Do you believe everybody deserves a chance?

@GemmaR (8520)
May 30, 2011 9:59am CST
I ask this because I have a friend who keeps letting me down, all of the time. Every time she apologises, she will say to me "don't you think I deserve another chance?" and it's left me wondering whether she does. My question to you is do you think that everybody deserves another chance? Do you trust easily? What would somebody have to do to break that trust, and how many chances would they get?
6 people like this
29 responses
@sjvg1976 (18250)
• Delhi, India
30 May 11
This is courtesy my dear whenever she does anything wrong which you feel is wrong she apologies. No two person have same level of mind i think in your case also you both think differently i suppose.You need to talk to each other as i think complex things also can be resolved by discussing it sitting on one table.
1 person likes this
@GemmaR (8520)
30 May 11
Yes maybe she is just telling me what she thinks I want to hear in order to give her some more chances. I don't think I can forgive her many more times. She spreads rumours about me (none of which are ever true), tells my secrets that I've told her in the past, and tell our other friends that I shouldn't be allowed to come out with them because I'm not good enough to be their friends. It's a shame because we used to be such good friends, but it is amazing the way that things can change in life.
@sjvg1976 (18250)
• Delhi, India
31 May 11
You need to talk to the lady once & for all if she wants to continue like this i wont be able to keep the relations further beacuase i think its better to break one relation rather to break many relations as you said she spreads rumours & tell your other freinds not acompany you. But i have a liitle hope that once you ask her to break relations with her she will improve & wont do these things.
@emerillus (475)
• Philippines
30 May 11
Hi! Everybody deserves a second chance, just second. For every mistake that a person does, I trust that he or she won't do it anymore and so I give him a second chance. If he does it again, then no more third chance for him, no matter what he says. I'm a person who trusts easily because I feel that the other person trusts me too. I just don't give third chances because then I would be fool.
@GemmaR (8520)
30 May 11
Admittedly I do tend to give everyone a second chance, but I just never really manage to work out who is genuine and who is not when it comes to third chances. I have made mistakes in my life that have meant that I've had to ask for forgiveness, however those chances have always been given to me and I know that, deep down, I am a good person who means well for everyone who I am friends with. I worry that if I don't give people another chance they will feel as though I have been unjust to them, and I may have wasted a perfectly good friend because of something that I might have overreacted over in the first place.
@harck721 (372)
• Philippines
30 May 11
I believe everyone deserves as many chances as you can give them, but you also have to make it clear to them that you have your expectations for them. It may get on your nerves and stuff, but take a deep breath and keep believing. The world has a way of surprising you.
1 person likes this
@GemmaR (8520)
30 May 11
I often worry about giving people too many chances, as it means that they have betrayed your trust or let you down at some point in the past. But I don't know whether there is any true way of telling whether the person in question will your trust this time as they haven't in the past. You just have to make an educated guess and hope that they're not telling lies again. If it is clear to them what you expect of them, and when they have to deliver their expectations by, then it will be easier.
@zed_k4 (17619)
• Singapore
31 May 11
Yes , why not. Everybody deserves a chance. Even God is all Forgiving (if ever you believe in the existence of God). Anyway , there's always two sides to every story , so your version might be the truth and her version might be the truth. Sometimes when you retaliate against someone's good nature and appear to be non trusting it will ward people off. Perhaps everybody likes you just that you don't realize it. And no one speaks ill of you just that you imagine things when in actual fact your friend wants everybody to get along with one another. Lies are lies , don't get caught on it , some people tell white lies to take care of others hearts and feelings or perhaps it's not the right time to tell. Once the trust is there they will let you into their lives. Don't harp on it , give it a try and learn to forgive which I believe you are a good person at heart.
@GardenGerty (128530)
• United States
30 May 11
I think all of these questions are answered individually for each person. I probably would not give anyone more than two or three chances unless I could clearly see change in their lives. Lying and stealing would tend to cut out all chances as far as I am concerned.
@GemmaR (8520)
30 May 11
She has lied to me a fair amount, but has never stolen from me yet and I suppose that I should be glad for that. I don't know whether the lies are major or not, but they certainly upset me at the time. I think sometimes people tell little lies without really thinking about it, and then end up having to tell lots more lies to cover the earlier lies up, and this has been the problem with her. I think that I need to talk to her properly and make sure that she realises just how much she hurts people when she tells her lies.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (128530)
• United States
30 May 11
That is a very mature and adult way to handle the situation. You will know that you have done your best to mend the relationship. I have heard it said many times that it is very hard to lie successfully, not because of the first lie, but because of all the other lies you have to tall to make sure people do not find out that you lied the first time.
• India
31 May 11
yes i believe that everyone deserve a second chance for the good of everyone but not for bad of anyone
@stephcjh (32303)
• United States
31 May 11
I agree on the second chance but not a million second chances.
@stary1 (6618)
• United States
30 May 11
I believe in giving more than one chance. However, this depends on what the issue is. if they are late everytime I want to go somewhere, I will stop waiting for them to let them see how serious I am. It all depends on how serious the 'letting down' is and how it affects me.
@GemmaR (8520)
30 May 11
I think one of the reasons that I have given this person so many chances is because the things that she's done aren't all that big. But the thing is, they all add up, meaning that I am left thinking about all of the things that she's done and it takes me a good while to list them all in my head because she has done quite a lot. But I suppose I need to learn where to draw the line, and need to inform her of when I'm doing this, because she needs to realise that I'm not going to stand for it forever.
@Pose123 (21660)
• Canada
30 May 11
Hi GemmaR, I think your friend has to understand that we are meant to learn from our mistakes. It would certainly depend on the circumstances but everyone does deserve another chance. We cannot however have another continue to hurt us, so it may be time to say that you forgive her, but you cannot continue to be friends until she learns to respect your feelings. Blessings.
@GemmaR (8520)
30 May 11
You are supposed to learn from your mistakes, however it does seem as though some people don't realise that and never make the move to make themselves better people from their mistakes during their lives. It is a shame that my friend never learns from her mistakes and I am the one who gets hurt because of that. She often tells me that she has learned from them, but then goes and does the same (or similar) thing again, making me think that she just doesn't learn anything at all.
@dragon54u (31628)
• United States
30 May 11
I give people two chances. I am always very clear on what I expect and when they let me down I tell them so. I tell them what they should have done and if they betray me again that is it, they are out of my life. I don't have to do that often because I am very picky about who my friends are. I don't have many but the ones I do have are people with whom I would trust my life. It sounds to me as if your friend is using you and seeing how far she can get before you refuse to be her friend.
@GemmaR (8520)
30 May 11
I am coming to the conclusion now that she might very well be "using" me, as you said. But it would cause so much trouble if I were to get rid of her from my life, as we have a lot of mutual friends, some of which she doesn't ever seem to have a problem with. The thing is, I have a feeling that at least some of our friends would be on her side, as she tends to do everything that she does to me rather quietly where others cannot see, so not many people actually know what she is like to me.
• Canada
17 May 12
Have you ever heard the ''3 strikes your out'' phrase? I give only 3 chances. Once those 3 chances have been corrupted, there are no more chances. You can only give someone so much trust, and faith, until they burst that. Move on pal. You deserve better! Only then it will be too late before she realizes in what she had lost.
7 Dec 11
i think someone everytime began to apologise ,this situation become a habit and she or he continues to make it.everybody deserves second chance but when we give a second chance if she or he continues to make it,we should never give a third chance.it is only my opinion i don't know it is true or false
@JHEZ924 (119)
• Philippines
30 Nov 11
yes, i do believe everybody deserves a chance... no matter how bad or good a person is, he/she deserves a chance for everything... especially if it is a chance to have a better life.. everybody make mistake and from that mistake one realizes what he/she made... and with that, everybody deserves to have a chance to be a better one.
@andy77e (5161)
• United States
15 Sep 11
No she does not. But then you don't either. None of us 'deserve' anything. I don't. We don't. They don't. It's funny how us humans always assume we deserve everything, when we really don't. I personally had a friend, a little girl named Nadia. She let me down constantly. Now specifically, any time we setup to do something, no matter how small, she'd forget, or not show up. Why? I don't know. She was always nice, and we got along well, but if we said we'd meet on Friday for lunch, she'd forget. Or if we had a movie we wanted to see, she'd forget. I knew she didn't mean to. It wasn't intentional. It least I have no reason to believe it was. For me, I just forgave these things. Why? Because I'm sure I let her down a number of times too, and because I choose to do it. Of course I was just as happy not getting together with, as doing so. Some people find that odd, but I'm just as happy staying home. It's not a dig on her either. Just how I am. So it didn't bother me when she forgot we were meeting or whatever. One of the problems I see is, what does 'second chance' mean? I loan you something, and you break it... does second chance mean I loan you something else? LIkely not. It means I forgive you of that error, but it doesn't mean I let you hurt me again. If we decide to go out for lunch, and I sit at the place for an hour, and you never show.... does second chance mean I go sit at another place for an hour? No, it means if you want to meet, come to my house and pick me up. If you don't show, then I will not have waited an hour at some place. Second chance, means that you are given the chance to earn back trust. Not that you are instantly given trust again. There's a difference.
@SomeCowgirl (32254)
• United States
1 Jul 11
I think that everyone does deserve a chance but there's a point when chances just get abused. I would suggest not giving the friend another chance if she keeps disappointing. I have a friend that I don't like to hang out with because she annoys me a lot of the time, and I wonder why I stay her friend.
@bounce58 (17449)
• Canada
31 May 11
I think I am very forgiving, and very patient. But even so, I think everybody has their limits, including me. If someone keeps failing me, then a time should come when I'd have to say stop. Specially if he or she is a friend, as I believe that saying stop, is in a way helping him or her improve himself/herself.
@dawnald (84206)
• Shingle Springs, California
31 May 11
A second chance, OK. A third chance, maybe. But at some point you have to come to the conclusion that a person is just full of crap, and is not seriously intending to change. How many chances they get really depends on how serious the thing is that they did. Some things don't even deserve a second chance.
@didi13 (2925)
• Romania
31 May 11
Giving someone a chance is for some an easy thing to do or hard, depending on the situation. We talk about infidelity, we speak of disappointment, the lies and all kinds of grief. I think the first person who is granted a chance you have to believe in it. Moreover must realize the mistakes they made ??and try not to repeat them. From case to case, when you expect to have a chance to think and that is wrong to lose something when a certain person, is losing confidence. To win the trust of a man is an enormously difficult thing, but to lose it and try to win it back, that means you have something to work on this. There are some people who do not put much emphasis on relationships and their work because of this it is easy to pass over or even make the point. But there are others who put more soul into a relationship (family, husband, wife, lover, friend, and if those people feel betrayed or have reason to believe that someone was wrong, feel awful for them is a difficult task to forgive and give a new chance. Eventually, after we pass that state of grief in which everything is black and start to think if maybe the person who gives the bar with us is in good science or is simply unconscious. Well, if we conclude that one is worth maybe unintentionally provided more chances to learn from their mistakes. But the person who does evil, and we betray the trust, goodwill, etc. do not even deserve a second chance, or perhaps a second chance to persuade us if we have made ??a good choice.
• Philippines
31 May 11
Definitely, evach one of use deserves another chance because we are humans. It is inevitable that we commit mistakes sometimes. However, when a person we have offended gives us another chance, one should not abuse this. Instead, one should strive hard not to commit the same mistake again. About the number of chances to give, it will still be up to you until when you can carry and give your trust to the other person.
@ravisivan (14095)
• India
31 May 11
If u want the friend u have to trust. If u do not want her start distrust and say u will not give a chance. IF U THINK U WANT THEN U WILL ACT ACCORDINGLY OTHERWISE IN A DIFFERENT WAY. Have a good day.
• Romania
31 May 11
The question was if anyone deserves a chance. But what you are saying there is about a lot of second chances. Everyone deserves a second chance. But in he had that chance and blew it.. it means he or she doesn't care about you and no matter how much chances he or she would have, would hurt you every single time