"I am so unhappy, with life and my husband" " I cry myself to sleep "

@Hatley (163781)
Garden Grove, California
October 11, 2010 12:05pm CST
this discussion was triggered by responses to another discussion. I was saddened to read how many women do cry themselves to sleep because they feel trapped and dependent on their husband. It shocked me to think in this modern age when women all work just like the men in their lives that some women are still feeling trapped because they just depend on their husband and have no job. I know some women do enjoy staying home and caring for their family but why do others stay in a situation that you can plainly see is just making their lives so miserable? I cannot fathom just putting up with the misery and' not trying to make changes. What is your take on this? I feel its not wrong for a woman to work at least part time while her children are in school. Why stay dependent on anyone? Why not feel you are someone too?
26 people like this
64 responses
@artistry (4152)
• United States
11 Oct 10
...Hi there Hatley, It is very sad to read some of the things that some women go through or of the relationships that they stay in for one reason or another, the children, the fact that they don't have a job, or the money to leave and start over in another space to really save their lives. If they are so unhappy that they cry themselves to sleep or worse that they are so depressed they can't think straight, it is an awful thing. They start to believe they deserve what is happening, lose all self-esteem and are lost. Their lives become meaningless and they sometimes choose to remain victims in a sordid case of abuse either mental or physical. They need help but to get help they have to feel that they need it and it can become a vicious cycle. The men in these cases love the control they exert and continue to treat them horribly. I remember "The Burning Bed" with Farrah Fawcett. Women who work stand a better chance of escaping the situation, but sometimes they too are caught up in the cycle of viciousness that tends to rob a woman of her self-worth. God bless the women to have enough courage to seek help and family support and hopefully to eventually leave to begin a new phase of their life. Everyone needs to have a positive attitude about themselves. Some men are very controlling and the women who marry them think they will change and are deep into the situation when they realize they were wrong. I think a woman should always have some money somewhere that she can fall back on if she needs too, therein lies a little door to freedom if needed. Take care.
3 people like this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
11 Oct 10
hi artisty I know and I often wish I could help but I was nowhere lose to where these people are.I think at times that some women are already primed to marry abusive men when they are brought up in homes where women are not really respected . its sad that some women think somehow 'they deserved to be hit or slapped or pushed. I loved that movie as farah Faucett did a great job of acting.yes women who work do have a better chance of getting out of those situations but some have begun to believe that they deserve to be punished. My mom always said have a twenty dollar bill stuck in your purse,hidden,just in case you may need it. sa dly she did not do this for herself. oh he never struck her, it was all verbal abuse. I think thats even worse as it robs one of her self esteen.
2 people like this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
23 Oct 10
hi artistry it is very sad and so many get to thinking somehow they deserved it. I agree we all should have some money stocked away just in case. My mom used to say always tuck a twenty dollar bill in your ;urse hidden. that way youcan take care of yourself. she neve had worked and my dad was verbally abusive to her. I think she wanted to leave him but was just afraid and with two children I su pposed she did not want the hassle of a divorce.
2 people like this
@artistry (4152)
• United States
11 Oct 10
...Hi again, You are so correct, it is very sad. My thought when I was younger was to have your money somewhere. My uncle used to tell me when I was growing up and my dad was not around for a while, "if you have your money, you don't have to worry about anybody". Independence is very important. I remember having a conversation with a younger woman in the presence of a guy I was dating, I told her to get her job and save her money just in case and not to depend on a generic man. He got so upset with me which gave me a big insight into his thought process. Men like control. Sad to say, not all but many, and as you say some women are drawn to abusive men. Take care.
3 people like this
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
11 Oct 10
Because some men insist on you staying home and once you have kids, theres no way you see out. some women like when i was young have no family willing to help. plus there are men that knowing they are strong and you are not will use that against you. its like being held hostage unless or until someone steps up to truely help. in a shelter its so hard to live and keep your kids calm with everything going on. hard to explain to people unless you have been there in that situation. my late husband could not understand it either. even though he knew my mom and family. he did not know how a man can be really cruel because he was kind and easy going. if id known the things he taught me earlier, i would never have gone through so much.
3 people like this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
11 Oct 10
hi bunnybon so many times women learn to late and thus did not realize what was happening. so many people still equate a man shoving you or even slapping you as part of loving, not so at all. All he is doing is showing that he enjoys his power over his wife or partner, and that is not love. love does not hurt physically. Living that way becomes a way of life at times for the woman has no support to help her get out with her children. If she has family that can help her that is a plus for sure. If she has no help its really so hard for her and anyone who knows a friend thats in this situation should do all she or he can do to help the woman get out with her children.
4 people like this
@GardenGerty (158094)
• United States
11 Oct 10
For the sake of anyone reading, some practical points: 1. Make a plan, 2. get copies of legal documents, like social security cards and birth certificates for the kids and yourself. Also marriage licenses, divorce decrees, titles to things, like a car if you are driving it.3.Write down and keep with you important phone numbers, like shelters, etc. 4. Start saving even your pennies. Cash cans, do refunding, find a skill that you can use and market. I baby sat for a woman who paid for her lawyer fees by refinishing furniture. Believe in yourself.
2 people like this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
23 Oct 10
hi garden gerty I hope everone takes time to read your response as any woman who is married to a wife batterer should heed your advice.So many times a woman will actually stand up for her abusive husband and cry I am so in love with him. I am thinking how can you love someone who hurts you, I just do not get it. My husband would never ev er have thought of hitting me, he used to tease me by tickling me but it was in fun and not hurtful. we really did respect each other and we respected ou r sun and he grew up respecting us too.
2 people like this
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
11 Oct 10
Hatley, You are amazing! I think that too whenever I read or hear stories like this. We are all responsible for our own happiness, well-being and survival. If it is going to work while the kids are in school then so be it. I worked at night when my husband came home so the kids did not need to go to a sitter. It got me out and around other people. It's not healthy to depend on others for our happiness.
2 people like this
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
23 Oct 10
Hey there hatley, The laws back then were so horrible. I understand why 20 years ago a woman feared leaving her abusive husband because the law really did not offer her up much protection at all. Looking back at my own situation I can see how ridiculously naive the laws were then. The cops would ask me if I wanted to press charges with my husband standing right there! What a horrible spot! Even if I did, he would no doubt be right back out before the court date and well, that wasn't good. I had a restraining order on my ex. One day I showed up with the kids after class and he was in my yard with a police officer. The cop goes, " he tells us that he wants to show the kids some fish he caught. We know you have a restraining order but is it ok?" I was so put on the spot with him there and the kids there. I was like , " uh , ya sure, I guess." He was glaring at me as I answered. And then the cops left and left him with me. He did have fish to show the kids which took two minutes and then I could not get rid of him.
2 people like this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
11 Oct 10
hi again and again. Yes we are really responsibvlie for our own happiness, well being and survival. we do know or should know by now that if your mate shoves you pushes you or hits you thats not love, thats total power. then is the time to say either you shape up or I ship out now. I had to go to work full time when my son was in his teens as my hubby was unable physically to work because of colon cancer.God love him, he always had dinner ready when I came home from the library.
2 people like this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
23 Oct 10
sid thats it I heard one woman peace officer say that this woman would call the police each time she was battered but after all was said and done she refused to press charges. but the law changed and she said she was so glad she could go ahead and arrest the bas#ard. Sadly the woman was beaten so badly then that for awhile it was touch and go whether she would live. the grandparents had the children, and they had been after her too to come move in with them. I guess she finally did go to them.That police office also told me that the calls they dread the most are wife abuse calls. It seems a lot of time police have gone in and got shot by the ou t of control wife abuser.
3 people like this
@fwidman (11514)
• United States
11 Oct 10
No person should be that dependent on another. What will these women do if their husbands die or leave them? They need to be able to take care of themselves.
2 people like this
• United States
11 Oct 10
You are right, and that is the reason I went to school. I believe that is never to late to start again. I am 40 and I don't want to be with a man, I am scare.... so I prefer to deal with these than be with a man. Respecting other man, there are a bunch of respectful men.
2 people like this
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
11 Oct 10
I don't think that there is just one reason Hatley. It can be cultural or perhaps the husband insists that the wife stay at home. It can be a myriad of reasons including whether work is available. My second son is married to a very bright lady who has her Master's in Mathematics and chemistry etc. Ultra bright. She is a career woman who really did not want a child but had one because my son longed for children. Although she does love their son who is now five - she does not have strong maternal feelings at all. Whereas this GS of mine adores his Daddy and from birth his Daddy has done everything for him including feeding, bathing, playing and all doctor visits. And now I've gone off the subject and my lunchtime has finished
2 people like this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
23 Oct 10
hi cynthiann thanks Yes I am sure they are up there and she says in her sweet little voice pick baby up daddy. When anyone talks about life being unfair I always remember a book I read about a woman telling of her mental breakdown and her therapist who always told her, I never promised you a rose garden. she named her book that. I forget what her name was but the book I really enjoyed so much as she told her own story in hopes it would help other women who had suffered mental breakdowns.
1 person likes this
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
12 Oct 10
I know the heartache of losing a child as I had 5 late miscarriages. 3 of these before I gave birth to my first live son. You will see your daughter again with your husband and they will be perfect. No more tears. This is just a place and life goes on as it was meant to be - perfect one day. I tske comfort in the thought that there was never a commandment that said 'Thou shalt have life fair',, But what we were promised is eternal life if we can but keep the faith. I believe that my husband is in heaven right now getting to know our other chikdren and that they are praying for us here on earth. You are a good and admirabe women Haltey. I have souch respect for you and agree with all you said
2 people like this
@laurenn08 (125)
• Philippines
11 Oct 10
You are really in a difficult situation, but before you act or do something to exert your difficulties try to talk with him and make a deal to it, no one can ever help yourself but you, don't make things bad and difficult, for the sake of yours and your children. Have a heart to heart talk, nothing can't be un easy if you open up your problem to him..
3 people like this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
11 Oct 10
laurenn I was not in that situation. you misundestand., the title is in quotes meaning I am quoting from responses I read to a discussion here on mylot. my marriage was fine but I am w idowed for many years.I am talking of other women who cried them selves to sleep and feel they cannot do any thing but just wait on hubby and the kids, no money of their own, no appreciation and often they are physically abused.Yes they did need to talk to their controlling and abusive husbands but betterstill they needed someone to help them get free from him and get to a safe house for abused women. this discussion has not one thing to do with me. read it again please.your advice is good but with abusing men usually talking is not going to help but to get her another beating. p lease do not think I was ever abused as I w as not. further more I myself am widowed and elderly.
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
11 Oct 10
Some Women are scared to become independent, the reason more then likely is that the Husband does not want them to go to work because they do not like their Wife's to be independent, I have always been independent which is a good Job I know the Ex Husband did not like it much but the way he liked his Social Life I was forced to work I was forced to do a lot of things by myself because he could not be bothered but I am glad that I have had that independents because I managed on my own like I always did
2 people like this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
11 Oct 10
hi gabs I was so lucky that my husband and i decided we would do whatecer we needed to keep our family going and he did not mind my working nights and he worked days so one of us was always with the two little ones. we were both independant adults before we met for one thing. So I knew how to step in when life handed us his cancer' and he stepped in when i was felled and we did really have a grea tmarriage. little quarrels we always resolved no biggies at all.also we did love and respect each other. I do not think either of us ever hit each other even in play.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
11 Oct 10
Hi, hatley. I have to agree with bunny bon here. Most husbands really want or will insist the idea that their wives will stay home and be just an ordinary housewife. One of the many reasons why my parents separated before. My mom doesn't want to be dependent on my father's income since they were just starting their life together. When my mom got pregnant, she was scolded often by my father because she was pregnant with me and she still works in the hospital. My mom is a nurse and it's not that she's incapable of taking care of herself. And their arguments went on until I was born. My father had his mistresses telling them my mom was not a good wife blah this and blah that but my mom was a great wife to my dad. She served him well when he's home. She did any wife would do to make their husbands happy and my father was just consumed with his ego. Even if my mom work in the hospital, she's still managed to take care of me because she would often bring y lunch at school or snacks. Be there whenever we have school activities. Then my mom and I started our lives together because my father left us for another woman. I just hope that whoever is out there reading this, please don't be afraid to stand up on your own rights. If your husband or partner, somehow, traps you in a way like making you just stay home, then he doesn't have respect you at all. Even though you are married, it's not like you're bound for this certain kind of life. You have your own life too besides your husband/partner and your children and it's disappointing when husbands doesn't respect the wishes of the wives that they should have their own growth too with their selves. And it's not likely that you not attend to your responsibilities.
2 people like this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
11 Oct 10
hi totallyundecided Yes I agree and if the man is wonderful and considerate like my husband was he will see that she needs to get out and work even just parttime. Yes you mom was a nurse so she knew 'how to support herself but she did make a good home and w as a good' wife to a man who was only thinking of himself. I think maybe you and your mom were in a way lucky when your cheating dad decided to live you.I hope others read what you have said and realize they deserve to be happy but not hit and not disrespected either physically or worse emotionally where the scars go inside where nobody else sees them.
2 people like this
@dawnald (85135)
• Shingle Springs, California
21 Oct 10
To quote Rodgers and Hammerstein, "you've got to be carefully trained"... We have expectations of our behavior drummed into us from an early age, and it's hard to break free.
2 people like this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
27 Oct 10
hi yes indeed you do have to be carefully trained; lol. with my dad it wasI am a the big man andyou are the little woman.and that is how he treated her too.I used to wish my mom would wise up and divorce him as he abused her verbally all the time, and she would wince but say oh thats just his way. well I could see it was not that at all. He married a 21 year old girl, and he was fifty at least. does not always work.It is hard to break free for sure, we are supposed to do this blah blah blah. but what if we think thats wrong, woe be us.
• Philippines
12 Oct 10
when i get married, i never want to depend only on my husband. Life is getting more difficult so both of us need to work. But i also want to take care of my children. There should be a good time management for that.
2 people like this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
13 Oct 10
hi tess good for you as now days it takes two checks for most households here where I live in th US and California seems to be one of the places where things cost the most even to rents. Of course you want to take care of your children to be and all that can be arranged to work out beautifully too.
@Cherryd41 (1119)
• United States
11 Oct 10
HI Hatley Your rightIts not wrong for a woman to be independent even if she is married with children, I thank God for my husband he has never tried to hold me back from being me or having a career first off I wouldn't be attracted to a man who behaved controlling marriage is not a slave sentence its a union and should be treated as such . I swear some men just have way to much testosterone circulating in there bodies Thats why I feel its a good thing the Women's Movement came along when it did can you imagine how those women must have felt ? I worked at night and my husband worked during the day so that we didn't need a sitter we shared the bills and the rearing of the children we made decisions equally and still do to this day after almost 25 years of marriage,we also make it a point to consult each other before we make major purchases and we go over our household budget together Also a woman needs to get away from the kids sometimes , ...a person can only watch so much Sesame Street and Blues Clues I went back to work because I needed some adult coversation during the day I gave up my career to stay home with the kids but that was MY choice he didn't ask my to do it but was glad I did and he has always appreciated the money we saved and knowing that the kids were being taken care of by me instead of a sitter So in short HATS OFF TO STONG WILLED WOMEN!You can be empowered without being what some people call a B*LL BUSTER
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
11 Oct 10
oncemore. I was so fortunate to have a husband who also thought women should work if they wanted to and in our case a lot of times we did'need more than one paycheck for all t he bills. we worked together at home, his idea as I had two babies 11 months apart. He helped with housework and with caring for our children too. some women do not have loving husbands but controlling abusers who mistake power and control for love and never let the women do anything that is not on their approval list.If my husband had ever pushed me or hit me or slapped or shoved me I wou ld have immediately said you can either shape up or just ship out. No woman should have to cry herself to sleep because her husband hits her or intimidates her in any way.All women deserve to be respected as their husband's equals.
2 people like this
• India
12 Oct 10
Hi Hatley What you are speaking of is true no doubt, working women need not depend on the husbands particulary for petty things like say, cosmetcs, many feel to ask family members for money, another thing, they can use their earning in any way they like.. But i know many greedy husbands, who have working wives, the grab the money always from the wives, well my daughter and daughter in laws aew highly qualified, but they don't work, i mean , they don't do any job to earn.. Thanks for sharing. Cheers. Professor. .
2 people like this
• Philippines
29 Nov 10
Woman has the right to work. They also have the right to do what they want. Man and woman are equals. So work to attain a better life.
2 people like this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
8 Dec 10
arreolabryan. you are modern minded and fair too. I also think women have a right to work and here in expensive Caliornia both man and wife and any older kids all work just to afford the dumb rent. lol we stay here because of the climate but now we are paying a stiff price for doing this., We have thought of moving to another state where the co st of living is not so high but moving is costly too.
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Oct 10
I have four children. My children father left me when I was pregnant and I give thanks to the Lord that I was strong enough to continue my job as a mother. I went to School, College and I worked for some time, but my third son needed me and I decided to stay home. What ever you choose that is what you can be, depends on you. However, me as a person decided not to work and taking care of my kids because I believe that the father have to be responsible too. When I worked the money I made was not enough to support my kids so I decided not to struggling myself and make the father to help me with the responsibility. I am not depending on him, but It won't be easy for him to let me do this alone. They are his kids too.
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
11 Oct 10
hi bellachini welcome to mylot. You have made some wise decisions and I am glad you did make him pay child support.he helped make them so he must help support them.Yes they are also his kids. Good for you as you figured out what was the b est and have stuck to it. And its good that your ex realized his responsibilities and had decided to help.You are a strong womam and thoughtful. Perhaps some day you may meet someone who will appreciate you and fall in love. good luck and Godbless.
@ajithlal (14716)
• India
29 Nov 10
I also think woman should not be too dependent and try to work at least part time jobs while their children are at school. One of the way to make more woman work is to get more and more online jobs which they can do from the home. Small umbrella jobs with 2 to 10 women under one umbrella can be started in order to get jobs for women. This is common in our place. Jobs like tailoring, making different dishes including pickles, jams, and other eatable things, different craft jobs, etc are done in different places in order to make women self-sufficient.
@ajithlal (14716)
• India
31 Mar 12
I also think Hatley it would be great for girls in school to have classes for not only education, but also some work experience, Stitching, fabric work, embroidery, drawing, how to become teacher, painting, drawing, cooking, making home made foods, etc can be some of the classes that can be taught in the classes.
@ajithlal (14716)
• India
9 Dec 10
I think from school iteself there shold be some class like work experiences for the girls to learn some skills like making different crafts or food items or something like that so that when they grow up they can be self-sufficent and can have a self-employed status and earn money for themselves.
1 person likes this
@primeaque86 (8105)
• Philippines
12 Oct 10
We are always opening same topic with my love regarding this matter. We agreed that noone really going to 'stay' home... in other words, no one will become dependent. She really doesn't want to become a housewife, so the agreement would be, we will both work for our future.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
13 Oct 10
Hello my friend Hatley. Thank you. Yes supporting does not mean depending, we are just here for each other all the time, even we are both away, how strange my friend? I am actually happy that you do understand us, I guess you will be one of the witness too in the right time, hahahahaha. Wife are not suppose to stay home actually as man and woman has equal rights now not like before, I do not know if that also one of your old cultures there, but here in the Philippines before, women are entitled to staying home, they were the one who would take care the family and households… but today women got the freedom, they can do if they want to do what men can do! Is that a good news for women?
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
13 Oct 10
hi prime oh yes great then the two of you are on the same page'and'thats great. YOu will be both working and partners. and that is a great feeling. and working for your future will be wonderful as you are both supporting each other. Nobody is dependent and all is well.Supporting is not being depending ,it simply means you are there for each other. I always thought the term housewife is a little silly as who wants to be a wife to a house? I am just getting a silly streak and have been mylotting way too long today.
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
27 Mar 11
hi prime well I am catching up I had not realized I had not commented on all the responses. yes we too in the US used to just think women got married and became house wives.now today womem are entitled to work part time and be supportive of their husbands and children too . We are no longer stuck in the idea that more education is only for the h iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
@ladym33 (10979)
• United States
11 Oct 10
You are right. I grew up in such a household where my mom put up with a whole lot of things she shouldn't have because she was dependent on my father and she refused to do anything to help herself but instead sat around and cried every night this of course eventually just grained even more on my father which caused him to behave even worse. I grew up hearing about things my dad did and being sickened by how my mom just lived with it and cried every night. I decided early on that I would never be dependent on a man. I think that is what makes me a work aholic. I do stay home with kids and I am happily married, but I run an online sales business and I write on several sites on line. I am lucky I do have a good man, but if he were to ever change I would not leave myself trapped in a bad sitation like my mom did.
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
27 Mar 11
hi ladym I and miserable. would be like living in a darkened room forever and never thinking of anything that was joyous or happy.just lost almost all of my comment. darn. I was saying I had a friend here who never smiled and was alway sad and miserbale. she complained non stop about the food, and the stall and the weather and it just went on and on. After ten minutes of trying to be friendly with her I would feel utterly depressed, It was like someone coming into a room and being so downcast that in a short time you began 'being depressed just from hearing all her woes.I tried to counter every sad detail with something positive but it never touched her at all. I think she really loved to complain about everything and it made her happy.
@ladym33 (10979)
• United States
11 Oct 10
I am glad your mom worked through it all and made her life a happier one. My mom lives to be miserable I think. I am proud that she is financially stable though on her own, she manages her money really well I can say that for her. She does a lot of volunteer work which is great as well, but she is for ever sad and miserable which makes things hard on my brother, sister, and I.
1 person likes this
@quita88 (3715)
• United States
13 Oct 10
HI Hatley, I too have felt trapped and lonesome even with a husband who worked, is a veteran and we had a farm, and I too worked. I don't know... it's hard but in the long run I've learned I need the security of a home and a man who does take care of me. Working was never been a problem but we had the farm and when hubby got sick all the chores of cows and horses, buying feed and taking them to the vet really got to be too much. Those times have changed tho. we are both invalids in our own way. I look back over those years and realized I wasn't trapped at all. I think women in general want a life they never had and the laid back life of a family gets boring and women start feeling like they have missed something. Now, as age has crept up on me I realize just how lucky I am... thanks, quita
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
27 Oct 10
hi quita hi I have read so many things in here about how men have mistreated their wives. then I think back about my own husband. I often called him a cockeyed optimist but he made me so happy as he loved me un=conditionally just the way I was , nothing had to change.We both worked until our first child was born worked just to prepare for our first born and those days are so precious looking back,we were so happy to being about to have our first born, I was so blessed with him while he was not perfect he was really loving and I loved him with all my heart.I never felt trapped even with our two children born 11 months apart.I had wo rked for ten years before we met and got married. I did at times long for an adult to talk to with two small babies but I had several neighbors who would pop in to see me which was great.Yes in the scheme of things I was so fortunate in my mate, and I did love him so much.
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
29 Oct 10
hi quita yes I am fortunate to have had a man who c ould make me laugh, who could cheer me up and what was best yest believe in myself, for the first time in my life someone believed in me and made me believe in myself.When it looked like my husband might not make it I did start telling him about how I really felt about him. so when he did die atleast he knew I loved him with all my heart. my dad did not understand when I told him you and mom never really told me that you believed in me, my husband told me that though.He pussyfooted around tryhing to say of course we believed in you but he justcould not say that.
@quita88 (3715)
• United States
27 Oct 10
I think as we grow older, we can look back and see the good in the men we married and too the memories do come flooding back. Ah, the cockeyed optimist:) what a name ! To remember your first born with happiness is great. Times were different then ,even for me. This is my third marriage and even we've been married for 27 years. We don't have children to gether but we each love the other's kids as our own. My own son, is 43.......hard to think of him being a baby. I tell his boys about their dad and show them pictures and they just grin, like, is that dad ??? As this hubby and I are facing many things now, I feel the need to tell him more often how our lives have been good together. OH it is sooo good to hear YOU talk about your husband in this way... Yep, in the scheme of things, you are fortunate to have had such a great life.. hugs, quita
1 person likes this
@ybong007 (6643)
• Philippines
12 Oct 10
Culture plays a big role on why there are a lot of women who end up like that, married and yet sad and miserable. A case in point is my mother, she really wants to study but my grandfather is against it claiming that women will just marry and end up and up taking care of the kids. True, she got married and just ended up taking care of us. But there was a time when we are so hard up that my mother has to do errands just to make ends meet. During those times, i can hear her blame her father that had he allowed her to study, she could have had an option for a better paying job. to think that schooling is free. My mother learned her lessons that no matter how hard life is, she and my father did everything just for me and my siblings to graduate college. My sister, is a certified midwife but still, she ended up as a full time house wife since she needs to take care of the kids, the good things is, it's her choice and she can't blame our parents for the kind of life she chose. My wife's father is no exception too, my wife said that when she was in college, her mother kept it a secret from her father that she was going to school and just made an excuse that she went to the city to live with relative and was even angry when he find out about it.
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@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
13 Oct 10
hi ybong yes indeed and us here in the US forget different cultures have different views on women and marriage. Its great if its a woman's choice to stay home and raise her children. I am sorry your grandfather did not let your mom go to school.she could have had job skills to'fall back on when things got really hard up.Oh that is sad that your wife had to keep her schooling a secret. I have heard older people tell stuff like that to their daughters.One woman I knew went ahead enrolled in nurses training and decided she wanted to become a doctor. when she graduated as an orthopedic surgeon then her dad wanted her to give him a shoulder joint replacement. she could not do this as ethics say you cannot do surgery on close kin. But she did honor him by standing by as a visiting doctor to see the surgery was done right.lol. The dad turned out to be very proud of her.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
27 Mar 11
ybong hi now days at least where I am in the US women evern without much education can now take classes in junior college that will lead to fairly decent paying jobs for women with no pr little education.Junior college courses are also fairly inexpensive too so its really there for young women who are married and wish to have qualifications for well paying jobs to help out the family and to prove to themselves that they can also help themselves and their families too. u 8[em]cheering
@ybong007 (6643)
• Philippines
28 Mar 11
Our public schools here are cheap. It's so cheap that it's almost free. I myself graduated from a state university and i did not pay a cent in tuition fees. But that's not really the main problem. Yes, public schools are free, even college education, but you need money for food, for fares, for books, for miscellaneous fees, etc. If a student don't really have the strong desire to finish schooling they'll already give up without even trying.
@saphrina (31552)
• South Africa
12 Oct 10
Hi sweetie. Love that avatar. It's sad to read of women that have such sh$tty lives and to worsen it most of the husbands, just love making it worse. I will always be independent, married or not. I just wish there is something we can do to change their lives,you know. Women really deserve better lives in today's society. TATA.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
13 Oct 10
who's that a$$holes? They all deserve a whip and a kick, what do you think? Me? I won't do that for sure, I am not perfect but to hurt I could not really afford, as husband/men do not really deserve to hurt women, women must be taken care of all time... they must be loved... not let them cry and feel such sorrow!
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
13 Oct 10
hi saphrina thanks I get a charge out of fooling around doing graphics.' Yes I too wish we could do something to change their lives. we women'deserve better lives even here in the US there are still a lot'of men who control and abuse their wives and the wives cry he beats me and when I say please go to a battered womens shelter she goes,I love him so much, I cant leave. and I am going how can you love a man who beats you thats not love as love does not hurt.
@saphrina (31552)
• South Africa
13 Oct 10
It really looks great sweetie. I just cannot think how you can love someone who hurt you like that? How is this possible? I won't stand for anyone to lift his hands to me. I'm the kind who will hit back. Why do women put up with this kind of men?