I'm In The Dog House Again..... I Give Up!!  

Hi Cats...I think you need tp stop being the bank. from what I have read in other discussions you are always doing for your parents all by yourself and you always are unappreciated. Should you expect anything else? How many times must you go yhrough this and expect a different outcome? It makes me cry, Cats, that you put yourself through this. If I were you, I would not jump to help where it is not asked for.

If your parents need help bad enough they can use their voices and ask for it...otherwise YOU will be yold that they never asked you for help....So let them ask your brothers from now on. I wouldn't mind doing my fair share to help them if needed, but I would NOT put myself in that position. If their condition isn't dire enough for them to be honest with their son's, I would say it isn't dire enough for me to stick my neck out. What if something happens to you? You are likely to be the one to have a stroke. If you weren't there to be the bank....they would find a way to survive. You have to learn how to say no...and not jump to the rescue...you enable them to treat you this way...and then you are made to look stupid for telling your brothers...because..they will say they are fine.

You didn't do anything wrong, your brothers should be helping take care of your parents. I don't know why your mom wouldn't tell them the same things she tells you but that's out of your control. Don't give her any more money unless she asks for it, either.

As long as u continue to let them do u this way, they will!!!!!U have said over & over u were throug, it's past time that u are. I don't understand why u keep on letting them hurt u this way.

I hate to say it, but stay away - don't give her money - make them ask your sibs, its time they stepped up to the plate

I agree with Oreo, Cats. Your parents are who they are and it's highly unlikely that they will change now.

From what you've said previously, I'd say that your parents need more help than what you can give them. I'm not talking about your brothers coming down to help, either. They sound like they are unable to take care of themselves. No, they ARE unable to take care of themselves because they are always asking you for help, yet never appreciating you the way you should be appreciated.

I wouldn't suggest anything like this if it hadn't been for my own sister being in this position. We had to put her in a nursing home. She could not take care of herself and we could not take care of her. With my parents being old and me with my disabilities, we couldn't lift my sister out of a bathtub or out of her wheelchair into bed or vice versa. She needed more care than we could give her.

Your parents remind me very much of my own sister. They need more help than you can give them, at least where they are living now. If they lived with you, that would be different. You wouldn't have so many issues to deal with. Things would not pile up on your parents like they do. They wouldn't have to worry about money.

Your parents obviously need help. You cannot continue to help them the way things are now, especially when you always get the short end of the stick.

If these were my parents, I would tell them that they had to move in with me or I would start the process of becoming their legal representatives and moving them to a place where they would get all the help they need.

If someone cannot take care of themselves (cleaning, taking care of the yard work, etc.) they should not be left alone for any length of time. Needing help from your brothers with your parents and having it happen are obviously two different things and that won't change. You need to think seriously about what your parents really need and make it happen. They will be happier and so will you. Assisted living places are all around. They could have their privacy yet get whatever care they need as soon as they need it without you having to wear yourself out.

That's what I would do, anyway.

hi catsanddogs no you sure are not in the wrong. If
your brothers can afford cruises then they can afford
tohelp the man and woman who birthed them and raised'tehm
and now its time for them to help their own mom and dad, '
you have already done more than your share Cats,now it
is your brothers turns. If I were in your situation I
would just do what you want to do , ask your brothers'to
use the money that they might have spent on another'vruise
and help their dad and mom now. You are if anything too good
to your mom, and they need to help you out. okay?

hi Cats, I am both sorry about what happened to you again and to be honest I am fuming mad too reading that sad post.
Granted, children have different personalities but somehow parents should treat them all equal. But your parents obvously dont. They will put their two dear sons on a pedestal, with their two jobs each and say oooooh the poor boys are soooooo stressed out and of course the dear boys got to care first about their families and their obligations (when the money there does not go towards obligations but sheer luxury of cruises and what ever else) and you are the one who cant work cause of your disability and you still manage to balance your and your hubbys money in such a way that you help them out and end up with an emotional kick in the pants such as this.
Of course you did the right thing with informing your brothers about the situation your parents are now in when they wont have the rent of the little house as long as they have not redone the place and no tenants in.
And I find your mom just inconisitent. When she doesnt want you to give her that money she should not only say so and take it but say so and refuse to take it like my own mom did several times. I asked mine whether she needs help with bills and offered to put money directly into her bank account and she did not give me the account no. and refused.
If I were in your shoes the money you mentioned here would be the last money they get from me.
It might even be possible that one of your brothers or both really cant contribute moneywise but if this really is the case your parents should not allow you to shoulder the responsibility alone and then put you into the dog house as a thank you for all your efforts.
I mean if I had three kids and only one would be willing and able to help me out I knew how I would treat the one helping me, like gold this is. If I were in your moms shoes I would have said to my non helping sons, your sister does a great awesome job here helping us and when you cant or wont help us out then the least you can do is stop criticizing her and I wont hear a word of that cr@p from you again.
But nooooo they send you on an unnecessary guilt trip all the time.

I can only advise you to not give them cash any more and not fret so much about them but I know that you with your good heart will be back in square one in a heartbeat.

You are not in the wrong, but it seems your parents are only comfortable with you knowing their situation. I am so sorry you are dealing with this again. If you need to talk, you know where I am.

Oh Cats, you poor thing! Talk about being unappreciated! Like others have suggested I would stop being the so called bank to your parents until they ask for the help. I know you love them and care so much for their well being but you have to consider your own needs and those of your husband.

It doesn’t seem fair that your brothers are not helping and as far as I can see you didn’t do anything wrong asking them to chip in, why should it be always just you? And if your parents can’t see that….

You have to toughen up with them a bit and take a step back until things calm down and put yourselves first for a while!