I pose to you a hypothetical situation, you're needing a place to stay and...
By Loverbear
@Loverbear (4918)
United States
August 23, 2008 3:12am CST
You are in need of a place for you, your husband, your two daughters and your husband's uncle to stay as you were just told to leave your mother in law's home. So, you call your mother asking if you can "stay for a few days". You aren't disappointed in what you were thinking, your mother says sure.
On the way up to your mom's house your car quits and you call for her to pick you up, which she does. You load all your stuff into her car and she heads for home.
The first thing you do is inform your mother that you will be staying with her for an undetermined amount of time, primarily it is until you get your bills caught up. Then you settle in for the long haul.
A part of the agreement for you to stay at your mom's is that you will help out with the groceries and the guys will do the heavy work that is despairtly needed around the house. The agreement is totally ignored. The guys are busily drinking and smoking pot every night.
Next, you ask your mom if you can use her car for a couple of weeks. Since you're working she says yes. The couple of weeks turn into 8 months (and 45,000 miles). When you return the car it is nearly totaled. There is a huge bulge in the floor board behind the passengers seat, the cv joints are gone, the driver's window doesn't roll up or down, and the list goes on.
You totally take over the house and soon your mom doesn't have any say so in what happens. She is only there to wash dishes and take your crap. You in the mean time feel free to use up the propane, run up the electric bill, use the internet connection to your hearts content (ignoring the fact that your mom needs it for her college classes), break or destroy the washing machine, convection oven, microwave, bathroom floor, carpet in the bedroom you're using (someone decided to pee on the carpet before your left), burn the carpet in the family room, and break the window in your mom's new vehicle. You also felt free to demand that your mom put her dog down because he nipped the oldest grand daughter (she is over 10 years old).
When it finally comes down to the point that your mom's land lord tells you that you have to leave, you treat your mom like crap because you decided that she was the one that put the land lord up to it. Even though she didn't.
You left your mom nearly bankrupt. You left behind a thousand dollar electric bill for her to pay off, she had to buy a car because you ruined the one she had just bought, she had to buy a new washer because you over loaded the one she had and broke it so it couldn't be repaired. Every time your mom turns around she finds more that happened that no one told her about.
I am sitting and scratching my head over this. I haven't heard a word from my daughter since my BF and I took their belongings to them in March. I wonder how a daughter could treat her mother in the way that she did. I am scrambling to pay off the bills and get back on my feet. I lost funding for college because my son in law wouldn't get off the computer when I asked him. I look at all the work that needs to be done and could cry because I was counting on being helped. I just wonder how many of you could do all of this to your mother and more. I sat and had another good cry tonight remembering that I had bailed them out when my Mom died. They stayed with me 3 weeks and it was about $3,000 for that stay. Then in 2004 they stayed with me for 7 months and it was $15,000 for that visit. This time it amounted to over $20,000 for them to stay with me. With not even a thank you for the use of the car and for allowing them to stay with me for the nine months. When we took their stuff to them we barely got a thank you out of my daughter. My grand daughters didn't even say hello, kiss my bottom or drop dead.
Yes, the pain runs deep. I freely admit it, especially with my having to murder my dog at my daughters demand. It was stated that either I have the dog put down or she would move out. (I still wonder why I didn't tell her not to let the door hit her on the way out.) Not a day goes by that I don't miss my dogs. My new car just got repossessed because I am frantically trying to get the bills caught up... Neighbors are giving me food because they know that I am in a very tight situation...it is gratifying yet embarrassing at the same time.
Would you treat your mother in this manner? Would you leaver her in the position that I have been left in? If you were in my shoes how would you feel??? Please let me know your opinion.
1 response
@Wizzywig (7847)
•
23 Aug 08
What can I say? 
I cannot begin to imagine the pain and worry this has caused you (and no doubt is still causing and will continue to do so...) As mothers, we love our children above all else and will move heaven and earth to do everything in our power to help them. Unfortunately, by doing that, we do set ourselves up to be taken advantage of. I am so sorry that your daughter and her family have really taken it to such an extreme - you have been treated disgracefully. 
I hope that you are able to get through this and find some happiness. best wishes
I cannot begin to imagine the pain and worry this has caused you (and no doubt is still causing and will continue to do so...) As mothers, we love our children above all else and will move heaven and earth to do everything in our power to help them. Unfortunately, by doing that, we do set ourselves up to be taken advantage of. I am so sorry that your daughter and her family have really taken it to such an extreme - you have been treated disgracefully. I hope that you are able to get through this and find some happiness. best wishes @Loverbear (4918)
• United States
24 Aug 08
Thank you so much for your response. I look out in my carport and want to cry all over again. I am finally realizing that she isn't worth crying over any more. She selected her way of live, which is unfortunately sponging off others (She has been married for 13 years and during that time they have lived on their own for maybe three years. The rest of the time they have been living with his mother or using me as a back up place to live.). They haven't realized that they need to start taking responsibility for their actions or become adults and not blow their money on crap that they want rather than pay their bills.
I finally admitted to myself, my BF, and a close friend of mine that I have to let go and let them sink or swim on their own. I'm writing them off until they can prove to me that they are becoming financially responsible and contributing members of society. My daughter takes a job and then will start taking days off, claiming that she is sick- which amounts to that she doesn't want to go to work that night. She will quit if they look at her wrong, or she gets fired because she doesn't want to do the little extra that the boss asks. There is no sense of responsibility of keeping the job no matter what since they need the money to survive. He gets work and all HIS money goes to pot and booze...he doesn't contribute to the house hold funds at all. They have had many battles and the subject of divorce comes up regularly and she will contact me crying about the fight. She would divorce him but she "LOVES" him. She is the sole support, she home schools the daughters, she does the house work, she waits on him hand and foot, she gets him gifts for Christmas, birthdays etc (he could care less about getting her remembrances for those dates) and he sits on his proverbial throne and passes down orders about what she can and can't do. I can't see what is there to love; I see a lazy, selfish,inconsiderate little Nazi who only cares about himself. I keep waiting for her to come to her senses and see what she really married.
I guess I shouldn't be that judgmental, but by now they should be established in a home with good jobs and some money in the bank. Instead they have continually been homeless and sponging off his mother and myself.
Anyhow, I need to get off my soapbox again. I just wanted to thank you for the response and the confirmation that what I am feeling isn't wrong that it is justified. Thank you again!
