My daughter is dating a black guy and I don't mind

I never dated a black guy. Simply because, for me, the attraction was never there. I do feel that in trying to raise my kids to be color blind, I failed in letting them know the bigotry that still exists in the world. They all know the history, but this is the first time any of mine have ever seen it first hand.

I spent several years living in both Detroit and Dallas so there were always different races around me. We were always raised that color didn't matter it's how you treat each other. At the same time, there is alot of bigotry out there and ppl won't hesitate to become violent over it.

I just think it's important for ppl to be aware of all the sides of dating and/or having kids across races. It's not always an easy thing to do and you have to look deep inside yourself to be sure you can handle it.

**AT PEACE WITHIN**

~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~

I think that all of my kids can "handle it." My failure is in not letting them know that they might have to "handle it." Hope you get my drift. My folks were great at letting us be who we are. We had every right to love who we love, but they wanted us to know all of the problem associated. My parents used to have some members of the Black Panther party over for dinner. They were sooo respectful and nice. I never thought there could be any problems. My folks told me that there were problems. In that time, blacks were very much oppressed and, my parents, although they agreed with the ideology of the Party, did not agree with the methods. They were so upfront.

When my kids came of age, I naively thought that we were beyond that. Sure, there would be some kids who would be nasty, but kids are goofy sometimes. I've taught all of my kids to respect their elders. When a woman so elder said what she said, my daughter was crushed. She likes curtis. They have been friends forever, so why not try to date.

I do think that I've failed in not letting them see the bad side. I just didn't wnt to scare them away from following their hearts.

You will always have YOUR heritage. Nothing erases where we come from. People of mixed race have a little more complicated heritage, but it is THEIR heritage. So what if we are all mixed??? It doesn't change anything. We are who we are, and our ancestors are who they are. If I have babies who are half African, both races are part of my babies' heritage. They should be equally proud of both cultures. The same thing if a woman of mixed race marries a man of completely different mixed race. Their babies are then equally proud of the four, or six, or eight cultures, and so on. I don't understand why it matters, at all if we mix, and mix, and mix. We should love who we love, and not let race be any determining factor.

What am I? I'm half jew half anglo. When my father converted from Judiaism to Christianity, his father was disappointed. When he decided to marry a gentile, his father stopped speaking to him. Reason, he corrupted the purity of the race by marrying a non jew.

Here's the thing, though. you are going to a bit of an extreme. Simply because many people, I'll venture to say most people, find attraction within their own race. People are not going to just start dating outside of their race if attraction is not there. So, the whole world is not going to become multi racial, but if it does, so what? No more racism. No more hate. No more....

But my point was that after several "merges" the specific cultures and races are going be pushed farther and farther into the distance until they don't really matter. Where would we be today if not for the variety of specific races? They all have their own culture, reasons, contributions and things like that. If someone is "multi-cultured" for now, it can still work, but if you have 6 different "cultures" in your blood line, how many people are going to incorporate all 6 into their lives or their beings? And what about those that clash? some cultures allow one thing while others dont' allow that same thing and a person is both those cultures in their blood line, so which do they accomodate when they can't accomodate both? They choose one and the other is by the way side....over and over again until that culture can be all but non-existant. It'd be a shame to loose such wonderful cultures that we have been blessed with -whether you agree with them all or not, that is not the point. THe point is that is what made this country, this world, and its just a shame to know that there's a chance that we will loose all that.

But we won't, as long as our family tree reminds us. I'll never lose my jewish side. my father tells us all the time about our struggles. I think it could be great if we all had fantastic family stories, without hatred, fear and bigotry.

But what happens when kids have 6 sets grand parents in their family tree and all 6 have different backgrounds and different stories. Kids aren't going to know what to make of it all and get tired of trying to keep it all straight.

Well, if we are all one, than we would all be equal. Is that really a bad thing? My opinion. I will never let my kids forget their jewish heritage. I doubt my kids will let their kids forget. But if they do??? I don't know. If we are all one, what's to hate. One less thing to worry about. Is there some reason why this is such a thing for you? I'm not putting down your feelings, by any means. I'm just trying to gauge where you are coming from.

Thanks

I'm not talking about equality. I talking just about one's family tree and legacy. If we are "all one" there is no culture, there is no race, there is no individuality, no heritage. History goes down the drain. Sounds like the makings of a good and scary sci-fi flick!

Ok. I...I just don't get it. I'm so sorry. I feel that if we are all one, there is no furrther need for hate. I know my dad wants us to know his jewish heritage, but we are first generation.

I'm just looking at my kid. They are friends. They are 13. but friend or lover, they have the right to feel as they feel. Is there any right reason that I should encourage her to not date outside her WASP/Jewish background>?? Is there any reason I should discourage this relationshp. I love my kids. If you can give me something logical, I will gladly understand

I dont' think there is an answer for this as it is something that will happen no matter what we do or don't do. HAs nothing to do with hate or racisim. IT is just something that will happen. And we can only hope and do the best we can to preserve our heritage and history of our pasts and race.

OK.. I respect your views. I just still don't get it. maybe I never will. I will say that we can agree to diagree, but I doh't think that we are diagreeing. I'll just say that I will respect your viewpoint if you will respect mine.

Take care and keep in touch.

Peace and love to all. Cyndi

Hey, we're just chatting! I understand what you are saying. I am a acrapbooker and personal family and history is important to me cause of that - I preserve my familys history. ANd to think of what I know and to know that my grand kids don't know anyting about my grand parents other than just the little bits I tell them as that is all I remember. WIll they remember about me to tell their kids? Part of the "I hope so" will be cause I have it documented in their scrapbooks. I think maybe we aren't connecting thoughts cause I am talking way down the road of life and you are just talking about right now. Basically you have to do what is best for you or in this case your daughter has to do what she feels is best for her. It was nice chatting!

Oh, my own grandmother is an absolute racist, but she's also a classist. My grandparents on my mothers side are very wealthy. My mother dropped out at her "coming out" party. She couldn't bear the hypocracy. She dropped out of society and school and joined the peace corp where she met my dad.

Every year, we go to the family reunion. My grandmother says so often that "the coloreds knew their place when she was growing up." It's sad and sick, but not her fault. Likewise, with Curtis' grandmother, it's not her fault. She grew up in a time where Curtis could have been killed for even thinking of dating a white girl.

Charlene is fine. She's from another generation and she knows what's what. She is a good mom to Curtis and has been a great support for me and my kids.

Please read the entire discussion and not just the title. This is not about me.

i did read the entire discussion but i also read you title which made it seem like you were suppose to have a problem with it.she is your daughter so if you approve who is anyone else to say anything.the grandmother is from back in the day she will get over it.these days its the in thing to do to have a interracial relationship so your daughter nor you should even care what other think.

The title is meant to draw people in.

it does but it still seems like you think that you should have had a problem with it or others would think you should have a problem with it.

The first paragraph should have dispelled that notion. and since you are the only person who addressed the title, I naturally believed that you had only read the title before replying.

lol,well obviously you were wrong so anytime you are ready to apologize for your mistake I am listening.I read through all discussions before answering them for your information,lol.

hi neelygal and above, cool it, why cant we all just get along to Quote a famous legal case. she did not do anything to have to apologize for. she was making it clear she was not the problem, the thing was about her daughter.

Geez why are some of you people around here so uptight?I was only playing with her.My GOD really how childish are you and why does she need you to rescue her from my little game anyway.Shouldnt you mind your own business?LOL

Oh by the way I am only playing with you too before you freak out on me again,lol.Lighten up would you.I wanted to see how long the post would get but you came along and ruined that so thanks alot.

It's cool, neely. It's hard to see playfulness in the written word. I was trying to have you understand why I asked you to read the entire discussion. We didn't understand one another, apparently.

Take care.

Oh, and thanks so much, Hatley for coming to my aid. I do appreciate it. I had not meant to make this an argument. I just wanted my intentions to be perfectly clear.

See, I bear the grandmother no ill will. Frankly, I do believe that she is just trying to protect her grandson. She just needs to understand that my daughter is not a threat, just because she is white. And, in all honesty, I KNOW that my maternal grandmother would have much harsher things to say about the relationship. She's a total racist from the same generation, also not necessarily her fault. But hers is hate. I don't think Curtis' grandmother hates white people. I think its fear.

Well, like I said, their "dating" is very chaste. Her asked her to "go with him" over the last school year and she said yes. They go to the mall and to the movies. His parents drop them off and we pick them up or vice versa. IT's really very innocent and sweet.

She's OK about the grandmother. I explained about the generational differences and how things were in her time. I really wish I had addressed the situation sooner. Frankly, I was a bit naive, I think.

We don't choose love. Love chooses us. Now, I don't think that this relationship will last. They are 13. But, if it ends, I don't want bigotry to end it. I hope thier friendship lasts for life.