What do you do when your only invited to a wedding for the gift?  

we already decided to not go but there is the gift thing making me wonder what i should do.. its a relative and we dont have contact with them but maybe one person because they are very poisonous and love chaos so i know if we do no gift we will be harassed by them and possible upset the one that is sane and we about but at the same time i dont want to do anything out of fear and that they dont deserve.. its a crazy situation for sure

If your relatives really behave (or would behave) like this, than they are not really relatives you can count on. Ignore them...

i can be strong just not hubby.. its his side too.. we only keep in contact withe like 1 person that is not crazy and poisonous in that group but i dont want to lose her because of it but at the same time this is bs! finally got them out of our lives and then they try to guilt us with a damn invitation.. grrr.. there is no way in hell we are going even if they paid i dont want nothing to do with it and havent personally for years but hubs is just now getting strong against it.. the one person we care about literally has nothing to do with the drama but unfortunately is in contact with those people so sigh i dont know what to do

Isn't that annoying there is always just one thread hanging on?

no no rsvp card which i was surprised about. i mean doesnt every one do that?!?! im so sick of the bs with this family and it hurting me and my husband sigh.. i dont even wanna acknowledge we got the invite but the one person that isnt crazy and we do keep in contact and love will ask and our actions may affect her so i dont want her hurt.

Until it comes up with this person, I would not make any arrangements to go. And if it does come up with them, explain that you would really love to see them but you do not feel close enough to the wedding couple to make such a long journey. The last thing you want to do is travel half way across the country and be miserable the entire time you are there.

we arent even on speaking terms with the bride which is why its even crazier.. if you have backstabbed and you and your family disowned us why are you inviting us? i had given her a 2nd chance awhile back thinking maybe she had changed and she hadnt and ended up screwing me over then blocking me outta no where

I like your way of thinking, nice idea.

Thanks, Haddowz!

Moon, I just thought of something. Maybe you received the invitation so as to not offend you by leaving you out. I can almost hear a conversation about that now: "Send them an invitation. At least that way they can't say we didn't include them." Maybe they don't expect anything at all; they just didn't want you to say they left you out. It's still a selfish motivation but it could be plausible, you think?

good idea but im sure it was not in to not hurting our feelings.. we told them we dont want a damn thing to do with them and when we did talk to them they would tell me to send out my xmas cards to a certain aunt early to cash in because shed send money etc if she got it early enough.. that blew my mind.. i am not one to want a gift or expect anything at all but they think love is giving you something or spending money on you.. i mean i have been disowned and currently disowned i dont even know how many times and hubs too yet they want a gift and planning it across the country to where its impossible for us to go.. they are already married if they cared they would have had us that day in town at the justice of peace

People can be so screwed up, can't they? This kinda reminds me of my husband's ex step-daughter. He pretty much raised her but hasn't had much contact since he and his ex separated, except to ask for money for college, Christmas, etc.

She got married at a courthouse, then planned a big wedding. She called my husband and asked him for $400.00 to help with the cost of this big wedding, even though they had already been married for about six months without ever even telling him.

She calls him about once or twice a year and that's it as far as communication goes between them, yet she had the nerve to ask him for this money. She had no way of knowing that this was when he was unemployed because she never kept in touch. Of course, we couldn't give her any money even if he wanted to but I thought it took a lot of balls for her to even think he'd give her money for this wedding. It also was taking place in another state (Tennessee, as a matter of fact).

Some people you just have to say no to and forget about it. Sounds like that's what you should do with these people.

thats what i want to do but since its hubbys family i dont know if he will even though he has cut contact with them..

its actually from family that have disowned us so many times its not even funny and treated us like crap and i said enough when i was kicked out of the family (and still am) years ago but hubs (his family) just recently cut ties with more of that side to keep his sanity but there is one person we still to communicate to and it will hurt her since she has no idea what is going on and we refuse to put her in the middle.. but these people are the same ones that told me to send an early xmas card to certain relatives to "cash in" on getting money for a gift back.. i was appalled and im not one to be like that at all but they think money and gifts = love even though they stab you in the back and harass you five minutes before that

wouldnt that make it sound like i wanted to go though then them expect a gift more because i missed out?

if it were anyone elses invitation i would prob send something but my family has had to cut all contact with these people because of the emotional abuse they have done (the brides family) we talk to only one person that is related because she is nice and never did mean things to us but the others have disowned us a million times and yet now i guess we are good enough to be "family" since they want a gift..

ugh i remember that part when i got married too.. well i doubt there is any hope or want of reconciliation since they have disowned us yet we are good enough to invite for a present.. and her family being abusive to mine has been going on years we just had to finally put a stop to it and cut contact due to it affecting our health

you are totally right.. no matter what they hate us so why even care if it starts more crap!

if they think they are "owed" something all of a sudden they think of us as family.. im not as worry about it as im sure my husband will be since its his side and he had a hard time coming to terms with how they really are and had to cut ties because it was making his health go downhill..

I don't envy your position right now, especially your husband. At least he will now realise what kind of people they really are. And if they are ready to cut ties just because you can't afford to give them gifts....well, that really speaks about how they feel about you and your husband. That's not how family treat each other, in my book.

The only thing you can do is never speak badly about them to your husband, just be very supportive. Most of the time, it is difficult to hear bad things about your family. I would suggest that you try taking their side even when he is complaining about them. Not that you have to praise them endlessly, just subtly bring out their good points sometimes. Just a suggestion from my little experience.

i would if i could find anything positive about them but he has been seriously damaged by their emotional abuse and so have i. the reason he didnt cut them off sooner was because everyone gave him crap because they were family.. but i mean how can you just continue to let the abuse go on? he's really messed up mentally from it to where its ptsd and more