I had to say I'm sorry  |
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|  Ok, so this morning I totally lost it.
I got up to the sounds of a downpour of rain hitting the roof of my apartment. I only wanted to roll over and go back to sleep, but had an 8 oclock class so I couldn't do that. So I crawled into the shower and tried to loosen my back up, praying it would quit spasming, which it started to do as soon as I sat up. (welcome to my life when it rains)
I finished getting ready for school. Hubby and Daughter had already left. I went to grab my umbrella, which had been sitting by the door not fifteen minutes prior to that, and it was gone. I called hubby who said "Mine is in your truck, so I took yours."
Well, he could have asked right? I pulled on a jacket with a hood and tried to keep my hair from getting wet, knowing that it would be a curly mess if it got wet.
I went to the parking lot but no umbrella in my truck!
I called Mike back and said "What's the deal? There's no umbrella" He said "I'm sorry"
Something about the way he said it set my nerves off. I really let him have it and told him that he should have been more considerate to make sure that I had an umbrella before taking mine.
I also reminded him that he walked maybe 100 yards, he drops my daughter off at the door of her school, so she has less than 10 feet to walk.
I on the other hand, have to walk from one end of campus to the other. My parking spot is by one building, and the other building that I have class in on Tue/Thur is probably a good 3/4 of a mile across campus!
When I got to school, the rain that had subsided to a nasty drizzle while I was driving in turned into a downpour! I had the jacked which kept my head and shirt from getting wet, but with no protection, my pants and feet got soaked! I got to the Ladies Room and tried to dry off, only to see that the hood from my jacket had really messed up my hair! What a day
Then about noon, when I was calling to tell him I was sorry, even though I felt like he could have done things way differently, he mentioned that by the time he had driven to the town where he works which is about an hours southwest of where we are now, that the SUN was already out and it had quit raining!
So by the time he came home from work, I was beginning to feel better, but I staed angry at him all day long. Was I overreacting?
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1.  thinkingoutloud (3182)
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3 years ago
| |  Hi ya carpenter :) Overreacting? Well if you thought about it as "just an umbrella", I guess some people would say sure, that's overreacting. I don't think you overreacted at all, personally. It wasn't about the umbrella to you. (Mind you, I can't STAND having wet hair and I know that can upset me all by itself so if you're anything like me for that.... LOL).
Seriously, though, it's about respect and consideration. I'm sure you felt that your husband didn't give you a second thought when he took your umbrella to make it more convenient for himself. It's the same feeling I get when I've just cleaned the bathroom and one of the kids goes in behind me, brushes their teeth and leaves toothpaste in the sink. Or, because I can't eat the same meals as my kids a lot of time, it upsets me when they eat an item that I was counting on having for my next meal, without checking if I needed it.
Small gestures or actions like that tend to make me feel either invisible or really unimportant in the grand scheme of things. I feel like I always put others before myself and, somehow, I get upset if I never get that same courtesy.
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| carpenter5 (2217)
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3 years ago
| | I think all mothers feel that way sometimes. When the kids go through and they eat the snacks that you like, and leave everything that you don't like in the cabinet, even though it's what THEY picked out! LOL
My children are all grown, but I remember those days well. | | | |
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| 2. sandal13 (68)
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3 years ago
| |  oh dear, i think u dint over react but its just that u had a bad day and when we expect things from our dear one's and they dont really turn up that ways then it hurts,it irritates us..
i would have reacted even worst if i was in ur place but thats life dont worry it happens to all of us.
what the best part is that u have really thought over it n trying to figure out what went wrongm i thinks thats the postitive attitude after all how many of us do that? do we really take out our time n energy to analyze our behaviour ?
no we dont! so just chill..... let it be...
i am sure u r mature enuf to deal with it n pls stop staring angrilly to ur spouse go give him a hug! ALL IS WELL!
what bad was that RAIN,,,, n nothing else. take care n cheers!
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 kawalnarang (829)
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3 years ago
| |  I wish my wife will get to read this one,, I wait for such occasions to get hugs,,Thanks dear
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| sandal13 (68)
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3 years ago
| | dont worry u will get not one but many hugs from my wife but for the time being a big hug from my side, to u my friend . take care | | | |
| sandal13 (68)
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3 years ago
| | oops that was hugs from your wife, and for the time being a hug from a friend ....to u take care | | | |
| carpenter5 (2217)
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3 years ago
| | It's true. Many times we don't take the time to figure out what went wrong. I'm learning, after going through a marriage class. Before I would have slammed doors and cabinets and not spoken to him for days at a time. And that's just not right. Or if I did speak to him, it would be just snippets and only answer what I had to when he would ask me a question. | | | |
| sandal13 (68)
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3 years ago
| | i just wish , all is well in ur family! i agree that u learn with time in every relationship . and i hope its not only you who learns but also ur husband
good luck to u guys! cheers | | | |
| carpenter5 (2217)
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3 years ago
| | Oh no....definately not the only one that is learning along the way. Mike is learning things about me as well, and our kids are able to see some of the do's and don'ts of marriage that can cause trouble. 23 years, 4 kids, 2 grandchildren and one more on the way: makes it a little easier, because we've learned to communicate with our eyes and many times don't have to say a word for the other one n | | | |
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| carpenter5 (2217)
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3 years ago
| | Yea, then I woke up this morning with a horrible head cold and I feel like my head is going to explode. I wonder if it's because I got wet yesterday. i hope not, but I'm beginning to wonder. I hate that, but you gotta wonder. | | | |
| GardenGerty (35345)
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3 years ago
| |  Another thought, just a thought, is that the anger lowered your immunity and you got sick. I find that when I get really stressed that way, I get sick. By the way, I currently have the crud. Had a lot of bad and discouraging stuff happen on Monday. I got sick. Environmental factors figured as well, but I believe it was the anger and frustration that allowed it to really take hold.
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| carpenter5 (2217)
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3 years ago
| | I hadn't thought about anger lowering my immunity, but you may be right.
I did go back to the doctor and we did some blood work. My hormones are totally out of whack...I had hysterectomy several years ago. So we evaluated meds and I feel better than I have in over a year | | | |
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| 4. kawalnarang (829)
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3 years ago
| | Not at all dear ,I would have made more noise,and complain for 4 days | | | | | | |
| carpenter5 (2217)
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3 years ago
| | That would have been me several months ago. Hubby and I went through a marriage weekend, and it has helped tremendously in the way that I handle conflict. I did completely lose my cool yesterday morning, but when I calmed down, I was able to say I'm sorry immediately without adding insult to injury with hubby and daughter. | | | |
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| 5. GardenGerty (35345)
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3 years ago
| | You probably were over reacting, I do that as well. It does not help the pain. In turn the pain does not sweeten your attitude or your response. Vicious circle. I think it would be worthwhile to have a spare umbrella. | | | | | | |
| carpenter5 (2217)
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3 years ago
| | Well, you should see what I've done now! LOL
Yesterday, I took all I could take. I packed my suitcase, got in my Explorer and started driving. I knew I couldn't go far because I had an 8 o'clock class this morning. I drove 20 miles from home and checked into a hotel for three days. | | | |
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| 6. ElicBxn (24693)
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3 years ago
| |  I'm sure he knows you have back problems when it rains - I know I often get sick if I get rained on - he should've known better than to take yours...
grrrrrr, good thing he's where you are because I'd be chewing him out!
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| carpenter5 (2217)
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3 years ago
| | He got his chewing believe me. I'm so stressed right now with finals and a couple of papers coming up and all the stuff going on with our son. And like most men, he's not one to just come out and say what's going on. He keeps everything bottled up and won't talk about it. | | | |
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| carpenter5 (2217)
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3 years ago
| | Unfortunately, our apartment is too little for that. I found the umbrella in the back of his closet. He had evidently put it up for me and then just forgot about it. He did apologize and everything is ok between us. I know that married couples are going to disagree, and we've never been ones to keep it inside. I think this is why we've been married for more than 22 years | | | |
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| 8. danishcanadian (24623)
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3 years ago
| |  I don't think that you were overreacting AT ALL!!! When my husband and I need to use something that belongs to the other, we make it known that we need it, and we ask if the other person needs it first, since it is theirs. Even if i catch my husband on his way out to the kitche, and think "while he's out there he can make me a cup of coffee" I will ask him "when you are finished doing whatever it is you went out there for, can you please make me a coffee?" Or if I need to borrow something of his, or he needs something of mine we'll ask the other person if that item is free to borrow. if he wants to borrow an umbrella, for example, to go stand outside and smoke a cigarette (no smoking in here) but I am on my way out the door to go somewhere (I have to walk about 100 feet from the bus stop to the cafe) he'll give me the umbrella, because it's mine (if he can't find the other one that's his), or put on a hat, since 3 minutes smoking a cigarette is less than 10 minutes walking (I don't walk that fast).
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| carpenter5 (2217)
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3 years ago
| | Your husband sounds like a sweetheart. Mine is too most of the time. That morning nothing was sitting right with me! In all reality, most of the time, he will come and get smething of mine, only after asking to make sure I'm not using the item first. When I calmed down a little he reminded me that we'd had the discussions about umbrellas the night before. I had simply forgotten. I needed to get gas before school, so my plan was to go to USA Drugs and get gas and the extra umbrella at the same time! | | | |
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