am i crazy, or in love, or should i give it up?

here is the scoop....i married the first real boyfirend i had at 17.. i loved him and still do... we were married for four years with two kids and then divorced, mainly because he cheated and wanted to experience other things.... fine... i was in with that although it hurt... we were divorced fot two years but talked and he wanted to get back together.... in the end, i still loved him,, but being only 24 thought i had other avenues to explore... but due to circustance,,,, wanted and needed to get back ewith him.... i still loved him... we remarried and there was another child fron him and someone else... which hurt alot... and we had anbother kid...married agian for 11 years... now, due to cheating on his part and subsequent things i did, we are again divorced .... which this time was a hard divorce..... imoved out on my own, since feb.... but again... we are now goping to bew roomates.... am i crazy? i know we both still love each other,,, but this roomate issue is too be just unspoken..... i think it will again turn out bad,,,.i need to do this because of financial issues, but need to protect myself.... i'm scared but also want to be cold hearted and remind myself not to fall or anything....any help out there?