nice warm feeling

@dawnald (85129)
Shingle Springs, California
February 25, 2011 3:32pm CST
"Doesn't it give you a nice, warm feeling to know you have somebody who loves you?" That, my friends, is the Richard-ism of the week. If you haven't been following my story, Richard is my soon-to-be ex-husband. We are still living in the same house for now due to financial reasons. Eventually it will be sold, and we will go our separate ways. Maybe even before it is sold. Anyway, this is the kind of comment he makes to me, and usually, because I'm uncomfortable with it, my mind goes blank, I don't reply, sooner or later he hits me with another one. Here is the answer, now that I've had time to unfreeze my brain: "No, it doesn't. That only works when you love the person who is telling you that. When you don't, it's more like harassment." There, done. Why do you think he keeps saying things like that?
11 people like this
31 responses
@ElicBxn (63187)
• United States
25 Feb 11
Cause he's a manipulating piece of sh... skunk
3 people like this
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
25 Feb 11
Hm, there is that possibility...
3 people like this
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
25 Feb 11
You could've said, "Yeah, my kids are my life." The guy is in denial (still) and his question isn't worth answering. Also, you could've said, "No, but it DOES give me a warm, fuzzy feeling inside knowing that I'll be shut of you VERY SOON!" Or is that one going a bit too far..possibly..possibly not!
4 people like this
@ElicBxn (63187)
• United States
25 Feb 11
2 people like this
• United States
25 Feb 11
Oh' you hit a nerve. This is one of those that is very much a double edged sword. It cuts going in and coming out watch for the back swing. Need I say anymore? Ouch!
• United States
26 Feb 11
Dear Miss marguicha, Miss "But I can´t accept this "I´m not the one who broke the eggs" routine" Allow me to share with you some of my story, the details can be corroborated on my website. You can think of me and men what you want, but not all men are jerks. It started with being a witness to an accident, I am a truck driver and I needed to make a turn through an intersection where my next turn would be into the work company driveway where I was based out of using a truck labeled from our parent company two towns away. I was accused of the profanity that another person spoke by a detective that nearly ran me over while I was trying to keep the scene safe from some motorist that was mouthing off at me for the second time in two weeks. (I wasn't allowed to speak of that in District Court to get the case dismissed) In fact in District Court I wasn't allowed to speak to any point because the judge sustained an objection from the detective the man bringing the charges against me. The judge later apologized to find me guilty and appealed to me three times to appeal my case to County Court and to bring a lawyer with me. I found out the lying detective had been reprimanded with a written reprimand placed into a court file in another unrelated case. In County Court the Court Judge walked into the Court Room with a novel to read he carried the novel in his right hand the novel was wrapped up in blue construction paper so the title of the novel could not be read. The judge proceeded to read the novel during testimony of my court case. This can be verified through the court transcript. Ten days after County Court the Church and my wife got together and had me involuntarily committed based on more fabricated information. I spent 14 days in a psyche ward pumped up with five different medications and another 13 weeks out of work. I have proof that people lied and people were going to lie again to accuse me of things that I did not do. Do you want more details? Why am I so hated? Check out my reports about my Grandmother. I'll give you over a million reasons why the next of kin should be involuntarily committed!
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Feb 11
You know the sad part about this is I was totally naive about the whole process. I made similar comments to my wife to be ex. and I was sincerely trying to open a door, instead I was blasted with harassing her and I never meant to be harassing in any way. I was blindsided, and she was coached to hate me. That is why your conversation hurts so much. It is one thing to be hated, it is another when the hatred has been encouraged.
2 people like this
@marguicha (212901)
• Chile
26 Feb 11
Excuse me for interfering. I had a very good marriage for almost 40 yesrs and I´m a woman. And I want to ask: What door did you want to open, GreatWhiteBuffalo? Didn´t you have it open for the lenght of your marriage? A divorce is and end, doors that have been closing for a long time and when the word "divorce" is on the table, the door is CLOSED. So any endearing word is, to a woman, just as if you were walking in the street and some unknown S*B grabbed you. Worse still, because he should know better. THERE!!! I´m sorry if I interfered. But I can´t accept this "I´m not the one who broke the eggs" routine.
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (156229)
• United States
25 Feb 11
Because he wants to harass you of course. He likes that brain blank type of feeling for you. Make him some fortune cookies with your response. It was good.
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
25 Feb 11
Fortune cookies lol
@jillhill (37354)
• United States
25 Feb 11
Desperation....my ex tried tons of things to try to keep me from leaving...unfortunately they always come up with it when it's too late..like the feelings are gone and can't be recaptured! Not better late then never in this case...
3 people like this
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
25 Feb 11
Yeah, no kidding about coming up with stuff too late. I bet if I said to him, "you had a chance a year ago to get into anger management, and you chose not to", he'd offer too, and it's way too late now.
2 people like this
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
28 Feb 11
I don't think he would actually go unless I guaranteed that I would stay. (too cheap lol)
@mentalward (14691)
• United States
25 Feb 11
You sound exactly like I did with my ex, dawnald. He even went so far as to GO to anger management after I had left, letting me know about it, of course, because he wanted me to come back. When he told me that, after only going to two therapy sessions, he was "cured" of his anger problem and I did not believe him, of course his anger "came back" in all it's glory when I would not come back. They are sad, lonely little people but they do it to themselves. Good luck and stay strong!
25 Feb 11
Hi dawn, I think he is only doing that to soften you up and to feel sorry for him, you should have ask him if he found someone that loves him already, lol. Tamara
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
28 Feb 11
Or perhaps I should encourage him to start looking!
@debrakcarey (19887)
• United States
25 Feb 11
It's called emotional manipulation. He sounds good at it, sad to say. I'm proud of you for not falling for it.
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
28 Feb 11
Yeah he's very good at it. Usually I can tell when something "feels" wrong, but it takes my longer to analyze why....
@gabs8513 (48687)
• United Kingdom
26 Feb 11
Because he is trying to play with your Mind, he is trying to make you feel guilty and pull back the Papers that is why
2 people like this
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
28 Feb 11
Make me feel guilty? Oh no, that is the last thing he wants. lol He says he doesn't, actually, but he is a master at guilt...
• United States
26 Feb 11
First I agree with Both of you ! I have that warm feeling with my guy. And yes, it is harassment when you don't love the person back! I think he Still thinks you will change your mind. Somehow you will "come to your senses" and you two will happily ever after. Wrong! He is just kidding himself. Just keep moving forward. He may Never get it! Hang in there.
2 people like this
• United States
28 Feb 11
Thanks. I'm hoping every goes as smoothly as it can for you. Hang in there.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
28 Feb 11
I think you have probably nailed it exactly.
1 person likes this
@yoyo1198 (3641)
• United States
26 Feb 11
R's still in denial and wanting it all to not be true. It is also a lame attempt at sarcasm. He is undoubtedly in his own kind of pain.
2 people like this
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
28 Feb 11
I don't think it's sarcasm. I think he's telling me what he would want to hear...
@celticeagle (156067)
• Boise, Idaho
26 Feb 11
He's irritated with the situation and being the all time sarcastic worm. That is my opinion. People like this live in their own worlds and the DSM probably has some disorder type name for it. Sadly these people live from day to day and somewhat normally. Delusional. Denial. Dipshits. Need I go on?
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
28 Feb 11
DSM? I think he's still convinced that this is the wrong decision for me, and is letting me know the door is still open. Also he's delusional.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (156067)
• Boise, Idaho
1 Mar 11
DSM(might have the initials mixed up) is the shortened version of the handbook that has all the psychiatrists syndromes and such in. Like my favorite: multiple personality.
@alottodo (3056)
• Australia
26 Feb 11
How funny is that? my long live in partner for over 20 years his name is Richard...we separated over 3 years ago...his Richard-ism was [yeah you will be calling me all the time...when you need help...because you will[ he said, you can;t never manage on your own]Well I can tell you one thing I manage on my own very well...and guess who call often? he does! I never call him. I think he keeps saying things like that [your husband I mean] may be he feels insecure and he is still trying to deny the situation...he may think you may consider...I don't know... I know Richard after all this time he still thinks he has a chance to come back!How sad!...Maybe he would return to me wrapped in gold...that would be good I can keep the wrap and discard what's inside!
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
26 Feb 11
Are you sure we aren't talking about the same guy?
@saphrina (31552)
• South Africa
26 Feb 11
Harassment Dawny? I agree actually. if you don't tell someone you love him/her each day, the feeling will go away. Tell R he should come i will teach him how it work in life. TATA.
2 people like this
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
28 Feb 11
I wish I had told him more when it was true, but it's not true any more. :-(
@saphrina (31552)
• South Africa
26 Feb 11
That's the whole point here sweetie. That one seem to live on another planet or something.
1 person likes this
@saphrina (31552)
• South Africa
1 Mar 11
I know Dawny.
@rameshchow (4426)
• India
26 Feb 11
Very happy to listen that you are living with your ex-husband. And coming to love and feelings. "If our loved ones doesn't have the same feeling, it is correct to be silent, we have to wait for our time to express our feelings, then only an importance will come to our feelings and love". Because how can expect that "you both are in same mood at a time". Have a nice day, God bless you.
2 people like this
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
28 Feb 11
For now, but not forever...
• India
1 Mar 11
God blessings are with you always. Have a long life.
26 Feb 11
The best for both of you is a cooling off period.In the course of a relationship, strands will fray from the ropes and grate on the remaining fibers until the whole rope snaps. The cooling off will determine whether the relationship can be salvaged. If it cannot, please don't push it. Recoup your dignity and seriously assess your options. The fact that you don't answer back anymore reflects your character on the conflict you are in. To put it more bluntly, what I am saying is that it is useless for you to reply to unwise and unjust statements from your Richard. You still have a life ahead, de-Richardized or not.Join community affairs, social developments, be a disaster volunteer, the Red Cross,PPTA,church choirs,feeding programs. The DAWN is up ahead.
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
28 Feb 11
The decision is made, the divorce is already in process. It's just the living arrangements that need to be worked out.
1 Mar 11
I wish you the best of luck, my friend. And keep in touch, you hear? I give you Robert Frost, who said, "Two roads diverged in a wood, and I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference."
@BarBaraPrz (44891)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
25 Feb 11
Either to torture you or, to get you to change your mind.
2 people like this
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
28 Feb 11
More the second one, I think.
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
26 Feb 11
I just can't figure out but he might be testing your reactions now that you have downgraded him to be your soon-to-be ex husband. when two are distanced in relationship they can correspond well emotionally.
2 people like this
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
28 Feb 11
Maybe. But he didn't get a reaction...
@bunnybon7 (50975)
• Holiday, Florida
26 Feb 11
i wish i had been around to know here at mylot how bad hes been to you. he must have done some pretty bad things for you to be so sick of him. i dont know how id respond. i guess id just say, theres plenty more people in my life that love me enough to treat me right. and there will be many more. if he really loved you he would not have done things to make himself happy. he would have sacrificed anything to make you happy. i know. i had one always thought of me first.
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
28 Feb 11
I do have a fair number of past discussions documenting his blow ups. I know people who have been through much worse, but I've had enough.
@hofferp (4734)
• United States
26 Feb 11
He STILL hasn't let it sink in. It's over! And I doubt he will until he's living with his Mom and you and the kids are living somewhere else. Maybe even then, he may think you're going to get back together. Eventually, hopefully, he'll get it.
2 people like this
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
28 Feb 11
Hopefully...
• India
26 Feb 11
Dear dawn This world is full of persons of different nature, some get pleasure in giving pain to others, and this man belongs to that category.. Thanks for sharing Cheers. BE HAPPY ALWAYS. Professor ‘Bhuwan’. .
2 people like this
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
28 Feb 11
Well when he's feeling bad he does. Mostly I think he's just still trying to fix things in his own weird way.
• United States
26 Feb 11
Apparently he is knows you do not respond right away and then if you do later he feels he knows exactly what buttons he has pushed. I often wonder if people like him do this simply as a way of control and or manipulation, what will he be doing later? When he longer will be able to do this, I wonder..
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
28 Feb 11
Don't know, don't care. lol