You can never go back to before

@dawnald (84177)
Shingle Springs, California
March 10, 2011 2:11pm CST
When Dearra was little, before the twins were born, she was in a day care run by a woman named Marilyn. One year, as a Christmas present, Marilyn offered to watch Dearra for free for us while we went out. So we went and got tickets to see Ragtime, the musical. It's based on the novel by E. L. Doctorow, and tells the stories of people around the turn of the century (1900). I really like the music. When I bought my car 3 years ago, it came with satellite radio for a year. I liked it so much that I renewed it for 3 more years. It has just about every channel you can think of, including a Broadway channel. There's this song from Ragtime that I hear on there periodically, "Back to Before". It can be looked at as very sad, because it's talking about a relationship that's broken, or it can be looked at as very inspirational, as the mother in the story moves on to her new life. I heard it this morning and it made me cry. And I don't cry often. But sometimes I take it the other way too. I look upon it as a call to move forward and find some happiness. Listen to it on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DSOV92GNgoE Or look up the lyrics if you get a minute. It's really beautiful. So here is what I wonder. How many people have managed to go "back to before"? Have you managed to rekindle a romance that you thought was over? Gone home again? Or tried and failed miserably?
5 people like this
19 responses
@nangisha (3502)
• Indonesia
11 Mar 11
I think we all had regret in our life and hope we can change there past. There always IF I do differently in the past its will not like this. Well honestly your problem I thinks bigger than mine because I have not get in marriage circle and had kids. I think you are a strong person and its OK to feel mellow sometimes.
2 people like this
@dawnald (84177)
• Shingle Springs, California
11 Mar 11
Yeah it's OK sometimes...
@vandana7 (75842)
• India
11 Mar 11
Sweetie - that is not possible.. and it is best left the way it is. We dont live for five hundred years to forget a few slights and return again. Each year of our life, we have some differences. We feel strongly about them. Then something bigger crops up. All our childhood animosity is forgotten and it seems silly in comparison. But the real slights remain. They get etched there because they are big enough. Only a very very forgiving soul can try I suppose. I ain't that good.
2 people like this
@dawnald (84177)
• Shingle Springs, California
11 Mar 11
Forgiving is one thing, going back for more? Nope.
@debrakcarey (19921)
• United States
11 Mar 11
I almost married again. He and I are still friends even though we didn't marry and recently he was hospitalized. I went to see him, we talked. Then he called me the other day to ask if I'd help him at the healthfood store buying some supplements. You see, he's made the decision to quit drinking, smoking and to try to live better. In short, his illness scared him. I got all mushy inside and fantasized about reuniting. Then I had this thought, if I wasn't motivation enough to change, could I trust him to change completely just cause he's scared? To stay sober, stay motivated in this new life he's got planned. I don't believe in going back. Unless it WAS a mistake to leave in the first place. In my case it wasn't. We will remain friends, I will still love him, that's ok. But marry him, no way.
2 people like this
@dawnald (84177)
• Shingle Springs, California
11 Mar 11
I suppose you could sit back and watch and see if he carries through, but I see your point.
@kalav56 (11496)
• India
11 Mar 11
Hullo dawn! I have no such experience because in our conservative "arranged marriage system", the "romantic"romance[if you see what I mean, does not really happen.Even within such a marriage, after this so called "romance" has been allowed to nurture and grow, there would be some terrible moments of bitter conflict but if children are there the partners would put up with nonsense and stay together. CHildren become their focus in life and they just condition themselves not to look for romance. In many of our households [I am of course middle aged], this happens.In such conditions too, there would be good times of initial moony period but this is something which one never looks for as a person grows old.We just go forward with our own individual activities . But the dependability and steadfastness in vows would always be there. I wish you all the best to find happiness in life. How is that great girl doing?[the one who remarked conspiratorially "the plan did not work"?
2 people like this
@dawnald (84177)
• Shingle Springs, California
11 Mar 11
She's doing just fine. I tortured her this morning (I brush her hair, because it's really long and thick, and if she does it, she gets knots)...
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Mar 11
I was seeing a man that I was head of heels for a year when he suddenly stopped calling. It took six weeks to get him back....and we were together for another 5 1/2 years. The next major fight, I called him to let him know I had done nothing wrong and that I expected an apology (which I did eventually get). Last fall though, I had had enough of the sneakiness and evasions and decided enough was enough. I wanted to confront him when he was at his most vulnerable and break off this emotionally draining relationship, but to his face, but he must have sensed it. I was thinking breaking up via phone, text, email or running away is childish and immature--he just stopped calling. I was initially upset for a week or two but I refused to chase him down.
@dawnald (84177)
• Shingle Springs, California
11 Mar 11
Apparently he has a serious problem with confrontation....
• United States
11 Mar 11
Yes he did. I was ready to let go, but I'd have preferred it to be on MY terms and been given a chance to say so.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84177)
• Shingle Springs, California
11 Mar 11
Yeah that would have been only fair.
@hofferp (4737)
• United States
11 Mar 11
I don't think anyone can ever go back to before. Even if they're trying to rekindle a love, romance, etc., it's not really going back, it's starting something "new" with someone with whom you have a history, and now, you're older. I've often cried when I've heard a particular song that reminds me of old "loves", my sister, my dad... I don't think it's bad; it's just something I needed to do at the time. I hope you have a great day...
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84177)
• Shingle Springs, California
11 Mar 11
Yeah, I'd say it needed to come out. :D
@hofferp (4737)
• United States
11 Mar 11
And it'll happen again...just let it happen. Then dust yourself off and keep riding.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84177)
• Shingle Springs, California
11 Mar 11
@katsmeow1213 (28897)
• United States
10 Mar 11
Things change, people change, feelings change. That's life. There've been tons of tough times for me and hubby. The toughest was the time around the twins being born.. shortly before and for a couple years after. It was super stressful on us both. We were barely even into our relationship yet, and had just moved out on our own (together) and weren't even comfortable with supporting ourselves and my son who was about 5 at the time, then suddenly we have 2 more on the way? Our lives were totally flipped upside down. For him he'd gone from being a single, care free guy to raising a family with 3 kids in less then 2 years. I had been a hard working single mom (with no expenses as I lived at home till I moved in with him) and suddenly I'm forced to stay home because none of my minimum wage jobs can cover the child care expenses. Add to that typical issues of relationships and both of our childhood dysfunctionalities thrown into the mix (I was raised by single women, his parents were on the brink of divorce his whole life but were too old fashioned to get a divorce). I am so surprised we survived those few years! There were so many times I thought "if only I could support myself I'd be out of here". We somehow managed to recover and pull together stronger than before, granted there've been other bumps in the road. We've never gone "back to before" because before was total bliss.. but we had money (because we weren't supporting ourselves and had only 1 child) and freedom and no stress and 2 jobs and there was the newness and the excitement of the relationship. Now is different from before. Now we have 5 kids and loads of financial responsiblities and loads of stress.. and there's really no bliss in the relationship anymore because it's not really brand new and exciting.. but it's still strong and we both know we support each other and love each other.. We've been through a lot together and if our past trials haven't ripped us apart.. I doubt anything can.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84177)
• Shingle Springs, California
10 Mar 11
Sadly, a lot of the strain that hit us after the twins were born really brought out our differences. And too many things have been said and done to make it possible to go back. Ah well... I'm glad to hear you're making it...
• United States
10 Mar 11
It was the same for us. There are still some hurts there, a lack of faith in each other in some areas.. still things we're pushing through (or forgetting to push through sometimes). We have problems like everyone else. There are still days I wonder about what it would be like if I could afford to leave.. I won't lie. Would I ever seriously do it? Probably not. At the end of the day I like having someone I can talk to about everything and not hide things like I do with other people. I like having someone who understands everything I say, who already understands my feelings without me having to explain them, who doesn't judge me when I complain about my day with the kids (where as some people would say "you chose to have 5 kids, now you don't have the right to complain"). It's little things. When something happens, good or bad, he's the first one I want to talk to about it. After everything is said and done he's still my best friend. Plus he has other good attributes too, important ones, like he's a good dad, a hard worker, supports us financially, doesn't cheat, doesn't intentionally hurt me (he's never even so much as called me a bad name.. even though I have stooped to that level against him, frequently!).. Considering some of the other guys I was with before I met him, sometimes it takes nothing more but to realize what I have vs what else is out there..
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84177)
• Shingle Springs, California
10 Mar 11
When the good outweighs the bad, plus you still love him, much better to hang in there, I think.
@Lakota12 (42681)
• United States
11 Mar 11
would never go back to any romance as it was awful. and going home you cant really do that either a things have changed since you lived there and it really isnt home any more as you have one of your own somewheres else
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84177)
• Shingle Springs, California
11 Mar 11
Yeah, and here I am in Sacramento feeling homesick for Los Angeles, but if I go back it just won't be the same.
@Lakota12 (42681)
• United States
12 Mar 11
true
@babyangie27 (5177)
• United States
10 Mar 11
I'm kinda going threw that rekindling a romance thing. I am hoping for the best and so far so good. Odd timing though and my divorce isn't final yet.but sometimes life throws us things we never expected at times we never did. Sometimes I think we can go back but it's not for everyone.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84177)
• Shingle Springs, California
10 Mar 11
Good luck, I hope it works out!
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Mar 11
Me too I was reluctant to take the chance but that's what life is all about....
1 person likes this
@SViswan (12065)
• India
15 Apr 11
I 'go back to before' each time I hear a song that my mom used to sing to me when she put me to bed. It had meaningful lyrics (which I never understood as a child) but it always bought tears to my eyes each time I heard it.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84177)
• Shingle Springs, California
15 Apr 11
Ah, well memory is the one way that you can go back to before. Good point.
@bounce58 (17450)
• Canada
14 Mar 11
Years ago, when I was still young and stoooopid, I made a mistake of going back to a relationship that had already ended. I think I never really got the closure that I needed then, so when the opportunity came, and every feeling became familiar, I fell for the 'back to before'. If I had known this song then, I could have been singing it to. I'm a litte shmart now, not so stooopid anymore.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84177)
• Shingle Springs, California
14 Mar 11
It's hard when the feelings are still there though.
@dorannmwin (36653)
• United States
13 Mar 11
I don't think that I would ever be able to rekindle a romance that I thought was over and I know that there are a lot of things that have gone on in my life that I would like to be able to go back to and not have those things happen but it isn't something that is possible. That said, I do think that there are certain things that can be undone or rebuilt, like a friendship that has been broken, but there are many things that can't be repaired.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84177)
• Shingle Springs, California
14 Mar 11
Hardest lesson I ever had to learn, that some things can't ever be unbroken.
• Janesville, Wisconsin
11 Mar 11
that is a really sad sound.. but does not have the same emotional reaction on my end.. This song used to bring about the same emotions in myself when I was first learning it in choir was very hard for me to sing lol.. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0u9QNYjYvYQ
@dawnald (84177)
• Shingle Springs, California
11 Mar 11
Oh, I love that musical. The song that usually gets me is "I Dreamed a Dream" and also "On My Own". So sad. That was the best musical I ever saw, but I came out bawling.
@Lore2009 (7386)
• United States
11 Mar 11
Great song, thanks! I can relate to it completely. After it all ended, I never went back. I had to go back home after but nothing is ever the same, which is a great thing.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84177)
• Shingle Springs, California
11 Mar 11
Yep, nothing is ever the same...
• United States
10 Mar 11
I think the tried again and did not succeed is my going back that is relevant to your discussion. I am still going back sometimes to continue my quest of succeeding in life. As for hometown, still here and as for love, never once done it is done for me. lol But yes many times I have felt about going back to certain areas in my life and unfortunately for me I cannot turn back the clock. (*sad*)
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84177)
• Shingle Springs, California
10 Mar 11
Yeah I keep trying to go back to my age 24 body, but no go. :-(
@jillhill (37377)
• United States
10 Mar 11
I tried several times with my ex...but when it was over....it was over....I just couldn't fall back in love with him.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84177)
• Shingle Springs, California
10 Mar 11
I have that same problem.
@GardenGerty (123429)
• United States
10 Mar 11
Unfortunately, the thing that made me rekindle a romance was the fact that my husband was dying. It stimulated more listening, more talking and more caring than you can imagine. It makes me cry as well. Sad turn of events, as I do not know if we could have been so loving if the situation had not been so final.
@dawnald (84177)
• Shingle Springs, California
10 Mar 11
That is very sad, but at least it was loving, and not hateful.
@bunnybon7 (46252)
• Holiday, Florida
10 Mar 11
you can never go back to before. usually if you try going back to someone the things they done before to get you down are worse then ever next time. then, you can never go back home again as it has changed so much, no matter what it never seems the same. no matter how much we long for all this its life. history does NOT always repeat itself in a good way.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84177)
• Shingle Springs, California
10 Mar 11
Well that doesn't sound encouraging. :D
• Australia
10 Mar 11
At one stage in my life, I did go back home again after moving out. It was something I needed to do to kill the yearning for my youth, but at the same time, I didn't enjoy it as it wasn't the same experiences as my youth. So I was able to get that yearning out of my system.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84177)
• Shingle Springs, California
10 Mar 11
yeah I guess it wouldn't be the same when you go back as an adult!