Follow your heart or listen to your children...any suggestion mylotters :)

@jaiho2009 (38988)
Philippines
March 18, 2011 5:52am CST
I met this guy online and already met him in person. His story is He is separated for 8 years now,has 4 kids and all grown ups. His eldest daughter is now married and has one son already. His 3 other kids 2 girls and son all single but are having good job already. His wife had an affair,but the guy left her and wants to reconcile with him. His wife and other 3 kids (except the eldest) wants them to reunite again. He love his kids and he doesn't want to hurt them,but he can't see himself living with his wife again, ....and,he also loved someone now. He is currently working in Europe right now,he is confused. He will have his vacation again this coming April. His kids are expecting him to reconcile with their mom (his wife) His girlfriend (current love) knows everything about this,and is also expecting to have his final decision. If you were in his situation dear mylotters....what will be yours? Enjoy weekend everyone Jaiho- now confused too
7 people like this
40 responses
• United States
18 Mar 11
Oh did is sad situation because he wants his children happy but he is in love with someone else. I would say that normally for love we do anything in regards to the kids but the thing is that I would feel that what will happen after the children are gone and married he then has to continue living in misery with the ex wife. I think and how about his love, she will not wait forever is my thought. So I think he needs to follow his heart and still be a father. Whey can't he love his children just the same without the wife. The children someday will be in love and comprehend main thing is that he tell his children no matter what he will always be their father and loved them for ever. But of course this is his decisions. Have A Nice Day!
4 people like this
• United States
18 Mar 11
I made an error, it should read in the first few words Oh this is sad.
4 people like this
@jaiho2009 (38988)
• Philippines
18 Mar 11
hello Mari, It's so sad to see him torn into two ,between his heart and his kids. We can not blame his kids for wanting their family to reunite. But we can not also judge him after his wife cheated him. I will let him read every responses and i am sure this will help him decide at the end. thanks for your response and have a great weekend welcome to mylot and enjoy mylotting
• Philippines
18 Mar 11
at the end of the day, it's all about making decisions that will make us happy. so it's just weighing things... what bring us joy and happiness. i'd say that his kids are all grown up now with separate lives to live... he has been a husband and a father for a good number of years already... what more could the kids want or ask for? he had a marriage that unfortunately didn't last a lifetime... his former wife had crossed another river... and he himself is sailing a different one too. i think they both have moved on to a new life away from each other. a complete family doesn't always guarantee happiness... it doesn't always spell joy. if people can be happier living apart, why doom them to a life together spending it with regret? i'd say let him follow his heart because he owes it to himself to be happy. life is not just making other people happy while living a miserable life. life is making decisions, choosing what's right... or best... or make mistakes... or whatever. it can't always be picture perfect. it can only be a choice one has to live with. now, if scenarios are different like being torn between 2 women he both love... making a decision can be truly complicated. we're talking about spending the remaining years of his life with his love. and if his kids really love their father that much, they would allow him his freedom to love for himself... not for their sakes. if his former wife truly loved him in the truer and deeper meaning of the word, there wouldn't have been the cheating in the first place. and if she really wanted to get reunited with the husband then by all means, try to win him back. but play fair this time around, and mean it. happiness is a choice (as what my profile page has indicated since i started in mylot. hehe) and it's one that each of us has to make on our own. have a great weekend j
@jaiho2009 (38988)
• Philippines
18 Mar 11
hello myles, Here you are again... let's talk about your wedding okay happiness is choice so....why till now you are not following your own advice huh?
• Philippines
18 Mar 11
i did. hehe i haven't regretted not getting married yet. i am so very glad that i didn't when i was asked by the previous boyfriends. don't get me wrong, but not everyone has attained the wedded bliss. it's a choice not only one person makes but the both of you. and for me it had to feel right with the right person at the right time. i didn't feel it back then. so... in my own sweet time j... in my own sweet time. i don't want to get married just because everyone has been telling me so or waiting for the big day. it still is my choice... and my life and i'm taking it very seriously... but i'm still having fun and a great time.
1 person likes this
@jaiho2009 (38988)
• Philippines
18 Mar 11
but still we insist... we want to hear BELL RINGS JUNE BRIDE
• India
18 Mar 11
listen to children thats more important what you need to do.hear them ,know them .
2 people like this
@Sreekala (33016)
• India
18 Mar 11
My dear sister, And you made confused your sister too........ it is complicated situation for sure. I felt for the kids but not on that lady, where was her love for kids at the time spending with another guy. I won't ask this guy to think about this lady again. If he stood for himself and his love, we can’t blame him.
@thesids (22219)
• Bhubaneswar, India
18 Mar 11
hi sree Hey, do you have a holiday tomorrow? If yes, Happy Holi from us...
2 people like this
@Sreekala (33016)
• India
18 Mar 11
Yes, I will stay indoor for two days Thank you Sidhu
1 person likes this
@jaiho2009 (38988)
• Philippines
18 Mar 11
sis Sree I brought this topic because he just called me minutes ago. He informed me about his upcoming vacation. We've talked about this situation the last time he came home last November 2010 (he came home every 4 months) He's too confused,his only alliance is his eldest daughter who understand him. I also don't know what to tell him,so i seek advice here in mylot. Maybe when he comes home,i will let him read this topic and all the suggestion. I hope this will help him have his decision and decide what to do. thanks again dear sis and enjoy weekend
1 person likes this
@neildc (17250)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
18 Mar 11
hi sis. is this the new status available on FB, CONFUSED?
1 person likes this
@jaiho2009 (38988)
• Philippines
18 Mar 11
hello neil, Oh yeah...i shall write it there now CONFUSED JUST COMMENT OKAY? want to hear from you....yes...i want to hear from YOU
@neildc (17250)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
18 Mar 11
i thought you are already resting as i received no notification for almost an hour. well, if you really want my answer, my answer is, it's my heart that i will follow. in the first place, i will be leaving with her and not the kids, right? by the way, Alex the admin just restored my discussion about the movie. so glad that he made it.
1 person likes this
@jaiho2009 (38988)
• Philippines
18 Mar 11
great... hey brother...you haven't read my response to your comment on my other topic.. check it now... the one "how to avoid admirers/suitor" i am sure you will love my response in there
• United States
18 Mar 11
I just want to be clear..are you his girlfriend? His kids are grown now, so what they want is not a priority. I am really concerned, though, that he is confused. and sharing this with his girlfriend. That is a bad sign, I think. It would be okay for him to stop and take a minute and think this through, but it shouldn't take him long to decide who he wants to be with. If his girlfriend has only met him once, then I don't think she is really a girlfriend in his mind. I hate to be nagative, but I don't like the sound of this at all.
1 person likes this
@jaiho2009 (38988)
• Philippines
19 Mar 11
hello rbenjamin, Yes,i am his girl-friend. I understand you for thinking negative. But,if he is not serious with his girlfriend,he should not bother reveal all these things with her. He asked for help and what to do since he is working with the annulment. Thanks for your response and i really appreciate all mylotters who participated with this topic. This will help him think and at least give him things to consider as well. happy weekend
• United States
19 Mar 11
You are a beautiful lady. I want you to be with someone who is crazy about you and does not hurt your heart. He should not have gone on a dating site if he was not free. He should not go back to his wife to make his children happy. They do not have to live with her, he would. And you must protect yourself. You deserve to be happy. There are many men out there who would love to make you happy.
1 person likes this
@jaiho2009 (38988)
• Philippines
19 Mar 11
Thank you for the compliment Before,i am confident that our love will be a happy ending. But now,i am not sure about it. A bit confused,less hope and scared...that is what i feel.
• Philippines
18 Mar 11
hi jaiho, Uuuuhhhmmm......this story is quite familiar well this is really a hard situation because they both still need to consider the feelings of their children,if he doesn't have a feelings to his wife i better suggest he file an annulment so that the separation will be legal. No children wants their parents to be separated it really hurts but in this case will i think the guy deserve to be happy after all besides all of his children are in good life now so why not to fall in love again and be happy once more. In every decision you will make there will always be a bad or good consequence but whatever your decision will be i am just here hope you both can find happiness happy mylotting
@jaiho2009 (38988)
• Philippines
18 Mar 11
hello catch the bhaby , Remember,they're already broken okay. The wife cheated him and you know that the wife had 2 kids with her illicit affair. So...do you think there is still remain to patch up? It can be considered if,no one cheated in the first place before the other woman came in the picture right? But,the husband remains silent...he just wanted to file annulment when he met his girlfriend. And now,his kids (3 kids) doesn't approve the annulment thing but want them to reunite again. oh..don't get me more confused okay...he is coming home again soon... love yah
• Philippines
19 Mar 11
I thought it was other guy well their children are all grown up and responsible enough i think the guy should decide on his own everything that is broken cannot fix and return the original looks, it is better to fix things up legally so there will be no problem with this so called girlfriend? Besides when they got separated did they consider what their children will feel? and now that everything is so complicated their children will interfere with his decision i think its too late, about the ex-wife i will not object about the annulment besides i am the one who was been unfaithful to our relationship if i am the ex-wife but i think i want to be the so called girlfriend . love yah!
1 person likes this
@jaiho2009 (38988)
• Philippines
19 Mar 11
okay okay....at least you revealed yourself as the "girlfriend" hahahaah i hope you get good advices here...(hehehe) love yah more
@sharra1 (6341)
• Australia
20 Mar 11
You should always follow your heart. Children have their own agenda. The children are old enough to understand and may just be being selfish. My brother and his wife split when their children were adults and the children accepted it. Some children do not. I worked with a girl who was married but she was furious that her father was dating a woman. She saw his money as her inheritance and resented this woman as someone stealing her inheritance. She was not considering her father's happiness just her own selfishness. 8 years is a long time. If they were going to get back together it would have happened by now. It depends on why they split. I think he should divorce and make the separation permanent. It is his life not his childrens. If they are sensible they can still be friends for the children's sake but you should not stay in a relationship that is not working just to please your children. It is your life, your happiness. Why should a person suffer just to please their children. The children are old enough to look after themselves.
@jaiho2009 (38988)
• Philippines
20 Mar 11
hello sharra, That's one reason that i am thinking of,"money matters". His kids might be thinking that the gf is just after their father's money,since all of his kids are already grown up finished their education and having good jobs in Canada as well. So,they maybe thinking....the gf is so lucky to have all their father's money. We can not blame them for having such thinking (if ever). Yet,they are not thinking their father's happiness too. They really need to have a heart to heart talk with this matter,his kids and also the gf. thanks for your response and have a good day
@jaiho2009 (38988)
• Philippines
21 Mar 11
hello again sharra, You are right,unless they'll reach that age,i am sure they will slowly understand that age is just a number and not a feeling. His eldest is his only alliance,who understand him,maybe because his eldest is now on her 30's. thanks again for your response and wishing you a great week
@sharic19 (70)
• United States
19 Mar 11
Just give it up. :I
1 person likes this
@jaiho2009 (38988)
• Philippines
19 Mar 11
hello sharic, great...just give it up... there are things that can't easily be given up welcome to mylot
• United States
19 Mar 11
Yeah. But, through this you could have given your life a chance to fall in love again. I hope you'll find your true love, that you are the only one who owns him and you are his one and only too. Cheers. Good Luck and Try to Move on. You can do it girl. Just don't lose your hope. :)
@mobhomeir (7562)
• Philippines
19 Mar 11
Hello bonita mia...this a test of love. Only him could decide which is more heavier, his love of his own children or his own love to his current love affair. It's hard to tell because it's matter of self rejection and sacrifices on the part of the guy. I think if I would be at the position of the guy, i would have to talk with my children, heart to heart talk and agree on something favorable on both parties. Whew!! another problem of yours bonita... Hope the current lover is not you.. Mobhomeir here..
1 person likes this
@jaiho2009 (38988)
• Philippines
19 Mar 11
hello dear Martin, I am the girlfriend..not the lover. I don't consider myself as lover (not doing things that lovers do) His wife has 2 kids from her illicit affair,would you still consider the option of having reunited again? happy weekend my dear...i am so happy to see you being active this few days
1 person likes this
@mobhomeir (7562)
• Philippines
20 Mar 11
You know my dear bonita ..one thing i like you is your being so clever... yeah active again and so you are ....take care always my dear bonita..regards to the kids.. Mobhomeir here..
@shelly1 (48)
• United States
18 Mar 11
Run, if he can't make decisions any better than to not know who he wants to spend the rest of his life with, do yoursekf a favor and don;t get in the mix of it. Sounds like he already has to many things to think about. A situation like that would confuse anyone.
1 person likes this
@jaiho2009 (38988)
• Philippines
19 Mar 11
hello shelly, He never thought his kids will interfere with his decision,as he is filing for annulment. I just hope he will decide what he thinks is best for everyone...not for the sake of one person,or himself alone. thanks for your response and happy weekend. Welcome to mylot
• United States
29 Mar 11
His kids should step back, even if they have an opinion it isn't fair to force him to consider the feelings of anyone not directly involved in the relationship. Love always prevails, hopefully, he will see that love can be spread in different directions. Everyone deserves to be happy. One should not let their kids decide what makes them happy.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84213)
• Shingle Springs, California
18 Mar 11
He has every right not to reconcile with someone who has cheated on him, and his kids have no right to dictate this to him.
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Mar 11
Surely the girlfriend has to be so understanding with the whole ordeal. I know for me I of course would care about his kids but then where that would leave me as his girlfriend though. Hi dawnald
@jaiho2009 (38988)
• Philippines
19 Mar 11
hello dawn, He never consider any reconciliation with his wife. He is filing the annulment,but his kids tries to interfere. You are right,no matter how he loves his kids,they don't have right to dictate him. I hope his kids will realized it's time for him to have his life too. Happy weekend
• Philippines
3 Apr 11
Hi, If I were in his situation, I guess the best thing that I can do is to be myself. If I don't share the same feelings with my wife then so be it, I'm not gonna reunite with her just for the sake of the children, sometimes If we insist on doing something that we know that it's not really what we want and that we're not happy, in the long run, we will all suffer the consequence. Sometimes being a good father to your kids doesn't mean you have to be with your wife. Any relationship must always be a two way process, it'll never work out if there's no more love. I think they are better off as ex husband and wife. A good marriage is at least 80 percent good luck in finding the right person at the right time. The rest is trust....
1 person likes this
@jaiho2009 (38988)
• Philippines
3 Apr 11
hello abm, Very well said. And like what other mylotters said,he can still be a father to his kids even if he will not reunite with his wife. Besides his kids are already grown ups,and will soon have life of their own. I am sure he will be enlightened with all the responses on this topic,and can make good final decision. thanks for sharing your views and have a great day always
@carolscash (9498)
• United States
3 Apr 11
Well, his responsibility is to his children. However, that being said doesn't mean that he must reconcile with his wife. He needs to consider what is in the best interest of his children. If he feels that the relationship with the wife is hurtful to the family, then he should sit with his children and explain his side of things to them. However, if he and his wife could reconcile and make the relationship work then that is what he should do. After all, we marry for life!
@jaiho2009 (38988)
• Philippines
3 Apr 11
hello carol, He is thinking only his kids,and also considering his new love. I am sure he can make a final decision for his kids and for everyone. It might hurt someone,but has to be that way. Sometimes decisions needs some sacrifices too. Thanks for sharing your views and happy weekend
@Kalyni2011 (3497)
• India
3 Apr 11
I will be totally confused like you Jai, may go mad, he he Thanks for sharing Happy posting, cheers. Namastey. Kalyani
1 person likes this
@jaiho2009 (38988)
• Philippines
3 Apr 11
hello dear, This situation is really confusing. But i am sure there's always a solution for every problems. I hope i am able to help him decide with this and he can make a good final decision for himself and for his kids as well. happy weekend dear
• India
21 Mar 11
Jai beta I am sure it is a story from your country, i know many such girls who face similar fate. The guys leave the wives for a new younger woman, because number of women there is more compared to men But why should a young girl accept a second hand man, i wonder.. Here in india such things are not common, but exceptions are there.. Thanks for sharing this discussion Cheers. BE HAPPY ALWAYS. Blessings from Dada Professor ‘Bhuwan’. .
1 person likes this
@jaiho2009 (38988)
• Philippines
21 Mar 11
hello dada, Yes, my country is somehow getting liberated nowadays. I admit that,there is one disadvantage of having too much freedom,morality suffered a lot. It's not about boy vs. girls census,it's about morality and freedom. Some really forget the good family tradition and dignity that their ancestors taught them...so sad. Thanks for your response dada and have a great day always. Take care of your health.
@raj7shot (842)
• India
19 Mar 11
Its time to give responsibility to grown up childrens... Let them decide...
1 person likes this
@jaiho2009 (38988)
• Philippines
20 Mar 11
hello raj, Yes,kids should be heard also. They have all the rights to give their opinion. But still the decision depends on their father. thanks for your response and have a good day
@erikmama (12929)
• United States
19 Mar 11
Almost sounds like my story... And no , Iwould not do what the kids wanted me to do .The kids are not the ones who have to deal with it all. Sounds like the woman just doesnt want to be alone. Once there are problems like this it isway tohard to fix them especially after someone has moved on. It can be done but its something both parties have to work hard on and there is always going to be some resentment there. SO I say heshould stay where he is at if he is happy.
1 person likes this
@jaiho2009 (38988)
• Philippines
20 Mar 11
hello erik, He doesn't want to hurt his kids or he doesn't want his kids to have ill feeling towards him...worst is,he doesn't want his kids hate the new woman (gf) in his life. Maybe his kids just need sometime to adjust with the situation since this is the first time after 8 years that their father falls in love again. thanks for your response and have a good day
• Pamplona, Spain
19 Mar 11
Hiya jaiho, Quite confusing yes he seems to be torn aside on two lines of feelings here. If his Children are grown up or not I suppose that he will still not want to hurt them either. But if he really loves the other Woman. Well anyway the real answer has to come from himself. It cannot be an easy decision to make really being tied between your Children and your new love. If it were me I would do things bit by bit and see where it goes. Rushing into things like that is not good for him or anyone. He has to take his time and decide once and for all.
@jaiho2009 (38988)
• Philippines
19 Mar 11
hello lovinangels, He is so sad thinking he might gain happiness but will hurt his kids as well. His kids are all grown ups and hope they will also understand their father. Yes,that is what he wants to do now,slowly taking steps to resolve everything. He really needs sometime to decide or regret things all his life. thanks for your response and happy weekend
@dismalgrin (2606)
• United States
19 Mar 11
Children (whether adults or school aged) do not get to decide their parent's life for them. This guy has been separated for a long time from his wife, and for a very good reason! It sounds like his wife only wants him back because the other guy left her. Because if she really felt repentant over what she had done she would have come back years ago and asked for forgiveness. Around here we have a saying 'Once a cheater, always a cheater' and it is so true. Sure if you really want to change your ways, you can... but not in the relationship in which you cheated. I don't know why it works like that, but even if you have potential to be a faithful spouse, it's not going to work out if you stay with the person you cheated on. Again, as far as the children go they have no right to decide if their parents get back together or not. My parents are divorced and sure it saddens me that they are no longer together. Sure, at one time I would have wished they could work things out... but now my Dad is engaged to another woman and I'm so happy for him that he was able to move on past the hurt and pain of a divorce and take a chance on love again. And that's the attitude adult children or young children should have. Our parents got along just fine in the whole love game before we came along... I think they can handle themselves just fine now.
1 person likes this
@jaiho2009 (38988)
• Philippines
19 Mar 11
hello dismalgrin, Your feeling might be of the same ,same of his eldest daughter the only person who understands him (in his family,aside from his siblings and parents) His siblings are giving him full support to have a new life (without the wife in the picture) He is torn between wanting happiness with new life and love...and his kids wanting him to reunite with his wife. I know he should stand with his decision,gaining happiness might give pain to others,but things sometimes work that way. I just wish all his kids will think same like you and his eldest daughter,then,everything will work out fine. thanks for sharing your personal experience,it's really appreciated based on real feelings and real event in your life. happy weekend