When friends break up...staying out of the middle...
By Shar11
@Shar11 (419)
United States
October 21, 2008 5:31pm CST
My husband and I have been long time friends with another couple we met during couples birthing classes ...
We have raised our children together, gone on vacation together and celebrated holidays together..
Something we do this time of year is host football Sundays..We invite 10 to 14 of our friends over for a pot luck dinner and watch the game on tv..
Lisa and Matt were always included..
Now they are going through a nasty divorce and although my husband and I have decided early on not to choose sides and be supportive of both, I am not sure how we will deal with our upcoming party..
It doesn't feel fair to invite one or the other and it just feels bad not inviting either but at this point that's what we think we need to do..
They don't want to be around each other and it could make everyone feel uncomfortable.
My husband thinks I shouldn't feel guilty about this decision because they are the ones that can't be civil towards each other..
They have both expressed to us individually they would like to come if the other isn't going to go...
I have a feeling this is just the begining of being "put" in the middle..
2 people like this
4 responses
@marcialoyd (1173)
• United States
25 Oct 08
My advice would to be to invite both of them. Then I would explain to both of them (nicely) that you care about each of them and you do not wish to be put in the middle.If they chose not to come because the other is there then that will be there problem. They won't be able to say that they were not invited.
1 person likes this
@rsa101 (40952)
• Philippines
22 Oct 08
I think you're husband is right about it since it may send a bad signal if only one is invited and the other is not invite4d at all. If you're really troubled by it then it is necessary that you talk to both of them and explain your side of things. I think they would understand if they are not invited at all.
@barehugs (8973)
• Canada
22 Oct 08
Yup! I've been there are done that. Its messy but its not your fault or your problem. Keep this in mind as you invite both of them individually. Its up to them (not you) if they come to your party or not. This is your only option if you want to stay out of it, and I'm sure you do. Your Husband is right. Don't feel guilty, play both sides against the middle, and you will be able to stay out.
1 person likes this
@jesssp (2712)
• Canada
22 Oct 08
Oooo, tough one! Having met them as a couple it makes everything so equal and even harder to stay out of the middle. What I would do is talk to each of them seperately (maybe you to her and your hubby to him) and just say "look, we're not picking sides so what should we do?". See if you can meet in the middle. Maybe you can work something out where they can split events. He can have the Super Bowl, she can have the next event etc. That seems far too cut and dry, I know, and chances are someone at sometime will end up with their feelings hurt. But I think (hope) that they would welcome you being proactive about it rather than just choosing sides or inviting neither. By addressing it outright maybe they wont feel as defensive or like they're at risk of "loosing". If you do talk to them and both feel that they need to be at this upcoming event and neither are willing to budge then you really have no choice but to not invite either. Hopefully even if that happens they'll come around in time, once the divorce dust settles.
