Things just keep getting worse

Christiansburg, Virginia
May 24, 2008 8:27am CST
I am to the point I am just about ready to scream or cry or both. The transmission in our stupid blazer is shot. We can't afford to get it fixed and we definitely can't afford another vehicle. I honestly don't know what we're gonna do. And I thought after getting the oil leak in it fixed things were going great. The thing is this is really getting me depressed because it keeps me from being able to get to the training center to see Kayla. The last time I was able to get there to see her was Mothers Day, so tomorrow will be two weeks. Do you know after the doubts I had about putting her in there, what not being able to get there to see her is doing to me? I feel like the worlds crappiest mother, even though I know it can't be helped.
10 people like this
32 responses
@dragon54u (31628)
• United States
24 May 08
Don't beat yourself up! Putting her there was an act of love, can you remember how happy you were when she learned to do some things for herself? You can send her letters, maybe some little sticker books or coloring pages to remind her how much you love her. How far away is it? Can you bike there? Borrow a car? Do you have a mechanic training school near you or a community college that teaches car repair? Sometimes they'll fix your cars very cheaply so that their students can practice, a teacher supervises so the work is done as good as the "professionals" do it at a fraction of the price.
• Christiansburg, Virginia
24 May 08
I actually hadn't thought about until you mentioned it, but tghe high school here has an auto mechanics class. All I would have to pay for is the parts, the labor is free. Although as close as it is to the end of the school year I may have to check with the community college here locally(which I'm pretty sure also has an auto mechanics class) since they do have a summer quarter as well.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (124297)
• United States
24 May 08
You can get some very good help in training schools. I hope you have good luck with one of the two.
2 people like this
@tyc415 (5706)
• United States
24 May 08
I am sure you are at the end of your rope but please don't let this make you feel any less of a loving mother, you are wonderful and what you did for Kayla was for her own good and it is helping her so much and look how much she is improving and look forward to the day when she will be back home with you. Is there anyone in your area that goes that way ever so often that maybe you could car pool with them some days to go visit Kayla? Let us hear how things go.
3 people like this
• Christiansburg, Virginia
24 May 08
That's just the problem, no there isn't. My mother lives up that way so yea, I can ask her to stop by there for me but still it just isn't the same.
2 people like this
@stephcjh (32303)
• United States
24 May 08
I am so sorry for you. I know that does not help much. We have the same things that happen to us all of the time, no matter what we do to try to do the right things. It sucks! Where there is a will, there is a way for eberything though, if it is meant to be. We have had nothing but bad luck here recently but we manage to get through everything that life hands to us. I will pray that God will see you all through these hard times and give you the strength to make it all better and get yourself back on track.
3 people like this
@Lakota12 (42678)
• United States
24 May 08
So sorry to hear this I know its hard when car breaks down my son in law has been woking on one for months now he just might have it ready to go. He bought another one like the one he is working on to fix this one with the parts. And he has done most of the work himself pulling out trans and putting it back but had help pulling the motor out untill this gets fixed my daughter cant even look for work. I know this dont help you none but then what has happened to you cant be helped is there a way you can call her and just talk to her would that help
2 people like this
• Christiansburg, Virginia
24 May 08
Yea. I've been calling and talking to her. But for me it's just not the same.
1 person likes this
@Lakota12 (42678)
• United States
24 May 08
I sure do hear ya I get so lonesome for youngest son but phone is all we can do wehn he lives 1800 miles from me
1 person likes this
@lucy02 (5017)
• United States
24 May 08
You are not a bad mother. You did the best thing you could for Kayla. You can rest easy about that. You will get to Kayla. Don't worry. I have had some bad luck and unexpected expenses lately myself, (root canal, crown, 2 vehicles repaired, vet bills, dr. bills, etc. When it rains it pours, doesn't it.
2 people like this
• Christiansburg, Virginia
25 May 08
That it certainly does. But you know I wouldn't mind in the least if it quit pouring on me anytime soon.
@jillhill (37377)
• United States
24 May 08
Hold the phone girl! You have been telling us how much she has accomplished since she is in her new home.....she is making progress! So why would you feel like the world's crappiest mother? You have done the very best for her! And this is just a set back and soon things will work out and you will be able to see her!
2 people like this
• Christiansburg, Virginia
25 May 08
I know. After a good cry earlier, and a good long nap, I'm starting to feel some better. But I know I won't feel completely right until I can see her again.
@pergammano (7690)
• Canada
24 May 08
Valerie...my heart goes out to you! Is there no feasible Public Transportation in your area? Are you able to phone Kayla....just so she can hear your voice. When my son was little (and very ill) No vehicle! No Public Trans. I had a friend take me to the Ferry....and I took at Tape Recorder! Then daily I would tape messages and mail them....at least he could hear my voice daily. I don't know whether that will help. Phew! Transmission gone...ouch! You have few options....repair it/or find a smaller vehicle that will be much easier on gas! It never rains, but it pours, DO NOT beat yourself up for things that are out of your control! You will overcome,my friend! Rainbows!
2 people like this
• Christiansburg, Virginia
24 May 08
There is a taxi service, but I hate to think how much it would cost to get to the training center(it's an hour away and even in a different county), and that's if they would even go that far. Yes, I have been calling so that helps. I guess I'll just have to be happy with just being able to do that for now. I have thought about asking my dad if he would buy us some sort of small used car, one that could just be bought outright without having to get a loan or anything, and then us just pay him back like say $100 a month or so. But he's got other stuff going on with his health(that my sister and I aren't even supposed to know about because he doesn't want us worrying until he knows for sure), that I hate to bother him.
1 person likes this
@ycanteye (778)
• United States
24 May 08
((((valerie37)))hugs I hope someone will offer to take you to see Kayla.
2 people like this
• Christiansburg, Virginia
24 May 08
Thanks. I do too. I may be able to get my sister or my cousin to if I offer to give them some gas money. I also hope that some money or a car would just happen to drop into my lap, but neither of those is very likely to happen.
1 person likes this
• United States
24 May 08
Please dont feel like the crappiest mother. I know it has be hard to send your daughter somewhere that will help your daughter. My mother had to send my sister a good three places, and the only reason why she did it was because out of love and she wanted her to get better. I know you've done it out of love. it just hurts because you miss her. I know how you feel about finances. I think everyone is feeling the shift in the economy. I just want you to know your not alone when it comes to finances! Trust in the lord dear! He wont fail you!
2 people like this
@BYOLA2871 (4371)
• South Africa
26 May 08
try as much as you can to calm down,things are already as bad as they can get dont make it worse by freaking out,just take it calmly,sometimes these things happen to slow us down though we may not like it when it happens
• Christiansburg, Virginia
26 May 08
Yea. But they've slowed me down enough. I need things to get better.
@BYOLA2871 (4371)
• South Africa
26 May 08
do you think by getting freaked out is the best way to quicken things up?i dont think so,while those one s are down get on to some other things call kayla if you have to it show sthat you have a mind that is with her,and get on with life,getting angry nmakes you ineffective
1 person likes this
@moondancer (7433)
• United States
25 May 08
Things do seem to always be happening. I know I feel that way too. It does not cost much to send a letter or a card to your child. And it lets them know you are thinking of them. It will also put your mind at ease knowing you did something. At least if she hears from you it's nice and it's something she can hold on to and read over again. Not to mention keep forever, like we girls tend to do.
1 person likes this
• Christiansburg, Virginia
25 May 08
Thanks. I hadn't even thought of the idea of sending a card.
• United States
25 May 08
others were helping with the car and stuff, I just thought I'd help with your daughter. I'm glad you have an outlet.
1 person likes this
• United States
25 May 08
did the transmission go completely out or does it move any at all? because you can just do a quick fix with it to get you through for some more time. There is a product out called lucas if the transmission is slipping only you can add it and it will sometimes help fix your problem. But if it isn't working at all then the only thing you can do is find a used one somewheres and have it put in. Look around sometimes you can find a vehicle that someone has blew the motor up or wrecked it and they are selling it for parts and that might help you. Don't blame yourself for things we can not avoid. your daughter will understand as long as you keep in touch with her and let her know why. Stay strong for today and tomorrow you can live to work it out another day.
1 person likes this
• Christiansburg, Virginia
25 May 08
I'm sure it's not far from being gone completly. You can about probably a quarter of a mile if that far and then it starts making a roaring noise and acts like it doesn't want to move, I mean you're lucky if you can go over 25 or 30 if that when it does this.
@sid556 (30987)
• United States
25 May 08
First of all, what you did for your daughter was the best thing a mom could possibly do. I'm sure it was a very hard decision but it was the right one. I took care of a boy with cerebral palsy years ago whom i'll never forget. He got training and his mother and I were involved in it. He learned to function very well in society. He even went on to college. So get the "bad mom" thoughts right out of your head. Something good will come from this. It sounds to me as if your are in guilt and panic mode. I have been there and once I calm down, it seems a thought will come to me on how I can get out of this situation or a person that can help shows up. You'd be surprised at how many people would be willing to help in such a situation. I was in the situation where I needed a car a couple of weeks ago and I was so stressed. I travel to work and being a single mom, I need to get to work. I was talking to my older daughter on the phone about my situation and an older man overheard me. He offered me a car for next to nothing...less than a paycheck and you would not believe how nice this car is! I couldn't believe how nice this man was!! I hope and pray you get a break like this.
1 person likes this
• Christiansburg, Virginia
25 May 08
I think the guilt and panic mode has passed, thanks to husband. He's so sweet, he could see earlier today that all of this was taking a toll on me and told me to go take a nap. After a good cry and a good long nap I am feeling some better.
@vera5d (4006)
• United States
25 May 08
that's awful...it does always seem when it rains it pours...sometimes it helps to see what other options are available...could a friend take you to visit her? is a bus ride possible? all moms feel like the world's crappiest mother...i felt that way the other day myself...but we're not crappy moms...we just try to do the best we can for your kids. I remember your post saying how much better your daughter was doing - making huge progress she wasn't making at home...so you are not a crappy mom!! Try praying to saint anthony...it may sound kooky but it works for me everytime...he always helps me find an answer for my problem.
1 person likes this
• Christiansburg, Virginia
25 May 08
I think I was only feeling that way thinking that she's there and I'm here at home and can't get to see her. And I kept remembering a promise I made to myself when she first got admitted and that was that she wasn't gonna be one of the ones that you see there that no one ever comes to visit them.
• United States
25 May 08
Is it possible to take the bus to see her ?
• Christiansburg, Virginia
25 May 08
Trust me if it were I'd be on the bus there probably every day even when I wasn't having vehicle problems just so I could go every day and not have to worry about gas money.
@Hatley (164180)
• Garden Grove, California
25 May 08
I can but imagine how hard it is to not be able to see Kayla but perhaps one of your relatives can give you a lift so you can see you precious Kayla. ask around and make it known how much you miss your daughter 'and I am sure someone can help out. tell them about your car pproblems too.
• Christiansburg, Virginia
25 May 08
Already done. My mother has already said if I can't get another way there soon that she will get me there.
@kingcrapper (1538)
• United States
25 May 08
Funny how things just have a way of going bad very quickly and it seems like everyone in the world is out to get you. One thing that I have come to realize it that when I get to that point there can be nothing that could make it any worse. Things can only get better! I don't know what you level of faith is with God. I believe He has a way of helping us. I was at the end of my rope and finding no one after a very nasty divorce. I gave up and gave it all to Him. Less than a week later, I was in Las Vegas for the first time ever as a gift from a friend of mine. While there I met a wonderful girl vacation there from Dever. That was in May. By August of that year we were in engaged and by October she moved across country to be with me. We recently celebrated our 6th wedding anniversery. I was at the end of my rope at one time. Now I am the happiest person on the planet. Things happen for a reason!
• Christiansburg, Virginia
25 May 08
I hadn't realized it until now, but I always tend to just want to handle everything myself until it gets to the point that I can't and that's when I give it all to God. I guess I need to start letting God have control from the start.
@GardenGerty (124297)
• United States
24 May 08
Valerie, I am sorry the car is conspiring to frustrate you. I know that you miss Kayla. Does she realize that you are not getting to be there? Or is she just glad whenever she sees you? Things may have to solve themselves a penny or a nickel at a time. We always buy very old, used, cars, but Hubby is mechanical enough to know what is wrong and get it done. Just know that you are in our thoughts and prayers.
• Christiansburg, Virginia
25 May 08
Thanks. Those prayers are very much needed.
@luvstochat (6911)
• United States
24 May 08
I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. Is there someone a friend or a relative who could take you to see Kayla? You could offer to pay for there gas if they could take you. Don't feel like you are a crappy mother though becasue things happen that we can't control. You didn't knwo the transmision was going to go out in your vehicle. Stay strong and hopefully thigns will get better.
1 person likes this
• Christiansburg, Virginia
24 May 08
Thanks. I needed to hear that about not beating myself up. I think I could get my sister or my cousin to take me if I gave them some gas money.
@slickcut (8141)
• United States
30 May 08
I can certainly understand your dilema,i have been in your shoes before.I hate to be without my wheels....Maybe you could call the place ahere she is and ask them to explain to Kayla about what is happening at home....I was away on a long trip when i found that my daughter was very sick and i was unable to get to the hospital,thankfully my Mom was able to go and stay with my daughter,i felt really bad about it...In fact it still bothers me that i was not able to be there....She did understand and My mom was a great comfort to her.....Its true it is not your fault ,but it does not make it feel better,even if you cannot help it....