My husband and I are finally on the same page with our finances!
@jodylee_04530 (1097)
United States
September 8, 2009 9:29pm CST
Okay, so I went totally AWOL with money over the last few years. My husband did not pay attention. I waited for things to be nearly canceled and paid what they told me too when I would call to fix it. I made it by pay check to pay check. I would sob to my husband every now and again about how we need more money, we need to pay our bills and he would not really offer any solutions.
Then, we got a foreclosure notice. It hit both of us in the face like a tractor trailer truck blazing down "the Golden Road". We needed to do something or our little family was about to be homeless.
My husband has really taken the bull by the horns since then. He got me to read Dave Ramsey's Total Money Make Over and he just started paying bills. Over the last two months he has got us away from being foreclosed on and he paid off our property taxes to avoid a lien on the house.
He has been working so hard and I have been so proud of him. We now meet once a week to go over our finances and talk about our hopes and dreams. It has been a complete 180 in our relationship. We have not fought about money in what feels like an eternity. We are communicating now more than we ever have. Our relationship has gained so much from our ability to discuss such an important issue.
Has anyone else experienced this amazing transformation in their own relationships? I would love to hear from others who can keep me inspired on the journey for us to be a dept free family, with fully funded college accounts for our two boys and a fully invested retirement account. For now we are working on $1000 in the bank! For now, we are current :)
2 people like this
9 responses
@roseyroser (1059)
• United States
9 Sep 09
That's really great that you and your husband got on a better road with your finances! There are so many people who can't say the same. Be grateful that you have worked so hard to reach your goal of NOT ending up homeless. Last Spring, I watched an Oprah episode about people who lost their jobs in the horrible economy and ended up not being homeless because they couldn't pay their bills. It was very hard to watch.
1 person likes this
@jodylee_04530 (1097)
• United States
9 Sep 09
Money problems are the number one cause of divorce in this country for a reason. We are very fortunate and lucky to have each other. Sometimes we need each other more than we realize until we are shown how devastating life could get very quickly. I can't wait to get cable back so I can watch Opera again. No cable is not a bad thing, a good place to save money and allows me more time with my family and less time wasted at the TV. Opera does some amazing pieces though, very powerful indeed. I give thanks every day that we have moved forward to a better financial position, and that we did not become another statistic in this terrible economic state we are in.
1 person likes this
@cher913 (25781)
• Canada
9 Sep 09
we are not current because my hubby lost his job recently but we are careful when we shop. we shop at thrift stores for our clothes (you would be surprised what you can find there - new and old!) plan your meals, make a list, shop only according to the lists. use the library. i hope we can become like you and will look for that book. thanks.
@jodylee_04530 (1097)
• United States
9 Sep 09
That is a good point you make! It just hit me how much more money it is to grill food then to make hardy comfort foods. I am glad you just said that because I had not really thought about it. We have not grilled a lot this summer compared to years past but I am really looking forward to a big pot of stew or some hot, bubbly homemade macoroni and cheese!
@jodylee_04530 (1097)
• United States
9 Sep 09
Living a frugal lifestyle is a huge peice of the puzzle. Make payments on what you can and keep the lights on, food on the table and a roof over your head. The rest will fall in place. We have learned to cut a lot out of our budget. We went from a $200 food bill / week down to $55. That includes diapers for our two kids and formula for our little one. I never imagined us saving money like that. We wasted so much food before now. Now we make our lists, use coupons and shop the deals. We often go to three places to get all we need but when you eliminate the convience factor, your bills can dramatically decrease.
Dave Ramsey always says "live like no one else, so later you can live like no one else". Our friends think we are weird because we are always saying we can't afford to do things. They offer to pay for us to go out with them but we (most often) politely decline.
The library is a wonderful resource and they really should have a copy of the total money makeover for you to check out. If they don't see if you can do a library exchange. Putting a name to every dollar that comes into your house and out of your house makes you responsible for your actions. My husband and I have a budget meeting once a week to come up with the game plan and then, we exectute! It is really fun to do the meetings and we are enjoying each other now more than every before.
I hope your husband finds a job soon!!!
@silverglint (2000)
• Philippines
9 Sep 09
Good for you! Been trying to get my husband to pay more attention to our finances for years also. Once in a while he would listen when I enumerate the things that we have to settle or pay, feel sad about the situation and would reinforce my suggestion that we be more diligent in paying off our debts...then I feel like it would just evaporate and be gone the next day. Why do I think so? Because after a few days, he would be considering buying something like a guitar or maybe a new video camera!
I am like, what??! didn't it register to you that we have debts and obligations to pay and that I am over my head with trying to figure out how to pay them and you want a new guitar?? Oh well... I don't know what it will take to make him realize how serious our situation is. I just hope it will not be too late...
I am like, what??! didn't it register to you that we have debts and obligations to pay and that I am over my head with trying to figure out how to pay them and you want a new guitar?? Oh well... I don't know what it will take to make him realize how serious our situation is. I just hope it will not be too late...@silverglint (2000)
• Philippines
10 Sep 09
Hi, I am interested in that Financial Peace you mentioned. Is that a book or a website? I would really like us to be able to understand each other better financially. I hope my husband can be like your husband soon. I don't know how much longer I can retain my sanity hehehe
@jodylee_04530 (1097)
• United States
10 Sep 09
Hi silverglint... You can head to DaveRamsey.com for a lot of information. He has a couple of really great books and also Financial Peace University. The website is full of information and you can get a new fresh perspective on that site. Please check it out. I can't express how much Dave's philosophys and teachings have changed our lives.
If you have any questions I would be more than willing to answer what I can! Best of luck to you!!!!
@prashanthalva (2272)
• India
9 Sep 09
That's Really Nice for you To Have A Husband who Has Really Done What You Did Wish for .. Hope You Have a Good Life Ahead .. It's Nice to hear About a Loving Successful Family ..
@jodylee_04530 (1097)
• United States
9 Sep 09
He is a wonderful man. I am so pleased that he has stepped up and taken the initiative to do the work for our family. Without this decision it would have just been a matter of time for us to end up an evil statistic. Thank you for the well wishes. As we journey forward I hope we can learn from each other each and every day.
@morgandrake (2136)
• United States
9 Sep 09
Me and my wife are still on separate pages money-wise. At the moment, the only joint bill is the mortage. Of course, a lot of this is about the fact that I am still unemployed. There is also the little fact that I know a little more about economics than she does; plus I managed a restaurant for ten years. I know that the day is coming when we have to get on the same page, but it is still a couple of years off. On the bright note, despite my long unemployment, and then becoming a college student living off of loans, we did not get anywhere near being foreclosed upon.
Grats, on managing to get away from the edge of that scary cliff. My folks lost a business and their house when I was a kid, so I know something about how bad it can get.
@jodylee_04530 (1097)
• United States
9 Sep 09
I hope you and your wife can get there before a few more years pass. I can't imagine going back to our separate money lives. Being in tune with each other has been a great experience so far. My husband is definatly the numbers type of guy. He has said that figuaring out the budget is like putting together a puzzle. I say good for him. I just do not have the brain for it. We have worked out our roles based on what we are good at. I can mail the bills off and call the companies I need to, while he sites with is notebook and looks at the numbers. But, each week, we sit together and put a name to every dollar that comes into the house. We cross off the list things we have paid and we dream about a bright future.
I am thankful to be off that scary ledge myself! I am sure it was tough being a kid and witnessing that. Hopefully my kids will never have to experience that with us!
1 person likes this
@morgandrake (2136)
• United States
9 Sep 09
Unfortuantely, my wife has a habit of ignoring my opinions until someone else tells her the exact same idea. And with the way she spends money, the only way to make sure that I have any money set aside for emergencies is to have separate accounts. I tried to help her run a business for awhile, and I now understand the sterotype of artists being incapable of being businesspeople. I can not imagine anything that could happen that would actually give me a vote in how the money was spent if we combined our accounts.
@jodylee_04530 (1097)
• United States
9 Sep 09
The only thing I can offer is to make her think it is her own idea. This is something my husband did to me. It is almost like reverse psychology. Plant the seed and walk away. Give her the incentive to come to the table with an open mind!
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
9 Sep 09
Our family too is now working on getting out of debt. We've decided that the credit card debts are killing us and we are both at the point that we don't want to owe anything to anyone. I look forward to the day that we can call Dave Ramsey and hollar "We're Debt Free!" We have about 12,500 in credit card debt and we owe 68,000 on our house. We would love to be able to pay it all off. It is going to take time and it is going to take committment, but our goal is to do it by the time that I am 40 and he is 45. That gives us 10.5 years to do it. We are starting by tackling the smallest credit card and working up to the next one, etc. as I've read in Dave Ramsey's debt snowball.
@jodylee_04530 (1097)
• United States
9 Sep 09
I too cannot wait for teh "We're debt free" moment! Imagining what that must feel like, so freeing! The debt snowball will be starting soon. We are trying to get the $1000 emergency fund, but I can't wait to start ticking things off the list.
Credit cards sure do add up fast don't they. I can't believe how nice it is to not have that plastic thing stuck to me all the time. When I need gas, I buy gas... food the same thing. I will not be a slave to the lender anymore!
It is really nice to see other people going through the same process. Dave really is on to something. His words of encouragment and reality are so helpful in the process. We no longer get him on the radio up here so we do podcasts on the computer. It is nice to just hang out at home with the family and listen to Dave talk to people!
My three year old wanted icecream yesterday and we did not have any so I told him he could not have any today. He was so cute, instead of throwing a tantrum, he looks me in the eyes and asks to put it on the list for next week and we will look for a sale. I started tearing up with joy! Watching my little family tree changing!
@buzzmaker (630)
• India
9 Sep 09
Fortunately No! 
I am the husband @ home but I thank god for not getting me into such kind of situation. Though I have faced tough times before I got married. I am the only bread earner at my house. I also have loans, credit card payments to do etc etc ... all those financial crunches that make one think 'god why did i get into all this' but fortunately I am paying those off slowly.
My Wife and I discuss and take decisions regarding any financial matter. Earlier even I was very careless about my finances but there were some triggers which got me back on the right track.
I think everyone goes through these situations. and everyone gets a chance to get out of the same. The trigger could be just anything... but the point is that he got back on the right track and getting out of debt!
I am the husband @ home but I thank god for not getting me into such kind of situation. Though I have faced tough times before I got married. I am the only bread earner at my house. I also have loans, credit card payments to do etc etc ... all those financial crunches that make one think 'god why did i get into all this' but fortunately I am paying those off slowly.
My Wife and I discuss and take decisions regarding any financial matter. Earlier even I was very careless about my finances but there were some triggers which got me back on the right track.
I think everyone goes through these situations. and everyone gets a chance to get out of the same. The trigger could be just anything... but the point is that he got back on the right track and getting out of debt!@jodylee_04530 (1097)
• United States
9 Sep 09
Good for you and your wife! It is nice to hear that someone is just ready to go. There certainly are triggers out there but getting on track and staying there is the best place to be. I am looking forward to a life of being debt free. I can imagine the freeing feeling you must have is overwhelming. Do you and your wife meet regularly or just as things come up?
@hotsummer (13919)
• Philippines
9 Sep 09
i am careful with debts cause i have no means to pay them in case i get in debt. so stay away from it. it is good that your husband and you were able to solve your money problem. it was such a tough situation in life to be in and i could not imagine myself going through that looking for some quick solutions and had to worry from time to time on what to do without any assurance where i will find answers .
@jodylee_04530 (1097)
• United States
9 Sep 09
My husband and I have vowed to not take on any more debt for the rest of our lives. I not only think it is possible, but I think it will become our reality. It is so easy to borrow money these days and we can quickly fall into the borrowing trap. I am thankful we have enough faith in each other and have been able to work through our issues.
it is scary when you are broke, down to your last dime and needing to get the basic essentials without knowing how. Enter credit cards... Not any more though! Never again... We should be debt free including my college tuition in 3.5 years! Now that, will feel good!
@LetranKnight25 (33117)
• Philippines
9 Sep 09
Congratulations that youtwo are doing well for the sake of the relationship. but i wonder why he had to wait for the foreclosure notice before he could have work it out. i guess that doesn't matter now. All is well for the both of you, hope you can escape the crisis and finally have a good life.
@jodylee_04530 (1097)
• United States
9 Sep 09
That you! It does feel nice to be in a better spot with our relationship. Not fighting and crying at each other, but instead being supportive and encouraging each other to live better lives.
I am not sure why it took so long for him to reach the spot. The notice I think was a slap in the face that he needed. I think it hit him and pulled his heart strings knowing that if he did not man up he was about to loose all we had worked for. It has been a great transformation and we have talked a lot about not ever getting back to that place.
I am looking forward to a much less stressful life ahead! thank you again!
