I Am His Kryptonite...??
By singlemommy
@singlemommy (2955)
United States
March 8, 2009 9:13pm CST
My daughter's father came to pick up my daughter this afternoon and then asked if I would ride with him out to his house so he could drive his work truck into town and I could drive his truck back for him. I said that I didn't mind.
My ex is engaged to be married in September. I wasn't thrilled about the idea, but I got over it. It's no skin off my back, you know?
When we were riding out to his house he told me that him and his girlfriend had a long talk last night and he said that he told her that he wasn't sure if he wanted to get married. He said that he told her that I was his "KRYPTONITE". When he said that I said, "I'm your what?". He said, "You know my one weakness". He gave me a rose that he said that he bought for me for Valentine's Day but had never given it to me.
I was thinking about how bad I feel for his girlfriend. I know she loves him and he went and done this to her. He had asked her to marry him in front of the whole school where she works as a teacher. I just feel that he did her dirty. I guess because I've been victim to him so many times before, more than any other woman has been that I know how she feels.
He acted as if he wanted me to say that I had feelings for him, but what feelings I have I need to get over. We've been there and done that so many times that we have to face it that it is never going to work out for us. I don't want to get in the same old ruts that I've been in so many times. I want more for myself. I want to find true happiness. We have a daughter together so there is a history and where there is history there are feelings. But I can't act on my feelings anymore. I want to move on with my life. Sometimes it is so hard though when he says these things, it seem to make me vulnerable and I don't want to be.
Have you ever had exes who do this to you? Who make you feel vulnerable and you have to be strong and move on?
9 people like this
23 responses
@momtrying2makeit (3270)
• United States
9 Mar 09
You know what this sounds like is he really has feelings for you still. I mean I guess that he is not feeling this other relationship anymore. I know it may seem unfair to the other woman but if he is not in love with her why marry her. I do not have any ex's that I have had children with so I could not say how I would react to this. If you are not into him anymore I guess i would let him know that again that way he does not think there is a chance between you and him.
I would say since I am gonna assume from your name here you are still single do you still have feelings for him? Maybe you might be able to rekindle what you once had i am not sure. If not than let him know so you are both on the same page. I hope this helps and happy mylotting to you. 
@singlemommy (2955)
• United States
9 Mar 09
There is no way we could rekindle anything. Our past history isn't one that I would want to relive. He put me through a whole lot of crap that no woman should ever have to go through. I could write a book about it all.
I do agree, if he doesn't have feelings for her then he shouldn't marry her. I had told him before he asked her to marry him if he was sure that he wanted to do it. He said he was certain.
Yes, I am still single, which I feel makes me look vulnerable in his eyes. I have given in to him many times before and it is something that I never want to do again. I want to move on with my life and find someone else. Even though I haven't had a date in over a year, I still don't want to fall back into a relationship with him.
2 people like this
@momtrying2makeit (3270)
• United States
9 Mar 09
Well let him know that you do not want that with him ever again and hopefully he will get the picture. I hope this helps and take care. You go girl!
1 person likes this
@theweerouss (982)
• United States
9 Mar 09
I've had an ex act similar to this in the past (different scenario, but same emotional games) and I know it's a really hard situation to be in, and it's so difficult to really pinpoint every emotion you're feeling. I'm sorry to hear he's putting you in such a difficult place. It's clear that you've been strong in the past, and are holding up your strength now as well, so I hope he recognizes that and respects your wishes both as his ex and as the mother of his child.
Are you friendly with the new girlfriend? If you are, it might even be worth it to express yourself to her, so she knows that you're not behind his decision to postpone the marriage. It might calm her nerves and emotions to hear from you. Of course, it's a delicate situation, so I'd trust your best judgment! Best of luck to you!
3 people like this
@nanajanet (4436)
• United States
9 Mar 09
What a s---head!!! You are right in needing to move on and he is a leopard... he will not change his spots.
I have heard of this before, not me, I am still married, but you are good to be rid of him and just let him know that you have no love for him and that to just leave you alone.
I would leave it at that and see what happens but tell him your only connection is your child, you will always remain civil to him, for the child but have so gotten over him a long time ago.
I hope that it all works out for you, and his GF. Maybe she will dump him first.
3 people like this
@tamarafireheart (15384)
•
9 Mar 09
Hi singlemommy,
He is stil proving that he is not good and trying to play with your heart string, I feel sorry for his girlfriend and she shouln't be getting married to her as he is going to do the same thing to her, what he done to you. I have never been in that position but my friend has, she divorced him and once he came round to my house when my friend his ex wife was with me as she is my friend, he has remarried but when he came round to my house, he was saying to my friend how much he still love her, so she told him to get lost, I thought that was brill when she told that.
Tamara
3 people like this
@savypat (20216)
• United States
9 Mar 09
I would say this guy is into power, don't let him do that to you. You will truly have to control yourself, when someone knows you as well as he does, he can read every little expression, body language, or even thought that effects you. The first thing I would do its make myself unavailable for any but the most brief contact. He set up the truck thing knowing he could talk you into it. Protect yourself until you grow some very strong armor. Good luck
2 people like this
@DancingRedFeather1 (1037)
• Canada
9 Mar 09
I know what you are going through. I went through the same but I also didn't want to get in that game he was playing. Many men want their cake and eat it too.
I would not have accepted the rose. When he says those things tell him to shut up immedately and not to talk like that to you or else. That its over and was up to him to keep you as his kryptonite forever.
Be careful before falling for someone again..make sure that you are his kryptonite.. ( cute expression though lol)
2 people like this
@rogue13xmen13 (14402)
• United States
9 Mar 09
My boyfriend makes me feel weak, yet incredibly strong at the same time. If anything ever happened to him, I would get revenge somehow.
2 people like this
@Thoroughrob (11742)
• United States
9 Mar 09
What a line. That is one I have never heard before. Don't fall for it again. It sounds like you have a level head on your shoulder. I can't believe he did that to her.
2 people like this
@sid556 (30953)
• United States
9 Mar 09
He sounds like a player. He needs to know that he is wanted by her and still wanted by you. I am glad you didn't buy into it because all you'd be doing is feeding his ego. He probably has even someone else on the side. Good that you didn't fall for it. you deserve so much better!
@lilybug (21107)
• United States
9 Mar 09
My son's father had nothing to do with me or his son until I got pregnant with my daughter. Then he was calling me all the time. He even went so far as to tell me he still loved me. He was and still is married. He said flat out that he was jealous of my daughters father and he was telling me how he wished that we would have worked harder on things to make them work out. It was too little too late though and that sounds like kind of how things are with your daughters father.
2 people like this
@celticeagle (188401)
• Boise, Idaho
9 Mar 09
Oh ya! I think it is a right of passage or something. Happened to me with my daughter's dad as well. It was very hard. He even got me to go to a priest and thought the guy would be able to help and get me to want to go back to him. I told the priest my feelings and why I just couldn't go back and go through the same things all over again. Much the same thing as what you have said here.
2 people like this
@sweetyethot (1737)
• China
9 Mar 09
Im not sure what exactly "KRYPTONITE" means.
I've never been in a marriage.From what you wrote,I also feel sorry for your ex's girlfriend.
How could he treat her like that?I mean,will he marry her in September since he's declined?Or he'll broke up with her and keep loving you till you show your feeling again?Whatever you do,Im with you.Move on with your own life and seek your own true happiness.All the best!
I've never been in a marriage.From what you wrote,I also feel sorry for your ex's girlfriend.How could he treat her like that?I mean,will he marry her in September since he's declined?Or he'll broke up with her and keep loving you till you show your feeling again?Whatever you do,Im with you.Move on with your own life and seek your own true happiness.All the best!2 people like this
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
9 Mar 09
Oh dear he sounds like a jerk. I'm sorry but what the...? I had an ex show up on my door step about 10 years after we broke up, do you believe it 10 years! As if I was just there waiting for him! He had the audacity to get quite upset when I told him that I was getting married and not to him!
He also had a girlfriend and he conveniently did not tell her that he wanted to be with me so he had her in the background so he could go back to her if it didn't work out for us.
These guys think they can play with women's emotions and break their hearts at their own whim.
You need a strong man of value with integrity; you don't propose to someone and then do that! It's just wrong!
You are doing the right thing by wanting more for yourself, especially if you have tried again with him time and time again.
It is cruel for him to come back and say those things and confuse you all over again. I hope you can be strong and I pray that real happiness will come your way real soon. Hang in there!
@Nisha_Verghese (551)
• India
9 Mar 09
Well, it is a tough situation to be caught in.. your story reminds me of a saying that i have heard a long long time back : "The best thing a father can do for his child/children is to love their mother"
I think your ex-husband is trying to do this. Well it depends on you and only you if you wanna get back together with him. You should take some time off and think what is best for you and yur child. If you are 100 percent sure that you can manage without your ex in your life, then go ahead by all means.. This is a situation, i would suggest you to follow your brain(head) over what your mind (heart) suggests.
All the best and take care.
2 people like this
@danishcanadian (28954)
• Canada
9 Mar 09
That's really something. If someone tried to win me backk under those circumstances, I'd run like the dickens. I feel sorry for his fiance too. That really stinks!!!! One should not embark on a new relationship until they are sure the old one is over. My husband has been divored multiple times, and I know I am his last marriage (it's one of those things you just know when you are in the situation) just by the way things have played out. A couple of the ex-wives came back into our lives when the kids have gone through things, and I've followed the situation very closely (afterall he was MARRIED to these women and had CHILDREN with them). No signs of a past love being a present love, and nothing for me to worry about on that front, so I am glad.
2 people like this
@moondancer (7431)
• United States
11 Mar 09
Ye, he did do that young lady wrong. He knew how he felt about you before he asked her to marry him. That was not right and still isn't right. I'd tell him to grow up and to stop playing with other people's feelings.
It's good that you know where you stand with him and you are watching yourself around him.
I know many of us have been in this same or simular situation. My husband makes me feel vulnerable. I usually give in to him, unless I really feel strongly about something.
Stand your ground and don't let him draw you back into a relationship that you know will not work. Been there and done that.
1 person likes this
@jillhill (37353)
• United States
9 Mar 09
My ex told my kids I was the only woman he ever loved...then he met his new girlfriend..they have dated for a couple of years...well my daughter told me she finally said to him that they were going to get couceling for him to get over me....they will be getting married sometime soon....she has even come over here..which to me is freaky...to find out what I was like...but what he doesn't understand...is that he is in love with the girl who left him 30 years ago.....not the woman I am now....so hopefully he will truly give his heart to her....
1 person likes this
@sugarplum9084 (1771)
• United States
9 Mar 09
I was about to say that you should cut him off and never talk when you can help it, but then I read that you have a daughter with him, so that is something that should not be done. It would be best to make it known to him that you are not interested and that he should be good to his future wife, it is not right for him to do that to her, so you can help the situation by letting him know how wrong it is. Don't let another person be the victim to his ways. Don't get into her life and try to warn her, just let things pass and take care of themselves, just do what you can on your side. I wish you the best of luck.
1 person likes this
@messageme (2821)
• United States
9 Mar 09
Yes I have an ex that always made me feel that way. We also had a child together too, but he don't even consider him his. 
But he knew I loved him and would always give into what he said. I did that for many many years. Finally I forced myself to get over him. I am so glad I did!! I haven't even seen him for about 4 years now and I love my life so much better without him in it. I even have a higher self esteem about myslef! If you have tried it before and you know just how it will end. Don't give into his little games. Sounds like he just doesn't like commitment.
But he knew I loved him and would always give into what he said. I did that for many many years. Finally I forced myself to get over him. I am so glad I did!! I haven't even seen him for about 4 years now and I love my life so much better without him in it. I even have a higher self esteem about myslef! If you have tried it before and you know just how it will end. Don't give into his little games. Sounds like he just doesn't like commitment.1 person likes this
