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Insults! Can you share the best you've heard AND manage to keep it clean?

James72 (6963) ranked 12 out of 1,294 in humor

1 year ago

I am not sure yet if I have made a big mistake asking for something like this to be shared but time will tell I guess. I have always been a fan of witty insults! (And the offensive ones too to be honest but for the sake of this post actually remaining it would be best if we left those ones alone!) What are some of the best insults you have ever heard? PLEASE try to keep it clean so my post doesn't get deleted!

Here are some I have heard and read myself to get things started:

"The difference between you and a bag of manure is that manure is useful."

"If my dog had a face like yours, I'd shave his butt and teach him to walk backwards."

"So, were you born stupid or did you have to take lessons?"

"My god, you're so dense light bends around you."

lol lol lol

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sunchild2000 (279) response was accepted on 11/3/2008.

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insults, mature content, jokes, clean, witty

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21.

CurlyRed (3474) ranked 301 out of 1,294 in humor

1 year ago

hahaha! light bends around you:P

Well, last night i rather dissed myself when i said " I have to go to sleep, I'm as sharp as a ball"

Lets see, some of my favourites?

I have nightlights brighter than her.

He's not the coldest beer in the fridge.

When i was a kid, i liked, "when you were born, the doctor slapped your mother"

I had a nightmare, I dreamed i was you.

OH, there is one little poem i always liked and it comes to mind when i am dealing with an asshat.

I dont know who wrote it anymore, but here it is

In church his grandsire cut his throat
To do the job too long he tarried
He would have had my hearty vote
to cut his throat before he married.

James72 (6963) ranked 12 out of 1,294 in humor

1 year ago

Hahahaha. I am torn between two joys here CurlyRed..... It's either you sharing your own version of one of my much loved insults - "When you were born, they slapped your Mother!"; or discovering the new term "asshat"! lol I liked the poem very much too! It is always a pleasure to see insults shared that do not use any profanity because they are so much more witty! Thank you for sharing your own examples and for responding to this discussion. happy

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22.

riyasam (10868) ranked 298 out of 1,294 in humor

1 year ago

i feel a little silly here.i have not gone beyond stupid,idiot and all sorts of sh*ts.

James72 (6963) ranked 12 out of 1,294 in humor	1 year ago
Hahahaha. Well if you are able to read through all the examples so far you will definitely be able to add some new terms to your vocabulary then riya and take it WAY beyond the ones you use already! Thanks for the response.

riyasam (10868) ranked 298 out of 1,294 in humor	1 year ago
you know sam would really censore my coming to mylot if i started using the examples others mentioned.lol(you see,he has more muscle power than me)

James72 (6963) ranked 12 out of 1,294 in humor	1 year ago
Hahaha. It may be best to stick with your standard insults then riya!

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