I am afraid of Marriage, help!!

Firstly : To marry with him I am sure you both must love each other very dearly. "A marriage is two different people is keen to know each other beyond consideration" If you both respect your relationship then I sure you will succeed in this task. Secondly : Now that you are going to marry him, you haver a right to ask him how much he earns and how much i he invest in his business. You are already his partner so you have this right on him. You cannot allow yourself to give him money forever whereas you don't even know what he is doing with his money! Thirdly : Before saying yes to marriage please dear find out everything on him, what does he do, what are his vices, what of his true feelings for you, If he has consideration for you enough to be able to take care of you. Fourthly : A marriage is sacred so don't rush yourself into it without knowing everything which is important to know about him. Take your time dear. All the best.

There is a saying that if you have doubts then don't do it...I think you should say to him you want to wait until you are both financial enough not to have to live with anyone else but make you you start off by telling how much you love him but you need to feel secure about everything for the future....

if you have doubts, then there's really... probably... good reasons why. then don't. don't get into something you are not sure about. marriage is a lifetime commitment. if you're afraid to take this step, then don't. you seem to be taking into account the financial stability of your soon-to-be married life. that's just being practical and nothing wrong about it. if a guy doesn't have a capability to take care of himself yet, then very likely he can't take care of the both of you. if you love him more than this flaw, then go right ahead and jump on the marriage thing. if you want to ask him about anything, i think you should go right ahead and ask it. even if it's about finances. as you are about to embark on a life as a couple you should be able to discuss things and share almost everything. personal issues with his family can be kept at bay but never for long. you should talk to him about it so it can be resolved. otherwise it will just get in the way in your relationship. be honest about your feelings and thoughts, don't keep it from him. you can delay the wedding a bit longer to smoothen things out. i don't think his father will change for you though, so you must take it on as it is if you really love your bf.

Here's my two cents worth for your consideration. I am getting married too.. But in two years time. Why? Similar reasons as you do about money. Time is set by me and my fiancé (He proposed in Feb). Because we do not have enough money now. We are giving us time to save and budget as well as plan what we would need. We have a house coming. We are also preparing and doing all the paperwork. We had a short talk and decided we need time to save an amount of money. We both are working towards it. Although it is tough as we think about money no matter what we do. We have to cut down on movies, dinner dates and anything else that costs... SO what I am saying is find an opportunity talk/discuss with your boyfriend about it. Postpone it. Talk about he expenses that would cost. Talk about inconveniences there would be when living with his parents, especially newly weds... Talk about the worry you have about his father. Tell him you are worried about your future together. See if postponing it will help? Afterall, it will not be just the two of you in the future. It will be about your kids too... Tell him, you are worried. Furthermore, you mention he started a business with his brother. Is it doing well? If it hasn't been well, suggest to get married after his business is sailing smoothly? Reason? he would have one less thing to worry about. Getting married needs planning and coordinations here and there, you wouldn't want him get tired over these things. In addition, you can reassure him that postponing would ensure you two have an amount of money, as both of you have time to save... You shouldn't be afraid of marriage. It is a commitment that both of you agrees on. It is a union of two willing couples in love, body and mind. So long as you give him questions to think about. Give him your reasons (strong ones) to back them up. I am sure if he is reasonable, and love you as much, he would think about it and both of you will come to an agreement. Discussing with him should not be a problem, as both of you has reach a stage in relationship to get married together. So if there are weird/unvalid reasons why he insists on getting married end of this year, I think you should think twice before agreeing. Marriage should be about love and not for excuses.

Dear lovely Vivian, I hope this can help you out from worried things, i'm trying to give it step by step regarding your matter ... 1. I think you must ask him, how much he invested on the business, i think you must takes a little part (in this case the part i mean, you must know what and where did his money go) so you will know that if he really have a good plans with his money or not, considering life after marriage your financial status will be mix with him 2. About living with parents is temporary ok, in several experiences i heard from other, there will be much better if couples are live in different house to avoid unwanted things happen, so try to rent an apartment or house will be better, but don't force to much, if your boyfriend financial couldn't support for it, the solution is saving money little by little until you can buy or rent it, but comparing rent a house or apartment, buying a small house is just more fine, the point is at least you have a house 3. If his father have the bad habits, don't try to speak to him directly, at least you could tell your boyfriend to suggest his father, to stop gambling because his family really need the money even it is in the small amount, there's no way to become a rich people by gambling unless you are the owner of the casino. One things you should remember is that you are married with your boyfriend, not with the whole family, so don't let it block your way to be happy GBU! Hopes you won't afraid anymore, and happy with the wedding

hi,before advising .please let me know more about u & ur family..Also ur boyfriend and his family..that means wht ru doing and ur boyfriend right now (studying/job).how many members in ur family..& they r also interested in ur marriage r not... marriage ll happen only once in ur life..think & proceed ..

If you ask me, the faster you get rid of him, the better for you. Love is a two sided coin and from what you say, no guy would continue taking money from his would-wife and then think of marrying her before repaying…he is becoming dependent on you and once you start living in that house, both father and son might think of you as a goldmine…son to invest and go bankrupt and father to gamble. You would then be in no position to deny any of them. If he truly loves you, then you should set your terms too…first and foremost he should have a decent job and secondly, he should have a decent amount in his bank…something that will take care of hard times without his having to fall back on you all the time. You may also demand that account to be made into a joint account in both your name. see these are some of the precautions you can take but I don’t think you will be very happy after marriage into this family…gambling is a vice that has made paupers out of princes… You have every right to be worried and I would tell you to go slow on this and give this a thousand more thoughts. What do your family and friends say about this?

You are right to worry. Love is one thing but reality plays a bigger part. I think it is strange that he is doing things without advising you and then expecting you to give him money. You should not have to ask him what he is doing with his money. That is not the way to start your life together...you can see that can't you? Do you really want to live with his parents? I think that would be awful. I also think the father will put pressure on you to give him money for gambling. Is this what you want? I know you have wanted to progress with your life with your boyfriend for such a long time, but I fear very much that your boy takes you for granted and your future is already set up for failure. I feel sorry that you are in this situation because it is not a happy one. I know you are a lovely, loving girl who wants to be happy with her boy but I don't think it is going to work out happily for you.

So your problem is financial stability. I never have any relationship but I was impressed by your problem, of course you love him but how can you live in this earth when you are not financial stable, you are one smart girl. My idea is this, you should ask him anything about money. Just give a respectful introduction like that you are not invading his privacy but when you are married you have to know everything you do especially with money because it is shared its a conjugal property. And also when you have growing family money really matter so you have to know. He have to prove to you that he can save you and he have to be ready because marriage is a serious thing.

YOu should definately ask about his business and how much he has invested in it. You have a right to know EVERYTHING. I mean you will have to be tactful in the way that you go about talking to him so as not to hurt his feelings or anything. Its okay that you have to live with his parents I think. Thats not too big of a deal. I definately dont think its a deal breaker or anything. It could cause fights though and be very stressful so be careful of that. And with the gambling thing i seriously dont know what to tell you. I hope he doesnt have that same problem. It wouldnt hurt to talk to him about all of your worries though.. I will pray for you guys. Hang in there!

It is a very big problem.It is scared to think about bad life we should life in after marriage.Maybe you should discuss about this problem with your boyfriend.You have the right to him now because you will get married with him.You should not gamble your life with him too.He must honest to you and settle this problem.If not he mayble not should married a good woman like you.Thank you.

hello, so sorry to hear about that,a very diffcult situation~~ But the most important thing is you love him ,and then the rest things can be solved.Good luck!

Hi, Vivian, i am almost in a same situation with you . my boyf always spends all his income every month or even more. we intended to get married at the end of this year, but now we have to put it off because some other reason. as boyf and girlf, we know almost everything about another half, including money. we will run a family together, of course we have to understand it and then to arrange it well. i'll take it for granted to live with and take care of his parents. i know he loves his family just the same as i love him. i don't want to make things difficult for him. luckily, his parents are nice. however, if you can't stand the present situation you should talk with your boyf straightly and try to reach an agreement. For example, if you can't stand his father you can rent a house first in order to avoid fighting with him for his family problem. Distance would make the relationship better, i think. i hope that i can help you more or less. Be happy!!

okay, not that i've ever been married, but it seems like to me that you need to step back and get a plan of attack on how to conquer these habbits. i understand that there are things you can't control, but there are places like apartments that are based on income that you can get in. You might want to look at that now though because some of them do have a waiting list. DHS is a good place to go for food stamps. This will help as far as knowing if you'll have enough money for food. get on it now, then when you get married you can add him. i know some people think it's stooping low when you go that route but I did and three or four months later i had a baby to think about and it helped me tremendously. You don't have to stay on it forever. You control how long you're on it. food stamps you only go in once a year and renew. There are things that you can do that can help you to keep you from getting into situations that you don't need be in.

Since you will be his wife, I think you have rights to ask him many things, including his property. It is a very tough case if your boyfriend's father is addicted to gambling. Perhaps your boyfriend can persuade him not to gamble again? I can see gambling can lead to many troubles. Somewhat it will affect the family. I think it's necessary to have a frank conversation with your boyfriend with these cases. Don't be shy or afraid to talk about these. When I got married with my husband, I talked many things with him before marriage. As I don't want we will have any disagreements after marriage. I love China

If you are afraid of marriage then DON'T do it! That is your instincts telling you what you should do and when people ignore those instincts they usually have some suffering afterwards. When it comes to relationships, the signs are ALWAYS there at the beginning whether the couple will work or not. It's just that some people tend to ignore those signs because they so desperately want that fairy tale ending, or want a husband/lover/spouse, that they would ignore anything to get it. But people do show us who they are as early as possible and, if we are taking note, we will actually see the signs for ourselves. This gentleman not having any money is not the problem. That is his life and he has to sort it. The problem is that you are already giving him money and you are not married yet! Any man that you have to give money to at the start of a relationship is a red flag for the future. He is already dependent upon you for some kind of support which will NOT get any better when you are married. In fact, it will get worse because then whatever you have becomes his as well! So you might find yourself mainly working to support him while he find all sorts of reasons and excuses why he has no money. The most important thing about getting together with someone is that you must feel very happy and comfortable about it. You must feel that both of you are equal in the things that matter, that at least he has a job too, not just you. You are obviously not happy or comfortable with him so please don't get married regardless, because you will live to regret it. Our instincts are our subconscious which knows far more about us than the conscious mind is aware of. Trust those instincts. Do not go against them as they are there to protect you. By the way, don't judge your boyfriend by his parents, unless you don't mind being judged by your parents. His father liking gambling is nothing to do with him. All you should focus on is your guy and his actions. Don't get caught up in his family issues and burden yourself with irrelevant stuff. Focus on your boyfriend and his readiness to take on responsibilities, and he clearly isn't ready yet. People don't get married when they are still living with parents and don't even have any kind of income. They make a life for themselves first then think about marriage. Sounds to me as though your guy could be leaving one home where he is looked after for another convenient home. Is that what you really want? Time to get out of that relationship which is clearly going nowhere, and is already draining your resources, and find someone who deserves you. Someone once said: "If you settle for less than you deserve, you'll end up getting less than you settled for". Think about it. Good luck in whatever you decide to do.

You can see now how your life will be. I suggest that you talk to your husband to be to postpone the wedding until such time that you are both prepared to tie the not. Is he working. Where will he get the money to support both of you. Is he not into gambling too. Love is there but to support that love without money is quite impossible. Think so many times.

Vivian, I think you still have a choose, you both don't have to marry at the end of the year, it's up to you, even he had made a proposal of marriage to you.His family is not good and he gives you nothing about him, why?You trust him and love too, he loves you certainly, but where is the true trust and responsibiliy? as I know, in Chinese, a man should afford the whole family by himself, if he does know this , he should let you know whatever he did and doing, and also make you relax about the problem of his father, so I advise you take his reponsibility and love in consideration and have a frank and direct talk with him before you really want to marry him!

Hi vivianchen I know its hard to make a decission whe you love someone that you are not sure if that person is right for you. If you have doughts about getting married you should not merry him until you have a place to live just you and him. I don't think I healthy for a couple to live with the parents. Not all parents are the same but some get into your personal problems whe they should not. You soulf wait untill you and him have a stable income and your own home so you could have your privacy.

I also think maybe you should think about waiting, and talk to him abou tthis. Getting married will put you in debt maybe, since it cost quite a bit of money... and what if you were forced to pay all of this. Many couples split up because of money problems and being in debt and such, it is probably a good idea to just talk to him about this problem and tell him how you are feeling, instead of just worrying about it, you dont want to stress yourself out!