A friend that is unhappy in a marriage.
By jugsjugs
@jugsjugs (12967)
November 26, 2009 7:02pm CST
I had a friend phone me to do for a chat,but i had other people here so i could not talk,she told me how she was feeling and that she has had enough,but there is no way she can afford to move no more than her husband can afford to move out.She feels trapped in a unloved marriage,she has been for legal advice and it was not in her favor.
8 people like this
22 responses
@theonehush (959)
• Philippines
27 Nov 09
hey jugy..
so basically why did your friend marry this man anyway? if she didnt love him in the first place? if she didnt love him she would have prevented the wedding if she wanted to.. i guess the only way is through legal action.. and since it wasnt in her favor, she has no choice but to learn to love her husband. 
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (98859)
• India
27 Nov 09
Hi theonebush, this one is going to be a mature reply. :) People portray a different image of themselves when they are courting. That is why some people "fall out of love". It is not because that habit is abhorrable, but because they feel they've been cheated. Second case is when you expect some nature and that is not there, like kindness, consideration, helpfulness, respect, etc., which were not high on priority while dating. Third thing, there may be some changes in ourselves like we never liked eating something before, till it was mixed with something and given to us, and whoaa, that tastes wonderful! Well, it happens in case of desires as well. So even we change. Agreed marriages are meant to last for a lifetime. But if changes are in the same direction they will. Perhaps this was the reason women were confined to household chores. That way their desires were limited to a few things. Now, we earn, and we can go to those fashionable shops, buy a few clothes to look good, and we like being admired. In those days, scope of being admired was so little. So their marriages lasted. In all this, however, it is the kids who suffer. So I think they need to get most consideration.
@randylovesdar (4932)
• United States
27 Nov 09
Is there anyway possible she could live with another family member or with a friend until she gets things sorted out. I think it is hard for her to think about things when she is living under the same roof as her husband. If someone woud allow her to live with them until she can get back on her feet. Maybe if she could live with someone and maybe help out around the house. She needs to get out before she does something she may regret. No one should live in an unhappy situation.
1 person likes this
@Buchi_bulla (8298)
• India
27 Nov 09
Since she cannot move out and have to live with him, ask her if she can win over her husband's heart by showing love and affection on him and showing concern for him. May be this will change his attitude towards her.
@jillmalitz (5131)
• United States
16 Dec 09
Sorry to hear that. It's not uncommon for people who once were so close to grow apart. Every marriage takes a lot of work and forgiveness from both. Is there no family with whom your friend to visit for a while? When my husband and I separated last spring I moved in with my older daughter for a while.
@jugsjugs (12967)
•
17 Dec 09
My friend has no one family or a friend that she can stay with as they have no spare rooms or they are in sheltered accomodation.She has told her husband he has until the middle of January to get out other wise she will be seeking to get him removed from the house.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
27 Nov 09
I can't answer this without more details. How long has she been married for? Does she work? Are there kids involved? There is always a way. I moved away from my husband and raised four kids on my own. It's not easy but it can be done. No one should live in a miserable marriage.
1 person likes this
@free_man (7330)
• United States
29 Nov 09
Hi Jugs the only thing I can suggest is to ask friends and family to help her get out of this loveless marriage. Things will never get any better since it sounds like they both want out of it. Do they own their home? If they do they could find a lawyer that might take it on with promise of payment once the house is sold and then she could move on. I don't think it is a good thing to be in a marriage like that. Hope she finds a way out.
@LittleMel (8742)
• Canada
27 Nov 09
must be very hard for her to live like this
she should find different legal office to get different perspective
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
27 Nov 09
I knew a guy who was a multimillionaire and was in a loveless marriage but was afraid to get a divorce out of fear his wife would take half or more of his hard earned money. After talking to him for a while, I had one question and that was, which was more important? Staying in a loveless marriage and dream of a better life and keep your money or getting out of a loveless marriage and giving up some of your money and in so doing, you'll be free to live your life in happiness in hopes to find that one woman that you can really love. After some time thinking, he knew what his answer was. Although he knew he'd lose some of his money, he left his wife and lost some of his money but he's free now and maybe one day he'll find that one true love.
@ersmommy1 (12588)
• United States
27 Nov 09
First, I would call her back when you have time. It would be nice for her to know you have time to listen. It can be hard to feel trapped. She may want to seek a second opinion from a different lawyer. May give her a different perspective. Perhaps counseling would help the couple work things out.
@SomeCowgirl (32191)
• United States
27 Nov 09
If they can't afford to move out, I doubt they could afford this, but I suggest marital counseling. If they are religious they could probably get counseling from church for free, or for a donation.
My husband and I don't believe in divorce so when times get though we'll look back on our pre-marital workbooks for guidance.
@celticeagle (159180)
• Boise, Idaho
29 Nov 09
She needs to start making plans. Counseling may help her to be stronger. She will need her friends. She needs to find out all she can on whatever subject is at hand including a divorce. Youth is on her side. She can always start over whether it is with another man or financially. Check the pros and cons.
@celebratelifeh (1142)
• China
27 Nov 09
sorry to hear about your friend's story and if she really feel not happy with this unloved marriage then she is lucky that she realized this now and she decided to end this marriage already. try to chat more with her to reliever her tension.
@madteaparty (2748)
• Japan
27 Nov 09
Can she rely on her family? If she can't go on in an unhappy marriage the best thing in my opinion would be to put an end to it, but of course, you can't do that if you're gonna become all screwed up.
If she can rely on family and friends, it would be great. It's horrible to be with someone you don't really want to be anymore.
@jennybianca (12912)
• Australia
27 Nov 09
As you probably know, I recently separated from my husband. He didnt want the marriage to end, and Im almost sure it was due to financial reasons. There was no way we could stay married for money. It is too soal destroying. So I made him leave.
Why was this legal advice not in your friends favour?
She must leave if there is no hope. Can she get advice and help from a Womens Group, or a Church? There must be avenues for someone like your friend who doiesnt want to stasy in a loveless marriage.
What about her family? Could they help?
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
27 Nov 09
hijugsjugs why was not the legal advice in her favor as that would matter in trying to help her out of a loveless trapped in
marriage? she certainly could prevail on her family or friends to let her move in with them so she can end this marriage.did she do something wrong that makes things difficult for her and easier for the husband? is there any chance that with family counseling
they might get back together? please do not say for the benefit of the kids as a loveless marriage does not help the kids at all.
@cream97 (29087)
• United States
27 Nov 09
Being that I don't know the whole story. I feel that if she is not happy in her marriage, why stay and try to make something happen when it won't. She needs to be in love not out of love. She can't keep putting herself through sadness when her heart is not into her marriage anymore. She will have to decide if she wants to work things out with her husband. Or she needs to get out of this marriage. He too, has to decide what he wants to do as well.
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
27 Nov 09
I don’t know if your friend has children but living in a loveless marriage is not fair on the couple involved and their kids if they have any because it can be a miserable existence. I don’t know the details of your friend’s situation and I wonder if she and her husband have tried to sort through problems with counselling perhaps. Sometimes if one needs to leave for the benefit of one’s well being and mental health it is worth cutting your losses, getting out and starting again although I appreciate it is easier said than done.
@clorissa123 (4926)
• United States
27 Nov 09
I felt sorry for her, but she simply wants to move out or separate from her once - beloved husband right? She has no money, and she hope that her husband would volunteer to move out of her marriage, is that what she wants? Well, she has to talk to her husband peacefully in person to solve the marriage problem, or simply file for a divorce. She has no other options here.
@Torrs13 (217)
• United States
27 Nov 09
Marriage is hard work. It sounds like her circumstances are very frustrating. The main advice I have for her is to stay strong and see if she can get communication flowing between her and her husband. Maybe they can rekindle their love for each other. A lot of times people just want to give up because something is hard, but we have to realize that marriage is one of the toughest, but most rewarding things in the world.
If her situation is very bad or she feels like she has tried everything, maybe she should go stay with a friend for a few days. It's not a long time, but sometimes a few days can give us a whole new perspective on the situation, and life. I wish her the best.
