Does Love Really Mean never Having to Say You are Sorry?

Angel, true love is, in my book, unconditional. Of course you are going to hurt if something precious is lost - but a material thing is just that. Love is the most precious thing that we have. Nothing transcends that to me. You may make me upset or cross, or hurt, but to me, the biggest hurt would be the inability to be honest with me. I'd have to say what I'd done, find the wrench and ask forgiveness. Seen my ring anywhere?

You just muddle through it! You woman up (or man up) choke back your pride and know that the only thing, the best thing, is a heartfelt, head hanging low, tail between your legs apology. It is all you have to hold onto and, if you aren't forgiven, you have simply done all that you can do. It is toxic to your soul not to apologize and it will eat away at you over time, even more than the potential loss and closed door. Because, if you don't own up, fess up and apologize, each and every time you see that person, your guilt will gnaw at you and your friendship will likely end up suffering anyway through lack of disclosure. So, do it! If the worst happens and the relationship ends, at least you won't have a lie or an omission, or an unsaid apology between you.

LOL Oh my goodness angel - that scenario sounds so real , has it happened to you by any chance? As for apologising I think it is very important if you know you have hurt someones feelings to apologise and love is no barrier to that, I think that when people say that if you love someone you will never hurt them but that if you do you still don't have to apologise it is just not true! I do agree that if your apology is not genuine and sincere it is worthless but I always do feel bad when I hurt someones feelings or have acted badly. I think the only way to make an important apology the best bet is to be totally honest and sincere and if that doesn't work then sometimes writing it all out and telling the person that although they are not ready to listen now, which you totally understand , you have put everything down on paper and you hope that they will read it when they are ready! I don't think anything else would work - or at least not in my experience! xxx

I would apologize and somehow try to make it up to them. Once you have admitted your fault and have tried to retify the situation, it is up to the other person to accept your apology or solution. If they cannot, then that is their problem and you hopefully someday it will get resolved.

I hardly ever say I am sorry for anything but on the other hand I feel that when someone wrongs me then need to apologize and only after they go through hell to correct their transgression will I even consider forgiving them. Talk about a double standard I know. But it isn't like I never say I am sorry I just actually have to feel bad about whatever it was I have done or I don't bother. I hurt peoples feelings all the time with my lack of tact and being as outspoken as I am. I will never say sorry for stepping on your toe because that was an accident and saying sorry isn't going to take the throbbing away. If I really like you I will get you some ice to put on it but not say I am sorry. In your scenario I would have gone from the bathroom and asked if someone had a wrench and knew how to use it and explain that while I was washing my hands I had accidentally knocked it into the sink. More than likely it would be in the drain pipe somewhere. I would try to rectify the situation as well as apologize for being clumsy. But to answer the question you asked if I have an apology to make that is more than likely going to fall on deaf ears I make it. I say what I have to say. I explain why things happened the way they did. I acknowledge that saying sorry isn't going to fix the issue and I then ask what I can do to make it right to the person I have wronged. If they say something along the lines of "nothing, you've done enough already" or get rude with me I say screw them. I did all I could and if they aren't interested in me making the situation right then I am not going to waste my time being worried about it.

Your apology may fall on deaf ears, Angel,but I think that you should make it anyway, because at some point, the recipient of the apology is going to 're-hear' it, in their mind, and probably accept it. If you feel that an apology is necessary, then go ahead and do it - you should, because it IS necessary to say, to feel, to mean and the person not hearing it deserves to have it said. This may sound a bit convoluted, but I think you probably know what I mean, Angel darling. Sometimes apologies take time to be accepted, because of the hurt involved. But they still should be said. For you and them both.

Well I have to admit I have never thought of it this way When I say sorry I will only say it if I generally mean it and I was in the wrong, I will be the first Person to apologize for being in the wrong But I guess if you look at it like with the ring, there is no sorry even though you mean it and are really upset as the ring is gone But then again the Person needs to know that it was you and that you are generally sorry that it was not a vicious act, but an admiring one and was not meant to end like this I don't know if I have put this the right way but what I mean is I would be devastated if I ever did something like this to anyone but I would own up no matter what the outcome and I would want her to know it was not suppose to happen

i do not agree completely... of course sometimes there is no need to say sorry for little things that did not do harm..... but i would say there is always a need for people, in love or not to accept if they are wrong. saying sorry is admitting you have made a mistake and is willing to accept that.. and is willing to make it up to the person you hurt. i dont care if my partner, or loved ones do not hearme out.. i will never get tired of saying sorry if i was wrong... there will come a time they will accept my apology. that is love. you never get tired.

the phrase is not true. if you love someone then you have to say sorry and on the receiving end he/she should accept the apology whatever the issue is. it is all a matter of trust and understanding.

If it were me, I'd still apologize and explain what happened. Not b/c I'd expect her to forgive and forget but b/c without telling her the truth she will go on searching and wondering. It's better she know the truth and get on with her life. Personally, I would think that if the ring were an heirloom and irreplaceable she would take alot better care of it then leaving it laying on the bathroom counter. **AT PEACE WITHIN** ~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~

Hi Angel.. if this happened to me what i would do is run to the hostess fast and explain that i saw a ring, tried it on and it slipped out of my hands down the sink with the hope it might be found in the trap..i would apologise and not let someone wonder what happened to it..more than likely the person would understand and be glad it was told before it got to far gone in the pipes then never saying until later letting them know..then i think they would be upset for making them worry so long and possibly lying if they asked if anyone saw it.

there are many things that are out of our control in this life. i think we should simply aplogize for the things we had control over and need to own up to. it is really important to say we are sorry to people if we have caused them harm or hurt feelings. it goes a long way. you are right though, this particular situation is just one of those that saying sorry would not fix.

I would have to agree w/ your discussion for you can say I'm sorry and the other person not wanting to hear it and be all mean about the situation. I personally would have confessed it was me that lost the ring knowing how mad they would be and said "yes I saw your ring while washing my hands it was laying on the counter and I picked it up to look at it and it slipped out of my hands down into the drain pipe I tried to save it but couldn't grab it in time Let me ask if we can open the drain pipe and see if it's at the bottom of the curve part of the pipe I am sorry this has happend." They may or may not bilieve me that I would do this but I would do it for I was the one who did lose it and would take responsability in my actions and want to fix the problem. I wouldn't expect them to even forgive me for what I have done but as long as they got their nonreplaceable ring back if reachable that's all I would care about.

for me, sorry is something a person should mean from the heart... and yes, it might be futile but inside you, being sorry and explaining to the person, you've done your part by humbly admitting what you've done wrong... it might take some time but it will probably sink in

I truly believe that an apology is more for the person giving it, then the one receiving it. If I have done something that hurt someone I love for example, I would apologize. That apology may fall on deaf ears, but it really isn't for them. The apology is for me. The apology is so that I know I have done everything I could to rectify the situation. Maybe the apology fell on deaf ears, but if that person truly cares for me, then they will remember my sincere apology. I don't belive in apologizing just for the sake of apologizing. I think the word "sorry" should only be used when we truly mean it. Unfortunately it gets tossed around liberally like the word "love" nd has truly lost it's genuine meaning and feeling behind it.

Hello Angel!:-) In my off-line life, whenever I go to someone's house, I do not touch anything without permission. If I have an open permission to touch something, I limit myself to it and don't expand my limits. So, the said scenario is totally hypothetical for me. If I were in that situation, I'll tell the owner/hostess the first chance I get. I'll explain how it happened and that I never wished it to drop like this. I would offer a sincere apology and I'll also tell them that I'll do whatever I can to find it. I'll go open the pipes, dirty my hands and will try my utmost to search it and give it back to the hostess. My actions will be enough to tell them that I am really sorry. But, you have a point that this loss can't be repaired if they really lose their ring, given that it is irreplaceable, the damage has already been done. My saying sorry may fall on deaf ears but it is important for ME to say sorry and mean it. That's where I see that sorry isn't useless even if there is no apparent change. Saying sorry will cause me to grow as a human...by realizing my fault, apologizing for it, meaning it, and vowing to never do it again, I would have learned a lesson and would have restored, or perhaps progressed, a part of my humanity. I would learn that being careful in dealing with things is essential not to be sorry again. So, even if the other person doesn't forgive me, by being sincerely sorry, I have learned a valuable lesson of life that will save me from doing any such wrong again. There are two issues here, the fact that an irreplaceable ring is lost and second that I crossed my limits. So, other person's forgiveness may depend on what actually they took offense to, the 'loss of object' or the 'act'. I believe when I have done my part, they will somehow and at some point in time will think about it...their ring, the circumstances and my apology and if they are gracious and loving, I believe they will forgive me even if after taking some time. Another issue here is, and another responder mentioned it too, that if they really cared for the ring, they would never put it in open like that, vulnerable to such a fate. This wouldn't make my act any less offensive/careless but their act also shows their lack of care for the said object. If it were me being offended and if it's about an object, although the object can't be replaced or brought back and I'll feel loss given it's special importance and value to me, I'll forgive the person immediately if I had the feeling that they are truly sorry. If they aren't truly sorry, I'll feel bitterness but wouldn't still make it a huge issue. It has happened to me on few occasions already where some specials one's gift or something having special value to me was broken or lost by someone's carelessness. If, however, it's about values that are attacked that I hold dear, it wouldn't be easy for me to forgive, I'll forgive eventually though, if the offense is directed just towards me. It also happened to me recently, right here on this site. Someone abused me excessively, verbally, in a very vulgar and inappropriate way, my 'trust' was broken and I was hurt because of this 'act' of breaking trust, but I let it go after telling them what I regret, and didn't even delete them from my list considering that they are emotional and were not in their right mind. But then, after a couple of days or so, I saw that they are indulging themselves in very vulgar verbal abuse against some women even to the point of verbally rapingg them. That's where I turned the tap off.

If I were to be the person who made the mistake, I would apologize sincerely to the hostess and then volunteer her to buy the ring lost. Like where could I possibly get the closest design to the ring or something. Good discussion here. But I think that if someone has said sorry from the bottom of the heart, then at least if I were to be the one losing the ring, I would at least feel slightly better. And it would be partly my fault for being careless and putting the ring there in the first place.

Well paint us into an impossible corner why don't ya Angel! LOL But I get your point. In my experience, the person making the apology has to really mean it when they give it. After that it's really up to the recipient isn't it? Sometimes the apology will be accepted, but if it's not, the only thing the giver can do from that point on is keep the door open for a reapproachment by the other party. If we held ourselves and everyone else hostage to every unresolved apology, grievance or other wrongs the entire world would go postal and we'd wipe each other out in a heartbeat. Without forgiveness and the offering of it without the expectation, need or demand for acceptance we are uncivilized indeed. The petty we will always have with us. That's a given. It is up to the rest of us to rise above such behaviours and keep our perceptions in perspective. Not an easy task, but doable if we operate from pure motives and not selfish ones.

hi in the case of the ring you told us about thereis an easy way. the person who accidentally dropped the ring andit went into the pipe. She can confess and ask to borrow a wrench and open the trap under the sink. Put her dainty hand in and grab the ring and hand it to the angry owner. She recovers her ringand hersense of humor too. If I have done something accidentally that upsets my friend first I will try to undo my accident then my apology will more likely be pleasantly received.

Well, if I was in the mentioned situation I would most likely right after it slipped away I would have started asking around at the party if anyone had lost a ring. After all, and this might be an omission of truth, but since it was on the sink I would have just said it slipped into the sink. AFter all you had not expected a ring to be on the vanity. And as far as the apology part and how people take it. Well, you are right an apology does not mena a thing if there is no feeling behind it. But accidents happen and sure they might be mad, but in no situation in life will an apology completely make a situation right again. It is something that needs to said yes, but it will never make something/someone whole again. Because you cannot go back and change what has happened. It's a lesson in life as any other mistake is. But I would rather a person own up and tell me the truth than to hide behind a lie which will eventually hurt the relationship and the person who is lied to even more. It is true that it is always harder to take the high road, but in the end when you look back down that road you see your path is clear of debris. And don't think that your words fall on deaf ears, the point is that you said it. You are doing the right thing by admitting a wrong or accident.