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myLot reputation of 98/100. mayka123 (1533)   ranked 184 out of 5,729 in family3 months ago

For me the defination of family is:
FATHER
AND
MOTHER
I
LOVE
YOY

In India it is a tradition that the elder son always stays with the parents. Very often all the sons stay with the parents but in some cases the younger sons take seperate houses and it is the duty of the eldest son to look after the parents. Nowadays we see that the sons and in some cases the daughter-in-laws find the presence of the parents in the house a hindrance. I had been brought up by my foster parents because my father died when I was just six months old. I did not feel the loss of my parent because I got all the love from my foster parents. My husband expired when my daughter was just 8 years old. And I have always felt sorry for her because she has missed out on the love and affection of a father in her growing years. What about all you mylotters. What is the tradition followed in your house/state/country. Are your parents living with you? If not why? And you parents who have grown up kids - are your kids with you or living seperately.

 
 
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nupats (1352) response was accepted on 8/20/2008.
denotes best response.
tags:  family, parents, father, mother, complete family
 
1. myLot reputation of 93/100. nupats (1352)   ranked 211 out of 5,729 in family   3 months ago

Yes dear i fully agre in our country still kids are responsible to take care of their aging parents but this is also dying tradition...i see my own grandmother she has 7 children all are well settled 4 daughters and 3 sons..she is 96 years old...my uncle left my bedridden grandmother alone in the village and went away on a vacation without giving a thought about her well being or making any other alternate arrangement all the children have retired and my dad is the only one still working his last two years before he retires from his job...surprisingly someone was needed to go and look after the mother all daughters and sons refused to take her and said put her in old age home my dad was very furious took leave flew down hired an ambulance and got her home and now my mom and dad look after her everyday....so you see we can consider ourselves lucky if our children look after us when we are old..


myLot reputation of 98/100. mayka123 (1533)   ranked 184 out of 5,729 in family  3 months ago

It is really sad to see this old tradition dying. It so nice for the grand children to be having the grand parents to look after them and teach them. Its nice that your parents are looking after your grand mother. How is she now? And yes I would really consider myself lucky if my kids look after me when I am old...


myLot reputation of 93/100. nupats (1352)   ranked 211 out of 5,729 in family  3 months ago

hi dear my grandmother is 96 years old..


myLot reputation of 98/100. mayka123 (1533)   ranked 184 out of 5,729 in family  3 months ago

Hi nupats,
Hope your grandmother is well.

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2. myLot reputation of 98/100. roshand8 (530)   ranked 1,125 out of 5,729 in family   3 months ago

My parents want us to carry on a separate life after marriage,My parents also lived like that but,always took care of my grand parents too,they often went to see them and we have a happy big family.My parents just love to be alone and spend their time relaxing,They consider husband and wife as a another family so does my grand parents.I know some families live together with their brothers and sisters and having many problems in their families.cheers.. lol


myLot reputation of 98/100. mayka123 (1533)   ranked 184 out of 5,729 in family  3 months ago

While it is good for the kids to carry on with their own lives it is difficult for a single parent to be living alone after the kids marry and seperate. While my husband was living I lived with my inlaws and did not have any problems there. Due to his business we had to go to another city and settle and I really missed them a lot.

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3. myLot reputation of 73/100. everlasting (10037)   ranked 754 out of 5,729 in family   3 months ago

There are times when one parent is enough for the kids to live normally. I have seen kids who are more cared for while they are in orphanages. It is very ideal to see kids with both their parents but there are also times when this is not possible.


myLot reputation of 98/100. mayka123 (1533)   ranked 184 out of 5,729 in family  3 months ago

It may be normal for one parent to look after the kids but that one parent has to work for a living so there is not one else to keep an eye on what is happening at home. And then the single parent has to do everything on their own and it gets difficult without help. When it is a joint family or the extended family living close by then the case may be different.

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4. myLot reputation of 78/100. ANTIQUELADY (2562)   ranked 719 out of 5,729 in family   3 months ago

seems like everybody here can't wait to leave their parents home. i know i could't.i think they were as glad as me for me to leave. inever did get along w/them that well. they were not happy w/each other & my sister & i paid for that.i married young just toget away from them.my mother is gone now but our relstioship never did improve that much.my dad is still living & is in bad healt,i am not close to him either. i would have doneforeither of thembut mother didn't want me to.she latched on to my older sonbecause i never did please her w/anything i did.my dad had a son by another marriage so he never needed me either. just the way things go.


myLot reputation of 98/100. mayka123 (1533)   ranked 184 out of 5,729 in family  3 months ago

Sorry to hear that your parents were not too attached to you. I have been brought up by my foster parents who are no more. My mother lives very close to me but she has never shown any love or affection so we hardly ever meet each other. As you say...just the way things go....


myLot reputation of 78/100. ANTIQUELADY (2562)   ranked 719 out of 5,729 in family  3 months ago

well, i truly sorry that your mother treats u that way. i don't understand people doing that to their children. one thing i was determined to be ws a good mom & i never wanted my sons to doubt that they wern't loved.it's not a good feeling.good luck to you& remeber what goes around comesaround & one day your mother will need you.


myLot reputation of 98/100. mayka123 (1533)   ranked 184 out of 5,729 in family  3 months ago

Sorry for the delayed response. I guess should just wait and hope that our relationship does improve.

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5. myLot reputation of 89/100. dpk262006 (5587)   ranked 137 out of 5,729 in family   3 months ago

As far as first part of your discussion is concerned, I completely buy your arguments. It generally happens that if there are more than two brothers, parents stay with either of them and their respective daughters-in-law does not appreicate it. People are becoming self-centred and do not want to be disturbed by the presence of elderly in-laws. They prefer nuclear families and they forget what are the benefits of staying in a Joint family with in-laws or parents. They forget that one day they would also grow old and when their sons and daughters-in-law would part company with them, how would they feel. Compassion is dying down slowly but steadily for old and elderly people, which is very sorry state of affairs.
I am really sorry to note that you lost your husband when your daughter was just 8 years old. Hopefully, God would have given you enough strength and courage to come out of the irrepairable loss.


myLot reputation of 98/100. mayka123 (1533)   ranked 184 out of 5,729 in family  3 months ago

I completely agree with you that compassion is slowly dying down. Nowadays we find more and more old parents living on old-age homes. I just dont know how I have managed these 8 years and where I got the strength to cope.


myLot reputation of 89/100. dpk262006 (5587)   ranked 137 out of 5,729 in family  3 months ago

Thanks for agreeing with me. God is really great, it is HE, who would have given you the courage and still behind you so that you could fight the odds coupled with your own determination and positive will to fight the unfavourable situations.
Best of Luck!


myLot reputation of 98/100. mayka123 (1533)   ranked 184 out of 5,729 in family  3 months ago

Sorry for the late reply but just the kind of words I needed today. Thanks for your resply and all the best.


myLot reputation of 89/100. dpk262006 (5587)   ranked 137 out of 5,729 in family  2 months ago

Nice to know that my 'words' did help you.


myLot reputation of 98/100. mayka123 (1533)   ranked 184 out of 5,729 in family  2 months ago

happyWhere were you today?


myLot reputation of 89/100. dpk262006 (5587)   ranked 137 out of 5,729 in family  2 months ago

I was very much present. May be for lesser duration.


myLot reputation of 98/100. mayka123 (1533)   ranked 184 out of 5,729 in family  2 months ago

Ok that is why I did not see you around.

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6. myLot reputation of 37/100. parthag (107)   ranked 4,707 out of 5,729 in family   3 months ago

I appreciate your definition of family. I myself is the only son and I have three sisters, all of them are married. My father died and my mother stays with me. During holidays she also goes and stays with her daughters. It is not right to leave the old generation alone uncared as we all have to go through these phase. Moreover our children has every right to enjoy the company of their grandpa and grandma.


myLot reputation of 98/100. mayka123 (1533)   ranked 184 out of 5,729 in family  3 months ago

You are so right in saying that our children have every right to enjoy the company of their grandparents. And the grandparents can enjoy their retired life with the kids. But this is becoming a very rare sight to see now.

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7. myLot reputation of 98/100. cyberfluf (1724)   ranked 1,472 out of 5,729 in family   3 months ago

It's not common that parents live with their kids in Holland, but it happens occaissonaly. There are pretty good alternatives for elderly to live in houses that have a special bell with which they can ring someone for help but is entirely independant. There are also carehomes for the elderly allthough there are bad rumours about them it doesn't have to be a bad place if there are enough people to visit and you like to do activities with other people; it's not suitable for anyone.

My grandma lived with us untill she passed away. My mom never moved out, my dad merely moved in and it has been like that forever. It was nice to have here around that much and I feel that it's a great thing. My mom doesn't want to live with me and my boyriend because she has experienced the impact on her life caring for het mother who needed quite a lot of medical attention and she could never leave the house when she pleased and allways needed to look out for her first.
She did this with love but it has had a great impact on her and she doesn't want me to have the same thing.

Both my mom and my dad are people who love activiteit, my mom would be one of the old grannies knitting and sowing and talking to anyone and everyone; making herself a good time rather then sitting around. But then again; everyone's different. If I had to I'd take her in a heartbeat and my dad aswell but she doesn't want it herself and my dad neither.


myLot reputation of 98/100. mayka123 (1533)   ranked 184 out of 5,729 in family  3 months ago

Life with your own family and kids and life in a carehome is completely different. In a carehome one cannot get the love and affection that one can get from their own kids. I would not like to be living in a carehome when I grow old.


myLot reputation of 98/100. cyberfluf (1724)   ranked 1,472 out of 5,729 in family  3 months ago

I wouldn't like it either but I respect their wishes if they want to do so, I see no point in dragging them along with me if they don't want too.
I can see why it can be hard to understand as I myself have a hard time understanding. We are all different I guess and I respect their choices. Thank you for your response.

 
8. myLot reputation of 89/100. shana123 (1817)   ranked 1,196 out of 5,729 in family   3 months ago

I dont know from where did that myth came up? why should only sons be the full strength to support their parents and if a parents doesnt have a male child where would they go to Ashrams and old age homes? I love my parents so much i always tell them that i will surely support them and they have to be with me like this as a family but they highly disagree me and they just hurt my feelings by saying "we have our son to support us after marriage you need not bother about our living as you yourself going to live in someone's home" But i've fallen in love with a guy and he is the only son of his family and i told him what my parents told me he asked me not to worry that if my brother denies my parents then he will surely support them.im in my college living with my parents only they always feel that i'm just a temporary member in the house sad


myLot reputation of 98/100. mayka123 (1533)   ranked 184 out of 5,729 in family  3 months ago

I think this custom is followed in all Asian countries. Since the custom is that when the girl gets married she goes to her in-laws house so naturally it is the sons who should look after the parents. When there are no sons or if the sons stay in a different state or country then it depends on the mutual understanding of all concerned.

 
9. myLot reputation of 81/100. christylynn (616)   ranked 4,817 out of 5,729 in family   3 months ago

I have 4 wonderful childern and me and my husband have been married for 7 years now. I have seen families that there is only one parent it something that is always hard for me to understand marriage vows are suppose to be scared and meant to be taken seriously when me and my husband got married we took and we still take our vows seriously I don't know what makes some people stay together and break up I have personally never understood don't they know how much it effects the kids.


myLot reputation of 74/100. Piscesmoon (1349)   ranked 812 out of 5,729 in family  3 months ago

It also has a bad effect on children to be raised in a house with two parents who fight continually, where one of the parents is violent, alcoholic or abusive (sexually, verbally or violently). Often being raised by one loving parent in a safe environment is the much better option and makes for a happier, more stable childhood.


myLot reputation of 98/100. mayka123 (1533)   ranked 184 out of 5,729 in family  3 months ago

I too dont like the idea of kids being brought up by a single parent. For me marriage is for keeps. All the best to you for a long and happy married life. Happy posting.

 
10. boerema (52)   ranked 4,801 out of 5,729 in family   3 months ago

I am a college student so im in a transitional stage from leaving my house to living on my own. I'm quite an independent person so I was more than eager to take the steps to living on my own. Although I will still spend time at my parents house and stay there for a weekend on ocassion, I definently enjoy living on my own much more because of the freedom.

Generally the tradition in my family is to live at home until about 18 and then slowly transition into living on your own while in college. In America, I think this is the typical scenario for most families.


myLot reputation of 71/100. nini89 (146)   ranked 1,240 out of 5,729 in family  3 months ago

Thanks. As we are in mylot we come to know the traditions of diffterent countries. You might be enjoying by living independent. But can you specify the difference of living with parents and indepent living.


myLot reputation of 98/100. mayka123 (1533)   ranked 184 out of 5,729 in family  3 months ago

When you are brought up with the mind set that you have to live on your own when you grow up then you look forward to it. Here the scenario is different and it is difficult to change our mindset now.

 
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