How do you take care of your hurting friends?

Hi there Mimpi!

Well, what I do is I try to be there for them whenever they need me. I try to be a good listener and gives my opinion and advice when asked. I know for a fact that it's really effective because I myself appreciate it when my friends are there for me during times of difficulties and whenever I am down.

I find myself wanting to to do something or the other to help the person get through the situation. It's important to assure the person that i am there for any thing that is needed, even a shoulder or a helping hand.
Silence with a few words is sometimes better than saying too much. For the wrong words can hurt the person more.
Complete attention, empathising with the person's feelings, getting the person to talk and discuss the problem helps in a great way to start off with. I'd then offer to try and help out in all the ways possible.

Yes, this is so true. What happens when one practices meditation is that we gradually develop a higher state of compassion for all life. I remember when I first began to experience this, it was quite a surprise to me. I hadn't expected it to happen, but it just did.

From this point, as a Zen practitioner, I had to learn to be detached from the problem - as it is karma at work and in the best way I could, I needed to support the person in coming through their situation. It was easier for me I guess because as therapist I was seeing different people throughout my working day with many different and difficult problems. To get too involved would not be supportive, so as I learned to do this, I learned to do it with friends and family also. Whilst it is not so easy to do this, it is possible. I have learned that real compassion is not pity. Pity for the most part, can only weaken a person. Most times, just sitting and listening is all we can do and this is more than enough.. We need to learn to trust that whatever is so, is so because it is meant to be that way. I say it is meant to be that way, because it is that way... - Derek

Nice discussion topic mimpi!Happy Diwali to you and your parents.
As far as the question is concerned, if it is some loss or bereavement no words are enough and God forbid your friends have such a situation.
Otherwise, as regards a serious issue in life, a personal conflict, a mental trauma or so, I feel the best way to help a person is to be a very silent but receptive listener.For example, if a person is coming to you with a problem in hand and as an uninvolved third party you feel that she may have also had in a way contributed to that personal conflict, you must not say anthing at that point of time.We would have to understand that the person is sharing her mental trauma only as an outlet and not really looking for solutions. Solutions can be suggested objectively but this should be done only later and if asked.I have alwas been a very patient listener and look at it from the friend's point of view first at the time she is sharing.As I said this rule cannot hold good for calamities and at that point of time just being there with them and keeping quiet is the only thing we can do.

Hi Mimpi,

So many peoples used to have the good friends and some times that
friends too having to be hurts due to many more reasons. So we have to
comfort them from this type of hurting because of their good friendships.
Most of the times I have lots of friends they sued to gets lots of hurts from
various matters, that time I used to comfort them to have more relax and
they find the way to become cool and away from the mental worries. I used to
give some kinds of supports of words to them and some times to shake the
hands of them, both would give the supports to them to feel the good and forgets
their hurting. So supports is one of the best things and it should be given
to the hurting friends by the good friends is mandatory.

Have a nice day.

I have been through a lot of this comforting moments with friends who have been hurt terribly. It can be mending a broken heart, failed grades, misunderstanding with their parents and losing a love ones. Since I always try to comfort the people I know. I only learned one thing --- it's not the words that will ease them but the presence/company that is shown. You are right silence is better than trying to say so many things to hurting friend/love ones. It is also best that you practice your listening skills and the touch therapy - a tap on the shoulder, holding hands and hugging can make a difference.

I must admit that giving words of comfort is not always for me. There are times when all I can do is just to be with my friend and not say anything at all except to let him know that whatever happens I'll be there. In many cases our presence is all that is needed and is comforting in itself.

enjoy life!

Hi mimpi! I just try to be there for them if they need to talk. I don't usually give advice unless they ask for it but I am a heck of a listener. I think that sometimes people just need someone to talk to that they know isn't going to run and tell everyine else about what was said. I know I have needed a friend like that a couple of times. I do offer as much comfort as I can.

It really depends Mimpi on the actual Person and why they are upset, like I have a Friend who needs to talk when she is upset so I will sit and listen to her and let her get it of her System, if it was my Daughter I would hold her and hug her while she is crying and letting it all out
Other People just want to be hugged while they cry and let it out without talking
I would go by the Person and deal with it that way
And you just being there yes it helps a lot as they know someone is there and they are not alone

Hi mimpi,

I just do not know what to say. Similar to your situation.