Love our house and the neighborhood why leave it?
By suspenseful
@suspenseful (40193)
Canada
February 1, 2009 2:22pm CST
AS you know, my husband and I have been discussing or rather he has about moving. There is a nice condo that has just being built in our neighborhood and is within walking distance for everything. I would not need to change banks, I can still walk to Superstore or to the Mall, still go to church without someone picking me up, but he does not want to move there. He thinks the condo fees will be too high. He thinks that we can get into a senior's apartment, but there is none here and that means throwing most of our stuff away. Yes we have a small house, and we already got rid of the old junk but this means getting rid of things that we need. It would be different if the doctor told me and him that we would be lucky to live another five years, but there is a good chance I might live to be in my nineties, and he might, if nothing happens live a while longer. And moving to a senior's apartment would mean that part of the money I get will have to go on bus passes, where before I would get to walk there, and the grocery stores near those places are more expensive.
We were at Safeway a couple of weeks ago, which is near some senior apartments and the prices were through the roof. Besides we are getting our house fixed up. All we need now is to get the bathroom done, new doors, and carpets after we get the basement finished. The major thing is getting a ramp for the front door.
I will have to show you a picture of what it looks like now as soon as I get one to get your imput.
The trouble is even though my husband says we might have to move, I am nervous as I do not think that he will live that long - with a stroke you can go any time - and I am the type who believes that when you move into a senior's apartment you are waiting for God and I am the type of person who needs a push to stay health or else I will let myself go.
We already got the toilet set fixed so my husband can get up easier, he has given up his driver's license. And I just love mowing the lawn and pruning the trees. In fact he says I got a little crazy when I did it the last time (ha ha)
Now our sons have said that they will not help us fix up the top part unless we agree to move and I think why fix up the place for someone else, when we can do it for ourselves.
Let you know what is going on. I am setting money aside, but I do not want to move if it will cost more to live someplace else, not the cost of the apartment, but also the travel expenses and the cost of food. At least here our house is all paid for.
10 people like this
23 responses
@Polly1 (12645)
• United States
1 Feb 09
If you can handle the house,I wouldn't move neither. If its not broke don't fix it. Right now is not a good time to try selling a house. As for getting a ramp, you can check with senior places, the doctors office or even church to see about getting one built for a decent price. Maybe your sons could even do it. If you are still able to take care of the yard and things like that, it gives you something to do. If your husband is able to get around the house ok. If you do move to a condo the fees will probably be high. As for a senior place, thats not a totally bad idea, maybe your husband is thinking there would be less work for you, it would make your life easier. Good luck with whatever you both decide.
4 people like this
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
4 Feb 09
I do not think my sons can do the ramp. I know that at the store that they sell wheelchairs, they also sell ramps, but I think they are the kinds that go in vans not the kind that are from the front of the house. Oh and for the senior place, well we would have to get rid of much of our stuff, and most of my books because they are very small, also it is more expensive, I would have to take a bus or a taxi anywhere, so moving is out. Besides I do not know how long my husband has to live. He is acting very old.
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
2 Feb 09
He is thinking of staying. We just need the bathroom fixed up and I can get someone to put in the doors.
3 people like this
@Thoroughrob (11742)
• United States
1 Feb 09
I guess the question that needs to be asked also is, can you keep up the maintenance on it? How long will you be able to keep up the house? Will you have to be paying money out to get people to help? Is your house accessible after you get the ramp and get indoors? Is there anything in the basement that you have to go up and down stairs to do? If you are comfortable with all the above answers that you give yourself, and still are comfortable living there, I would not see any reason to move. I assume that your sons think it is too much for the two of you? Have you sat down and told them your side? Good luck in making your decision.
3 people like this
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
4 Feb 09
I can go up and down the stairs. And I do have friends that will help if I find myself unable to do anything. It is my husband who has the walker, not me. It is just that he has this glamorous idea of being with his friends in a senior's complex, playing cards, talking about old times, etc. I have managed so far, I help my husband, cut up his food, scrub his back when he cannot reach it, help him put on his clothes. I did that all for my grandmother when she was in her late eighties, so it is no problem for me, I also can mow the lawn, prune the tree, do the gardening. The only thing is I am scared of heights and am scared of standing on a stool to change a light bulb, but that is just one thing.
Oh and I can change the bulb in the Tv. And I am a clutch.
1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31636)
• United States
1 Feb 09
I hope you don't move, it would mean giving up the things you love to do. You'd be spending more and have you considered how your walking everywhere is making you keep your health longer? If not for that, your diabetes might be worse. Your sons are wrong to not help you, I hope they will see that.
Your house is paid for, tell your sons there will be nothing left for them if you have to spend money on a senior apartment. The little that is left, you'll leave to charity seeing as how it won't be enough for them to bother with--if you're forced to move. That might get them into their work clothes! 
Seriously, sometimes children let their love of their parents cloud their judgment on what is right. They are probably thinking in a senior apartment there will be help if you need it, and you'll be safe. But I think you're right, those places are God's waiting room.
Seriously, sometimes children let their love of their parents cloud their judgment on what is right. They are probably thinking in a senior apartment there will be help if you need it, and you'll be safe. But I think you're right, those places are God's waiting room. 3 people like this
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
4 Feb 09
I heard when people do move into a senior's place, their health suffers. I guess being around old people there and not having interaction with the kids or grand kids except on the weekends or other children has a bad effect. They make enough money, but you see I figure that in senior places, you are waiting for God.
1 person likes this
@suzzy3 (8342)
•
2 Feb 09
It seems to me from what you say you can manage where you are.A condo has stairs or you will have to rely on the lift working,plus you will be surrounded by other people and if you are used to your privacy you will find that hard to deal with.I think your husband is right about extra fees for upkeep some one else does some damage you will have to pay part of it,I wanted to move to a flat near town but my husband said the service charges are terrible and he could not live with others ,he likes his own front door and he is liable to get up set easily,he is a bit sensitive to others around him.As for a retirement flat it depends on how old you are and if you are ready to go,as being around old people will make you older sooner and if like you say your husband could go at anytime you will end up in a place where you hardly know anyone,and when you do get to knoe them they could pass away.You have already done so much to your house it might be better to stay put,after all it is yours ,leaves you any other money to have a comfy life.Good luck with your decission.
3 people like this
@proudnana (192)
• Canada
1 Feb 09
Hi there,
I was just sitting here thinking to myself if I were in your position I wouldn't want to move from my home that I had lived in for all these years. And if I did have to move for some reason or another I think I would like it to be in the same area so that everything is handy.
Now, I understand that your husband has had a stroke? I'm so sorry to hear this.
It could be that he may be feeling that he is a burden and can't help you out with the up keep of the house and that is why there is all this talk of him wanting to move.
Your house sounds lovely by the way, Why move after fixing it all up? I would try to reason with him and tell him the advantages of not moving into a seniors apartment.
~proudnana~
3 people like this
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
4 Feb 09
Those senior places are not near where we live. My husband cannot drive now, and he does not understand that if it took him five minutes to get to the Mall, it takes me about thirty minutes to walk to it, so if it took ten minutes to go to where the Senior apartments are, it would take me an hour to walk from their to the Mall or where my bank is, and an hour to get back. Think of that in the winter, and it would be an hour to go back and forth to church. So it will be much farther.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (157907)
• United States
2 Feb 09
I would be like you. However, you and your husband together need to think this out. It needs to not be his or your decision, but a joint decision. Maybe you could list pros and cons of a move, and have him do his own list of how he sees things. I do not understand why your sons do not want to help you fix the house. They may want you to sell the house at a good profit, and so would fix it up to sell. Maybe they could do the pro and con exercise as well, to see what they perceive as being the drawbacks of you staying there.
2 people like this
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
4 Feb 09
I do not want to move, I am thinking of the expense of living in a senior's place. We have enough money to get on and pay full price, but there are the distance to get to church and instead of walking, I would have to get one of my friends to drive me or I would either have to take a bus or a taxi. I am also 65, not 80 not even in my 70s. And I have not finished living yet. My husband told me all what he considers pros, but the pros are very depressing - you may wind up in a wheelchair is not a good pro, and how can I keep up the house, well now the basement is clean, I can do a good job of the top, and I already mow the lawn, etc.
1 person likes this
@Lakota12 (42600)
• United States
2 Feb 09
Got to keep pointing that out to him.
your place is paid for .
ya move in one of those places adn they want all of your check.
Nope best stay where you are!
So what if the house is small thereis just the 2 of you!.
I would fix up and stay put!
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
5 Feb 09
My mother-in-law did not want to move into the senior complex and she would not eat for a few days, but what helped was that she had friends there who also went to the same church. But with us, we do not have a place near my church and I want to stay here in our house.
@maddysmommy (16230)
• United States
2 Feb 09
Why won't your sons help to fix up the top area or any part of the house, to help you both remain there? why push you to a seniors apartment, when it sounds like you're more than capable of staying right where you are?.
It looks like you've stated a lot of positives towards staying in your own home than moving to a seniors home and I think you shouldn't give it up so easily. It sounds like your hubby isn't thinking clearly LOL I think it's going to cause more havoc if you move.
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
3 Feb 09
I have no idea. I do not want to move and I do not want to be blackmailed into moving. If we had to move, I will not be living long after that. When I get depressed I do things to shorten my life like not eat properly, etc. and I feel that seeing all those old people around all the time will depress me even further.
1 person likes this
@Yestheypayme2dothis (7874)
• United States
3 Feb 09
If the condo helps you get to places better, I understand that. Although, it depends on the cost of the fee. In this area there are condo fees as much as $1000 a month. You have to consider the cost of moving and the wear and tear on your husband. I would say the condo is an option. Moving to a senior apartment complex might be depressing for you. You marriage included two people. Not just your husband. It includes you, too. Your husband is fragile and feels like he is on his way out. You are not at that point. Ask your husband what he thinks he will he will get by moving into a senior apartment that he cannot get at home. As for staying at the house you live in, that has pluses, too. You have been fixing it up. I agree why fix it up if you are getting rid of it? If it is far away from everthing and you need convenience, then you might want to considers the condos near everything. Why your sons will not help help fix up if you don't move sounds like they think you will get more money for the house when you go to sell it. I don't know your sons well but that is what it sounds like to me. Yet, I would think they would want to fix it up so YOU could enjoy it.
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
5 Feb 09
OUr house is close to where I can get around. Now if I were not a church goer and did not have friends near by, and I did not like writing and would be happy with just living in a tent and just having my needs, I would say apartment, but it would cost more in an apartment and I would miss my books, my friends, and everything would be more expensive. Si I would rather stay here. I do not know how to get a ramp on the front with the railings already in. That would be a problem. I will have to look into it.
@Yestheypayme2dothis (7874)
• United States
5 Feb 09
I would tell him what you just told me. You will get a ramp and other help that he may need but stay in the house.
@pergammano (7682)
• Canada
1 Feb 09
What an interesting discussion...and boy, there is a lot of "what if's" isn't there? I am really pondering...but I think, your house is paid for...you just have utilities and taxes...a bathroom to upgrade...and you are in a neighborhood with the amenities you NEED and use.....you are loving the outdoor activity...I think I would stay...right in your little nest! Your memories are there..you are happy there....it's like a comfortable old pair of shoes! Finish your bathroom and put in a ramp...don't know what a Sr.'s Home would cost, but it can't be much less that $700.00 a month (here it would be $1100.00)..that's a lot of money, that you can "divy" out as you like, upgrading your home to your content!
The reason that I am being part of the jury here...is a very sad story..my in-laws that I loved sooooo much....were badgered so much by their children (one of which was my husband)to move out of their home/neighborhood of 42 years! The house was old..and needed repairs! They finally agreed...the trauma of the move..the unfamiliarity of the new neighbrhood...and both their physical & mental health declined rapidly! It was like night & day! MIL (Nana, as she was lovingly called) said to me one day, as I caught her in tears...."I feel like I sold all my memories!"......ripped my heart out! This is your time for everything...especially happiness & contentment! Whatever you choose, I wish you the best!
2 people like this
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
2 Feb 09
I think that would happen if we moved. We would miss the neighborhood. My husband is just into the glamor of meeting his old friends at the new apartment, and he is thinking of his mother, but she did not move into the senior complex until she was in her eighties and she was waiting for God. I can make it okay, and i doubt I will get suddenly into a wheelchair, (unless someone decides to shoot at me, ala Ironsides, or I get run over.) but if we move, there will be no incentive for me to stay healthy and I am not eighty yet.
1 person likes this
@pergammano (7682)
• Canada
3 Feb 09
You have enjoyed your privacy for so long...and I think you might feel cloistered & stifled in a place that doesn't feel like home!
Just finished reading a lot about stress (of which I am prone)....and "a move" rates above a divorce...it rates 2nd on the list of things creating the greatest stress in one's life. With your hubby's current medical condition...stress is NOT a good thing!
1 person likes this
@pergammano (7682)
• Canada
3 Feb 09
Seems to me you are a young lady, with a lot of "joie de vivre"....a real zest for life, so I am praying that you can stay in your "snuggly" home, your boys will step up to the plate...do your repairs...and happiness will prevail!
1 person likes this
@joyceshookery (2057)
• United States
2 Feb 09
You've said several things in favor of staying in the house. It's paid for, it's being fixed up, and it sounds like you're comfortable there.
I don't know what kind of feedback you're looking for. Personally, I'd stay in the house you live in. Can your husband be happy there?
2 people like this
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
4 Feb 09
I do not like getting blackmailed by our sons saying that they will not fix up the top of the house unless we agree to move. So I am trying to get some imput so they will help fix up the house anyway.
1 person likes this
@Maggiepie (7816)
• United States
3 Feb 09
[b]I think, Suspenseful, that eventually you two will have to part. I'm all for staying where you are for as long as possible. I also look at those retirement centers as "God's waiting room." As long as I'm able, I'm staying PUT!
Let him move.
Maggiepie[/b]
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
2 Feb 09
I can only help you in one aspect here as I do manage upmarket condos by the sea in a tourist town. The fees do tend to increase at least every two or three years as everything goes up not down. That would have to be factored into your decision making. But you could find all this info out just by phoning an d finding out how high the fees are for maintenance. Check also if here are any other fees for example - when they decide to paint and do they do this out of savings or is a price levied for each owner to pay.
It ios very difficult to move and you appear to be strongly attached to where you live, so do you have to move? I would feel the same way as you. It is like you are in the department lounge waiting to say goodbye instead of getting on and enjoying your life. Myself? I wouldn't do it. I would make your home disabled friendly for your husband but I don't think that I could make this move at all. I wish you well and please don't make this decision hastily my friend. Blessings
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
4 Feb 09
I would find it hard to move. I finally got to move in a neighborhood where I have friends around, someplace where I feel at home and we have been here since the 1980s. The fees on the condos here are too high and the apartments are so overpriced and the life lease ones are out of the neighborhood, not to mention the higher price of food since there are no Superstores or Walmarts nearby and they have the cheaper grocery prices. I do not want to move, but our sons will not help fix up the house unless we agree to.
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
4 Feb 09
Please forgive me if I am stepping over the line but you are living your own life - your sons are not living your life. You want put - then stay put where you are happy. Blessings
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
4 Feb 09
It will be more expensive to live in a condo and also in a land lease apartment or a rental. Our house is paid for, and it will take us longer to go to places. Right now, if we have to go somewhere, one of my friends will give us a lift and the doctor's office is just a mile away and when it comes to myself, I can just walk, but even though there are new places near where the doctor's office is, it is farther to the Mall, and the grocery store there has prices that are through the roof. The place where we shop we can get a better selection and the prices are much cheaper, and to go anywhere we would have to go with the bus with all the old people and I would have to slow down my pace to keep down with them.
@kareng (55615)
• United States
2 Feb 09
My personal preference would be to keep my house. It would be mine and mine alone. NO close neighbors to annoy you, etc. You are right about condo fees, they are pretty steep. Maybe you guys could check it out and see what the fees are. This may convince your hubby that you don't need to move :) Good luck hon!
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
4 Feb 09
He also wants to move into a senior's apartment, but maybe he might not have that long to live (I have not checked on about how long you live after a stroke, his sister had one about ten years ago and she is still around) but I will have a good number of years yet - if I keep healthy and knowing me, I will be less inclined to eat right if I am in an apartment, I will be going to the fridge, and will be going to the store and pick up candy bars.) But since I will have to be healthy to mow the lawn and do painting, etc. I will be sure to keep myself in good health while I am in the house.
@slickcut (8141)
• United States
2 Feb 09
I have always agreed with you about moving Suspenseful , and if staying in your home makes you happy then i think you should stay there....I do want to clear some things up though about these senior apartment ...I have a house in the country, but i just moved into a senior apartment & I really love it.This is the best move i have ever made....There are different types of senior apartments..The one I am in goes by your income & i only pay $288.00 a month..I have a dishwasher, garabge disposal, washer & dryer,ice maker , micro wave,high speed internet free, and ceiling fans in every room...I really love it here....The apartment i live in is for people that are very able to care for themselves...It has elevators and all kinds of activities to go too..Now they have those kind that is for assistant living, and i don't need that, i am very able to care for myself....and you are too...Trust me where i live is not like waiting for GOD, it is nice....I go to Bingo, i drive so i have my car but they will also go to Walmart & to the doctor & they will take you if you need to go...The apartments i am in is for 55 & above....I have to say i have really loved it here and plan to stay...
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
4 Feb 09
My husband needs help and I can give it to him right now, but how much of what you had in your house did you have to throw away when you moved? I bet a lot. If you live in an apartment all of your life, there is nothing, but for us homeowners, even what we have in our small house could not fit into an apartment. I would rather stay.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
2 Feb 09
Tough situation and one that can only be worked out by you and your husband communicating. From the sounds of it, I would vote for the condo. Owning a home...even if it is all paid for, does require upkeep and sometimes very costly upkeep. In the condo, all the upkeep would be done for you and as you mentioned...you can walk to wherever you need to go. That is a big health bonus as well as financial. I'm sure you must also pay taxes on your home? In most places those are quite costly too as well as the water, heat, electric etc. Hopefully you and your husband will come to an agreement soon as to which is best for both of you. The repairs that you have already done to your home can help raise the value of it.
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
4 Feb 09
Actually the condo fees are quite high and also if we want to get a condo or an apartment of the same size, it would cost over what we can get back for our house as it is. So we will have to move into a smaller place, not much help if I want my husband to get any exercise. I mean right now he takes the walker from the living room, through the dining room and the kitchen, to the front door, and back again. Go into an apartment and it is less.
@boilerroom (6)
• Indonesia
2 Feb 09
If the moving can be dangerous for you husband's health then dont.. Enjoy what you already have, save the money for vacation, and if i were you id rather build extra room to rent for extra monthly income (rather than to use it to buy new condo), so with the money i can build nice rooftop garden or something to make the house i already have become more pleasant, and tell that to him.
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
4 Feb 09
It will be dangerous as right now in our house, he can at least practice with the walker getting around, but in an apartment, there would not be that much room to move around.
