It is Christmas, doesn't my in-laws care? No phone calls or anything...
By cream97
@cream97 (29085)
United States
December 25, 2009 6:28pm CST
I have not heard from my mother-in-law in a month as of today. The last time that I talked with her she was telling me about the dinner date that she wanted me to go to. On this same day, I was very busy with the kids and I was somewhat frustrated. So, my voice may have not sounded but so nice. But, I did try to keep my level of respect for my mother-in-law intact. So, from that, I guess she got the impression that I did not want to go to the dinner. I don't understand her at all. Just because I may not have sounded the way that she wanted me to, does not mean that I was mad. I have three kids that keep me very busy. And sometimes, I may not always be Miss Peachy Cream. I know that something is very wrong because she has not called in over a month. I know that she is thinking about me and her grand kids. When I was staying with her, she went on about how she was going to make sure that she gets her grand kids a gift for Christmas. But, I have not heard from her. I just hope that she is not punishing my kids for her feelings against me. It saddens me so much because even though my mother-in-law has done me wrong in the past I still have a place in my heart for her. I really want us to be great friends. But when she pulls a stunt like this, it makes me think that she could careless about me. I also saw my father-in-law last week and he came up to the car and spoke to me. He threw his hand up like he did not really want to speak at all. He gave me a very funny impression. I really feel that my in-laws don't really care for me as much. They say that they love me, but sometimes they act very funny towards me. Every time that I would pass by my father-in-law, he would blow his breath at me. Like, he was getting tired of seeing me. But, may I correct him just a moment here. He offered us to stay in his trailer. I did not ask him if I could stay in his home. If he thought that he would not be too thrilled with me being there he should have never offered me to stay in his home. My in-laws can be very confusing. I am not a troublemaker at all. I stay to myself and I don't bother no one. What is wrong with my in-laws? Do you think that they really like me, as being married into their family?
4 people like this
14 responses
@thea09 (18305)
• Greece
26 Dec 09
Hi Cream, I don't know what has gone on in the past between you but why not telephone her? Maybe she feels it is a bit one sided if she is always the one making contact. You said she phoned you a month ago, so nothing came of the dinner I take it. I'd phone her and see how she reacts. You should expect support from your husband in this. But you do say you want to be good friends with her so try calling her and telling her about her grandchildren. If it doesn't go down well at least you will know you've tried.
3 people like this
@rameshkumaar57 (5908)
• India
26 Dec 09
That is a very good response thea. Quite balanced. I have immediately given you a positive mark for this response.
1 person likes this
@cream97 (29085)
• United States
26 Dec 09
I would like to call her, but I don't want her to feel that I am chasing behind her. Because if I call her she will think that I am letting her silence bother me. I have ran into my mil's face so many times. Telling her this, telling her that... And nothing that I will do seems to work in the end. So, I am making myself clear to let her run behind me for a change. And if she really do love me and her grand kids like she says that she does, then I will see the truth for my own eyes.
@snowstormz (220)
• Australia
26 Dec 09
Hi, Cream. It is very strange on the way your in-laws are acting but perhaps they are trying to make it obvious that they are waiting for an apology of some sort? Or maybe you can call your mother-in-law first and talk it out.
I'm sure they love you because you are already part of the family and although they are elders, it doesn't mean that they can always be more mature so at times like this, it's up to you to go and talk to them :)
2 people like this
@cream97 (29085)
• United States
26 Dec 09
I feel that their attitude towards me is very strange. I don't know what is wrong with them. They should be bold enough to come and approach me with whatever is on their minds. Surely, it can't be that bad? Can someone go around hating another person just because they have issues with them? It is very sad.
1 person likes this
@snowstormz (220)
• Australia
26 Dec 09
Yeah, it's quite sad indeed though may i ask, are your in-laws classified as stubborn by any chance? Because that would explain a lot.
2 people like this
@cream97 (29085)
• United States
26 Dec 09
If you ask me, my fil is a very stubborn man. He thinks that what wrong he does is not so bad. For my mil, she has her stubborn ways too. When she is mad at me, she can never seem to come out and be honest with me on how she truly feels. Both of them can be very stubborn at times.
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
26 Dec 09
Hi There Sweet
It sounds like your In Laws are like mine used to be
Believe me they did not like me, but then of all sudden things where different I don't know why, unfortunately they passed away a couple of years after coming round to accepting me
I do not know what to make of your in laws but it is a bit silly that they are acting like this and it is bad that they are also letting it out on the Children, if they have a Problem with you then ok that can be dealt with but to let it out on the Children is awful, that is one thing mine never did they adored their Grandchildren
All I can suggest is do what I did, stop trying to be liked and just grin and bear it
I know it hurts I really do, my Ex Husband always used to take his Parents side to so I was on my own defending myself, but believe me Sweet, the more you try the more joy they get out of being like that with you
But you should make it plain that you think it is terrible that they are treating their Grandchildren like they are
@cream97 (29085)
• United States
26 Dec 09
Hi, gabs8513. I am glad to know that I am not the only one that has been hurt by their own in-laws. I truly think that it is wrong for them to hold any issue against my children. They have nothing to do with whatever is wrong between us. They should clear the air with me if they have a problem with me.
@sid556 (30953)
• United States
26 Dec 09
Hi cream,
I just got done responding to your other discussion on the dinner invitation. I'm not real sure just what to think of these people. A part of me wants to think that maybe you are being overly sensitive but then....i'm a grandparent and I just could not go a month without calling and checking in with my grandchildren. Sometimes when I call, my daughter is crazy busy with the kids and stressed out....I am a mom..I get it so we end the conversation....no hard feelings. It is very important for you all to get along for the kids sake. I am divorced and I get along great with my ex-mother in law. We had a couple of issues at one point and I just talked really open with her. I did want her to be a part of my kid's lives. They needed her. I had to set boundaries and so do you. Do not let them disrespect you...don't put up with it. I actually had to tell my mother in law, "now look, I love you and my kids love you and I so want you to be a part of their lives but if you continue to do this that is hurtful to me and to them then I have to put my foot down. Not only did she come around but we became very close. I have been divorced from her son for over 15 years and we are still close. Her grandchildren are grown now and her and I still exchange letters and get together from time to time. Don't let these people walk over you! If they are worth anything at all in your life then they will work with you.
2 people like this
@SomeCowgirl (32189)
• United States
26 Dec 09
To be honest, I couldn't really tell you what I think about your in laws and the way they treat you. I don't know that they mean to be that way or not, I guess what I'm saying is that they could be having a rough patch and just not really in the mood to be social. Of course, sometimes it seems that people (including myself) hold grudges and don't want to talk, or feel hurt and don't want to talk.
Maybe they're waiting on an apology, I'm not sure. I'm not saying you did anything wrong, but I know from experience that sometimes just apologizing does good, even if you don't think you did anything wrong...
My grandmother likes to pout and stir things up, she waits for an apology from her children even if her children don't think she deserves one. They usually relent.
There's been times I thought my in laws were upset at me but I talked to hubby and he explained, then I just got used to their mannerisms, so now I know. Maybe you've not been around them enough? I don't know.
Merry Christmas!
2 people like this
@SomeCowgirl (32189)
• United States
28 Dec 09
I understand your decision definitely, I mean you can only give them so much benefit of doubt before it's just easier and better to leave them be! I have family that though I love dearly, can be a bit hard to handle at times... or whom just doesn't seem to care. I get confused and upset, but I let it pass.
I feel that if they can't even call they don't deserve to be worried over, just thought about you know what I mean?
1 person likes this
@cream97 (29085)
• United States
26 Dec 09
Hi, SomeCowgirl. I don't know either. I am just going to leave this problem for them to figure out. I have talked and talked to my mil so many times. And she still chooses to be selfish towards my feelings. So, I am going to just let this all ride out. I am tired of being the one that has to explain myself all of the time. I am going to wait to see if they can man or woman enough to approach me. If they can't then they are not worth my time.
1 person likes this
@cream97 (29085)
• United States
29 Dec 09
Yes, you are right. I would hate to give up on trying with them. But I have talked to my mil so many times until I am left with no words to say. She will just have to remember all of the things that I have talked with her about. I have to do her this way so that she can be real once and for all with me.
@rane247 (78)
• Philippines
26 Dec 09
This Christmas time, it's time to forgive people or express LOVE to everyone! the matter with your in-laws. I'm sure that they don't hate you or whatsoever. I'm sure they were already in the late age and they need that LOVE especially from their grandchildren. A visit might be a good start and give some small gift or a token for your appreciation. If they don't accept or something you just don't give up. Because if you love someone you'll not be able to feel tired in expressing it. Your in-laws is very significant for your family because without them you would not have that amazing childrens. Cream, I'm sure you'll be able to pull it out. Just try a visit and keep posted for what happen. Happy Mylotting!
@cream97 (29085)
• United States
26 Dec 09
Hi, rane247. Thanks for your generous response. I would rather for them to come to me this time. They are the ones with the funny attitude. I am just being me. They will have to learn to accept me for who I am . I am not going to change my ways just to fit their standards.
@royal52gens (5488)
• United States
26 Dec 09
Remember, you did not marry them. You married your husband. Don't worry so much about whether they like you or not. Breathe. Then call them and wish them a Merry Christmas. They might have gotten busy themselves and have forgotten to make a phone call. Keep your call short and to the point. Don't ask why they did this or that? It does not matter. Let stuff like this pass you by.
Merry Christmas to you.
Royal Mom
1 person likes this
@rameshkumaar57 (5908)
• India
26 Dec 09
Hi there cream, you know, how the old people behave. They always feel that you have to give them more respect, and appreciate what ever they are doing. Going through the other members responses, I also feel, that you must have talked to her. Since it is the Christmas season, it is always better to be friendly.
1 person likes this
@cream97 (29085)
• United States
26 Dec 09
Hi, rameshkumaar57. Yes, you are right. Being an elderly person can sometimes make one bitter. They should be friendly throughout the entire year not just on Christmas only. I would like for them to appreciate me and respect me more as well. The same as they expect of me, I expect of them.
@cream97 (29085)
• United States
27 Dec 09
I am sure that he has an good idea what is going on, he is just trying to play dumb with me. If I bring the subject up he don't want to talk about it. So, I am left alone to figure out how to handle the situation. That is why me and my mother-in-law have the problems that we have, is because my husband never addresses the issues to his mom about how she is treating me.
@scarlet_woman (23463)
• United States
27 Dec 09
some people you can know for years,and never figure them out.
every now and then,they may actually not know themselves how they're coming across.
they just seem perpetually grumpy.
@cream97 (29085)
• United States
29 Dec 09
Yes, we all are just really assuming as of now. My brother-in-law just called our home for my husband. And he did not mention or said that my mother-in-law wanted to talk to me. Every time they called, she never asks to speak to me or to the kids. She does not call at all. That is how I feel too. She should not take out her anger on my kids, they did nothing wrong and nor have I either. I hope that they snap out of their attitude soon. The new year will be arriving... She should change her ways before the new year comes in..
@tamarafireheart (15384)
•
27 Dec 09
Hi cream97,
That is so sad and its especially at this time of the year, I do feel sorry for the kids, I think you should speak to your husband about your feelings and to ask him to ask them what is wrong, there is a lack of comuncation here, hope it'll get sorted out.
Tamara
1 person likes this
@ronnyb (6113)
• Jamaica
26 Dec 09
Wow I hope that she hasnt misunderstood your tone .I know you must feel when someone misunderstands you ,I have been misunderstood before and its not a nice feeling .The thing though is that they can be angry at you they shouldnt punish the child for it .I wonder though if you might not be reading too much into their expressions like when you say you father in law exhales loudly when they see you.
I think though that you hsould call your mother in law and clear up the issue
2 people like this
@cream97 (29085)
• United States
26 Dec 09
I am sorry, but I am not going to call her. I am not the one that is in the wrong, they are. Every time, that I would pass by my father-in-law he would blow his breath and say, oh boy each and every time. He was not smiling either. So, I think that this was a mean streak about him. I just get the feeling that they don't really care for me. Even if my tone in my voice was not feasible to them, that still does not give them the right to hold me for this. I am not perfect and so aren't they. My mil knows how hard I work with my kids. The tone in my voice should not be a surprise to her at all. I just think that she wants to hold me for something just so she can be mad at me.
1 person likes this
@maygodblessu44 (7336)
• India
12 Jan 10
Hello my friend cream97 Ji,
In relationship, it is little difficult, but in my case, it is just opposite,But I do not mind at all. I do what best I can do. I think, it should be on rotationbasis unders uch close relationship. What I mean, all memebrs to join for such celebration in que, this year at your home, next year at their home. Please think about my suggestions and discuss with your MIL.
May God bless You and have a great time.
