May need some new medication.....

I'm currently only 16 (even though my profile says 18)... SHH. Lol. I am mature for my age so dont assume i'm talking about rubbish. I've been depressed, best part of 6 years. So i was 10 when i first felt truly unhappy- I noticed over some time, it got worst, to a point where more recently i have self harmed twice.- I know its stupid to do such a thing, but its part of growing up for me, it helps me deal with the reality of knowing that i did the stupid thing again, the second time i struggled more then the first, because my body told my mind it didnt want to happen. My mother was depressed, and apparently depression is hereditary- But to top that off, my mother was never there for me emotionally, and i think thats whats important to you right now, and its what you need to focus on- especially at this age, i am mature enough- i am going to college, but there are still things i need my mothers support for, and i never got that. She was irrational, and cruel to me. Arguments used to be caused by fault of me, around 2 years ago, but the recent 2 years i have grown up alot. I think the sad thing is, i'm left feeling i have to support myself. Although now i have my boyfriend (we've been together over a year now) and he's supported me through everything.- One of my recent arguments- i told my mum that my boyfriend had been a better mum then she had. Which emotionally, and sadly, is true. I think the most important thing is, you listen to your children, you talk to them, make them feel open about talking about things.- I mean, i was bullied 2-3 years ago, for about 2-3 years, which didnt help my depression. And the saddest thing was, i didnt have a friend in the world (i'm not too great at making friends, i'm too nervous etc.) and i didnt even have my mum, she didnt believe me when i told her. Now- i've become so distant... she ruins every little piece of happiness i always have when i'm here, so i try to spend most of my time with my boyfriend. Recently, i told her i hated her. And that i truly meant it, and in a way, i actually do. She's never emotionally carried me when i needed it, so why should i feel emotion for her? Just support them, let them know you love them... and least of all, HUG them... (My mum never hugged me...) I hope this wall of text helps, if it bored the hell out of you- sorry. Good luck, i hope you find all your answers :]

Maybe you should talk to our doctor about trying a different medication this time around. I'm not an expert on personality disorders but I am married to a man who has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder with depression and we have had several medication changes during the six years that he's been treated by a Psychiatrist. He started out doing well on Prozac but it stopped working after about two years so the doctor added another medication that made him feel numb. I can understand your hesitation to return to that. In my husband's case, we went back to his doctor and he was taken off of both medications and started on something else...which worked fairly well but made him very tired...so another med was added. We have to make adjustments about once a year but my rambling point is that, at least in my husband's case, it is possible to feel good and to function well on medication. It's my hope that there are medications for your condition that will work well for you but you need to be pro-active with your doctor and, if there are alternative meds, learn about them and give them a try. Good luck!

You should be the Mommy of the Year!! You sound like you really love those kids! How old are they? Have you been on medication at all since they were born? What kinds of meds will you be taking? I just want to suggest some things for you to think about. First, is it possible that the medications do not cause you to be robotic, but closer to "typical" and it just feels robotic and emotionless because you are used to widely fluctuating and intense emotions? I think this is a question you may not be able to answer by yourself. You might want to ask someone close to you, who has dealt with you both on and off medication, and who is insightful and thoughtful and can give you an honest opinion. I have severe ADHD and I've seen people with ADHD do that same thing. They improve while on medication, but they have the idea that it is not really "them", and they are stifled while on the meds. That is simply not true in the case of most ADHD. The medication helps the person to focus on the task and to finish their thought, but it doesn't interfere with their personality. Many years ago, most medications for mental illness did cause personality changes, because for the most part, the meds were basically a type of tranquilizer. That is not at all true of the meds that are mostly used today. The newer medications are based on newer info about the brain and generally just help to balance the chemicals that are naturally in the brain, but because of trauma or illness, or genetics have become unbalanced. Since these are naturally occurring chemicals that our brains need, they don't have such a heavy affect on changing us from who we are, but instead their effect is to allow us to really be who we are. Now, they can cause sleepiness or a slight change in yourself at first, for a few weeks, but that is not so much the medication as the body adjusting to having the chemicals it has been lacking, or having less of what it had too much of. Once their body adjusts, the person is more than likely able to more fully be them self. So I think this is something for you to consider and look into. Now, if your doctor is giving you old style medications, then you should consider changing to a doctor that is more up to date. Also, remember that sometimes you may have to have some adjustments in dosage or type, before you get the right/best help. Another thing to think about is that if your moods are changing rapidly and without reason, that is not going to be very healthy for your children either. And especially if they are not old enough to know anything about your healt problems. Maybe the same person(s) you can find to ask about how you are on meds vs how you are off meds, would also be willing to monitor you, so you will know if you are being robotic or if you are being exceptionally emotional. If it turns out that you do tend to get more robotic on your meds, and all docs agree it is the right medication and the right dosage, then would it be helpful for you to make little reminder cards for you, so when you are talking to your child, you can check your reminders, for example, to remember what would be the better thing to say, or when to give a hug -- I'm not sure exactly what you are worried you won't do, so not sure what to suggest here, but hopefully you understand what I'm getting at. Keep up on the latest research, as well. Things come out fast nowadays, and while you should not just jump onto every promised treatment, you should know about them all so you can discuss each with your doctor. I've read that therapy and group therapy can be helpful for borderline personality disorder, also, along with medication -- do you participate in any therapy? Again if you do, and it doesn't help at all, then you may need to change therapists, or switch to group, or switch from group to private, etc. And a group might be a very good place for you to get good feedback about how your are reacting to your children. I hope you will update us. You are to be commended for your dedication to your children. SO many mothers have so little dedication these days, even when they don't have half of what you have to deal with.

Wow. My heart goes out to you. It has to be difficult to have such a condition and be a mother as well. You obviously are doing the best you can to be a good mother while keeping yourself in good health. Kudos to you! As for your children, you are probably doing the best thing right now. But when they get a little older you may want to sit them down and explain your condition to them. Not just so they have a better understanding of why you are the way you are, but also so they understand there is the possibility of it happening to themselves. Being that it's probably a genetic thing, you'll want to warn them at least of the possibility. Hopefully it won't happen to them or their children. But a heads up is always a good thing. Good luck, stay strong.

Well for depression, medicines are not solution. Do Meditation, try breathing exercise, it will help you balance and handle depression.