Friendster Cousin Dilemma!!
By neelianoscet
@neelianoscet (9615)
Philippines
November 8, 2009 4:49am CST
I am searching my clan genealogy, I accidentally see the names of my cousin. Oh, it is his friendster account and not set in private setting. Thus, I browse it and I am so surprise to see him with a female companion with the faces slightly blur while my cousin face is visible. The description could be striking as the photos show them sweetly hugging each other with the view of romantic places in the background.
And, what wrong with it? His companion is not his wife and it tells in the description that they already have 1 daughter that he truly love the girl as his true love. I believe it is not my cousin true friendster account as I suspect someone is ruining his reputation. Then, the other description says, I am a cheater, a liar, and I am a happy go lucky. I couldn't believe he write it the way he describe his self. It may be the girl in the photos who is angry with him as it is also rumor he have another fling. His wife is my neighbor and unknowingly I am hesitant to tell it to her as it would really hurt as the husband for almost more than 2 years left the place reasons out he is going to work overseas. Then, my cousin mother who just arrive from USA is also mention in the account that she already see the child. And, now she is staying in my cousin home for almost 6 mos and she do not even bother to tell it to the wife. I know the URL and in just a matter of clicking and inviting the wife she could see it with her own eyes.
Now, it is not my cup of tea to be a gossiper and do not like to be the first to spread the rumor.
Should I tell it or not or remain in a see and wait attitude or just wait to let the husband confess it first? Dear my lotter, Kindly shares your opinion regarding this matter. thanks
5 people like this
12 responses
@kun2349 (23381)
• Singapore
9 Nov 09
Well, things can never be sure.. What u see might not be true, but it doesn ot mean nothing happen between the two of them.. It meant be a case of unreturned love, a case of jealousy??
It's best that u dun do anything.. Because as 3rd parties, one cant be commenting much, when we are not the ones involved.. And if we happen to be talking about the wrong things, tension between the couple will only get worse.. THus, it's better to let your cousin do the talking..
@neelianoscet (9615)
• Philippines
10 Nov 09
Yeah and i would not meddle anymore and just let my cousin do all the talking when he is already ready to make his own confession.
@neelianoscet (9615)
• Philippines
9 Nov 09
hi kun,
yeah, that is why i am hesitant to tell it to the wife as i do not like to ruin their day even those photos could not lie. It would be hurt the family of my cousin especially his own children, although they would already grown up it is still bring damage to their disposition in life. Thus, I do not like to be the bringer of bad news and hopefully they would know it from other people not from my own mouth. Although, my sister convince me to tell it to the wife but maybe she already know it, but just pretend every thing is still alright. I just hope my cousin would explain it later never pretending to work in other country where he is suppose to be in the country living with his common law wife.
@bjcyrix (6901)
• Philippines
11 Nov 09
Gosh! What a dilemma indeed. If that was me I think Id try to stay out of it for a while but knowing my strong inquisitive nature, I couldnt just let it go. Most especially because I personally know those people and I didnt think that they could be guilty of such acts. I think it would be best to talk to your cousin about it. Maybe he's feeling guilty about it, would want to make things right but he really just didnt know how. You can step in and give him good advice. However, if he doesnt seem remorseful of what he's done then as a concerned relative, you would like to perhaps inform your cousin's wife, because its her right to know such things. In this case, you should still tell your cousin of what you're planning to do.
Well, whatever you decide, I do wish you all the luck in the world. I hope this family issue of yours be sorted out and end good for all of the parties involved.
Well, it seems that you already have a plan about this issue. I do hope that it does sort itself out. Goodluck.@neelianoscet (9615)
• Philippines
15 Nov 09
Yup, and they are more older than my cousin as they should not need to make a cover up as I know in a short time they would also reveal it. I wash my hands on this cases. Have a nice day!
1 person likes this
@neelianoscet (9615)
• Philippines
13 Nov 09
hi bj,
That is also wht i am considering of before revealing need to confront first the first party involves before making this secret comes out in the open as it would be bad to tell it directly without consulting those people who are involves. And i do have strong beliefs that even though i like to reveal what i discover as i see I am not the only one who know the secret even his older brother and few nieces and nephew know this. As of the moment they are all tongue tied though at any time even though i am probably the first one who see it in the internet it would still be nice to keep them in secret for awhile. And when their is really a need to divulge it. Then, i have no choice to be fair to both partner they would see the source site as it is. Thus, I am also hoping everything would be settled down and they could finally get over. thanks
1 person likes this
@neelianoscet (9615)
• Philippines
9 Nov 09
hi lakota,
Yeah, I do agree and though I am the first who saw my cousin accounts I also realize I am not in the proper position to be the one to tell it to the wife or maybe I would confess it to his mom then be the one to tell it to the wife. thanks
@grecychunny26 (9482)
• Philippines
14 Nov 09
That is really hard to imagine. We can't distinguish gossiper from a concern, because that is really personal. Is the wife close to you? if she is close to you, you should tell her. But if not, you should keep quiet. Why did I say it, because when you are close to that person, you are concern for her feelings and you can bravely do it because someone is stepping on her and she didn't know. if you are not that close to her, you should let your guard down and not deal with it, you have your own life problems to solve and in fact, the mother who is living with it should be the one to tell her isn't it?
@neelianoscet (9615)
• Philippines
15 Nov 09
hi greychunny,
were both mutual friends but not really best friend as being a family wife is very busy tending to her children need. Though, they look like a happy family that is why I do not like to make their family suffer from bitterness as the secret is already known to his other brother and yet they manage to cover up. I also heard gossip about his relationship but would not believe unless I see it with my own eyes. Though it just happen i stumble on his accounts that it is the only time i could confirm he have other sweetheart aside from his own family. The mother though somehow have knowledge and i do not know she keep covering his son and a bit spoiled even though they are already married. Thus the i do not care attitudes is evident on their home, it is still a pity the wife never know exactly happen behind her backs.
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
9 Nov 09
I have given this a bit of thought and, although at first I was inclined to advise you to tell the wife because she does have a right to know, I decided that it may be best to talk to your cousin first and see what he has to say for himself. If the wife was a close friend of mine I would tell her immediately without hesitation but if she wasn’t I would tred more carefully and talking to him would be my first step.
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
11 Nov 09
You're welcome neelianoscet, I hope you work out the best thing to do...
@neelianoscet (9615)
• Philippines
11 Nov 09
thanks for your advices..i would work on it for the common good rather than destroy the current situation, I do not like to intervene then just let the other who have more authority than me to do the rest..
1 person likes this
@neelianoscet (9615)
• Philippines
10 Nov 09
hi paula,
Yeah, and that is what i am thinking too never to divulge this secret that i have discover even though the photos re clearly evident it is still good to ask the person who have the knowledge rather than speculate. Thus, may hands would jot get dirty being blame for being the sources of misunderstanding I would heed those advice to consult first my cousin rather than spreading the rumor. thanks
1 person likes this
@flower21 (765)
• Philippines
29 Nov 09
i think it is better to confront first your cousin before making a statement it is safer and more wiser than being the sources of making their family feel betray. it is good to ask him first if rumor is true to confirm and if ever it s true it up to him if he confess or not.
@neelianoscet (9615)
• Philippines
30 Nov 09
hi flower,
Yup and that is the things which i plan to do as I do not like to make him appear guilty when he is not yet able to explain his sides. It is more proper to ask him first before making any judgment or conclusion as his reputation is the one at stake. thanks.
@manong05 (5027)
• Philippines
8 Nov 09
I don't think you will be spreading rumors if you tell the wife. The matter has already spread all over the internet. It is just a matter of telling her what you found out and that you have some doubts about it's authenticity and you find it hard to believe that it is true and could just possibly the work of someone with an ill intent. Your second choice is just to keep quite if your conscience can take it, that's the most important thing.
@neelianoscet (9615)
• Philippines
8 Nov 09
Yeah, it is already on the internet but the wife still no knowledge about it and I am the first who happen to stumble on the websites. Thus, the wife also have this kind of bad attitudes if i tell it to her she may turn against me as the wife is also a great pretender. Even though she may hear something it only fall to deaf ears and i do hope my cousin mother is the proper person to tell it to her directly and never conceal it.. Asides, from it, I am thinking about the situation of my teenage nieces and nephew it would greatly affect their disposition knowing my place is a haven for gossiper. They love to talk anything and I think it much safer for me to keep quiet and let his husband confess to her. But, the thoughts always baffled me as I do not like to lie but their is an evidences already. So for me it is better to hear first the husband the person who are all knowing and could explain it better. Thanks.
@gr8life (6251)
• Malaysia
10 Nov 09
Hello neelianoscet,
I don't think it is good to spread the bad news to his wife. If it is true, it'll definitely break her heart. I am not sure whether you should interfere in their marital problem (if any) though he is your cousin. Right now, you don't know whether it is true or it is just rumor - someone is trying to ruin his good name, maybe. But you can just hint to the wife and see her reaction - whether they are really having problem or maybe the wife doesn't know a single thing about the matter.
@neelianoscet (9615)
• Philippines
10 Nov 09
hi gr8life,
i do agree to it is not funny to spread the rumor as it gonna hurt the wife. Thus, if their is a time i could talk ever to my cousin i would be the one to confront him if he accept then it is better, if he denied then i have nothing to do but just let his conscience decides which is right or wrong as i believe conscience is the biggest enemy of those liars.
1 person likes this
@Rollo1 (16676)
• Boston, Massachusetts
8 Nov 09
I think you should confront your cousin first. Tell him what you have found and ask if it is true. After all, you don't really know the situation. If the other woman has done this it is because she is angry with him. Perhaps he has broken it off with her.
If it is true and he isn't going to tell his wife, then you can consider telling her yourself, but if you do she isn't necessarily going to thank you. However it works out, it's going to be an unhappy situation and you are going to end up in the middle of it.
If he's really this bad of a character, then it seems that both these women and any other woman for that matter, would be better off without him.
@neelianoscet (9615)
• Philippines
8 Nov 09
hi rollo,
I really want to confess what I see to my cousin wife but becomes hesitant as even my cousin own brother know this but they keep quiet being blinded by concealing his secrets. Then, it only happen that I accidentally stumble on his account. They keep quiet and for more than 2 years. Thus, I could not blame my cousin to wean his love to her wife as she is a nagger, jealous person and aristocrat. Though, I do not wish their family end up broken. Although, my cousin is kind and just recently becomes womanizer. It also mention in his accounts that he blames his wife for not able to finish schools and get married at a younger age that he miss a lot of good things which is very true. I could not help so and supposedly I tell I may end up as the bringer of bad news. Thus, their family have a good reputation and having a religious devoted mother that I think she would not lie about her son secret and waiting for her mother to be the one to tell the truth. But, to my dismay she keep silent about it. Thus, it make me feel confuse that is why i made this discussion so i could balance everything as I really not in my type to meddle in the affairs of other people even in my own kin. thanks for sharing your thoughts about this issues..
@bing28 (3795)
• Philippines
9 Nov 09
Maybe it's alright for you to keep quiet first until your cousin arrived and you may confront him if it's true then you can do your part of giving him good advise.
@neelianoscet (9615)
• Philippines
9 Nov 09
hi bing28,
Yeah, I do agree as it is best that we hear first to the man who do all start all those kinds of stuffs. As I also rather mind my own business although it somewhat bother me to keep a secret and not to tell it when in fact i have the ability to expose it which I better keep quiet for the meantime or at least confess it to an older adults would be the one to confront the wife. thanks for your thoughts.
@corrycrystal (1775)
• Malaysia
9 Nov 09
I think I have to agree that it's not your place to tell the wife. I know it's hard to keep something like this especially when you know that you will be seeing the wife everyday since she is your neighbor.
What's best to do is to contact your cousin and let him know what you have seen and advise him to come clean with his wife. At least you have done something to show that you do not approve of this kind of behavior. It's just a matter of him to act now.
@neelianoscet (9615)
• Philippines
10 Nov 09
hi corrycrystal,
Yeah, very true and although i am not directly involves the thing that i saw bother me thought I have already mention it to my sister, mother they are also hesitant ti tell it as they do not like to be the bringer of bad news. Aside form it as long as i could have to protect the family reputation. I do hope my cousin would confess it as soon as possible is better than later than nothing at all as the more he took longer to confess is the more he is making the act more sinful.thanks
@amyson (3498)
• Philippines
8 Nov 09
i can say i should keep it to myself if i were in your position.spreading rumors is one cause of fight and distrustful.i better shut off my mouth.let her discover by herself and it won't cause you harm because you might be involve if you are the one tell her what you saw.and it needs to know some of the valid reason to your cousin before accusing him of his adultery.and if its true then that is the time you you'll be on the supporting side.
@neelianoscet (9615)
• Philippines
9 Nov 09
hi amyson,
Yeah, that's true though it bother me sometimes looking at my cousin neighbor she look happy with no worries thought and never like to meddle in their family affairs. Though, it always takes me a surprising when I accidentally stumble on his files with those hateful description of his self. I know that he never do it intentional as if he is doing something bad he would not make such an accounts to embarrass his self. But, those photos could not lie. Though, I am also balancing all things to get right on my plan whether to tell it or not. thanks
