Well I am dumb...
By TheRealDawn
@dawnald (85130)
Shingle Springs, California
September 27, 2010 4:04pm CST
Why is it that when our emotions are engaged, our brains don't work so well? I'm thinking of all these years when R gets into a cleaning frenzy, and things tend to disappear. And I've gotten so upset at him for tossing stuff without either 1) looking at it first or 2) asking first. And why does he keep doing it and not respect my wishes? Well OK, here it is, we were both being stubborn. I figure I have a right to leave my stuff wherever I want in my own house, and get around to straightening it up when I can get to it. And he figures when he wants things clean, he wants things clean, and why am I leaving stuff where he wants things clean. So we butt heads whenever he wants to clean NOW, and I don't want to drop everything NOW, or whenever he has disappeared something that I want.
Well duh. I'm not dumb. It only took me 27+ years to figure out that all I need to do is designate a "safe spot", put my stuff that I want to go through later in the safe spot, and get him to agree that that spot is safe. Not necessarily in that order. lol
Do I get the Nobel genius prize for figuring out the obvious?
7 people like this
18 responses
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
28 Sep 10
I would be very happy if my husband went on a cleaning frenzy but like you, not so happy if he threw some of my stuff out! Come to think it I have never seen my husband willingly clean anything expect his car! Anyway I do believe your idea is a masterpiece, yes I would have thought of that a while back but I am one of those annoyingly tidy people who has to have everything ‘put away’ but I don’t throw things out without asking the owner first! Oh, yes, Noble prize to you!
3 people like this
@blue65packer (11826)
• United States
28 Sep 10
This is one of the many reason's I don't want a man in my life! I don't like anyone going through my stuff! I don't like anyone touching my stuff! I don't like when someone invades my privacy! I had that problem with one boyfriend and it scarred me with life! I see way to many bad marriage and relationships! my parents marriage was a joke! This is another reason I stay aaway from men!
2 people like this
@gdesjardin (1918)
• United States
28 Sep 10
When I get into the spring cleaning mode, my husband sits there and tries to help. It drives me crazy, because I sit there trying to sort through things and he is right there next to me elbow to elbow. So at first, I move to another project, and he follows me over to that. I get so frustrated because I am quite capable of cleaning myself, and he never seems to want to get rid of certain things that we need to keep and he tosses important stuff. Now I make sure when I am getting rid of stuff or putting stuff up I do it when he is at work.
2 people like this
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
30 Sep 10
Now, I don't really think that something like that would work in our house. It seems like whenever my husband gets into the mood to clean, he will go through everything and get rid of it. Now, I will admit that I am a little bit of a packrat, but that is beside the point. There really are things that I am attached to for sentimental reasons and I would really rather that he clean when either I am home to supervise or leave my stuff so I can go through it.
2 people like this
@dawnald (85130)
• Shingle Springs, California
30 Sep 10
Perhaps a box with your name on it and a lid that says "touch me and you die"? 
@tammytwo (4298)
• United States
28 Sep 10
That is a great way of compromising. And now you both feel better I'm sure. You can have your spot for things you will deal with later and he can have his clean house. I totally understand both of you. I also have stuff sitting around but my house isn't dirty, just a little bit of papers sitting around. It's good you figured out a great way to compromise. Hope it works out well for you two.
2 people like this
@dawnald (85130)
• Shingle Springs, California
28 Sep 10
I'll feel better if it actually HAPPENS. :D
@GardenGerty (157427)
• United States
28 Sep 10
You will have to let us know how this works out for you guys. You are at least acknowledging his need to clean. I am the tosser person, but I restrain myself admirably, sometimes for years. I am in the process of cleaning up piles of things right now, as the spirit moves me. I have issued warnings and ultimatums, and it does not work.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85130)
• Shingle Springs, California
28 Sep 10
He did agree in principal, so we shall see...
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
27 Sep 10
Wow! I wouldn't have lasted a week. When I put things where I Want them , they better be there or I'm gone. The best way to get me to leave him , is to throw away Anything of mine. But then again , I don't just drop things Everywhere. Everything has a place. It may be cluttered at times but this is where I want things . And I would have told him the Minute I moved in. If he doesn't hear me, or he thinks I didn't mean what I said and he throws away One Item. He wouldn't have to worry about throwing away anything else. He would come home and All my stuff would be gone and so would I! If I can't trust him to Niot touch my things , why stay?
1 person likes this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
27 Sep 10
It's a good idea, I hope he can understand safe zone. Good Luck. G-d I'm glad I am not married!
1 person likes this
@totallyundecided (3190)
• Philippines
28 Sep 10
LOL. As long as he agrees. I think both of you knows the real "compromise" in a relationship. 
2 people like this
@Erilyn (3020)
• United States
29 Sep 10
We each have our own spots that if someone else is cleaning up they dont bother. Having our safe spots has solved a lot of problems. My safe spot is on the side of my bed that I always sit at. My bedside table. So hopefully it will work for you also.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (158499)
• Boise, Idaho
28 Sep 10
I had a big fight with my ex once because he threw out somethings and didn't even ask or look. I think he continues to do this because he doesn't respect you and doesn't listen or care. Throw something away that you know he wants. See how he reacts. I would forget to put something in the 'safe spot' I am afraid.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (158499)
• Boise, Idaho
28 Sep 10
I think relationships and marriage are a series of negotiations. To different degrees. Unless you know yourself and your partner, have some very strict boundaries and understand the other person it just goes hay wire after a while. It breaks down. People jump into relationships and don't get to know one another first. I could go on and on. I have tried four times and am now happy alone. I put up with me and that is enough. Haha.
1 person likes this
@jb78000 (15139)
•
27 Sep 10
can't he clean around stuff? another option is to give him a colour coded bin bag and tell him to toss stuff that is not his in there. the really important thing is that this bag, probably should be purple, DOES NOT GO IN THE GARBAGE. it goes to you to sort out later. then he feels like he is getting rid of all the junk lying around and your things are safe.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85130)
• Shingle Springs, California
27 Sep 10
Sure he can, but he won't. Probably the same with the bag idea... Though he might like the idea of tossing things in there...
@dawnald (85130)
• Shingle Springs, California
27 Sep 10
unless of course he tosses it on trash day and I never see it again...
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
27 Sep 10
Classic, however sometimes you can't teach a dog new tricks. Hopefully he will stick to the plan if not you may have to start contemplating on plan b. 
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85130)
• Shingle Springs, California
27 Sep 10
Well since I filed for divorce in May, I think I'm solving the problem after it's too late for it to do any good anyway.
@cloudwatcher (6861)
• Australia
27 Sep 10
Designate . . . put . . . get him to agree?
Two out of three isn't bad.
The prize only comes if it works and it takes two to tango.
(Did the thought of tango start another tune humming?)
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85130)
• Shingle Springs, California
27 Sep 10
He agreed in principal. If we both follow through, it might actually work...
I guess you just can't 
!!!!
I hope he agreed! 
@katsmeow1213 (28717)
• United States
27 Sep 10
Be happy he's willing to clean and actually throw things away. When mine cleans he just moves things from one spot to another.. leaving the new clutter for me to deal with.
My problem is his dirty clothes. Most men leave their dirty clothes on the floor, which actually would not be a problem for me since me and the kids leave our clothes all over the place ourselves and I go around picking them up. My husband likes to throw his dirty clothes on the bed mixed with clean clothes (a pair of jeans worn once are still clean but not clean enough to hang up, so we lay them on the bed, or computer chair when I'm not using it to wear again another day). So my pile of clothes keeps getting bigger and bigger and I don't know what he deems clean or dirty since he always throws it in the same spot. Why is it so hard to throw your dirty clothes on the floor??
1 person likes this
@frontvisions101 (16043)
• Philippines
28 Sep 10
I don't really know why emotions cloud rational judgement. That's why police investigators don't get involved to cases that includes family members or relatives or even friends. Experts say it's chemicals being pumped in the brain.
1 person likes this
