It is about ME, not you!
By hvedra
@hvedra (1619)
October 28, 2009 7:52am CST
For a number of reasons, I'm taking a sabbatical from my local pagan group. No-one had done anything to upset me or anything like that, I just needed a break and wanted time to devote to personal stuff and figure out where I am.
However, when I announced this one of the other members tried to lay a guilt trip on me about being absent. "who will do this and that", "why aren't you going to be around for me when I need someone to talk to" and then "I'm having problems and need to take a break so that means you can't".
I was pretty flabberghasted (such a good word) because I don't recall being in charge of anything. It is supposed to be an egalitarian group but, as with all groups, a small number of people do a lot of work and a lot of people do a small amount of work. There's NOTHING I do that cannot be taken on by someone else.
I'm also bewildered why this person thinks I should be at their beck and call when they want someone to. There are plenty of people in the group who have ears!
As for the third one, any clues 'cause that was the thing that really made me go WTF?
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1 response
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
11 Dec 09
This is funny. Not funny ha ha... funny in that this has happened to me before and I wonder sometimes if I bring it on myself by being AVAILABLE or by being the one willing to be part of that group of a 'few' that does 'most of' the work. I never used to think that was bad, but it seems more often than not, people will notice that fact and come around and be your friend - only they want to be there when you can do for them but not be there in the event YOU need it. That bites.... and yes, they always think a guilt trip will work or 'what about meeeeee' when you're taking a break for your own sanity. I have people who think i'm mad at them or something if I haven't 'reached out and touched them' in some way and it's not that at all. Phones, email, etc work both ways, gentle reminder lol. I always answer my phone if I know who's calling.
I actually belong to a group where I have not been very active in a long while. I do try to go to some activities when I know I'll get to see friends, but I'm no longer involved in the decision making, I don't raise my hand to take on projects. I just don't have the time to devote any more, I'd rather devote it other places, and there are some people in the group who make comments about 'silent members'. I didn't realize I would become one of those after my daughter started school but it is what it is...
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