What to do if your GF tells you she wants to have a baby

@Bhemzky (423)
Philippines
March 13, 2010 11:49am CST
I have a cousin which is now separated to his GF. He called me a few months ago asking me about what should he do. Because his GF ask him to give her a child or else he will lose her. I really don't know what got in to her. I told my cousin not to do it. They are still very young. He was 24 and the girl was 22. He has not even finish his study yet. How will he make a living for his family? Not only that, the child will suffer most if that happens. So I told him not to. If that girl really loves him, she will wait for the right time. Now, they broke up cause he did not do it. The problem is. My cousin can't move on and still very much in love with that girl. Did I help him? If you were in my shoes what would you tell your cousin?
5 people like this
20 responses
@mrrome (74)
• Philippines
14 Mar 10
Ha ha ha! Funny! I think his girlfriend might been so in-loved with your cousin that she need to have some kind of securities for your cousin not leave her. Most of the girl with not so young need some sort of security for their boyfriend, some of them forcing to get marry but as we all know that piece of paper is not as value now as they where before so that girl is clever. At what you said your cousin age is 24 that's not too young for me I think that is the right age, but when you said that they still on study well that's another thing that need to be consider. Duh! only few man can resist that offer, you need a lot of patient to withdraw but if he fight for his decision not to... Your cousin is a man with supreme righteousness and self direction.
1 person likes this
@Bhemzky (423)
• Philippines
15 Mar 10
I also thought of that. I think she really need security but now she left my cousin. If she needs security, why did she left him?
@mrrome (74)
• Philippines
15 Mar 10
Well I think she's ashamed of what she just trying to accord with your cousin, so to get her dignity back she simply do the breakups, or she's just playing a game to test if your cousin will follow her or summon her... that sort of things you know...
@skysuccess (8880)
• Singapore
14 Mar 10
Bhemzky, I wonder if you are the one who needs help!! You mentioned that both your cousin and his girlfriend are SEPARATED! So, is there any issue here about having a baby, when the both of them are SEPARATED? (As stated by you.) Are you saying that they are engaging in Friends and Enemy games? If not, why should you cousin give her a child when they are already separated? Or, am I dense, here?
• Singapore
14 Mar 10
Ok, my bad.... Did not read that part about what you did before the both of them were a separated item.... Anyway, what you did was right and that your cousin should be glad that he stayed away from his ex girlfriend, who does seems a problematic individual. Could be mental as well. Don't self blame or feel any guilt as rushing things especially having a child is one aspect where it really need a lot of prudence and considerations. Take care and once again sorry for jumping on the wrong conclusions here.
@Bhemzky (423)
• Philippines
15 Mar 10
Hehe.. That's ok all of us make mistakes too. Thanks though.
@weasel81 (2501)
• Australia
14 Mar 10
your cousin did the right thing, by saying no. i've got one son who was accident, but wouldn't be sending him back. i was 21 and 1 month when i had him, and it scared the crap out of me and i'm still in no hurry at nearly 29 to have any more kids, i got things i want to do with my life. my son gets brought along to when we do things. got to have the right partner as well. you both are young and have more life to live before weighing yourself down with family responsilties.
@Bhemzky (423)
• Philippines
15 Mar 10
Sorry to hear about the accident. Thank you so much for the response. Takecare.
@barehugs (8985)
• Canada
14 Mar 10
All Kidding aside, (pun intended), this girl is very immature for a 22 year old. A woman who thinks like this would not make a good wife. You were thinking correctly when you told him "not to!" Lets hope your cousin can get past his love for this girl. Maybe his next choice of a wife will have a better head on her shoulders!
@Bhemzky (423)
• Philippines
15 Mar 10
Thanks. I really do hope my cousin can get over her. They have been together for almost 7 years and he loves her so much.
@monkeylong (3146)
• Guangzhou, China
14 Mar 10
As far as I am concerned, if my girl friend tell me that she want to have a baby. I think I will tell her that it is OK for us to have a baby. I love baby,too. If we have a baby, our life may be more interesting. I enjoy the life with a small baby. So if we have a baby, we need to work hard to give the best life we can give him. Nice to see a baby.
@Bhemzky (423)
• Philippines
15 Mar 10
I also love kids. But if I were to have kids, I'll make sure that I can raise them well and be able to give their needs. In my cousin's situation, they cant give all the needs of their baby because he is unemployed.
@ghieptc (2525)
• Philippines
14 Mar 10
Is she's crazy, desperate or what??? LOLZ! There are so many women out there wants to enjoy life more being a single especially she's still young. Isn't she's grateful then that she has that mature kind of thinking boyfriend? You know what, I would also advise the same thing if I were on your shoe. She may not understand that this time that what she's asking for to happen is too risky and will just make things so complicated for both of them. And since you mentioned that even though the girl broke up with him she's still not letting him go because for sure she still loves him. Your cousin must withstand his decision of not doing it because he is matured enough and in a certain relationship you can't just let things happen and come what may next...Let's hope that his ex-girlfriends mind will be enlighten to realize these things and understand it.
• India
14 Mar 10
Every one has different mind set of so as the case with few women are fond of babies as such its their view of thinking that differs for them its anew excitement of as to how and in what way is they are obtaining.
@cupkitties (7489)
• United States
13 Mar 10
I would have said the same thing. I'm sure you helped him but lets hope he listens to you. He may love her but he needs to think about what could become of the childs future. Just by what you have told us here, I see this girl is not mature enough to be raising a child.
@Bhemzky (423)
• Philippines
15 Mar 10
I agree.. Thanks.
• Canada
13 Mar 10
I don't believe that age 24 and 22 is so young to take responsibility of a baby, one has to take it and learn it. No one learn anything before coming in this world everyone has to learn here in this world. I know people who have married and have kids at the age of 20 and they are happy. Initially it is difficult in begining but person get settled to it. As the time passes person becomes old and at that time it is real hard but not difficult to raise kids. Suppose if you get opportunity to be a director of a company or other high post will you deny it simply saying i am too young to take responsibility ? Anyway, different people have different ways of thinking and different places have different cultures, but if i was in same situation and if i was truly loving girl friend i would have married and have baby ..., after all someone will be there for me to say " Daddy " which is real sweet world. All the best
@Bhemzky (423)
• Philippines
15 Mar 10
Well ages like that could take responsibilities for having a baby. The problem is my cousin is unemployed and did not even graduate from college.
@ifa225 (11093)
• Indonesia
13 Mar 10
why dont u try to suggest him to adopt a baby? or maybe he can explain is not an easy task to have a baby. many things that have to think about it, buy baby's milk - and it cost a lot of money reminding that baby drink milk really constantly, buy baby's dress- reminding that baby is really fast to grow,what about if baby is sick? it is better to finish study because many people regret that they have a baby than to study. you can check the news and give her some example of it. Many women killed her baby because they still wanna go college, of course she won't that happen, right?
@Bhemzky (423)
• Philippines
15 Mar 10
Adoption will not solve it. This is not the right time for them to have a baby because they are not fully financially secured. My cousin has not yet finish his studies and he doesn't have a job.
@myramae19 (667)
• Philippines
13 Mar 10
I would probably do the same thing If I were in your shoes, Your cousin just did the right one,cos they are both young and financially unstable,.If that girl really loves her then she should wait for the right time, the child would suffer at the end..how could they give their a bright tomorrow if both of them has not even finish school yet, what would be their work., how could they earn, how could they survive in their everyday needs. If he can not move on..then he can talk with the girl, and try to make the girl understand about their situation. wish him luck
@Bhemzky (423)
• Philippines
13 Mar 10
Hi! thanks for the response. I already talk to him about that. I told him to make his ex-GF understand the consequences if that thing happens. But I guess the girl insisted and broke up with him. But what I couldn't understand is I think the girl would not want to make my cousin move on. She keeps on texting him and sometimes call him. I already talk to the girl in the past and seriously, she is not an open minded person. That's why she couldn't understand the possible outcome if that happens.
@Chiniona (327)
• China
20 Mar 10
Oh! My god! it's hard to decide!I think may be his GF want to depart from he, she know your cousin couldn't do it, and she could achieve her aim on this excuse! Good luck with your consin.
@maximax8 (30121)
• United Kingdom
16 Mar 10
I think that your told your cousin the right thing. He is just 24 years old and has not completed his studying yet. His girlfriend should have asked if he wanted to become a dad in a few years time. The immediate time wasn't right. Your cousin is sad now that he and his girlfriend have split up. Perhaps your cousin should meet up with his ex-girlfriend. He might be able to get back with her if she accepts she will have to wait until she is in her late twenties before they have a baby.
@krisnel (498)
• Philippines
15 Mar 10
if he still loves his girfriend then she should talked to him about his reasons. it is not the right time to pursue a family career. tell him the things that will happen if they will have a baby. your cousin has no job, does his girlfriend has a job? if his girlfriend has a job her earnings are not enough to the needs of a family.
@andy77e (5161)
• United States
14 Mar 10
Your cousin needs to grow up. Either act like a man, and do what men do, or choose to be a boy, and act like a boy. Boys do not get married. They run around, playing and being flirty with girls. Men commit themselves to one women, get married, and start families. You can't both pretend to be married, and 'play house' with a girl, and at the same time, remain uncommitted like a boy. If he loves the girl, and accepts the responsibility of the girl, then he should get married and start a family. For hundreds of years, men married women at 16 to 20 years of age. Just one hundred years ago, a 24 year old boy would be expected to be married, and have children by now. There is no reason he should wait on this, except he wants to be a boy instead of a man, and just "play house" instead of making a real family.
• United States
14 Mar 10
First I would ask him does he Want to have children? if he says yes, then I would ask does he want to have a child now. If he says yes , then i would say , go make a baby. if you have found the woman he wants and thy both want children , then they should have children. But if he says no not now, then I would tell him to tell her.Go tell her you want kids but not now. And if she is still pressuring him into fatherhood , then he should leave.He should leave if he never wants kids too. Pressuring him into fatherhood isn't the way to be happy in the long run. if he gives in and fathers her child , that doesn't mean he will be a Dad, A Dad to me is a man who Wants to have the kids he has.So the best way is to let her have the child she desperately wants.
@kgwat70 (13395)
• United States
14 Mar 10
I feel that you did and said the right thing. She should not be forcing him or demanding that they have a baby. They are still very young and taking care of a child is a huge responsibility. Seems from what you said that neither of them are ready for that. He should finish his studies first as having a child now could interrupt with his studies. Are either of them working? A person or people need a good and steady job to raise the child and take care of themselves. I am sure it is hard on your cousin that they broke up but sounds like she is not the right person for him and he will find someone that truly loves him when the time is right.
@ronaldinu (12439)
• Malta
14 Mar 10
I have learned not to interfere in other's peoples life not even if they are my cousin. I would talk things with them, I help them to uncover their mixed ideas and let them reach to a conclusion themselves. But I never tell them what things they should do. If things go wrong such as in your cousin's case he cannot point his finger at me and blame me for their decision. After all they have taken the decision not you. You were an eye opener and your cousin should shoulder his responsibility. Personally I think your advice was really wise. If someone is really in love he would wait for his partner to have financial stability before bringing kids in this world.
• India
14 Mar 10
Great, you advised your cousin the right course of action. Considering both their ages, it is too early to have a child, that too, when both parents do not have a job to support the child. From your statement, I can understand that both are in strong love and don't want to loose each other. I presume the girl wants to retain your cousin/his love by way of a child, because it will become a liability on him in case he considers dropping her for some reason. You really helped your cousin and if the girl is in real love, let her wait.
@dksemke (66)
• United States
14 Mar 10
You told him the right thing. What is more scary about this girl is that she thinks having a baby is going to fix something that isn't right in the relationship. Not only immature, but not the way to bring a child into the world. Kids are not pawns. They are lifetime commitments and deciding to have a child is absolutely a mutual decision - one carefully thought out and one both people are prepared for. If I were your cousin, this would be my cue to run the other way as fast as I could. If he already broke up with her over this subject, what is he even entertaining the idea for? He'd better figure out what love really is. What he has in this relationship is NOT love.
@atv818 (1987)
• United Arab Emirates
14 Mar 10
You are right. Love can still wait. Tell them to finish their respective studies and get a job or have their own business so that they can provide well for their offspring. Better enter married life in a prepared state.