Can a Secret Love Affair help your troubled legitimate relationship?  

Funny, I did just that, and she kept telling me, I will, believe me I will, as I dont want to divorce, and want to keep my family together, etc etc... but in the mean time she went for an hour to this guy's house, if you understand what I mean...

She wants to have her cake and to eat it to so to speak.

She's saying one thing but has not convinced herself of the fact that she is doing the exact opposite of what she is saying, nor does she realize that continuing her actions will lead to a divorce...

I think its time to back out and let her make her own bed to lie in....

Mooch

yes, I told her that, and it will be easy as she will go for 4 days to her sister in an other town, so she wont be calling me, as I really don't see what could I do further for her, and her situation.

Hi Jaichen,
her husband is too tired from overworking all the time, and this is part of the problem with them two. He is tired, getting depressed, and sleeps a lot, while she wants passion, loving, going around. She saiz, I am working also the entire day with the two kids, and the home, and whatnot, but he is pertinently tired and I need to LIVE at the fullest, and now, before I get too old to even enjoy it.
But than she adds, I dont want to divorce and have my family broken, as for the music teacher, she is in love now, but she doesnt want him as a husband or something...

Hi Danishcanadian,

What do you mean with "what kind of question is that"?
I explained the entire situation, and asked: "What would be your advice now you know everything"? And if you read what I answered to the previous posts, you'll see that I gave her as advice to cut the story and do her best to save the marriage if she wants to stay married.
And it is not me, (I have no children and live together with my partner for the last 26 years) :)

Hi Gloria, and thank you for replying :) and I agree with you, yes, she should stop with the music teacher, and forgood

Hi Cherylal,

I am not sure what exactly did you mean with your answer, but thank you for it

I agree. Cheating is a lousy way to spice up a marriage that has gone boring.

Hi Spiritwolf, yes she is kidding herself, you used the exact words I told her last night when she called with the latest news of the affair...
The problem is - her husband really loves her too much, and is maybe too forgiving. She on the other hand loves him yes but is not iin love with him anymore, and because of knowing she is everything for him, while he is not everything for her - she's kind of the boss of the situation, she's saying her husband is AFRAID that she will leave him, and she has to keep him calm with re-assuring him that she will not as she loves the family, the children and him enough to not be willing to divorce and do that to all of them - broken family. All in all - poor guy

Thank you for replying Wisedragon
Her husband is so tired because he needs to overwork. She is not working, and he has to cover all their costs, she wants a lot of things, and needs cash for concerts, and galleries, and music lessons, and sports, and her hobbies, and with what he is earning they are with not enough cash. She feels he ows her as she stoped her studies while she married him and had the children instead of going on with her studies and being able to be what she wanted to be before she met him...So, she either has to be undertsanding while he is tired to death, or she has to start earning herself, and he could take some rest and be able to keep up with her demands .... A I said also in the above replies, she feels as the boss of the situation and that he will never leave her, while being afraid - she might leave him, so she is doing whatever she likes.
I warned her that I am totally against her way of doing and that I cannot continue being the good friend of hers that I still am, if I don't agree with the way she behaves and does in life.

Hi Loolets, thank you for replying.
And her husbands is loving her, while she feels like loving him, she is not in love with him anymore. She wants to keep the family together, but what will it be worth if she continues the way she is doing now, it's beyond me. This is also why I brought it here on MyLot, while wishing to hear the opinions of others in regards. I thought, maybe I am becoming too old fashioned, but it looks like I am not, and she is the weirdo here.

Hi Pendragon, thank you for your point of vuew.
And unfortunately not, she feels like the boss, and able to do whatever she wants, because he will keep forgiving her rather than that she leaves him...

He might just hurt enough someday to leave her instaed, and her being the "boss"...well, the bigger they are the harder they fall. if she even still cares by then. I wish the husband luck.

Hi Pendragon, I told her that since she is not listening to my advice, but keeps telling me all details, that I really don't want to know anymore, is better that she goes on from here on her own. She felt bad about it, and not the right thing for a friend - me, to do, but I was firm. I told her that I really need peace for at least a week, as all of this is becoming too much for me. I also cannot look her husband in the eyes no more because I feel guilty for knowing what is going on between them, on a very intimate level, something that he doesn't even know - if you know what I mean. I will definitely never tell him, or anyone all that I know, as this is part of my character, but I need her to take her own responsabilities from now on, and make decisions and choices dictated by her own heart.

Hi Whyaskq, thank you for replying :)
When I said approximately what you've said here, she replied to me - I have given more than enough of my life to bring this family up, and am tired to always sacrifising myself for him and the kids. While I love them, I need to have a life as well, and now, not while I become an old and tired woman!

Personally, I guess she would need to learn her lesson the hard way. I am sure everyone who has a family can also enjoy life meaningfully and with a purpose. Perhaps she finds more thrill in affairs. What if she gets tired of the teacher? Go for another one? History will keep repeating until she is matured enough.. I am sure she is madly in love with her husband too before they get married.

Hi Whyaskq, and yes, she will continue with it, as long as her husband keeps tired, and sleeping, and being depressed as this is what she told me. I hope that something happens in time so that she could see what she is doing not only to him, but to all of them, as she seems blind for possible consequences right now, and feels like she is the boss of the situation, everyone depending on her, and she can do whatever she pleases...

I guess you just have to be around for her when the situation calls for it. May God Bless Her.

I will be there Whyaskq, even though I called for a "week free" of it all. It's her life, and she will do whatever is the right thing for her. Hopefully she will foresee the consequences in time...