Where did the love go?

@hdjohnson (2981)
United States
March 3, 2009 8:26am CST
Marriage is a holy union in the eyes of God and some Christians. It is to be reverence and revered as a decision between two people that is meant to be forever. It is not meant to be easily broken or disregarded as a way for one person who may be without financial support or finances to gain those things by marrying a wealthy person. Even among the Christians, the rate of divorce is so high till it is not funny. I thought about this discussion as I was responding to another one a few moments ago. You hear about it from all sides of the fence, from the rich and famous, to some of our family members, to our next door neighbors. My discussion for today is where did the love go? Or was it just really lust? Why is divorce plaguing our society as a people? Thanks for your sincere and honest view point of this discussion.
3 people like this
20 responses
• Philippines
3 Mar 09
hi there, hdjohnson.. i think it all boils down to a wrong concept of love or a shallow understanding of it -- especially for Christians. love is supposed to be longsuffering, just as Christ persevered for us, we are also to persevere. but the problem is, divorce is readily available and Satan uses that to deceive people -- Christians and non-Christians alike -- and make it as an option. Christ is the Ultimate model of love. until every Christian couple understands what it truly means to love as Christ loved us, they will be easily deceived by the lies of Satan that divorce is an option. perhaps the following verses would help remind Christian couples who are 'considering' divorce: Romans 12:2 "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - His good, pleasing and perfect will." Ephesians 5:22-30 "Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, His body, of which He is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to Himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and care fo it,just as Christ does the church - for we are members of His body." 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." happy myLotting!
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Mar 09
Amen dreamleaper!!!!!! You're right on and I pray that your response will lead people to Jesus! Heifer1
1 person likes this
@hdjohnson (2981)
• United States
15 Mar 09
Good reminder my friend. Good reminder indeed!
@mammamuh (582)
• Sweden
11 Mar 09
I would say like this - it's love that complicates the whole thing. Marrige was not anything that was for people in love! Marriage was a way for the man to get a wife(or several) and children to have their genes spread! It was a way for men to own thier women and to secure that their genes and not someone elses genes got spread! It wasn't long ago that parents decided who you were going to marry - in many countries it's still that way, often it's the man that dicides he wants a girl as a wife and he gets her - even if she doesn't agree. Many women have lived in marriges even if they were abused (they still do) marrige was the only way for a woman to survive and get money. When women now can support themselves I belive it's easier to walk away if you're not pleased, 40 years ago that would have been impossible for many even in the western countries. I do belive that many women would have left their husbands 100 years ago if they had a chance.
• Philippines
11 Mar 09
The topic of divorce can really bring a lot of discussion on the table. I just think that because there is divorce, couples are less responsible in their choices like they rush into it without thinking about it thoroughly, less responsible with the obligations that comes with marriage like respect towards their partner, looking after their partner and children. somehow the vow "for better or for worst" is not anymore applicable because of divorce. Its complicated
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Mar 09
sometimes it is as simple as people getting married too young and for all the wrong reasons. sometimes it is a matter of infidelity that cannot be fixed. maybe it should be "harder" to get married and then people would think twice and really be ready. not that it is easy to get divorced but it is accepted.
@syankee525 (6293)
• United States
3 Mar 09
i think more people wants thier spouce to be how they are. and instead of sitting and figuring how to fix it, and give in they just give up and i also think some get married to ealry and without getting to know the other person. my wife and i got married at the young age of 17 and 18. we had a rough marriage and been through so much. but we both were willing to learn to fix our problmes or to deal with them as a couple. and that is where people are lacking at
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (116609)
• United States
5 Apr 09
As a society, we are selfish. We are indoctrinated by the media to believe we should have what we want, when we want it, and it does not matter what we promised. We want the quick fix. We will get a divorce rather than spend time working on a difficult relationship. Love is a choice, everyday, everyway. You are right, divorce is not funny.
@ladym33 (10990)
• United States
5 Mar 09
Unfortunately I do think many people get married for the wrong reasons. I have known young girls that have gotten married more for the wedding then the actual marriage, they don't seem to comprehend that after the fabulous wedding and honeymoon that a marrige will happen after that. I don't think that they think past the whirlwind romance of it all. I also know a couple of peole whose first marriages were more about security than love. Other people feel as if they are pushed in to marriage, because they have been with someone for a long time, and everyone is constantly asking them when they will get married. Sometimes people get married so quickly that they never took the time to really get to know one another. Sometimes people just change to much and they can't work things out. There are many reasons for marriages failing, but I think that amount could be lessoned if people stepped back an thought before they got married for the wrong reasons. My husband and I were engaged for 4 years before we got married, as we were both trying to finish up college before we got married. But after 4 years our eyes were wide opened. We knew each other very well. We knew each others faults and decided each other was still worth it (LOL). We were engaged after 5 months, and knew we were in love after a couple of weeks, but we did not rush in to marriage. We have been together for 23 years.
• Bulgaria
4 Mar 09
I think mariagge is a serious step, in which hardly anyone has ever done. From this perspective and diversity in nature is great. Mistakes are made due to many reasons and are unable to find fault in one . Nyakoga prepare our own destiny surprises. But people, especially women we should be strong and cope with challenges. And there was love all around us.
@Ritchelle (3795)
• Philippines
4 Mar 09
i kind of have this thought that people always like to have an icing on their cake. you know, have love in their life. actually, get married in this life when they barely have a life capable of financially and emotionally taking care of somebody else. that is probably why the noble idea of not all great loves end in marriage or should end in marriage. if a person would be incapable of supporting another human that had been entrusted by fate in his / her care it's better to stay single and hope for another special person who knows what she / he has and knows what she / he can deliver. i think the mind set of people should be changed. a cake without an icing would do fine. but an icing without a cake is tantamount to nothing at all. life without marriage is okay but marriage without the couple involved having a life definitive of caring for another person is also tantamount to nothing. that may probably be the reason why there is such a thing as a marriage license (although let's not kid ourselves. that is just to pay a few amounts of money and check if one is legally free to marry). it was probably called a license because not everyone willing to marry is capable and dare even have the right to enter marriage.
@cindyhxf (1447)
• China
4 Mar 09
where did the love go?it is worth to discussion i think.everyone has her/his mind about marriage.one thing happened to one couples,maybe it caused them broke up maybe not for another couples.it depends on how much you can afford in your marriage life.someone just smile and forget bad things very soon. having strong faith to be with each other forever.fight just a part of life.but someone didn't think so.it is hard to bear spouse and think it is better to broke up.they dont mind if marriage is holy or not,they just care what they feel.
@barehugs (8984)
• Canada
4 Mar 09
Pardon me while I disagree! Marriage is Not a Holy union in the eyes of God. Did God encourage Adam and Eve to marry? Marriage between the genders is a man-made institution for the convenience of Men. The divorce rate is the same between Christians as any other Religion or Creed. In countries where the genders are not equal and women are treated like slaves, there is no divorce. The reason a marriage promise is not worth the paper its written on is- Nothing in this dimension is static. Everything is constantly changing. If this is the case How can a marriage promise be expected to last, when the only constant is Change, and absolutely nothing remains the same.
@dawnald (84069)
• Shingle Springs, California
3 Mar 09
Where did the love go? It was hurt, insulted, neglected, ignored, disrespected and eventually forgotten. Sad.
• United States
3 Mar 09
I honestly believe that if people do not work to keep the love going then it will disappear. It is very important for couples to communicate at all times. Being a woman I know how we think. We think that our feelings are so obvious to our partners that we do not need to tell them how we feel but that is totally wrong. Men need to be told what we are thinking otherwise they will never know! My husband and I have been married for 3 and 1/2 years now and we are very good at communicating with each other because we both make it a point to do that. He comes home and we discuss our days. But right now we do not have kids and no other major priorities so we can easily communicate. However, once we have kids and our lives start changing then we will definately have to put an extra effort into communicating our needs and desires. Another thing that we do which I believe helps a lot is we go out for dinner every "monthaversary" which means the 17th of each month since we got married on the 17th of July. It doesn't have to be anything fancy, just a chance for us to get out. There are no cellphone distractions and the whole evening is spent together having fun. I think every couple needs to have a day or two where they only concentrate on each other. Technically this day should be everyday, but it is very hard to do that considering there are so may things going on. At the end of the day, as we get older, the beauty will fade and all we will have is each other so starting now will only benefit us in the future.
@lucas16 (98)
• Philippines
3 Mar 09
me and my wife always argue about so little things in life... she always put the blame on me.. i cant understand it.. i decided that we talk it over to settle our problems.. it WORKED!!
@winterose (39897)
• Canada
3 Mar 09
being a divorced person I can tell you it is much more complicated than just love. Many people have very good reasons to be divorced, there is such a thing as having no marriage, too people living in a house together as total strangers, or two people just fighting constantly or other important reasons. Then marriage is a joke, I find that many hypocrites stay marriage just so it looks good, but there really is no love, no communication nothing there.
@kquiming (2998)
• Philippines
3 Mar 09
most of those christians getting divorced are probably young christians or immature christians and maybe they thought they knew everything they had to know when they decided to marry...and only to find out too late that they didn't. i think prior to marriage, careful consideration of everything there is to be considered should be prayed for as well as openly discussed by the people involved - just to make sure they won't end up separating after being married for some time... just to make sure they make a huge mistake and risk hurting other people in their lives. parents and kids suffer a lot whenever these things happen to families.
• United States
3 Mar 09
I agree with you, johnson that marriage is a holy union in the eyes of GOD. There is a lots of couple after a long living together they end in divorce. There is a lots of factors why some couple are end to divorce co'z maybe the wives/husband is cheating or unfaithful to their partner,always fighting each other, irresponsible partner, so much vices or they not totally understand each other and abuse physically and emotionally. In my opinion, loved doesn't gone easily to someone you loved if he/she was irresponsible, arguing/fighting or vices co'z maybe there is really lack also on your side how come it happened. Just talk to you partner heart to heart and if not really work in many times ask a marriage adviser but if still not work. Do is the right the one you felt but if the case my partner will abusive on me or cheating on me. I can forgive her/him but i can't stay him/her forever. God give you a freewill to decide every day in your life. So, even if marriage is holy for two people love each other before will useless if someone will not help. So, for me put GOD in your marriage life and you both talks each other often or agree together, most specially respect each other and don't so much have expectation to your wives/husband.
• Philippines
3 Mar 09
I know that the devil is doing his very best to deceive a lot of people before he will be judged by God. His main target is the family, the married couples and kids. As we know if we have a strong and united family, all of the good things taught to us by our parents will stay and will remain and we will pass it through our next generation. But think of it, if Satan destroys the unity among family members, parents and siblings, what do you think will happen in our society? The more corrupt a person is, the more hatred he will spread and that is the reason why sin after sin comes. Without love in the family, the rest will be astray. If they say that they are Christians, but favorable on divorce, i tell you again, they are not really Christians because God hates divorce, and all about the topic of marriage you can read on 1 Corinthians Chapter 7.
@Heifer1 (48)
• United States
3 Mar 09
Love is a choice you make. It isn't necessarily feelings. There are many times during marriage where one or both spouses does not feel "in love" his/her spouse. The feelings of being "in love" may leave for one reason or another, but real love grows and develops as the couple puts into practice what the Bible says to do unto his/her spouse. It is also a matter of each individual giving 100% to the other all the time. Most marriages don't work this way, however. The thing to remember is that when you stand before God and make the decision to marry this person, you are entering into a contract between you, your spouse and God. God hates divorce, and when you agree with loving your spouse for better or worse, etc. you are to keep that promise...it is a covenant. Unfortunately, this world, even within the church, is so full of sin that man no longer lives for God, but for self.
@nikky28 (1572)
• India
3 Mar 09
Familiarity breeds contempt. Some people fall madly in love, and decide to get married. And then the novelty wears out and the routine of life starts to set in. The mystery factor just becomes zero and boredom creeps in. Weakness that were ignored when in love seems to be magnified after some time. Spouses start cribbing over small things. Love starts to decrease and as Saki quotes, " When love is over, how little of love even the lover understands" They forget the way they felt for each other and feel they are deprived of the attention they used to get when they were dating. I believe this is one of the reasons why love deteriorates in some marriages.