Family vs. Boyfriend

@kadosa (16)
Philippines
September 28, 2009 7:00am CST
My mother dont like my boyfriend because he is 12 years older and she thinks he's bad for me. We've been hiding our relationship for 5 years now. We were caught by my mom because someone told her about us and the sad thing was the person who told my mom about us, said so many things that is not true. Its hard for me to explain to her because she believe the things that her sources were true. So she want me to broke up with him... But i didn't. We know that we did was wrong but my mom didnt know the real him... only me! Now were six years... we continue hiding our relationship. I continue it because i know that he is a good person and i hope someday my mom will give him a chance... Its hard!
2 people like this
19 responses
@abidmian (131)
• United States
28 Sep 09
I if have his trust and know him well wisher, then keep on going. But if have a little doubt about your relation then avoid that relation because mom and dad have a long experience of practical life and they know which relation is powerful and ever lasting. So please take it serious. Be neutral from both sides and then think what is better in your respect.
• China
29 Sep 09
I agree with Abidmian. Take your mother's advice into consideration, please. There must be reason your mother say that person is bad. And people in love usually can not judge things rightly, at the same time, that guy may hide his bad from you. After your serious considersation, you still think that guy is worth your love, just go for it. Good luck to you.
@abidmian (131)
• United States
29 Sep 09
Thanx for complements
@feodda (579)
• Philippines
28 Sep 09
Someday, you'll mom will understand. But hope you'll not hide you're relationship. She is your mom, what ever happens to you. The pain is more than what you experience.
@Archie0 (5077)
28 Sep 09
To keep a good relationship with your family you probably need to have a long talk about how you are feeling. See if you can come to an understanding of one another. I think maybe you need to not read your mom's journal. People write things they don't really mean but might feel at the moment. Later they can not believe they actually felt that way. Your parents might just feel hurt and feel they are losing you. Family counseling is another idea if you can get your parents to agree to it. Good luck. Families are important, we can lose them too quickly and not have a chance to make up for lost times.
@srganesh (6345)
• India
28 Sep 09
I just checked your profile.You are already 21 and you can understand life and can take your own decisions.Why should you wait for your mom's approval?Just go ahead with your boyfriend if you can trust him.After all,age is just a number game and if real love is there nothing can stop a happy life.Cheers!.
@Sherka (82)
• Jamaica
28 Sep 09
Sorry to hear about your issues wiyj your mom,i kinda understand what you're going through, i wish you the best and its a good thing you're relationship survived this set back because not many do, good luck.
@Bluepatch (2480)
• Trinidad And Tobago
29 Sep 09
Determination and persistence do pay. If the relationship means that much to you it obviously is well worth it. Loyality is hard to come by these days. So congrats to you and your determined effort !
@markmoney (2868)
• Philippines
29 Sep 09
For me the only thing that will make me decide for you to leave your boyfriend is if he already has his own family rather than you, what i mean is if he is already committed to other girl such as he already has a wife or children to support. If he is really single and no strings attached to him, then there's no reason why you will not continue your relationship, especially now that you already together for 6 years. You already built a strong foundation. If you are really sure for him then continue. You should do things to get your mom's trust. You and your boyfriend should give effort to get your mom's trust and for her to like him for you. I'm sure time will come that your mom will finally accept your boyfriend for you. I suggest that you put God on the center of your relationship. Good luck on both of you! Take care! Happy myLotting!
@Hazelrose (2182)
• Philippines
29 Sep 09
Hi kadosa,Sad to hear that your mom does'nt like your boy friend.Explain to your mom that you love your boyfriend,I know she will understand.mom always wants that her daughter will be happy.I believe that time will come your mother can accept your boyfriend.Just tell her the truth so that everything will be okey.Good Luck!
@jasmeena (850)
• Indonesia
29 Sep 09
well..your story is almost similar to that of mine...someone told my mom about us and most of the story wasn`t true..but finally my mom realized that my BF is a nice person..however, we are now not together again after he moved to Sumatera ( i live in Jakarta,Indonesia),but actually we still have heart for each other...i think my suggestion is try to find out the reason why,.then try to convince your mom..
@cherrc (662)
• Philippines
29 Sep 09
being a mother doesn't end by the fact that u're old enough. whether we like it or not, they will always be around for u even when u put ur life to place. she may not be an intruder in some ways but will always be there to assist u in the best way she could. mother, as a very much experienced person in life, can tell us, "u're just on ur way, and i'm already coming back" or "been there, done that". she might have sensed something she doesn't like to make her disagree with ur relationship to the guy. u might have proven ur point to her but maybe, she was just waiting for ur boyfriend to deal with her. u said the guy is 12 years ahead of u, and it also took a lot of effort to stay in that situation for years. then let him be the man to face ur family and show his sincerity. let him do the extra mile. hey, it just reminded me of my brother and my sister-in-law way back in college! the father and his friends even made some threats against my brother. now, they all love him! good luck. :)
@LordOzz (204)
• Philippines
29 Sep 09
Blood is thicker than water.
• Canada
29 Sep 09
Why would you do this? I don't think that your relationship is a good one if you have to hide it. I mean and lying to your family, what's that about? Like Judge Judy says your family is forever. But men come and go. Did you ever think that maybe your mother might have some insight that you're missing because right now you're blind
@milkcow (99)
• China
29 Sep 09
You should confront your mom about this, don't need to be disrespectful, but if she has a problem with him, she needs to tell you at least what's wrong. The 12 years older excuse won't work. If he's a good person you need to convince your mom to hear him out. I've been in this situation before and I know it's terrible, you don't want to disappoint your mom, nor your boyfriend, but in reality it will be easier living with the truth, even if they don't like each other, they can learn to like each other.
@anna728 (1499)
• United States
29 Sep 09
Well, I know this is frustrating, but if you look at it from her perspective you can see why she would disapprove. That is an awfully big age difference (although I don't know how old you are). With that age difference it would be easy to be suspicious of his motives, although I think the fact that you have been together for so long counters that. But your mom might be bothered by, or suspicious about, the fact that you two were hiding it for so long. I know you had your reasons, but from your mom's perspective that may look bad. Just try to give her a positive impression of him.
28 Sep 09
It's difficult because you give no indication of your age. You must be an adult by now so it is up to you who you see but you need to get your Mum to take your relationship seriously if you want to keep your relationship with her. Mums do get a bit scared when there is a big age gap but after hiding the relationship for so long it really is time to come out into the open about it. You are never going to move forward unless you do. True Mum may hear a few things she doesn't want to hear but she's a grown up and that's life!! If you feel you cannot openly speak to her then I suggest you write a letter to her. Be careful what words you use because you want Mum to see things from your point of view without alienating or attacking her. Start by saying how this whole difficult situation has made you feel over the years, then why you feel this way and then what you would like to happen eg to be a real family which welcomes your boyfriend, where you can be open and honest with Mum, where there are no more lies or secrets, etc. Tell Mum about this good person you have loved for so long - what he is like, how he makes you smile, his personality. Tell her that if she would only give him a chance she would see these things also. You need to write from the heart and remember to use 'I' sentences eg 'I feel...' 'I would like you to......' Never use 'you' or 'your' because Mum will feel she is under attack eg 'It's all your fault we have to sneak around....' 'If you had listened in the first place...' Oh! and don't forget to tell her that despite everything you love her.
@lucy02 (5017)
• United States
28 Sep 09
Since you're 21 then you are old enough to date whom you please, if you are self sufficient. Is it just the age thing that's bothering your mom or is there other things. I think the age deal is not too big a problem as long as he is of good character. If your parents are still supporting you though then that's a little different. Are you prepared for them to cut you off if they find out? That could happen if you're not on your own already. It depends alot on how serious you are about this man.
@pop2160 (13)
• United States
28 Sep 09
Ok i am gna be totally honest with you on this topic because i went throught a similar thing when i was in highschool (which was only three years ago). I had a girlfriend that my parents didnt like because of a few differnt reasons. they didnt like who her family was, who she hung out with...the list went on and on. But of course i didnt care so i spent almost 3 years of my life hiding it. my parents knew about her but it made it tough because they never let her come over for dinner or go anywhere with us all the things boyfriends and girlfriends do together. Well i left for college and my parents were still pushing me to get rid of her but i didnt. Any way once i left she sorta started to slip back to her old ways of slacking off in school and so forth. Finally i got a call from her friend telling em to get out that she was lieing to me and was hanging out with this other guy. Story goes on we have a messy break up she ended up getting pregnant from this other guy blah blah blah. i thought life was over but i kept my head up and put on the happy face so no one really knew. Any way on day outta the blue i meet this girl (my current girlfriend) and it was like i got hit upside the head by a baseball bat. it made perfect sense this was the type of girl i was looking for. all the things my parents had told me. ANy way the point of my story is my parents love my new girlfriend almost as much as i do. she comes home me with me frequently for family trips and dinners. my parents and her get a long and i love it. i look back now and think wow why didnt i listen this is way easier then what i was going throught. I guess i am saying try and work with your parents a little it may seem unreasonable but they have been here a lot longer then you or me and they know their stuff plus its a lot more fun when they like your other half trust me
@Craicha (801)
28 Sep 09
i keep both....will if you love ur BF truly and so he is too in you, then fight for your love..age doesnt matter..theres no age limit to fall in love as long you both are happy....then in you moms case, try to appraoch her in a nice way like mom and daughter talk or girl to girl talk...and tell her everything about him, his background and tell her why you like him and why you fall in love in him...of course at 1st approach ur mom will nah agree...let say pride of a mom is there..but continue talk to her and discuss her about him...then if you noticed she starts to cool ask her to meet your BF....
@gohigh00 (65)
• China
28 Sep 09
To some extent, I am in the same situaion like you.But I think your relationship is much more harder than mine. It seems that your mother perfer to trust the guy who tells much more than you. The reason is you cheated her,you hide your relationship from her, so your mother think you are not trustable. so the first thing you should do,I think, is to acknowledge your fault of hiding your relationship from her.It's a big stone on the your mother's heart. Then,you should talk with your mother. You should show that,with your boyfriend,your are much more happier than before. Let your mother know he's so care about you. and another point,is that, I think, your boyfriend should take some priority to get some communicaiton with your mother, let you mother know the real one of him.If your boyfriend's so good! Changes will come!baby! At last, best wishes to you and your boy friend!
@kevchua (1004)
• Malaysia
28 Sep 09
Sorry to hear that your mom has been prejudiced about your relationship with your boyfriend. I personally think that 5 years of hiding is more than enough; both of you have to face your mom. Your mom is probably sceptical because she doesn't know your boyfriend yet. Once she knows more about him, then her perception of your boyfriend might just change. So, why don't you get your boyfriend to meet your mom, sit and have a chat, help around the house etc. to win your mother's heart rather than waiting and hoping that your mom understands? This is just my suggestion. Hope it works. Good luck!
@med889 (5953)
28 Sep 09
My parents do not like my boyfriend too because he is of a different religion so they say they will never accept him, we are sharing a relationship for more than three years and we really love each other but we have to wait so that every thing goes well for both my parents and my boyfriend.