You Could Have Blown Me Over With A Feather
By pyewacket
@pyewacket (43903)
United States
June 21, 2009 8:15pm CST
Sometime ago I did a discussion about how my mother's lies still haunt me...my mother was a pathological liar, especially spreading a lot of lies about me just to make her look better and me some kind of candidate for the daughter from hell award. When I learned from a friend of mine who confided about the lies my mother was telling, I had my work cut out for me, trying to settle things and tell people the truth and thankfully when they heard my side of the story they began to realize what a liar my mother had been-----all save two people.
In my other discussion I related how I was out on errands and bumped into this woman Linda (about my age) who is the daughter of a woman (Edith) who have lived in my neighborhood a long time...as long as I have (48 years)--I went to elementary school with Linda's sister. When Linda saw me that day she practically ran away from me, yet yelled at me "I'm not speaking to you." I yelled back to her, "Why not?" She replied, "Your mother told us how you abused her." And she made a bee-line away from me before I could settle things and tell her the truth.
Anyway, all this time I was thinking of sending a detailed letter to both Linda and her mother to tell them what really happened and that my mother was a pathological liar living in her own twilight zone. Then today, I went out for some errands and lo and behold saw Linda...I was going to skedaddle quickly by her and not say anything...but then thought, shat, let me settle this NOW.
Linda saw me approaching her and before I had a chance to say one word.....she APOLOGIZED for her behavior. My jaw dropped I think. She told me that day I bumped into her she was in a real stressed out frenzy---she began relating all the health problems her mother (Edith) had been having for the past month--first hospitalized, then placed in a nursing home then hospitalized again and back to a nursing home. So we started yaking some more, and then I started telling her about my mother, her behavior, and what a liar she was and this and that. There was a lot more I wanted to say, but a downpour of rain was about to happen (again) but we shook hands and called a "truce" and had we both had a better understanding of things between us.
Going home I was practically doing a Happy Feet dance (people must have thought I was weird)---but just couldn't believe my luck that an "opening" resulted, and all due my gearing up, and approaching Linda the way I did--I was expecting an argument from her again.
Have you ever had a misunderstanding between you and another person? Were you able to set things right and get things out in the open the way I did? Did you do a Happy Feet dance when it was resolved?
15 people like this
37 responses
@guybrush (4658)
• Australia
22 Jun 09
I'm SO glad you had the chance to sort out the misunderstanding with Linda, Pye. I thought it was horrible at the time to have someone think bad (and untrue) things about you - and it's great to know Linda obviously had other things on her mind at the time, and was probably just blowing off steam. It's an excellent feeling when you can put things straight - I was very, VERY happy when my daughter decided to speak to me again after three years' silence - and I definitely DID do a Happy Feet dance in my head, if not on the ground!
5 people like this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
22 Jun 09
Wow your daughter didn't talk to you for three years? Glad for you that things got straightened out between the two of you
1 person likes this
@guybrush (4658)
• Australia
26 Jun 09
I'm glad, too. Stupidly, I'd pressed 'send' on an email, telling her a few home truths. Sometimes that's not a wise thing to do - in the days of letters and postage stamps, we would have had plenty of time to think about whether we REALLY wanted to send something. Email is far too convenient ... and dangerous.
1 person likes this
@scarlet_woman (23463)
• United States
22 Jun 09
wow-that's rare to get an apology.doesn't excuse her for lashing out because of her own problem though.ah well..lil' steps,i guess 
yea,i've been in a one sided fight with somebody about 4 1/2 years now.
it is one sided,though they think it's two.i'm not apologizing-he's wrong,and being paranoid to boot.the spouse has probably always hated me when i look back on it.
so,i guess i'm an "enemy" til further notice.
big dose of whatever at this point,y'know.it's just sad.
yea,i've been in a one sided fight with somebody about 4 1/2 years now.
it is one sided,though they think it's two.i'm not apologizing-he's wrong,and being paranoid to boot.the spouse has probably always hated me when i look back on it.
so,i guess i'm an "enemy" til further notice.
big dose of whatever at this point,y'know.it's just sad.5 people like this
@scarlet_woman (23463)
• United States
22 Jun 09
*sigh*..i don't know if it can be repaired at this point.
if it were between two people maybe,but with the third there i doubt it.
one of those that just looks for fault,any fault.
and i still don't consider myself an enemy,regardless of what they think presently.
2 people like this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
22 Jun 09
Oh I've been known to lash out myself at times when something is going on in my life...LOL
Hope you can somehow gets things settled with your "Paranoid" person--that is if you really want to???
3 people like this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
22 Jun 09
Well like I said you could have blown me over with a feather and I was expecting maybe another tirade....instead she apologized
3 people like this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
22 Jun 09
Yes, I have that happened. In fact it went so well that I can't tell you what was the beef. But it did work out great and I didn't have to explain too much , as I remember.it is great when all well that ends well.
4 people like this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
22 Jun 09
I'm glad to hear you had a positive experience as well and everything worked out for you...is a great feeling
2 people like this
@Opal26 (17679)
• United States
22 Jun 09
Hey pye! That is such wonderful news! I am so happy for you
that you were finally able to straighten things out with Linda!
I know how much it bothered you to not be able to say what
you want to that day and how badly you felt being attacked by
her when you knew that she was wrong and needed to explain
things to her about your mother! I am glad that you two were
finally able to get things out in the open and she gave you
the opportunity to say what needed to be said! I don't blame
you for wanting to do the "happy dance"! You deserve it! Your
mother's ghost doesn't need to haunt you now too! She did
enough damage while she was here on earth! You should feel
so much better and relieved that this happened the way it
did today! Timing is everything!
5 people like this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
22 Jun 09
Talk about being at the right place at the right time, right? Today must have been a good day going for me all way round. Another happy event happened too. I had been trying to contact a friend of mine...kept calling, emailing. This went on a whole month..nothing...no answer either from phone or emails so was worried about her--a few hours ago, she called me!
3 people like this
@PeacefulWmn9 (10420)
• United States
22 Jun 09
Yes, I have had similar experiences when I divorced, and my ex spread many untrue rumors. I live in a small town, so many business and other people heard these rumors. I didn't address them, didn't pay any attention. As the months went by and we each lived our lives (he and I), the truth could be seen! People started speaking to me again, and even saying they knew what I'd been through and were so happy at how I had dealt with it.
Happy feet, here, too :D
5 people like this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
22 Jun 09
I'm glad things worked out with you. Living in a small town I guess can even make it worse since if I know human nature people just LOVE to gossip--I don't live in a small town but the apt building is full of gossips..the worse is my super who just LOVES being the National Inquirer here...LOL
1 person likes this
@PeacefulWmn9 (10420)
• United States
22 Jun 09
LOL, and I imagine your super is self-appointed to spread the word. I live in an apartment, too, and am fortunate to have wonderful neighbors!
Karen
2 people like this
@Lakota12 (42600)
• United States
23 Jun 09
So glad you got that settled.
I have a lie about me going on over 40 years and I have told my side of teh story to some but not others as they wouldnt listen now when ever it is brought up I just ignore it and slide it by as I am getting so tired of repeating the same old thing.
3 people like this
@TheGreatWhiteBuffalo (4822)
• United States
23 Jun 09
An outpouring of information could also be like the heavens about to open the rain was right on schedule or maybe a little late???
So much to write about...
Fuel for the fire...
3 people like this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
22 Jun 09
I'm glad I had the uh...balls to approach her. I'm not one for fights or confrontations and didn't know what to expect when I approached Linda--reason why I was flabbergasted when she apologized to me
3 people like this
@BarBaraPrz (51819)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
22 Jun 09
Glad to hear you straightened out things with Linda.
3 people like this
@joyceshookery (2057)
• United States
23 Jun 09
I'm glad you were able to talk with Linda and she actually listened. It feels good to get beyond misunderstandings. My daughter and I have a closer relationship now. She says I've changed and she can talk with me more easily. She feels loved -- in the past she didn't. Yeah, it warmed my heart and I got really close to doing the happy dance.
3 people like this
@walijo2008 (4644)
• United States
23 Jun 09
Well its good that you were able to clear things up with this lady, and she just happened to apologize to you first. I hope you don't have to go through this again in the future. I've never been in a situation like that, that I can think of, and I hope I never have to...good luck to you...
3 people like this
@dreamweaverjan (3471)
• United States
22 Jun 09
HI Pye;, Well that's some good news for a change huH?? I bet you did do a
"HAPPY FEET DANCE" LOL!! I can just sorta picture you doing that too (G)!
Hopefully you will see her again and can even more of a detailed discussion and really get it all out in the open and settled;
I'm glad it all worked out for you this time around when seeing her;
hang in there!!!
4 people like this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
22 Jun 09
Yes there was a lot more I wanted to talk about but like I said it looked as if a torrential storm was going to come down...uh, and not five seconds at home it did rain...again. But at least this was a start, right?
2 people like this
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
23 Jun 09
That is good news and I don’t blame you for doing the Happy Feet Dance! I haven’t had anything like that happen to me and I would imagine if it did I would have been very upset that someone believed lies about me and I don’t think I would have rested until the other person knew the truth. Looks like a little miracle happened (I believe in those) by the way things resolved themselves. You must feel so much better and relieved that the truth is now known. Fancy hurting you from the grave still...
3 people like this
@byfaithonly (10698)
• United States
22 Jun 09
Actually had some 'issues' with one of my sisters for many many years. We didn't actually resolve the situation but over this last year I got much closer to her and realized I was not the only one she had treated this way. Afraid a serious drinking problem added to a very insecure already ladies problems and I at least can now love her as a big sister should and feel badly I wasn't aware of the seriousness of her problems before - I always saw her as the one of us with it all going on, smart, hard working, talented (could have been a concert pianist).
@byfaithonly (10698)
• United States
23 Jun 09
I am sure insecurity had a huge part in both her behavior towards others and her drive to 'perfection' I am really concerned about her, she's not sober, not getting help, and just last month got a job in Chicago where she knows no one at all - now she's drinking at home alone in a strange city. I don't know what I can do and as much as our Mom and I love and care for her she's going to have to be the one to decide what she's going to do with her life.
1 person likes this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
23 Jun 09
It sounds as if even though your sister came across as the "ith it all going on, smart, hard working, talented" person she may have been the way she was out of a lot of insecurities...and of course drinking didn't help..is she sober now or getting help?
1 person likes this
@lynboobsy11 (11343)
• Philippines
24 Jun 09
Once with the aunt of my ex-live in partner, actually someone told her a bad things about her and told that I was the one who criticized and says bad things to her. She started to talk in my back yelling and somehow talk to me bad words when I'm not around. One day I caught her and accidentally I heard her talking to someone about me. I confronted her and clarify the things between us, it's only a mis understanding humor that she heard only the one side of the story and with the wrong person. So I tried to explain her about the humor. And after that we have a peaceful day since we talk. Like yours I bothered the things around me specially when I was involved so I rather clarify the things rather ignored that.
2 people like this
@jerzgirl (9384)
• United States
22 Jun 09
I'm glad that worked out. I still have no idea who my grandmother told what to. I shouldn't have to prove anything to them, really. I know what I did and didn't do, regardless of what she said. But, it bugs the holy hell out of me that the things she said were pure fabrication - most likely because of her Alzheimers, but people still believed her. That's the thing that got me - people BELIEVED her!
Anyway, I'm very glad your situation worked out for you. I'm just going to go about my life and worry about it if and when it comes up. Most people my grandmother talked to I probably won't be associating with in the near future.
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
22 Jun 09
My mother was very convincing like that too and wonder if not Alzheimers she may have had dementia--my mother certainly acted demented...LOL
I felt the same way also...that I didn't have to "prove" anything as I knew the truth, but I just wanted to put closure on the past and by settling the score with that women I was able to
1 person likes this
@nanajanet (4436)
• United States
22 Jun 09
I am very happy for you that things worked out with Linda. It is very hard when you have been misunderstood and not matter how much you tell the truth that you are not believed. It is the most frustrating thing in the world and you just want to hit someone in the head and yell, "I AM TELLING THE TRUTH!!!! DON'T YOU GET IT?!!!"
2 people like this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
23 Jun 09
Sometimes I felt like I needed to supply one of those polygraph machines so that I could be tested that I was telling the truth...LOL
1 person likes this
@tamarafireheart (15384)
•
22 Jun 09
Hi pye,
That was turn up for the books weren't it? I hope now she understands and not think you were abusing your mother, I really hope you both can meet up and talk more. I was at work one day and my friend started to ignore me for no reason and ti just bugged me so I ask her why the cold shoulder, then she told me a friend of hers told her to keep away from me as I have mad vibes, well I didn't know what to say as I have known my friend since we were young and we are in our fifties, while she has only known this friend for a few months, then one morning I bump into my friend's friend and tacked her about it, at first she denied it and carried on as if nothing has happened so I ask he again, but she just forbed me off. I told my friend the next day and we both came to the conclusion that she was just making trouble and maybe even jealous of our friendship.
Bright Blessings
Tamara
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
23 Jun 09
Wow what "sour grapes" that woman had...she no doubt was jealous of the friendship you had with your friend of many years and was trying to turn her against you so she could be a "best friend"--how petty
1 person likes this
@lumenmom (1986)
• United States
22 Jun 09
I have had such moments before and it does feel so much better when things are aired out. On the flip side I am going through something like that right now with my sister. She has a couple of children who love to create confusion, but the one daughter is what I consider dangerous because she is learning at such a young age to be a liar, a thief, a bully and an instigator all while looking like the helpless victim. She then sits back and watches the sparks fly. Unfortunately she has been spreading lies to my sister, having her think me and my daughter are picking on her when in fact the reverse is true. Now my sister has distanced herself from me and my daughter but she will not tell me why. She does not know that I already know some of what has been said and it makes me so mad because it is all lies. I am glad you were able to resolve your situation. I don't know that I will be able to resolve mine because this girl is very good at what she does.
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
23 Jun 09
I wonder how your sister's one daughter learned to be such a troublemaker? from friends? Well one of the reasons I don't lie since lies are always found out...which is exactly what happened when I started hearing all the lies my mother told about me...Don't worry, be patient...sooner or later your sister's daughter's lies will be found out as well.
1 person likes this
