Users Guide To... Slobdom   

The whole time I was reading this I was thinking of my lovely daughter

Any flat surface is a good place to toss junk, no matter what room it is. Don't throw away junk mail, let it pile up on a flat surface.
Don't put the bills and calenders or anything else IN the desk, let it pile up on top of it until it falls on the floor behind it. Let the trash cans pile up until it starts to fall out onto the floor, leave one dirty plate in the sink everyday....yeah, it's just one plate and you don't want to waste water or soap rinsing or washing it before it gets permanently crusted over. There's more, but I can't be bothered with thinking about it right now. I am too busy sitting on my butt, achieving slobdom!

You already sent this to my kids about 5 years ago didn't you? LOL Because I just HAD to look behind the couch and sure enough not only are there wrappers but I found your balogne sandwich. You should see the colors in the mold............

I'm a pretty good housekeeper, but I have a VERY long haired dog and when she starts shedding her winter coat, I've stopped bothering about it. She shed's heavily for about a week and I just let her have at it. Then I gather up all the hair, stick it in a pillowcase, and one day I'm going to have enough hair stuffing to restore some old chairs I have in the basement! LOL

*eating NEW EXTRA Orange Cheetos and drinking chocolate milk out of a dribble glass*



are you cleaning house???


is anybody going to eat that bologna sandwich???




*looks down at Cheetos fragments all over floor*

DAM gravity!!!

LOL..These are funny. Don't forget to turn the water faucet on full force to wash your hands then flip them over the sink so that we have an artistic slobbingly pattern of water spots on the mirror. Then turn around and grab the hand twel to dry your hands slightly, fold up the towel in fours and rehang. If you refold it the next deleicate little flower to use the bathroom can not use to towel without unfolding it so the water all drips down their forearm.. OH and just one more I promise.......it takes alot of energy and strenth to open a drawer or cabinet in the kitchen so for goodness sake don't EVEN think of closing it.

Hang on...I gotta get dressed...

*digs through pile of laundry sniffing for cleanest underwear and socks*

Why should I use an ashtray...when you rub the ashes into the carpet you can't see them...and the half empty drinking glasses are GREAT for throwing the butts in...

Hang on a minute...gotta get some jeans...

*starts standing jeans in corner*

The secret here is to wear the pair that DOESN'T stand up by themselves...

Ah...these'll work.

Anyway...what was the question?

5. *Problem* too many dishes to wash after the meals, *Solution!* Set them outside for the bugs to clean off & the rain to rinse. After a few weeks they're ready to use again.

Lol my mom would have killed me for the first one, and did a few times before I wised up lol, but the rest, yeah specially the floor was my room, had a pathway to the closet, dresser and my bed lol. Though was good for hiding stuff in that I didnt want my parents to find lol. Hell when I first moved out, I found a still wrapped starburst under one of the piles, and 20 dollars lol. I didnt eat the candy though, I could remember when that pile first went down and no way in hell lol.

Problem The ashtray is full and overflowing and the last cigarette you just put out caught the whole thing on fire. SolutionThat's what the cold coffee is for, to put out the fire. Worry about the stench and mess when the wife goes on the computer and nearly barfs at the sight and smell of it.

That one I learned from the hubby lol.

Why did I walk in and find a sock in the sugar bowl? Where is the lid for the sugar bowl? OMG, why do I live here? I am presuming that he took off his socks and flung them in the air resulting in one of them landing in the sugar bowl (I think...)

What’s that smell? HE IS DRYING OUT HIS FOOTBALL BOOTS IN THE OVEN, MY OVEN!!! AND (takes a closer look...) YEP THEY ARE ENGINE PARTS, THERE ARE REAL DIRTY ENGINE PARTS ON THE KITCHEN TABLE, MY KITCHEN TABLE!!!

Do I need to mention that we are no longer living together?