Anger Management part 2

My son had on facebook the other day, I don't need anger management I just need for u to stop pi*ssing me off. Maybe u should tell him that.

Hello, Dawn. I can't say I'm surprised - it sounds like standard Counsellor Speak to me. 20 years ago, when my first marriage was breaking up, I finally pulled the plug when my husband's behaviour got too much to handle. I threw him out, and he hightailed back to his mother, 200 miles away. I then made the mistake of letting him come back for Christmas, instead of sending the kids up to spend it with him. When I said it was time for him to go back,he put on a very convincing display of a nervous breakdown. I knew he was fooling, so I went to see the psychiatrist with him. She wanted to admit him, but he said he'd be better at home with me and the kids. I pointed out it wasn't his home any more, and while it may be better for him, it wouldn't be better for me. I couldn't believe what happened next - the psychiatrist offered to admit ME to the Funny Farm so I could get a break from him! I said, 'I'm not the basket case - he is - or at least he's pretending to be one,' and stormed out. These people may be experts, but I don't see how they can understand what individual families are going through, especially if the patient, client or whatever we're supposed to call them these days is playing things down to make themselves look blameless - you know the sort of thing, 'I'm only here because she says if I don't get help, that's it.' Don't take this the wrong way, but do you think he might be fibbing about what the counsellor said to make you feel guilty and shift the blame? Just a thought. If you want to vent, PM me anytime.

He will never find the perfect wife. How did it help his brother? Can he see changes in his brother? Will he feel like you are betraying him if you talk to his brother? I hope you find some way to help him out, he sounds miserable, and all of you are too, because of it. Good luck, girl.

Eve blamed Adam. Adam blamed God. And ever since, mankind has found someone - anyone but self - to blame. This saddens me, but being a super-optimist I am still hoping something can be worked out. Keep trying.

OUT THE DOOR! You'll show him some anger management! CHANGE THE LOCK!

Perfect wife classes? I think there's an ongoing course in Stepford, Conneticut...

Heheheeee, Now I see... For before I was once blind, or not... :) I can be such a brat, it is back to school for him, huh? Instead of calling it anger management they should try furthering your education. It should be free to all Americans. Right?

Learn what lessons you can from yesterday, think how you can do things better and put a lid on it. Turn your back on the past and look at tomorrow. No one is qualified to be the middle person between a couple. It is only you and him who can thrash out the problems as anger usually comes at the spur of the moment when there is no compatibility in views. However, try to incorporate at least one of the advice given by your counselor.

urgh..i just had an ex flashback. he was king of the blowback..nothing was ever him. it got to a point when i'd laugh in his face after awhile because i knew it was coming...hmm..i guess that's the opposite of anger management?

definitely, if there is a school that teaches a woman to be a perfect wife, i will send honey to that class. but, i don't think there is one. and it's only learned from home. i guess.

Hi dawn~ I'm sorry that the Anger Management didn't go as well as you hoped! It doesn't work overnight and it takes time! But, unfortunately if the person that really needs it isn't willing it won't work at all! The person that needs it has to first admit that he needs it and that is the key! So, I think that you might really have your hands full and I really feel for you! It has to be both people on board wanting it to work and it is sometimes a very long process! I wish you alot of luck! I do hope that you can hang in there long enough because it does work, if you work it, so work, your worth it! (That's just a line from one of the "twelve step programs")

When you accept, even a little bit the responsibility for his reaction you are an inabler. Even if there is even a very small reaction, he can read it in your body language. So get yourself together and realize this is his problem and he must solve it. Just protect yourself and at all times stay kind. None of us are saints and we all have buttons that get pushed, just forgive yourself and go on. I live with the king of button pushing and all I can do is ignore it and make sure any response I make is kind. Not an easy thing to do, many times I just walk out the door to cool off.

How typical not to take responsibility but to blame you! It is what a lot of abusers do is blame the other person for their horrid behaviour. I hope that if his brother has been through it that he may help! The people that are not willing to own what they do would be the hardest to help, I would imagine, because according to them they don’t have a problem it’s always someone else’s fault! You don’t need ‘perfect wife’ classes, there is no such thing as perfection, don’t get sucked in to believing that you are anything less than a good and loveable person. The last man that did that made me feel less than worthy got shown the door, I’m afraid...

sometimes, i also go into fits like that. but i usually cool down after the spiels, realizing that it won't do me and my family good if i don't check the rage and control the anger. well, something that usually takes the anger out of my system is a good dose of silence. and when that is not possible, i tinker with something to keep my mind off the heat. if that doesn't work still, i go on a walk... as long as possible, until the heat cools off... a friend i know, goes on a jog.. while another would wear his boxing gloves and punch away the anger through the punching bag... still another, just like the guy with the punching gloves, he puts the picture of the source of his anger on the punching bag before hitting it... while still another, a more affluent one who can afford an underground firing range... he clips the picture of the object of his rage on the target clip and consumes a clip...

Still in denial the Counsellor had no right to say that without seeing you herself I hope you get him to talk to his Brother

I havent read Anger Management Part 1, but I get the gist of what is happening from this discussion. Are you referring to your hubby? If yes, this is siunding so like my situation, and now ex hubby. Time and time again, my daughter and I asked my ex to go to anger management classes. In fact, the counsellor invited him to attend one of her workshops. He refused. Said he was driven to it by me. We are now separated and going through some very nasty situations.