the door open for him to call and even if it doesn't turn out to be a relationship you have a new friend who is in the same situation as you and you can go out. It is obvious that he is very interested, he has been laying the groundwork! So, don't wait too long, or he is going to think your not interested. Good luck!
1 person likes this
@lecanis (16739)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
15 Apr 07
In this situation, I think a casual invitation would be best. You could even just start a conversation about restaurants you like, and then follow up with "Hey would you like to eat there after work one day?" I think it's usually pretty easy to approach people at work, because you already have something in common to talk about. Good luck!
1 person likes this
@kurtbiewald (2629)
• United States
15 Apr 07
call him ask him on a date like you said, even if it doesn't work out, you will still probably enjoy it, and its bound to be very good for self esteem
1 person likes this
@Stiffler07 (1356)
• United States
15 Apr 07
In so many words you have helped yourself ......"Even if no relationship comes from it, I know that he could make a great friend". That's it, you said it. That is your reality, so no need to fear, with that being said, go get your man:-)
1 person likes this
@stephcjh (32385)
• United States
15 Apr 07
It is very nice to meet you glamrous29. I was referred here by your friend at Mylot. I have requested your friendship and I hope I canhelp you out on this discussion. I am also a very shy and backward person and I also liked someone a long time ago that I worked with. Neither of wouldlet the other one know we were interested in one another, so one day I had a co-worker tell the guy I liked them. My friend, co-worker told me that he also liked me and he asked to ask me if I would like to go out sometime. That is how we both broke the ice and began talking to one another. Using a co-worker as a go between will save you both the nervousness of approaching one another and you will be less likely to make a fool of yourself, as you say. It sounds like he is very interested in you if he is calling you sweetheart and making it a point to let you know he does not have a grilfriend. I used to always go for the bad guys also. I bet he is just as nervous as you are. It sounds like it. I think he would make a very good friend also if no relationship becomes of it. I would have someone go and talk to him for you and see how it goes. If you get enough courage yourself, then I would approach him and tell him how you feel about wanting to get to know him. I would do it soon though before someone else steals him away.
1 person likes this
@mummymo (23709)
15 Apr 07
Hey honey - I think you should go for it - what do you have to lose at the end of the day? I met my other half this way - we were friends at work for about 6 months before we started a relationship! We have now been together for 10 years (almost!) If you feel you can't ask him out why don't you suggest going for a coffee, the cinema or a concert together as friends and see how things work out? I am sure everything will go well for you! xxx
1 person likes this
@ThulsZ (784)
• India
15 Apr 07
hey frnd,you don't have to call him in the name of dating.. just call him to stay out with you one full day.. try to get things from him and also expose your own things to him..