Have you ever beeing afraid that you'll never have children?

@stand87 (664)
Bulgaria
December 2, 2010 5:24pm CST
Hi, mylotters! Probably I'm very young to think about such things. I'm 23 now, but my mother had almost 4 years old son at that age. Actually, my life's very different - I'm don't feel like creating a family at all . . . So I'm afraid that maybe I'll never have kids. It's all because of my life style. I would change my life, but I'm not even sure that I want kids. I'm just scared a little bit. I've always been told that people should have kids. Otherwise you're at any help for humanity and etc. What do you think about all that?
4 people like this
21 responses
@Hatley (163905)
• Garden Grove, California
2 Dec 10
hi stand If you really do not want kids, do everyone a favor and do not make yourself have them. too many women are not honest with themselves and have children and cannot stand them, thus the child abuse and it could have been avoided.I do not think all women should bear children as if a women dislikes children what makes her think she will like her own either as children do behave as children.I was never afraid of not having children , and I had one boy and one girl;then sadly my physical condition would not allow me to have another child. and we lost our little girl when she was 8. stand if its the fear of childbirth pain forget it as there are now methods to cut that down to the minimum.But if you do not want them do not bear them as it will be a catastrophe.
1 person likes this
@stand87 (664)
• Bulgaria
3 Dec 10
Hi, Hatley! Actually, it's not about childbirth pain at all. I'm a boy, actually :) My fears are about different things. It's all about having enough money to organize a good life for them. I thing that I'll be possesed of this family life and I won't have the chance to follow my dreams. It's because my dreams have almost nothing to do with having a family, you know.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163905)
• Garden Grove, California
3 Dec 10
hi sorry I did not check your profile . i thionk you should have a chance first to follow your dreams as once you get locked into marriage you may not have either the energy or other factors unless you luck out and met someone who may have the same dreams as you have then you maybe able to pursue them together but do have a chance first and maybe by following your dream you will also find the right woman who will fit into your dreams too.and hey thanks for best response. good luck and God Bless now while you are 23 go follow that dream so one day you will not look at your wife and say I might have done this or that. one author summed it up, "the saddest words penned by men, are it might have been." so young man go follow that dream as its worth it.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
3 Dec 10
Well, you don't have to think about so that you can avoid fearing having childrenwhen you fall in love and have a deep relationship with a person, that's when you plan to have kids. depends on how the relationship goes, i remember my first time about being in love, i thought about the future
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
3 Dec 10
Well, I don't know what the population of Bulgaria is but if you don't have kids, you're not adding to it. Probably doesn't make you feel any better but it does with me because there are FAR TOO MANY people crammed onto this small island. Some parts are more populated than others i.e. London and other major cities but I don't feel guilty about having no kids and you shouldn't either. Mind you, you're not 44 like I am lol.
1 person likes this
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
3 Dec 10
How big is the country itself? People over here go on about Bulgaria all the time so I guess there are a few Brits living and working there at the moment?
@stand87 (664)
• Bulgaria
3 Dec 10
There are about 8 million people registered as Bulgarian citizens, Janey. Actually, Sofia's about 2 and a half officially. But I'm sure there are more 3 million in Sofia. Maybe almost 4!
• United States
2 Dec 10
I'm not afraid of it, I'm intent on doing it. I have never wanted kids and I will never have children. I outright refuse. Procreation pressuring is just plain absurd. No one EVER "has" to have children. Childbearing is a choice NEVER an obligation. If you don't want kids, then don't have kids. There is nothing wrong with that.
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Dec 10
So because I never wanted kids , I am not helping humanity. If i were told that, I wouldn't be here today. I would have killed myself at the age of 18! When I was 7 I decided never to have kids and Nothing has changed my mind. In fact i can see how sensible I was way back then. I Know I'm way too selfish and I have no desire to be around anyone under the age of 18! So Why in the Hell would I have my body invaded with a child, a child I could never love just to " help society"? Wrong! A child who isn't loved at home tries to destroy society. As for you,as you say you are young.and you are male. You can have kids anytime. the key point is to Want to have them And then to find a partner who wants them too. If you can't see making the child the number one priority in your life , Then Don't have them! But if you are just scared of the change but you want them, then go find a lover and a friend who wants kids and go for it. Every parent is scared I assume .It is a huge step.
@dragon54u (31629)
• United States
4 Dec 10
Don't worry about it, there's plenty of time. Children always turn out better when their parents are ready to have them and they're a little older. I'd say 28-30 is the ideal age to have kids. I never wanted children until I hit my 30's. I had my first child at 33, my other child at 34. They're fine, happy adults now and I'm proud of them. I waited till I had traveled around a lot, done some things and pretty much partied myself out. I'm glad I waited! You have plenty of time. Some people don't want children and there's nothing wrong with that. If you don't want children you could be a child's favorite relative or friend and make a real difference in their life. You don't have to make babies in order to impact a child's life in a positive way!
@lelin1123 (15598)
• Puerto Rico
2 Dec 10
The pressure to have kid is ridiulous I think for either gender. I think if you want a child you will have the feelings deep within you to have this happen. If you are a bit scared or really don't have the desire to have a child, so be it. Its not mandatory that everyone have a child in this world. I know plenty of women and men who decided early on they didn't want the responsibility at all. They are now in their 50's and some reaching 60 and they don't regret it at all. I had my two girls when I was 21 and 24 they are grown now and having their own kids. In fact my oldest is now 32 and will be having a baby in February. Its something she really didn't want but things happen and now I think she is being blessed. At first she was so upset but now she has opened her heart to the whole thing. So I think if its meant to be it will happen if its not of course it won't, but don't feel like its something you have to do. Its definitely NOT!
1 person likes this
@sizzle3000 (3036)
• United States
3 Dec 10
It was very hard for me to have my baby girl who is now 20. I had had two miscarriages before her and now I fear she may have almost the same problem. My daughter hasn't been trying but hasn't taken precautions against pregnancy either and not once has she gotten pregnant. Though she's certain that she's had one early miscarriage. I don't think that I beleive that if you don't have kids you're not helping the world because there are so many other people out there not just me and my husband or my daughter and her husband.
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
3 Dec 10
Having read through your discussion I feel that you are not ready to have a serious commitment. You are only 23 and for man it is way too early to think of marriage and children. Once you have reach the right time when you meet someone that you truly love, all those negativity that is clouding your mind right now will suddenly change and you might even want to have few kids to fulfill the reasons you are put on earth.
@celticeagle (142268)
• Boise, Idaho
4 Dec 10
Bringing kids into this world today is a scarey prospect at best. I am finding now that even the bottled water people I know buy and drink is a hazard to their health. Chemicals in the plastic harm our hormones and the tistosterone(sp.)And the water is not regulated, not by FDA or anything else! And that is just the tip of the iceberg!
@sender621 (14898)
• United States
3 Dec 10
I have two teenagers to claim as my own. Never having children is not a problem for me. Before i had my first child, those thoughts did enter my mind. i can not imagine my life without having my children.
@madteaparty (2749)
• Japan
3 Dec 10
Well, I'm older than you but I don't have any kid neither I plan on having any. I don't like kids, and the world's population is too big now, so I think that by having kids I'm not really contributing to anything good. I don't think people are "supposed to have kids", but just should have if they want to. There are too many animals of our species, so it's not like we must engage in having loads of kids to preserve the species
@SilverKing (1002)
• Canada
3 Dec 10
Well I am not afraid that I will never have kids, i am trying to make sure that I am financially prepared for having a family and getting married.It cost so much and in this bad economy it is even more difficult to raise a family let alone just to sub stain a reasonable level of wellness for yourself.I truly want to have kids and a family but as each day passes and the economy gets worse and worse i may have to hold out a reasonable about of time before making the leap into a marriage.
@sanjay91422 (2725)
• India
3 Dec 10
It is very true that I want to have the children but I am afraid of myself. What if I am not able to take good care of my child. I think I have to be financially and physically strong enough so that I can take a good care of my child. I fear sometimes of such talks. If a girl starts such discussion with me then I make her stop because I don't want us to see the dreams which I don't want to see yet, otherwise it will be a problem for me. I think it is a very big decision of your life and you should take it very carefully. Don't hurry, you are 23 yet, there is a lot of age for you to have children. Please ignore if don't like my sentence. Thank you and have a nice day.
@terryt52 (243)
• United States
3 Dec 10
If you are not sure that you do not want children then you should not have children. You still have lots of time to think about it. One thing kids are the greatest. They are a gift from god. If and when you decide to have children that will be a life altering decision. You give up a lot to provide for children. It requires a lot of time and effort. They need a loving stable life. They need to feel safe and love and protected at all times. They come before anything in your life. If you are not ready to make this committment then wait until you are sure. Don't be afraid you are young
@Lore2009 (7378)
• United States
3 Dec 10
I'm not so afraid, because like you, I don't know if i really want any. Do you have siblings? maybe you can have a good relationship with your nieces and nephews so that when your old and in a retirement home, they can come visit you once in awhile. You know, even if you have kids, a lot of people still end up alone.
• Philippines
3 Dec 10
Hello Stand, I wonder, why would you want to continue the blood line? Is there a reason why you want to have kids besides the fact you want to love some one and be loved in the end? If there's no apparent reason besides being afraid of the responsibilities, then there's no reason for you to have kids. better yet, stop thinking about them and focus on other things. yeah, i had that fear too but when ever i take care of my niece and nephew, i think about my attidude and what my future child will inherit besides my genes.
• Philippines
3 Dec 10
I'm not afraid of the idea. I think about having kids one day. It depends on the person on whenever he wants to have kids so you don't have to compare yourself to your mother. Decide on whichever that makes you comfortable cuz it's for the best.
@huqh123 (182)
• China
3 Dec 10
yeah, you have the freedom to have children or not. but i think ,you would better have a baby.you know, it would be your wish. It can give your family more happy moments. children are the hope. we are grown up. we should cherish the chance of owning a child. so you life style is easy to change. so long as you have a baby, can you enjoy the family happiness together.
@aeiou78 (3447)
• Malaysia
3 Dec 10
Kids are fun and they can make our future full with hope. I have 3 kids. I married when I was 30 years old. I never worried for not having kids. I just worried for having kids too late. Even though you don't marry, you still can have kids, unless you never have a partner. Having kids is an easy thing for normal couple. But we need to educate and taking care of them. This might be the main reason you dislike to have kids. However, I am not sure if your mindset will change later when you are older. I just hope you will not be regret then.
3 Dec 10
eh ,personally , i don't think we should judge this question by right or wrong . for everyone has his own style of living ,some people like children ,so they want a child ,and some are not ,they think that children is a burden ,so they don't want a child ...having a child or not is human's right ,so we should not say it right or not ...