Help!! PLease read!

hi i have read all this

uh oh. this probably isnt good. in my opinion (im not judging you) that was a big mistake- to write back to him. you should have just left it alone. the past is the past, and now you are married with a baby. that is way too much to put on the line for some guy who cheated on you in the past. well, anyway, whats done is done. if i were in your shoes, i would never write to this guy again, and just be greatful for the wonderful family and life that i have now, and NEVER bring it up to my husband. if you feel that it will clear your conscience, then do it, but i warn you, it is only going to make him furious (most likely, i dont actually dont know if your husband is a mellow guy) that you were communicating with someone that you once had feelings for. BUT if you are going to continue to write to your ex, i would say that yes, you should tell your husband the truth about what is going on. you dont want him to find out and have him thinking that there is a possibility of a relationship starting between you and the ex again. the sooner, the better. but honestly, i cant imagine ANY man being OK with his wife continuing a relationship from the past....even if it is just as friends. ..... just my thoughts.

Hi Shannon,
What a dilemma.
My advice comes from someone who has honestly been in your shoes, (over 25 years ago), but the scenario is much the same.
I had been married to my how husband for a few years and I accidentally ran into an old flame. The first thing I thought was "Oh My Gosh"! I was naturally curious and I guess wanted to know if the old flame was still burning, which, it was. Needless to say, stopping to talk to my old flame put some pretty strange thoughts in my otherwise peaceful, logical mind.

I can related to everything you are saying and will give you my very best advice. Mind you, it's just my advice. I'm sure there are some who will say I'm completely nuts and don't know what I'm talking about.

Here goes:
The most important thing you said is, "I love my husband and my child and I just don't want to be distracted away from them".
If in fact this is the case, I would suggest you politely and honestly cut off any further conversation with the ex. Tell him why. You are in love with your husband and would not hurt him for anything, therefore, you cannot continue correspondence. Why? Because your husband finding out would mean, according to you, and according to what I know about men's ego and how they feel about their wives, it would only serve to hurt your husband and put doubt in his mind. You don't want that.

Would I tell him? Of course not! You understand what you have done and feel guilty enough as it is. You certainly don't want it to go any further.

Remember your ex as just that. Your ex. Concentrate on your current life and keep the memories alive in your private little room way inside the back of your heart where no one ever comes. You are the only one who can get inside that space.

Put your ex aside and don't ever give your husband the opportunity to mistrust you over as trivial an issue as this. Trust me! It's not worth it.

Hi hon. That is a rough situation. I feel for you. Yet another thing we have in common. With all of the stuff I have been going through with my husband, my ex husband just popped up from nowhere as well. Must be something in the air. We were married for 8 years but had no kids. We divorced about 3 years ago because he cheated on me. He has tried to stay friends through all of it, and I neither hate him nor love him. I just reached a point where I could be civil to him, and am otherwise indifferent. But about a week ago he emailed me. He had been on vacation and saw a few things that reminded him of me, so he picked them up. He does this sort of thing from time to time, I am used to it. I never take the things he buys, and normally I just shrug it off as he knows he was wrong and if I am friends with him it erases what he did wrong. I never tell my husband when he calls or emails because I dont want to start another fight since things have not been that great here. I truly have no feelings left for my ex, but the way things have been going lately, this last email did get me to thinking about all of the good times we had, and how different my life would be if I had stayed with him, etc. It is rough. I dont want my ex husband back at all. But it is easy to think of the past. I just remind myself that an ex is like anything else in life you throw out. You threw it out because you didnt want it anymore, so why on earth would you go digging through the trash to get it out.

I dont know what to suggest about your husband. I know that mine would accuse me of all kinds of things and then be suspicious, even though there is nothing going on. So I dont tell him. Especially since I dont contact my ex, he contacts me, and I do my best to not answer, or if I do, I keep it short and to the point (for my own sanity sake). But if your husband is an understanding man, or there is a chance he will find out anyway, better you tell him, than he stumble on it on his own.

Good luck with whatever you decide. I hope it all works out for you.

One important ingredient in a happy and secure relationship is honesty and communication. It's not bad at all to communicate with your ex-boyfriend, particularly in your case where you have ended up in a bad thing. This is one way of really letting go of the bad memories and forgetting the past. You should also check your true reason why your ex keep bothering your mind. I really hope that you just wanted to straighten the bad memories and feelings you have kept all through out this year because of the bad ending of that relationship. Just what I have said earlier, if you want to keep your family strong and tightly bonded, then tell your husband all about this thing.

I think that it is completely natural on your part to have had these reactions with regards to your ex. You kind of left things "hanging in the air" with him, and there is still much unfinished business. Also, just because we get married doesn't mean that our old life is completely vanished. By saying "I Do," U don't exactly start a new life- U just gain another person to take care of.

My advice may seem strange, given the advice of others here, but i would advise U to meet with him over a cup of coffee one day, to just talk things out and "clear the air". He can then know what your life is like, and vice versa. I did nthis with one of my ex's, and it was a real help in my relationship to my boyfriend at the time, who is now my husband. Actually, what I came to realzie, during our chat, was why we broke up in the first place! I began to see right then and there that we were not meant to be together, and it really helped me move on in my life.

I don't believe anything happens by accident, though. Maybe this reconnecting was meant to be, in order to teach U something. Don't ignore it.

Oh yes it is very strange when our ex husband's do wrong by us and realize later what they did and regret it and try to even get us back. This actually happened to me but I said no you had your chance as I was by that time married to another man and still married to him today. I think that you had best tell your husband and not contact your ex again, I did tell my husband and he understood thank goodness.

You have experienced what quite a few women have experienced. I will tell you this, honesty is the best policy. Your husband may not suspect you now, but if you slip up one day, you will have to spill the beans. Better to explain a week than a year. You did nothing wrong. Your ex emailed you and you have just been talking. Discontinue this relationship and be honest with your husband. He will respect you in the long run for your honesty rather than hiding it. At least it will be off of your chest and on the table.

Tell your husband..yes, it's hard...but you wouldn't want him to keep a secret like that from you. Your husband would rather find out from you than from another source. If you mention it casually to your husband...then I'm almost positive he won't be mad at you. More likely he'll be mad at your ex.

You're probably finding it hard to tell your husband because you had some old feelings arise...which is perfectly normal...just don't act on those feelings! My pastor always told me and my huband to ask ourselves "Will my weakness for an hour make me suffer a lifetime?"

We can't help but wonder how our exes are doing. They were once a big part of our lives. So it's very natural. It's how we handle the situation today that matters. You don't want to hurt your husband so my advice would be to not chat with your ex anymore. Just tell him you have moved on with your life and he's no longer a part of that. You have to think of your family.

You don't want to remember or think about your ex in a positive light. Just think of the wrong he did you. He says he's sorry, that he was young. People that are young have values, too. He didn't think of you and what he was doing to your relationship when he fooled around on you. Yes, do forgive him, but also move on and don't let him interrupt your family life you have now. Just say goodbye one more time to him.