The 4th of July Is My Holiday With My Daughter....  | | The 4th of July is my holiday this year with my daughter. I didn't have any money to buy fireworks for the kids(I also have a 2 year old son) this year but my ex had bought my daughter a boat load of fireworks so she shot some off here the past couple days.
Now if you don't already know, my ex has primary custody of our daughter so when I get her for a holiday then it is special time I get to spend with her. Well, he brought her over this morning and I let her shot a few of her fireworks this morning. Well, the town I live in is having a 4th of July celebration at the park, free BBQ, games, etc. It didn't start until 4pm and I was planning on taking the kids to it. Well, my ex works for the City and was already up there working. My daughter kept bugging me to let her go to the park and I kept telling her that she would go when we all went at 4 o'clock. Then about 2:30 my ex comes by my house and asks her if she wants to go to the park with him because there are already a bunch of kids there playing. I got mad, but I went ahead and let her go and I told her that her brother and I would be there shortly. Well, we got there about 3:30 and she was running around playing with all the kids. I played with my 2 year old and I let him throw a few Snap Dragons a/k/a poppers. Well, they started serving the food and I try to get my daughter to get in line with me (struggling to hold on to a two year old because he wants to run around), she doesn't want to, she would rather go run off and do something else. I was really frustrated at this point, then after me and my 2 year old ate (still a struggle to get a 2 year old to sit down and eat), I get up and walk over to a game they have going on (which costs money to play). My ex had give my daughter money to play it. Now my 2 year old wants to play and they let him play a bit for free which I thought was nice but I didn't have any money to pay for the kids to play games so I was trying to get my 2 year old to go play on the slide or swings. Now, my ex tells my daughter to go with him to get something to eat. And they walk off to get something to eat. At this point, I'm totally pissed! This is my holiday and he is the one getting to enjoy it with our daughter, not me. I stay a little longer and chase my 2 year around, he kept wanting to play the game that cost money. I get so frustrated trying to keep up with him that I just decide to bring him home and let him throw some more Snap Dragons here at home. So, I go over to where my ex and daughter are eating and just tell them that we are leaving and we will be back later to watch the fireworks.
Am I wrong for being pissed off? Should I have made her stay here with me to begin with, should I have made her leave when I left? I am just so frustrated right now, not just with my ex, but also with my 8 year old daughter for not giving me an opportunity to spend today with her.
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singlemommy (976) | 6 months ago | Thank you so much for responding. You are so right, she would remember my anger down the road. That's part of the reason I left, so I didn't continue to get hurt and get upset and wind up showing it.
I'm hoping that tonight we can enjoy the fireworks together. Thanks for the great advice! Happy 4th!
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| | 2. ANTIQUELADY (11603) | 7 months ago | I think u have every right to be mad at both of them. I don't guess there is much u can do w/him but me & that yound lady would have a serious talk. BEING NOSY here but why does he have custody anyway. A child needs to be w/their mother especially a little girl i would think. He seems to do u this way all the time. THINK IT'S TIME Y'ALL HAD A TALK TO.
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singlemommy (976) | 6 months ago | Yes, I totally agree that a little girl does need to be with her mother. It is a very long story. One that I wish I could forget but not much I can do about it now. Thanks for the comment! Happy 4th of July!
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ANTIQUELADY (11603) | 6 months ago | Thank you. Wish yours had been better, I HAD TO GO TO THE FUNRAL HOME THIS AFTERNOON & THAT SURE WAS A SAD THING TO DO. Hope your sunday is better.
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| | 3. sysdexlicwriter (1139) | 7 months ago | I think your daughter is being a normal 8 year old. She just wants to play and enjoy the day. I can see why you are mad, but that happens as a mother a lot whether you are divorced or not. So many of us women feel left out because of the money issue. I think it is always good for a woman to have skills so that she can have her own income. All in all, I hope you can still enjoy the day and let the rest of this go so that the next time you get your daughter can be better for all of you.
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singlemommy (976) | 6 months ago | Yes, I know she is just a normal 8 year old and I want her to enjoy her childhood but I want her to grow up knowing that there are people around her and their feelings matter too. I wish I made better money and more extra money to throw around but I don't, maybe someday I will until then, I just have to make due with what I have. Have a Happy 4th!
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| | 4. elemental69 (1023) | 7 months ago | I am so sorry that it didnt work out for you today. Is there a court order stating the arrangements for your daughter? If there is then he is breaking it. He shouldnt be overstepping the mark on your quality time with your daughter. I would be more frustrated with your ex though and not your daughter. She is too young to understand what he is up to. In her eyes he can do no wrong .
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singlemommy (976) | 6 months ago | Yes, we do have papers stating that I get her this year for the 4th. I am more upset with my ex. He seems to do this sort of thing often and thus says, he doesn't realize what he is doing until it is done. It's just him being who he is, a jerk. Thanks for the response! Happy 4th!
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| | 5. tamarafireheart (12642) | 6 months ago | Hi singlemommy,
I blame your ex being there instead of letting you spend time with your daughter he was there to spend it with her, that is not fair and you can't blame your daughter for it, but I can understand how you feel, talk to your ex and tell him how you felt and next thime you have your eight years old let her know you love her and like to spend time with her but don't tell her how you felt on the day as its not her fault and she only feel torn between the two of you, but its your ex that needs a good telling off.
Tamara
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| | 6. stephcjh (22992) | 6 months ago | I totally understand your frustration. Kids want to be where the action is out and be with whoever is taking them to do whatever they want. My daughter is like that also. She would much rather give my husband or someone else attention than to give it to me, the one who provides for and disciplines her. I have gave into my daughter several times too but it only gets worse. I would demand she stay with you and the ex can either like it or lump it!
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| | 7. mtdewgurl74 (10363) | 6 months ago | You must have alot of restraint for you not to blow up..I would have been really pissed and pulling the ex aside to strip a bit of hide of someone's arse..be it his or the daughters. She was very inconsiderate of you. Ex should have talked to her. It's sounds as though you had one miserable day for sure. I would tell him I want another day to replace this one..
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| | 8. book1962 (14766) | 6 months ago | hi simglemommy, my parents divorced when I was not quite 2 and so I know what you talk about. Here it was the other way round my mother had custody for me and my father lived in another city a 30 minutes drive from where we lived so when it was "Father time" I had to go to him whether I wanted to or not and most of the time this was not a good time for me at all. He remarried a b!tch he was working with and she made my life he11 there. I think you are not right in being mad at your daughter you cant expect her with 8 years old to tell her own father who has custody for her that this is her MOM day and she wants to stay with you. But it is right that you are mad at your ex´for messing up and stealing your mother daughter day from you.
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| | 9. FFFrocks (197) | 6 months ago | aw, singlemommny, that sounds tough. First of all, don't feel guilty about your emotions over this. They are natural and you have a right to them. Second, I commend you for keeping your cool. You could have blown up at your ex and forced your daughter to stay with you, or go home with you and your son, but she wouldn't have understood the dynamics of the situation. She would have felt that she did something wrong when she hadn't. I think maybe your ex wasn't thinking beyond the the fact that he wanted to see his daughter have fun on the 4th? He just went about it the wrong way. You should talk with him, most definately. But it needs to be done in a calm and rational manner otherwise he won't take you seriously. He should have approached you and asked you if these things were okay before he took actions, that's what you have to make him understand.
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| | 10. JenInTN (3793) | 6 months ago | Heyya singlemommy! I would be pissed too. That is your time with your daughter and how dare him take that from you. As far as the girl..well...she is only 8 and doeasn't think about the things that you do. She doeasn't have the emotional capabilities yet to understand that it hurts your feelings..she just sees fun fun fun. Dad on the other hand is a jerk. Dad knows full well and probably done it for spite. I think I would tell him a thing or two about that. Are you documanting these incidents? You should..just in a notepad or on a sheet of paper. Times,dates,what happened. These documentations can be very important if you ever go back to court for anything. He can't deny them and it shows he breaches agreements. Take care.
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