I'm gonna TRAP Santa! Yep. Plans are in the makin'..... Any ideas?

Hmmmm. So a "Santa-friendly" trap that is based on a humane mousetrap? Yes, this does sound like a promising idea because the last thing I want to do is kill the dude! Bait is again the challenge though, just to get him inside..... Cookies is definitely on the cards, but I need to be mindful of how many he may have already had before he arrives over this way. He would have been running around the Southern Hemisphere for some time by then, so might be full to the brim with cookies and really not up for any more. Regardless of the bait used, I need to also work out how the heck to make the trap CLANG when it shuts too.

So many things to work out cyberfluf..... SO many things..... Thanks for the ideas though and have a great day at work. Hopefully by the time your day is done, I will have blueprints drawn up and a clear cut plan of action. Oh, you WILL be mine Santa..... You WILL be mine! Mwahahahahaha.

LOL... I had a good day thanks! How are those blue prints coming?
Perhaps food is not the way to go, Santa can't resist good children too as he flies around the world to get to them and give them presents. However, studying to become a pedagogue I couldn't possibly advise you to use a child for bait, for crying out loud .

The children are a last resprt option cyberfluf, so don't stress! The blueprints are still at the very basic stage while I am trying to absorb all of these ideas everyone has given me. I hope I can get it all together in time though. All I do know is that he moves quickly, so I will have to also. If I miss my chance, at least I will have the whole of 2009 to prepare for a new approach!

That's true, there's allways a sunny side for it. And like I said in another discussion, if the t-shirt slogan I came up with and you advised me on is becoming a hit, you are getting a ultra-deluxe santa-trapper from me .

Oooh, I've always dreamed of the Ultra-Deluxe Trap! Budgets were only allowing me to go for the Super-Deluxe version so this would be great. Fingers crossed that ths t-shirts become a reality and sell then!

I should really look into an online t-shirt designer and try it out, but I've yet to ask for patent on this specific line of text. Better hurry up!;-)

There's no time like the present cyberfluf. What if you were to wake up a week from now and see these t-shirts out there already??

You are so right, James! I thought up some blue prints during christmas eve and I will have the complete layout soon .

I am waiting in anticipation for the finished product cyberfluf. Make sure you do one in tie-die too, as it's about time this style came back I reckon.

The pillows will definitely soften his fall, but won't he get injured by the bullets mykl? If I take this approach, I reckon the collective tears of all the children could create the next great flood!

Hey, didya hear about Francis the BROWN nosed reindeer?? He was just as fast as Rudolph, but he couldn't stop as quickly!

Go for your life steflane as the FBI are in on it already. Who do ya think is monitoring the airspace for me?? I am pretty sure there will be plenty of spanking in jail too by the way. It may not involve panda's, but they'll have it for sure. Give me a few weeks and I'll get mylot in there too..... Anyways, if all this blows up in my face, I will be happy with a toothbrush. I will spend my months sharpening it into a shiv! I would thank you for your response, but I don't wanna.

I knew you would say something like that...

So are ya PYSCHIC now steflane??

I'd like to think so. It only took me about five tries to guess Fwidman's favorite songs out of a selection of........five songs.

Further proof of your brilliance steflane. EMBRACE your talents and make your mark in this world I reckon!

I don't think that the "be good" angle is going to work for me Sandhya. I am WAY past the point of no return on the bad front to be honest! Mentioning kindegartens though has provided me with some fresh options! Maybe I could steal a few kids from one and use THEM as bait. There would have to be a couple of good ones among a whole bunch of 'em! I shall add this idea to the list then..... Thanks for the new tips.

Not any of my kids!
Whack! Whack! You bad man!
That's not bait for Santa!! Santa will probably send some reindeers over for a stampede!
That's more like bait for angry me to get to Egypt (unless you plan to kidnap kids from another kindergarten) and that's not something you would want around Christmas!

So you won't be my insider then Sandhya? Dagnabbit. I will have to seek alternatives then. The reindeer stampede could be used to create a diversion though! Yes, it's all coming together nicely now.....

I'm not going to be your insider. I'm going to be an insider for Santa Claus and tell him not to fall for your evil plans....buha ha ha ha!!

Fine! Looks like I will have to increase the size of the trap and capture you both at the same time then.....

Better luck this year! Obviously, you didn't catch us last time:P

I guess I should start planning again soon...... Good Heavens. it's only October too! I have no choice really, that fat bugger was very cunning last year and I really do need to be prepared this time.

hehe...I'm prepared, for sure....and going to help Santa this time too:P

If you do end up coming up with some ideas hiddenwing, then you know where to find me. I still haven't worked out how to incorporate the panda into all of this, but I'm working on it. Dressing the panda up as a good child may just do the trick and get Santa into the trap, but the damn panda won't keep the overalls and baseball cap on any longer than a few minutes at a time. Oh well. My plans are a work in progress! Thanks for the response and I wish you a wonderful Christmas Eve yourself.

Any new ideas that don't involve me having to buy any dinner Bo? Costs look like they're gonna skyrocket as it is! The Mrs Claus angle definitely has merit though, (even though I am sure she probably doesn't look too crash hot in a nightie) so I will work on tactics that involve her AND children I think. I am waiting on a callback from a flypaper company too; and let's see if they can do a giant sheet for me. Good luck to Santa trying to get himself unstuck from a giant sheet of sticky flypaper! How I am gonna get him off there myself if I go this way is yet to be determined..... Thanks for the tips anyways and I will catch you later. I now have to brave Cairo traffic jams once again to get home!

The dinner is cardboard cut outs, too. It is all just a set up anyway. It doesn't have to be real.
And, as for Mrs. Claus in her nightie, did ya ever stop to think that maybe Santa finds her very sexy?

I don't think Santa gets much Mrs Claus action at all to be honest. It's not possible really and especially when you consider the size of his sack as further evidence! Cardboard cut-outs could be just the thing. I shall add this idea to the growing list. Ooooh he's gonna get it Bo.

WE may get it for helping you hatch this scheme of yours!

I ain't gonna HURT him Bo! I just wanna strip him off and poke him with a bamboo switch to see if he giggles like the Pilsbury Doughboy! I might pierce his nipples too, I haven't decided yet on that one..... Let's see him explain THAT one to Mrs Claus if I DO end up doing it!

SHE might be more surprised if you pierced him somewhere else.

I think a Prince Albert or an Ampalang might be a tad too over the top for Santa! Mrs Claus may just enjoy the whole experience, but Santa himself may end up institutionalized over something like that!

Oh, ok.

Ooooh, NOW you're talkin' Wizzywig! Now where the heck have YOU been then as I could have used your advice here when I started drawing up the assault plans..... I had heard about this mulled reindeer dropping punch (apparently it tastes like chicken) and if I bribe the right elf, I am sure I can get hold of some and drink it for inspiration and dutch courage before sending that email!

The other twist I could add is that Jolie and Pitt wish to adopt him? Hmmm. Maybe too much. Anyways, I will surely split the proceeds if I have any luck with this approach and as for the St Nick Police, if they do turn up there will be plenty of punch for them too if I get hold of it; the paparazzi can be bribed to take photo's of them in compromising positions; and I'll blackmail my way out of that one! Thanks for the ideas and you have my word that your name shall be kept completely hush-hush. (Unless they torture me by cutting my ears to resemble elf ears or something or break my toes so I can fit into elf shoes)

Hmm, Jolie & Pitt? Nice touch!
Compromising pictures of the police?? Blackmail is an ugly word James but, hey, if it gets us off the hook....
Perhaps you should invest in a pair of latex elf ears - bound to be available at this time of year. (I myself have acquired a set of antlers with bells on and an item which calls itself 'Russian style Santa hat'.) Oh, and steel capped boots to protect your toes. (Sigh) there are so many extras to think of to cover all eventualities with these kidnap attempts.

Blackmail is certainly conjures up some very negative pictures in my mind Wizzywig, but sometimes you gotta do what ypu gotta do right? I have taken your advice about elf prosthetics under advisement and am very likely to put these ideas into action. The last thing I wish to do is give up my sources if captured and tortured, so this should help minimise the risk. Merry Christmas to you and if Santa ends up not appearing over your way this Christmas Eve, you will know I have succeeded!

Blackmail is certainly conjures up some very negative pictures in my mind Wizzywig, but sometimes you gotta do what ypu gotta do right? I have taken your advice about elf prosthetics under advisement and am very likely to put these ideas into action. The last thing I wish to do is give up my sources if captured and tortured, so this should help minimise the risk. Merry Christmas to you and if Santa ends up not appearing over your way this Christmas Eve, you will know I have succeeded!

Well, Santa should be flying over my house tonight as we are having Christmas day on 24th this year....seriously!... because I have to work both 25th & 26th... so I should be ok for toys 'n' stuff what with me having been VERY good all year. (If you kidnap him, then I have a great excuse for being very naughty next year....)

Because of your plans leading me to think myself into 'elf' mode - I had a very interesting conversation with 2 complete strangers last night... my mobile rang (showing number witheld....which my son does). A little voice said 'Hello... its Zoe...' Given that my son has a habit of using assumed voices, when 'Zoe' asked who I was I spoke in a similar girlie voice and told her I was Santa's chief elf & asked if she'd been good. She passed me to her 'boyfriend' and I informed him of the same fact... when he asked how old I was I assured him that ALL Santa's elves were very old. He asked if I was mad &, obviously I said 'Yes!' He asked what school I went to & I laughed & said 'Elves dont go to school...'. At that point, he yelled that I was a f***ing headcase and hung up. Even then I expected my son to ring back laughing...he didnt....it wasnt him... just an unfortunate wrong number. So, there you go... your plans have farther reaching repercussions than you ever imagined.

Hahahahaha. Now why can't I ever get the chance to have phone calls like that myself then?? The calls I get are usually wrong numbers and the person on the other end speaks Arabic, so I can say pretty much whatever the heck I like and it completely goes over their heads! lol. Well Merry Christmas to you Wizzywig and enjoy the early celebrations. I will be working on Christmas Day myself as it is a normal day here in Cairo.

lol...Wizzy...right up James' alley in making evil plans!
I'm sure he's enjoying every moment of this!

Thanks James. Our Christmas Day (on Christmas Eve) was not really any different for being a day early. Santa did call in, ate the mince pie and drank my Bacardi breezer. He didnt leave any presents but Rudolf left an extremely abusive note complaining because we had no carrots to leave him. I hope he will not be coming back to carry out his threat but, just incase he does, I am checking my slippers carefully each time I put them on!! I'm having Christmas Mark 2 tomorrow... & maybe Sunday as well since I dont have to be in work again till Thursday

Lucky you Wizzywig, no work until Thursday! I waited up for Santa and he didn't even pass over this way! Now I see why and it was your mince pies etc that swayed him and you hogged him all to yourself. Now how could you leave out the carrots??? Rudolph is just as sneaky as Santa so I would be watching your shoes closely for eternity if I were you. He will probably get all the other reinderr on his side too and your entire shoe collection will be tainted. But then again, the other reindeer are probably sick to death of Rudolph always getting the attention so they may just refuse to help him. Who knows! Enjoy the rest of your time off anyways and bring on 2009!

Hang on a second Irish, you have inspired a brainwave! I give Santa cheese, strawberries and champagne and then send him on his way yes? I then call the cops and have him picked up for DUI! Whoo hoo. Then all I have to do is bribe the police and I can get him from his cell easy as pie! Oh yes, we're gettin' closer to a plan now, I can feel it..... Thanks for sharing that one. And he's an elf?? Bit of inbreeding in the Claus family tree is there?

You've never heard him referred to as "the jolly old elf"?

Nope. Is it a Texas thang Irish? I have heard him referred to as the "The fat destroyer of childhood dreams" and "The reindeer fondler" but never any big jolly elf references.

Google it and you'll get lots of hits!

But I don't LIKE gettin' hit Irish?? Can I just search for it online instead and see what results come up?

Uh...yea.........

Okily dokily..... Hmmm. I just searched for "big jolly elf" and I got pictures of Danny DeVito smokin' crack at Fat Camp. I will check again.....

oy!

Me likes cheese. You'll probably end up trapping me instead, along with the neighborhood rats...

But what if I end up with you AND the rats in the one trap steflane? How will I know the difference?? Please make sure you wear your PJ's at all times just to be on the safe side if this happens. I need to be able to clearly identify you, OK?

You'll know who is who because I'll get to the cheese first.

Ahhhhhhh, yes. Fair point steflane. I must need a bit more time to get my mind moving this morning then as I completely missed that method!

James, if Santa's already in your kitchen having cheese, why do you need to send him away?

He's not THERE already Sandhya! Jeez. This is just an option is all. But using cheese also means that I might attract steflane as well, so there sre definit risks with this plan!

hahaha. I love this thread. Good times, good times. Jeez James...when are you going to accept my friend's request, huh?!

Done! I just haven't been on here is all, so didn't see it! Welcome back ya big wanker!

That's PRINCESS Wanker to YOU, jimmyboy!

Simplicity, simplicity, simplicity..... Sheer bloody genius! Of COURSE he loves a good panda spank! (Who the hell doesn't??) Forget the party though 'cos I want him all to myself. I could put super-glue on the panda's butt and when Santa has a spank he will stick to the panda and won't be able to go anywhere! I can then Ho, Ho, Ho with dastardly laughter to announce to the world I have achieved my goal! Hmmm. I am brimming with ideas now I must say. Thanks for this one wanderer.

The furniture is in the post James. Have you got plenty of glue. I had to chop it up a bit to get it in the envelope. I think it is a bit selfish not to share Santa with some of your neighbours. You could get them interested in celebrating christmas every year.

I gotta CATCH him first wanderer! Sharing with the neighbour plans will have to come later..... Thanks for sending the furniture and I will keep an eye out for it. Glue I can buy tomorrow in preparation!

Definitely not easy Margarit..... But not impossible either. As long as there is even the slightest chance then I'm gonna keep on planning! I considered dre4ssing lie a reindeer, but what if Rudolph took a fancy to me and I couldn't get the suit off quick enough?? I will work it out I hope and if I do succeed, there is no question that I'm gonna panda spank him! (Just a little is all) Thanks for the ideas and I shall add these to the list of possibilities also.

I dont think rudolf can do that for he is attach to the sleigh, but if does, you can run and go near to santa to ask help.

An excited reinderr can do pretty much anything from what I hear Maragarit so I would prefer NOT to get too confident about the sleigh harnesses slowing Rudolph down. I think it's best to just leave any ideas that involve me dressing like a reinderr off to the side for now..... Merry Christmas!