My daughter is dating a black guy and I don't mind  | |  No, I don't want a pat on the back. That is not what this is about. Race has never been an issue to me. It's the way I was raised. Curtis and his family have lived next door to us since I first moved in here. In fact, I knew his parents before he was born. His mother and I were pregnant at the same time. They were a blessing to me when I was pregnant and alone, with 2 older boys. They would often keep the boys so that I could attend my prenatal classes.
So Curtis and my daughther have grown up together and they have been friends since birth. They are both thirteen now. Their "dates" consist of his parents dropping them off at the movies or the pizza hut and us picking them up. During the day, they go outside and play their gameboys, or whatever handheld gameset they have. Curtis is a great kid and my only priority for any guy who dates my kids is that they be treated right.
So, Curtis' grandmother has recently come to live with them. SHe is having a hard time taking care of herself and her daughter and son in law are taking her in. My daughter came home from Curtis' house crying. The Grandmother told her that she didn't want a white girl dating her grandson. She said, to paraphrase, that there are too few "colored" girls for "colored" boys and she was taking away from the race. Charlene, Curtis' mother came to talk to me about it, but I wasn't offended. The grandmother is an old lady who has seen a lot of racial problems. She just wants to protect her grandson. I want to protect my daughter too, but I won't stop her from feeling what she feels.
We are still neighbors and still friends and I suspect that the grandmother will get used to it; if it even lasts, they are only 13.
But what do you think? How should I have reacted? Has this happened to anyone else and how did you explain it to your kids?
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| | | | | | | | 31.  msedge (2421) | 1 year ago |  You are doing fine in your reaction.I would do the same.Just understand that during her grandmother times there was a racial descrimination so thats why she had reacted that way.You can't control your daughters feeling either Curtis.And i appreciate your being understanding to their feelings.I have a daughter whos 13 also and i am trying to adjust and understand her because they are not the same as our generation.I know you love and trying to protect your daughter and she being involve with a guy that comes from a family you know for a long time is great.I hope they could be able to mentain their feelings and since they are still young they could both have the relationship at the same time studying for their future.
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| | 32.  mynameismine (558) | 1 year ago | You handled it a million times better than my father did. He had me up against the wall of the living room by my throat. I gained a whole 3 feet that day in height too!
There are a lot of challenges for people who want to cross that line. I have been with my husband now for 19+ years and we still deal with idiots because I'm white and he is black, from both races and families.
I could care less what color my child chooses to be with just as long as they treat each other right. | |
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| | 33.  shell1986 (301) | 1 year ago |  I think you handled the situation pretty well. When I was in high school my parents flipped out when they found out I was dating a black guy. However, its alright for me to be friends with him just not date. The two of us broke up but have been friends ever since. I wish that more people would come to understand that its not the color of the skin that matters, its what is in the heart. I wish my parents had been as understanding as you! Your daughter is very lucky to have you!
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| | 34.  anniepa (9215) | 1 year ago |  I think you reacted exactly the right way, Cyn, and I also feel sorry for your daughter but I guess I can understand why the grandmother feels as she does. Not that I agree with her but just as you said she probably has seen a lot of bad things in her lifetime so it's probably extra hard for her to accept. However, do you know what I think is the wonderful part of this? Kids like your daughter and my grandkids, who are now 11 and 13 are growing up in a whole different world where they really don't see things like race or color. It doesn't apply to all kids of this generation, of course, because they aren't all being raised the way ours are but I think it is this way for many of them. I'm so proud of Todd and Angela; there's no racism, no sexism, no homophobia in those kids, just acceptance and compassion for all. Hopefully someday everyone will get used to that!
Annie
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