I wanted to do so much with my life and now it's winding down
By dragon54u
@dragon54u (31633)
United States
April 19, 2008 8:28am CST
I've just turned 54. I had such high expectations for my life. I'm not denying that I've been amply blessed but I had expected so much more. I wanted to travel and see the world, be in love with a great guy, give my children educations so that they would be well-rounded.
I'm divorced from a drug addict (married 19 years), struggling to make ends meet, my kids are a mess from the divorce and I'll probably never travel more than 50 miles from the home I have right now because of financial concerns. I have very little saved for retirement because my husband insisted out house was the retirement fund, I can't seem to get a job--they hire younger people--and I can barely walk 50 yards because of arthritis and scoliosis.
Pardon my pity party, I feel kind of down today. I know I'm blessed and I have a roof over my head and plenty of food and can pay my bills. I just expected so much more from my life!
3 people like this
6 responses
@kezabelle (2974)
•
19 Apr 08
I think you have every right to feel down and unhappy with how things turned out for you I think most people would expect more from their life than that. But at 54 you do still have time to be happy only you can find something to do which will make you feel happier though it could be anything even just getting out and meeting new friends.
1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31633)
• United States
19 Apr 08
I've started going to church again after years and years. It's nice and the people are wonderful. I have issues of trust so I don't make friends easily anymore but I think that will pass as time goes on. Thanks for your words of encouragement!
@kezabelle (2974)
•
19 Apr 08
Good luck everyone deserves to be happy and im sure in time as you meet people worth of your trust you will find it easy to trust people again xxx
1 person likes this
@kriszelunka (557)
• Australia
20 Apr 08
It can be difficult at times to face the fact that things haven't turned out the way we expected, and the plans we hoped for haven't come to fruition.
There are things which pull us down, change our circumstances and prevent us from doing what we had planned.
That being said, I actually think despite the fact you are feeling down, you still have a good attitude, as you are able to acknowledge that there are people worse off than you, and that there are certain things that are good in your life.
It's true that life is what you make of it. Sometimes it can be hard, if not impossible, to be positive, but being negative doesn't solve any problems.
I do hope that in time, you are able to reach some more of your goals, and I wish you luck for the future.
1 person likes this
@mbs730 (2147)
• Canada
20 Apr 08
You are entitled to feel down! I am sorry this all happened and I think we all wish that things had turned out differently. There are plenty of things that I wish I had done differently but I can't take it back. I just have to try to make the future better. I wish I could say something more comforting but just know others are here to listen. Sometimes we have to look at our blessings but when things around us are so bleak, its hard to do.
@dragon54u (31633)
• United States
20 Apr 08
Thanks for your empathy. I'm feeling better today, it just sometimes gets to me. We begin life so hopeful and it nearly never turns out as we wished. But I do have two wonderful sons, my parents are still alive and I still have one brother left and a sister. I've made plans to attend a free concert this week and I'm sure that will cheer me up a lot.
@recycledgoth (9894)
•
19 Apr 08
From one dragon to another (check the avatar) I am facing up to 57 this year and, like you, I had a lot of expectations from life. I am now divorced, unemployed, in failing health and skint too, but I have always been a believer in life is what you make it and I have tried to always be upbeat and positive in the worst of situations.
I can relate totally to what you have said hun, but it can and often does get better, sometimes without you noticing. I was alone and struggling to cope with life but I met my partner in a chat room, purely by accident, and now we are together. Ok money is still very tight as he is on a low wage and I can't get work thanks to my age, but we are happy and if you can find just one thing to smile about every day then you are truly blessed.
The only other thing I can offer you hun is cyber hugs (hugs) and hope that your day gets better for you
@nova1945 (1612)
• United States
19 Apr 08
I think we can all relate to that feeling at times. But (at 54) you are still young. You have plenty of years left to go. Hang in there through the rough times and I promise you things will get better with time. Don't dwell on what's wrong with your life and try to be thankful for all the things that are right.
A positive attitude will help you get past the negative points.
God Bless
1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31633)
• United States
19 Apr 08
You are so right and I know it. I just cave in to negative feelings sometimes.
@paid2write (5201)
•
19 Apr 08
It is sad that you can't get a job and you suffer from those conditions, but you have also listed some of the things which have blessed your life.
Life does not come to an end with a divorce and you still have years of living ahead of you. Your life so far has not turned out as you expected, but that means your future life may also not turn out as you now expect it to.
I do hope the future will be better for you. I think you are just starting a new phase in your life and you cannot know what lies ahead. There is no harm in winding down a little. It may not last, so make the most of it.
1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31633)
• United States
19 Apr 08
The divorce was the best thing that could've happened to me, although I didn't know it at the time. I still miss him, though. He remarried less than two months after the divorce was final and is having a bad time of it.
You're right and I didn't think of that--my life may not turn out like I'm thinking right now. I'm sure it will be better but days like this are so depressing! I'm glad to have the people here at MyLot to vent to, it helps a lot. Thank you so much for your encouragement!
